With almost every plate/gf I have had I always fucked up the sexting thing. I don't see the appeal of it and it annoys me, but I try to game these girls to no avail.
Below is an example of yesterday's sexting that I screwed up. It is a transcript made from screenshots that AI did for me. Context is I was about to meet this plate today:
Me: Yeah Me: Calm down Me: Because tomorrow we're going for drinks
Her (replying to "Calm down"): Why? Hello?
Me: Hehe
Her (replying to "Because tomorrow we're going for drinks"): Hahaha Her: And what am I getting with the drinks?
Me: You'll get it before Me: Tatar Me: But Me: We go band for band
Her: Oh, so I'm supposed to sort out the stuff for the drinks, yeah? Haha
Her (replying to "You'll get it before"): Then I'll dress up nicely
Me: Out in town Me: We'll drink Me: Complain Me: About the prices Me: And buy it at the store
Her: Hahahha good to know, so the car is staying home tomorrow Her: So you've already got everything planned out, nice
Me: Obviously
Her: Damn, then I need to get all dressed up in that case Her: I don't know whether I should steal a second beer from a friend
Me: Steal it Me: I'm on my second one Me: Tbh I've only got two though Me: Strong shit
Her: One was enough to get me because I hadn't eaten anything, but it got me nicely hah
Photo of a 9% raspberry beer.
Me: Yeah, one got me too Me: One was enough Me: XDD Me: Better than liquor
Her: Fuck, raspberry, 9%
Me: Tastes like beer Me: With juice
Her: Is it at least good?
Me: Just a little worse
Her (replying to "Tastes like beer"): Ewwww
Me: But it's alright Me: Fuck, what's going to happen to me Me: Happen Me: Now Me: I downed an energy drink two hours ago
Her: I don't know, but I can take care of you
Me: Exactly, damn Me: Now I'm in the mood
Her: I know, because me too Her: So you need to keep in mind that I can take very good care of you
Me: You really do take care of me Me: Very Me: Well
Her: That's just my charm, I know how to take care of someone I want
Me: Girll Me: What the hell Me: What got into you?
Her: What did I tell you yesterday? Her: Besides, I can stop
Me (replying to "Besides, I can stop"): What's with those claws? Me: Unnecessary
Her: Isn't that something you happen to like about me?
Me: Love-hate relationship
Her: I think you're more on the hate side Her: I guess you don't want me taking care of you
19:54
Me: What do you mean I don't? Me: I like being taken care of by you
Her: Sometimes I get a different impression
Me: Howww?
Her: I told you that last time
Me: Damn Me: Look, I'm practically starving to death Me: Otherwise I'd eat your pancakes
Photo of pancakes.
Her (replying to "Otherwise I'd eat your pancakes"): Come over, there are still some left and you'd get dessert while you're at it Her: Nice change of subject
Me: I was hoping you'd be the dessert
Her: You nailed it - me + whipped cream
Me: Someone's freaky today
Her: Maybe a little, or maybe I'd like you to lick the whipped cream off me that's just sitting there going to waste
Me: Fuck the whipped cream Me: We could do without it
Her: But with the whipped cream it would be different Her: More intense
Me: Right now Me: I wouldn't have the patience for that
Her: You have to, that's the point Her: Gradually, slowly
Me: Exactly, because you're teasing me
Her: And the tension would keep building
Her (replying to "Exactly, because you're teasing me"): I really like teasing you Her: And you like it when I tease you
Me: You know very well
Her: I know very well, and I know you really want me to be next to you right now
Me: Oh, I do Me: But that's not how we're playing Me: Girlll Me: Damn Me: This is some voodoo type shit
Her: You'd like it to be voodoo, but it isn't
Her (replying to "Oh, I do"): Exactly Her: I also know that if I were at your place right now, you'd take my clothes off faster than ever
Me: Fuck Me: I've been thinking about it all day
Her: Now you're going to spend the whole night thinking about it too
Me: Professional Me: Amazing
Her: And you know what you can do for me right now? Her: Remember how we spent that last night together Her: Remember the way I looked at you Her: What I felt when I was with you Her: And the satisfaction we felt
Me: Oh Me: A religious experience
Her: Please don't bring religion into this, because I'd say it had very little to do with religion
[selfie of her biting her nails, like in the horny memes]
Me: Fuuuck Me: What is this supposed to be? Me: That's not fair
Her: Why?
