I’m 33 and my wife is 32. We met in college. We were both virgins when we met. We have been married for 6 years, and we have a kid together and another one on the way (she is due any day now).
She used to be madly in love with me for the first few years of our relationship. Super affectionate, wrote me love letters, cuddly, etc.
Then we drifted apart as life got more stressful and bad things happened. She lost her father unexpectedly, I was chronically overworked and stressed by medical school and being a doctor. She resented that I was addicted to weed and porn (I have since quit both)…
We argued more and more. Resentment built up. She had a medical issue that made sex painful for her for a long time so we rarely had sex, and then she further lost sex drive after giving birth…
I developed an anger issue along the way while she became less and less affectionate. She would never say “I love you” unprompted or initiate hugs or kisses. She developed insomnia, which she blamed on me waking her at night, and eventually we just slept in separate rooms every night. We had some major fights.
It all came to a head four months ago when we had this one really big argument about money. Note that I am the sole breadwinner and money manager/investor (and have done quite well), while she is a stay at home mom. She grew concerned over how much I was investing and she worried that our joint account was running too low and we would run out of money for basic needs, so she opened up a personal checking account and withdrew a few thousand dollars into it from our joint account. I got really upset and demanded she put the money back. I yelled a lot and kicked a door. We cooled off (or so I thought)…but then police arrived later that night and arrested me, as she had secretly called the cops. This was the third time she had called the cops on me during arguments but it was the first time that they arrested me. She says she didn’t intend for me to get arrested for what it’s worth…
Shortly after my arrest, she filed a restraining order and filed for divorce.
I was completely devastated. I begged and pleaded with her, and ultimately she agreed to freeze (but not outright withdraw) the divorce and work on building back our relationship. She modified the restraining order to allow us to meet up, which we have been. She says she agrees to cancel the restraining order when the court date for it comes in 3 months. Meanwhile I have been going to therapy as mandated by the court.
It seems like we are working towards getting back together, but she refuses to frame it as us just having a really rough patch and working through it because we still love each other. When I ask her it she loves me, she says something like “I don't know if I will be able to love you again after all that has happened,” which is super depressing and frustrating to me. She says the marriage we had is dead and that we need to basically pretend like we are starting from scratch and dating each other to build trust and maybe love will come back…
What am I supposed to do in this situation? Feels like I am expected to audition for my own life. I feel powerless, hopeless, and humiliated.
What should I do?
mattyanon Admin 1mo ago
I'm late to the party, but I'll chip in:
Never ever get back together with her. Any woman who diverts your finances and calls the police on you, is not someone you can be in a relationship with.
Never.
It's over.
Honestly, you've been pretty weak throughout: you have given her too much control. Control which she leveraged against you to divert your finances when she had doubts about your provisioning.
Never, ever do provisioning without control ever again. This is a death sentence, as you're finding out.
The best that you can hope for is to pay child support and maybe see your kid in future.
Do everything legally and above board.
What you do is move on with your life, get legal advice every which way you can, and WALK AWAY FROM HER. Especially emotionally.
You are not trying to get your old life back - she called the police and stole money from you, she is not girlfriend material. GIVE IT UP.
What you do is legally try to see your kids, you'll have to provide child support, other than that...... FIND SOMEONE ELSE.
It's that simple my dude, it's that simple.
SwarmShawarma 1mo ago
My wife of many years had the same, AS seriois as blacking out during periods.
You have screws. 3rd time.. If she's not stupid she knows she was building a case.while you did nothing. Had that happening, but I had video and nothing happened.
Good memories. Shame it's finished and you cant go back in time. Mine was also sweet for 95% of time together. And then bam I have discovered she was probing lawyers and poaching people I had ties with.
