Had a situation where an ex told me about a guy she used to talk to (she still talked to him at the time) and said that he was cute, out of nowhere, when everything was going well so. Wasn't sure if it was the fact that she was autistic, her subconsciously or consciously trying to push my buttons or just mental retardation. I remember being so tilted by it that I went non verbal and she eventually felt awkward and hung up.
Texted her later telling her I'm not a fan of her doing that and she tried rationalizing it saying that she's not a jealous person and that her ''parents do that kind of stuff all the time'' (talking about how they will see random people in the streets and tell each other oh yeah that one's beautiful), she kept maintaining her stance and I kind of broke frame and told her ''What if I told you my ex had a bigger ass and was taller ? How would that make you feel?'' and she kind of got triggered and broke up with me. In hindsight I'm disgusted by my reaction but it clearly shows that I broke frame.
I always found it weird when women did it, it never fails to make me feel like shit or to assume they're doing it to shit test. I personally never bring up exes or past conquests unless they're genuinely curious. Even when we're just watching a movie if they comment about a man's appearance that shit triggers me, I feel psycho for feeling that way and usually tell them (calmly) I'd like it if they could refrain from doing it. Sometimes they oblige, sometimes they don't.
How should you react to that shit test ?
Ronaldraygun77 1mo ago
If this was a similar shit test, I’d respond with “aww that’s nice babe” or a smirk and “some guts will hit on anything” if it was clearly something meant to rattle me.
But she’s still talking to/probably banging this guy? Dude you need to decide what you want from this bitch, bc it sounds like she should still be at plate status.
Read human sock puppets “guide to managing your bitches”
Lone_Ranger 3 1mo ago
I don't speak millenial. Can someone please explain the phrase 'talking to'?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Yeah no dude. Your gut was right. She more than likely was doing more than talking or wanted to
That was disrespectful and she could not separate how she felt about this guy from talking to him, WHILE she had a boyfriend
I don't think that was a shit test. That was outright disrespect and probably more given she broke up with you whilst talking to him and praising his sex appeal
Not everything is a shit test dude. This isn't the same as calling a movie actor cute, she was literally talking to the guy
You're not supposed to hold frame in and stoically ignore violent gut feelings dude. That's not red pill that's suicide.
You could have possibly handled it better like telling her it's unacceptable she's talking to a guy while with you AND calling him cute on top of it AND then breaking up with her, but you losing inner composure over a disgusting situation is not a frame break
Good riddance to that sneaky whore
Ronaldraygun77 1mo ago
Yeah with his reaction she had the excuse to break up with him for being “too jealous/insecure” while she goes to bang the ex if she isn’t already
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
More than likely
I've found that women with disproportionate reactions to basic boundaries have explanations they aren't fully revealing
GeorgeIII 1 1mo ago
I’d also add: remember that in general, the West encourages women to be disrespectful to men. That makes the wymyn “empowered”
Your comment about your ex who was taller and bigger bootied. If she really truly believed her behavior was acceptable, telling her about your ex should be too.
She knows what she did and said is disrespectful, and she also still expected you to be respectful her.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
What
secretjuice2 1mo ago
Her whole argument for that was that ''The difference is that you did it to try and hurt me'', a bit nonsensical but it is what it is
secretjuice2 1mo ago
Means a lot to me, thanks. Won't hesitate to pull the trigger next time.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
No problem man
First-light 2 1mo ago
I think it varies by circumstance a bit. Either one ignores it and logs it as information to build up a picture of the girl as part of on going vetting (because in life we never really get to the end of vetting, people and relationships evolve and one needs to keep up with the present) or one has to deal with it in a non confrontational setting out of boundary.
What you don't want to do is let her see if it shakes you up. Its the breaking frame thing that is to be avoided.
"So you are talking to a cute guy?" "Would you mind if I talked to girls I found cute?"
It then depends what talking means -a chat at the office water cooler or when wiping the bar down at the gym is not like going for coffee, texting daily or something more intense than just talking when life makes your paths cross. Its your boundaries in the end you have to set them where it is both reasonable for her and comfortable for you. She can't avoid guys talking to her in daily life and its good to know who she finds cute as information in case of later issues and to understand what attracts her anyway but you also need working boundaries.
Anyway, just don't freeze up or sperg out. You can always come back to it later but the sequence is Maintain control of yourself without sounding at all upset, Get information in a comfortable non upset way (the more relaxed she is the more information she will reveal), Having got information set fair and realistic boundaries as appropriate.
SeasonedRP 2 1mo ago
When they talk about a specific guy like that, it's over. It's not a test. Best to be silent and move on, but your reaction was understandable. Regardless,, you're better off now. Good riddance.