Me: Because I'm not there
Her: But you could be
Me: I could be Me: Yeah
Her: That's why I have to manage somehow for now Her: And I don't think you're doing too badly
Me: Yeah, damn Me: You know very well that I like it Me: Hmm Me: There's just something missing here
Her (replying to "There's just something missing here"): What?
[same as above but taken again from different angle, nothing sexual here]
Me: Mhmm Me: Hard to say
Her: I think I know what - your hand on my neck
Me: Oh, not only on your neck
Her: Where else?
Me: You'll find out tomorrow
Her: But I'm curious, I want to know now
Me: Nah Me: Surprises are the best Me: Wait until tomorrow
Her: Yhmmm, you're ruining my fun
Me: Mhmm Me: You'll make up for it tomorrow
Her: I'd rather it were today, and you'd rather it were today too
Me: Unfortunately Me: The stars didn't align for today
Her: Mhmm, the stars Her: Now you've completely ruined it, I don't like that
Me: So you're saying it just worked out badly
Her: You're just really mean
Me: Yeah, I know, I know (kissing emoji)
Her: In that case, I guess there's no point in me being here [this in my language sounds much much harsher - like "then fuck you, I don't want to have anything in common with you"]
I left her on seen here. I thought it would be a playfull "who blinks first" type of shit test from her, but right now it seems I went nuclear, again, somehow. And the plate broke. I was thinking about texting her "todays still on?" or something like that, but the vibes are not there anymore and I hate looking like starved bargaining beta. So I'm torn 50/50 between texting her (would propably work - but I would lose respect) or letting her break.
I already have another plate for tomorrow, this just was my favourite.
The text is long, so treat it like a texting field report.
To answer my question in the title - cut it short and don't validate her. I think it's not about sex for her, but it is about validation. That is why it always goes off the rails when I'm included in these situations.
Vasiliy said if a girl wants to fuck you, you shut up and you let it happen, but I couldn't be fucking bothered that night. It is a recurring issue with women in my life and I would like to know how to approach this in the future.
How would you guys approach this? Would you text her today for logistics? Or would you cut it? Also I just read it again and it seems that she was concern about my feelings for her (she knows she is a plate). Maybe I'm too harsh for her?
mattyanon Admin 2w ago
Ok, I'll try
Ok, you've missed something here. You've said drinks, but you've not said why. You've not expressed that you want to spend time with her, want to find out about her, want to hang out with her. It's not that you need a reason, you don't..... but "drinks" is for men..... women need like.... something. Some connection thing here.
"Drinks tomorrow" is kinda harsh. That dynamic works sometimes, but it's very bossy and it doesn't always work. Leading is good, but "drinks tomorrow" might not for you.
Something has already gone wrong in this convo.... she says "why? hello?" which means she isn't on board with meeting you at this point in the chat.
That's odd, and I don't know what she's getting at here. Maybe she means sex, maybe not.
No idea what that means, but if it means "we both pay", then fine but why mention it?
She's asking what she's getting (I think - you know her better than me), you're telling her that she's getting her own drinks.
Sharing drinks costs I am in favour of, but this should be an established dynamic by now, saying it like this reads as insulting.
No idea what "stuff for the drinks" means...... paying?
Ok, that's a good response.
Ok, you're still in functional mode here and this makes you look kinda cheap. You're mixing up some weird paying / cheap / prices stuff with "you'll get it before" and it's all coming out weird to me.