She is preparing, fishing for info
She didn't grew concerned, she's started to realise she doesn't know stuff she'll need during a divorce
Operations money
Gaslighting, buying time, I don't think she sees you are offering her anything anymore. She is calling the shots, she cut your dick off by having an evidence on you, kids, rights to your assets. What can you give her (think like her)? The only reason she might want to stay (since you will always have a police record) is if you want pay her all expenses, be gone out of her life as obstacle, she'll fuck other guys when you take care of kids and if you can take all the disrespect that will follow for being a cuck.
Buying time and offering you subservient role in a meantime
Because you are, and more will come if you won't stop emoting.
If you can do hide assets like LoneRanger said (I assume she could see loads of finances and IF... she planned to fuck you over she has printed ALL THE transactions all the years back to all the investments accounts and so on).
Anyway look for an external reason for changes if you are planning to play hide and seek (eg. changing password on a mobile she knows is a no, buy a new mobile and set it up there anew so it looks like it was forced by a 3rd party)
Its good you are sharing all shit. It helps to understand.
Now off to the lawyer.
Lone_Ranger 3 1mo ago
Sorry to hear this dude. I'm 55, been through 2 divorces (both intiated by the other party).
Here is what I have learnt:
Your marriage is over. You need to accept that and plan accordingly.
Here is what I would do -
Have a good look at the rules and regs for what financial disclosure looks like in your territory right now. In particular, how far back in time do you have to disclose bank and investment accounts at the point of disclosure when it comes time for divorce?
In the UK, they only need 12 months of accounts. Had I know that, I could have done squirraled away a serious amount of loot before the time came. I could have siphoned off about 700k for my exit plan, with zero recourse. Because once 12 months has elapsed from the point of withdrawal, they other party will have to have 'just cause' to demand statements that go back further than 12 months.
What you need to do right now: go around the house and find every single bank statement, investment a/c, pension statement etc that you can find, put them in a box and go store them off -site. Change all passwords on accounts, emails etc. Phone lock.
And do this on the quiet. Do not alerty her that you are prepping.
And then do the couples therapy, do the 'I have changed thing'. Bring her out on dates, whatever the hell she wants. But realise this: you are on your own now.
You need to string this out for longer than 12 months. Talk to your boss about taking a sabatical in about 10 months time. Tell him that you are going to take an MBA or some shit like that, that will require a year off, with no pay, but will involve them keeping your job place open for you when yo ureturn.
Then at 13 months from now, YOU file divorce papers. This is very important. The person that files controls the timings. You will have squirreled away quite a bit of capital, and most importantly, your earnings will be zero.
This will dramatically affect the financial settlement. Dramatically. You will have a very different life if you follow this advice.
preach 1mo ago
I actually do understand your feelings on this OP. I'm currently divorced (about to re-marry soon) and the emotions and struggles you are describing are quite common. My biggest pain point when trying to make a decision in the "what to do" phase of calling it quits was how this would affect my children. Fucking killed me with the notion that they'd be growing up in separate households, but deep down I knew I wasn't going to be able to make it work out long term with the now ex-wife. One thing I suspected at the very end of my marriage was that my stress tolerance was overloaded. It wasn't until a year or so later after the ex-wife was completely removed from my life that I realized and experienced just how peaceful things could be in my life, and the weight of that stress was life-changing.
I can promise you that children can adjust assuming you are willing to be regularly active in their lives.
I do agree with everyone else that based on what you've written this marriage is over. You need to bite the bullet now, realize you'll probably be giving up a lot of money and such - just get it over with now.
Now let me highlight several things working in your favor:
Everything you're describing that's wrong right now, someone else will be more than happy to share their life with you. Make sure to get a pre-nup next time.
Musicgoon78 3 1mo ago
Get the fuck out of this mess. It's torched and getting together is a terrible idea. You deserve better than a toxic relationship.
Lone_Ranger 3 1mo ago
Yes get out of it - but get out of it in a smart way. Asset stripping is the way forward. But do it in away that cannot be detected in the inevitable finacial disclosure that is coming down the track.
