I've realized that for a huge portion of my life, my dad has constantly brought me down. It started when I was 10 years old and excelling in mathematics. My teacher called me the smartest in the class, but when I told my dad, he denied it. Later, when I had a homework assignment that would get me into a gifted track, he sabotaged it to make sure I got a zero. I remember it vividly now.
In addition, whenever I had achievements—like landing a top-notch internship—he tried to deny that they were "real." He would fight with me over text, telling me not to go, until a relative confirmed it was legitimate. Even then, when I headed off to the internship during college, he acted strange and dark.
Now that I'm connected to many successful people and pursuing entrepreneurship, he keeps trying to plant doubt in my head, bring me down, and make me feel lesser. He has been trying to make me doubt my life, my career, and everything else, despite the fact that I have already secured opportunities that can pay multiple six figures and single-handedly got into an Ivy League school to study computer science.
I am now turning 31. What do I do about this? It is starting to become a major distraction in my life.
GeorgeIII 1 1w ago
Cut him out of your life?
If it’s been going 20+ years, and you have the financial independence, you can do that, right?
Musicgoon78 3 6d ago
This is the answer.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
I stopped listening to my mom on everything many years ago because she always said I couldn't do XYZ because it wouldn't work or whatever, so then I would just do XYZ anyway to make a point
I got tired of proving her wrong when I was younger and just stopped informing her of anything I wanted to do
I don't even update her on much of my life when we do talk because the second I say anything i know I'm going to get some nonsense about it
Why can't you just stop listening to your dad if he's affecting you this much
First-light 2 1w ago
You sound like a very successful man. Your father's insecurities don't need to bother you. I think that probably all you need to do it develop a way to say "Enough Dad, I have heard what you are saying, thanks for the advice but I want to move on to something else now." Then ignore his fear mongering.
It is only a distraction because you let it be. You can tell him you have had enough of it and things will be different going forward. Tell him this when he is not actively doing it. Then learn to get out of conversations where he is doing it. You need to create this separation or the relationship will become a problem, when actually its his insecurity that is the problem but its your life not his.
SeasonedRP 2 1w ago
Anyone not paying my bills has no say in how I choose to live my life. Try adopting that attitude.