You're leading, she's accepting, good.
Miscalibration: there was nothing to say here. Just move on, no need for smugness.
But if you have a plan, tell her you have a plan before this. She's had to sort of wring it out of you. Just say "I have a plan", don't need to tell her, but she needs to know what her part is.
Ok, cutting out lots of beer talk.
Nice
Ok, that's a really nice thing to say.
Good.
Very good.
Eh???? Why would you say that?
She feels emotionally exposed. She has just declared massive interested and you are calling her out on it.
Woah. Now your criticising her.
Fuck. I feel sorry for this poor girl
Right. This convo went sideways because you threw her off a cliff.
Because you directly attacked her when she expressed this.
This is NOT a time for sex talk - she is emotionally vulnerable, feeling hurt, and you're trying to flirt.
Look, I know this is trying to sound hot, but you've just dismissed her whole whipped cream idea. You've said "fuck your effort and fuck your foreplay and fuck your flirting, I can just bang you".
Oh ffs
Read again what she's saying, read your responses. She is being clear as day, and you're being a caveman.
What the fuck
Wow, that's lovely
And that's fucked up.
Don't summarise, you tell her HOW YOU FELT.
Shutting her down.
You really are.
She has been trying so hard to get sexy with you over text and you have ruined it at every step.
Ok, there's a lot of detail, but here's the main thing: you completely miss everything she says, you steam roll over her with your ideas of..... dominance? hardcore TRP "fuck you" attitude? You dismiss what she says, and you carry on with your own ideas that are half playful and half "fuck this texting shit".
So here's how you do texty sexy talk:
It's like improv comedy. You build on what she says. A very occasional "nope, we're doing this instead" is fine, and it's fine to lead, but you build on what she says, you don't dismiss it. She says "cover me in whipped cream and lick it off" you say "my tongue is very, very thorough" or "I fucking love whipped cream, I bet it tastes even better off your skin". God damned anything except "nope, just gonna bang you".
And the whole taking care of you thing from her: that's as good as women get. That's the fucking best. They rarely act like that and rarely express it and don't feel like that usually for most men. And you threw out those deep caring feelings and trashed them like there were nothing. Don't do that. She's not asking for marriage, she's expressing deep feelings. Don't dismiss them because of your own baggage.
quassis2001 2w ago
First of all, I want to thank you as you took this post seriously, I have a feeling the other folks here dismiss every post they see as "trolling" or something in the likes. I must say that I was anticipating your response as you have very metodical way of responding and providing value in terms of TRP knowledge. I didn't respond to others here as she texted me 15 minutes after I have made this post, we went for drinks and then we fucked at my house so this is really a non issue on the relationship part, for now at least.
It's my FWB, one of the plates, we almost always hang out at my place and we always fuck, should have included that in the post. We already talked about getting drinks in the town before, maybe it was a missing context here.
Again, sometimes there is a problem translating from one's language to english I guess, it was just a banter I think. She is very eager to meet me, she even said at one point that meeting me once in a week is not enough for her.
That is one issue I have with her - she always talks like that, she likes to say things in the manner of "and what is there for me?" but maybe she tries to be sexual with it, can't figure this out so I just ignore it.
Mostly, she is a bartender, we went for tatar which I paid for (as a gift for her birthday), then we went for drinks at her bar where she has a discount and she paid for everything (so in the end she paid more than I paid for her tatar).
In retrospection - propably because in real life you would say it with a smirk on your face, or something like that, I don't know, if I knew I wouldn't have to make this post.
What? What happened to push pull?
Too much push then. Here is the thing, what she tells me most often is that I'm a jerk. Should I be more lovely-dovely from now on? Every time I'm somehow comforting a girl I get like a red alert in my head that this is a dangerous misbehaviour in terms of TRP.
And this was not about pancakes in the sexual aspect, some hours before she send me a photo of her making pancakes... That's why I hate texting.