The wife has already startted prepping. This guy is way behind schedule.
First-light 2 1mo ago
This sounds like a very sad story. You have lost control of your life by being trapped in her misery, which is brought on by (among other things) her feeling that she lacks agency. You can't actually give her agency in life. In reality only she can do this but the state will fuck you over totally if she is upset that she does not have enough agency.
First off, you absolutely have to get a lawyer and talk through your options. What are the opportunities and risks of the different paths to divorce. Should you play along till she lifts this restraining order then file? Will it make no difference anyway?
Harden your heart. Her heart is already hard. She cannot even bring herself to lie to you that she loves you. Beforehand, she never initiated telling you she loved you because she didn't. That's all there is to it I am afraid.
She has weaponised the state against you and she has clearly done it with legal advice -possibly one reason she needed to siphon off your money, though many lawyers will take on wives on credit from the start because they will get paid when you are slaughtered in the divorce court and cut up.
This is a total losing game for you. In order to feel that she has agency, she makes you work for scraps of affection and then weaponizes the law against you to help her win arguments and put you back in your box. I expect you are familiar with the Duluth wheel (for breaking men). This bogus pseudo science will be used against you as an "abuser" if you are not careful. The restraining order now marks you out as a huge target for being hit by the "abuser" stick. The fact that you thought she should not be siphoning off your earnings also puts you smack in the cross hairs of Duluth.
My suspicion is that this is all about control. She wants control one way or another. Now she can choose to keep you like a pony trained with the cattle prod of the law or to cash you in in divorce. She has the control she felt she lacked because she became a housewife (as she wanted, so she did not have to work or make hard decisions). She has always been someone who wants the rewards of the hard path while taking the easy one and wants someone else to get her those rewards. it was you, now its may well be the state that gets her the rewards. In the end she will always be disappointed because she is wanting what is not hers and not wanting to get what could be hers -she won't even work for your affection. Remember that. Trying hard is not in her.
You absolutely have to get out of this trap, no matter what it costs you. Every year that you remain in the trap, you will be damaged more by your eventual escape as you get richer, your pension gets larger and she gets less capable of self support. You also should be wise about how you get out so that it costs you as little as possible. Put your money into small moveable assets (gold is a bit high to buy these days but it might still be part of the answer). Move those assets to someone you trust's house. Don't overdo this or you will get caught but don't neglect it either or you will pay more than you need to. Remember you deserve to pay absolutely nothing. I have heard of men who simply took cash out and went to las vegas "I spent it all on gambling and whores" when in fact they bought gold or art.
Letting women retain the house in return for not taking other things that will hurt you more in future (like pension) is often a good compromise for men in divorce (when the deal is brokered by a lawyer). Women do tend to cling to their house more than they should.
I have made no mention of trying to save things. You might have to fake this for a while if a lawyer says it improves your chances and if it gives you time to make money "vanish" but there is nothing to save here. This woman resents her life and resents you. She does not love you or treat you fairly. The combination of those two things is enough to make this situation unsavable.
Harden your heart. Get out. You will be wounded by ripping yourself out of this trap. You are young enough to heal financially and you will have many more women if you wish. Stay in this trap and your life will be shortened by the stress while you are never happy. She will turn your kids against you which ever way you go, so you just have to get out and do what you can to stay in contact with them. Accept your losses up front.
Lone_Ranger 3 1mo ago
Yes, harden your heart BUT do it on the quiet. You need to pretend that you are 'working things out' with her, but in reality, you need to prepping for the exit. Read my comment about asset stripping.
I see all the signs. She is prepping. Calling the cops is a classic - she will 100% bring this up in divorce proceedsing, that is the reason she did it. All arrests create a record that can be used in a divorce.
Honestly? I would get DNA tests to find out if your kids are actually yours or not.
Listen dude, divorce is the most brutal red pill any man can swallow. The worst response to a situation like this is to 'hope' that it will sort itself out. That is simply denial. Trust me, i've seen this movie before, and I have made mistakes.
The biggest mistake I made was naievety.
First-light 2 1mo ago
All very good advice.
Naivety is the greatest threat to men entering divorce. We play fair and remain loyal to women even when they treat us like crap. While we do this, they plot and plan. Siphoning off resources (your resources) in advance is part of the playbook they teach women. Then they hit us by surprise and we then still play fair. In the end a man ends up taking a huge red pill suppository. You played fair and she all along plotted, then used an unfair legal system to steal your resources, while you fed and housed her.
Asset strip the hell out of your life. Get legal advice and record in writing where possible all you do to build bridges. Record all quarrels in audio. Try to never even raise your voice no matter what the provocation. You are living next to a snake here. Don't let her know you know how dangerous she is or that you know her game.
Lone_Ranger 3 1mo ago
Sorry First light - this is not very good advice. Have you been through a divorce?
The idea of 'record in writing all you do to build bridges' and also 'record all quarrels in audio' tell me that you have zero idea how divorce works.
The judge will not even entertain any evidence or submissions about 'arguments' or what anyone has done to 'build bridges'. This is a some fantasy that people have that the judge is there to decide who the bad guy is.
The courts do not give a flying fuck who 'is in the wrong'. They don't care if she laid on teh street and let 4000 people rail her. They don't care, they don't want to get into any of that shit.
Day one of divorce proeedigns go like this - name? address? you want to get divorced? ok - show me the money. Show me the financial statements. Ok - I'm awarding 80% to the wife, and I'm mandating monthly payments of 70% of your the mans take home pay until the children leave school, further review at that point.
Next couple please.
They do not give a flying fuck about 'bridges that you built' or 'arguments that you had'. There is not time or space for that shit.
First-light 2 1mo ago
I got the the divorce T shirt and accompanying red pill suppository over 2 decades ago. I know how it works. You are fed like grist to a sausage machine. Unless she is has committed a truly terrible crime, nothing she has done counts for a thing and nothing good you have done will save you from a penny of the financial rape that is coming your way.
I sometimes write swiftly in these replies but I was here much more concerned with what might happen to him if he got shafted for domestic abuse. Here its more nuanced and sometimes someone will hear you out. You will still be fed into the machine regardless. She does not need the conviction to shaft him in the divorce -she has got the restraining order to back her claims and its enough to clean him out well already- but it could get worse yet. He does not want an actual domestic abuse conviction as this has implications far beyond your finances into your employability, access to your children and makes you a social pariah.
To ruin a man it takes only a whisper but to get a conviction for domestic abuse, it ought to be harder. There ought to be evidence needed and sometimes the legal system does the right thing and looks at the evidence.
If she is alleging he beat her up and he has her ranting on audio, breaking stuff while he is calm and then says "OK you are getting physical. I am going to my pal's tonight. I can't take any more of this" then she rings in to the police with fake bruises, he might have a chance. He does not want to get caught in the domestic abuse net. She does not need this to divorce rape his arse but it could be an unwanted consequence of her tactics and she won't be about to bail him out.
The divorce is not the greatest danger to him in today's legal system and he has already totally fucked up kicking at a door. In the police's eyes, he has the form to go down for this. He must avoid it.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1mo ago
Probably the best reply so far.
wswZtyqNGQ 1mo ago
Yet more AI slop. How much do you guys get paid for this research? Let me know since I can make some AI slop responses and we can split the paycheck.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1mo ago Stickied
What makes you so certain? If you don't want to discuss it publicly out of concern they'll fix the tells, then DM me.
If this is just a troll using AI as engagement bait, it'll be banned site-wide.
CC: @redpillschool, @Vermillion-RX, @mattyanon
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
@wswZtyqNGQ I personally have a massive pet peave for claiming posts are ai without providing supporting evidence
Like okay, if it is Dr. Expert, than say why
You expect us to copy and paste the whole post into an engine and research it for you?