In my head - "caveman" style with this response. I might have gone overboard.
Exactly, thing is she wanted to lure me into her house at this time of day and I just wasn't in the mood for it, leaving what I was doing just to drive to her and bang her. Seemed like a subtle shittest to me.
I don't remember where did I read it, but someone posted a link on some old thread on TRP I think to some blog from 2012 that said you shut down sexual talk at the highest point. But I might be just autistic.
That's what I'm afraid of right now, that she won't be like that to me again. In a sense I have broken this aspect, but you're right, I don't have any fucking clue what I'm doing.
mattyanon Admin 2w ago
The main issue is that you blanked her. Flatly ignored her care/interest instincts and just shot her down and moved on. It looked like it would sting and she reacted like it really stung. I'm not saying lovey dovey, hell no....... but not harshly shooting down her very significant investment would work better for you.
What you missed is her trying to have really really hot sex with her. Read back.... she was doing a whole sexy whipped cream flirty phonesex thing....... and you were like "man fuck girl". She's not going to keep making sexual investments if you shoot her down like that.
Err...... the shit test is..... "come here and fuck me" ? Dude, you really don't understand shit tests :)
Better is simply: "That sounds fucking hot, I wish I was free today". Not shooting her down, not going to see her either.
Whoever made that post was a fucking retard. You shouldn't follow advice blindly without understanding it.
I implore you to look at all the rules you have (shoot her down / change subject / texting for logistics only) ..... all of it..... all those rules you've learned. Analyse them all, deeply, and try to understand what they are for and why they work and when they work.
as regards sexting in general: this is a FWB you have a thing with. Do the sexting thing if it works for you. But shutting it down mid convo is awful for you both. Take it to a reasonable conclusion, or use it to lead into the next interaction, but don't rudely shut down her investment. Shutting it down at peak is beyond retarded at this point in your relationship.
"Leave on a high point" is great in a bar.
"Leave on a high point" is awful for sexting your FWB.
You can learn what you're doing.
Try to understand girls, try to understand yourself.
The care stuff will return, you've not blown it, she's naturally like this. But you will have to nurture her nurturing now.
Musicgoon78 3 3w ago
I could have done without having to read all that bullshit and you could have just asked the question.
Have some fucking balls. Text her and get laid. You guys and your stupid ego shit.
Sex is about validation. If you text her, will you die? I don't think so.
quassis2001 2w ago
I treat almost everything as a shittest, and treated it the same way, I just didn't know if I read that right. She texted me 15 minutes after posting this if we will meet - we met and we fucked so all is good.
No-Stress-Cat 2 3w ago
Perhaps try organizing your post. Try a summary instead of copy pasta. I can't make sense of it.
quassis2001 2w ago
Not to be arrogant but the entire text was necessary, I tried first to summarize it and it didn't cut it so I posted everything.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago
Have you ever even fucked this girl before? If not she's not a plate. If you have you are really not good at texting
Secondly, this is why texting is for logistics, because it stops guys from doing this
Third way too much texting. And the things you choose to text are just combative and seem to have a fake arrogance to them like fake alpha game
Stick to logistics, you shouldn't get trying to generate interest over text
quassis2001 2w ago
I'm fucking her regulary, she is a main plate, FWB if you want to put hierarchy on it. Texting only for logistic doesn't work in my country at HER age (she is 22, I think lol).
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 3w ago
To expound on this part @quassis2001 , it's because every other blueballed schmuck she knows is trying the same damn text game thing, which makes you boring and replaceable and thus makes her drier than the fucking Sahara.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago
It's possible to turn women on over text but all these guys don't understand how to turn women on at all so they definitely shouldn't try over text
quassis2001 2w ago
Somehow I think I know how to turn them on in real life, your guides and sidebar were very helpful in that, I just can't fucking text these girls properly. I think there should be a new 2026 guide to texting current long term plates.