At least quote the dead giveaway lines since you already apparently noticed them immediately
Report specifically what was the giveaway instead of keeping it to yourself with a snarky little response mocking us providing this site to you out of our own pockets on a volunteer basis
CC: @redpillschool, @Typo-MAGAshiv, @mattyanon
wswZtyqNGQ 1mo ago
My argument is that this post hits every single issue that detractors of RP say is true, but then tells the story from an apologia perspective. The man admits to violent assault against his own wife, jail time with psychological review, and he's supposed to be the victim wondering what he's done wrong. Also note the perfect spelling, paragraph sizing ratios, methodical use of ellipses.
This is AI slop based on an older model, so probably a laptop running ollama. With a license I could probably have a delegated cluster compare this post with generated text from a host of different models to isolate the particular one used. But I don't have a license. So instead, do you want me to write the (rather short) AI prompt to create this exact post using some common free AIs?
If you don't like my snark or what have you, then I can go and start upvote harvesting here by posting my own LLM chatter instead.
If you still don't agree with how obvious this post is AI generated, then notice that there are no questions in this post, just bait for sympathy. That breaks other rules. So you can ban it for that if you have to.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
And you want US to go through all that work??
How about I ban you this instant for threatening to shit up our page on purpose?
You're not a mod
Jesus Christ dude
What an asshat way of addressing a concern
CC: @redpillschool, @Typo-MAGAshiv, @mattyanon
mattyanon Admin 1mo ago
Let's say it's 50% chance it's AI. It's actually quite hard to get most LLMs to produce content that looks at all anti-female, it's not totally trivial to make a post like this
And so what? Our comments stand regardless. Let's take the 50% chance that OP is real and try to help.
If it's AI, it doesn't matter.
If it's a spam account, we'll spot it sooner or later.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
For sure, that's the standard protocol anyway
"Did the post/user add value to the site"
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
There are other ways to tell if someone is ai, like not replying to any comments etc. much less admin tools
You're not a mod fuck off
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1mo ago
I've been noticing that about OP over the last few days.
I think dude may have been right, even if I don't follow his reasoning on this one. I don't really think a man in OP's situation would go this long without acknowledging the responses.
Agreed. "So you can ban it for that". Oh gee, may I? lol.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
I'm waiting
I have seen many legit OPs take days to process. And OPs admin view doesn't look weird to me
I also ran it through 3 different ai detectors and got human ratings
If ban at all for commenter it's for his dreadful handling of this convo
I'll wait to see how childish his response is before making a decision
..
If OP ends up being slop it will be obvious, the answers here were still incredibly insightful, the commenters contribution and facetious threat was not
Give it some time or wait for more info, the commenter has otherwise participated well in posts here
I don't know why he has a stick up his ass on this particular post
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1mo ago
Agreed on both.
Those seem flawed. The bully/crush idiot got by those on at least one occasion.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
I don't know, the responses were good here, if he never replies to a single one and makes another post we'll go from there
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1mo ago
Hell...
I think we leave this one up no matter what.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
As we should
Lone_Ranger 3 1mo ago
I've been following the discussion between both of you (VRX and TMS) about whether OP is ai slop or not......
my thoughts are that it is possible - but the discussion in the comments is going to be valuable in any case for any guy that finds himself at the begining bit of divorce (and there will be many!)
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Agreed
Which was why I was so hard on the mini mod in the comments
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1mo ago
kek
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
[smirk emoji]
????
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1mo ago
emojis = geh
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
You would know feg
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1mo ago
no, u
pofkaf 1 1mo ago
Check out the Married RP subreddit. That will be much more helpful for you than this forum. I can almost guarantee what the guys at MRP will say. Here's a short summary.
You are completely in your wife's frame. This is what caused her to stop loving you. She has all the power in the relationship. A woman cannot respect or love a man who she has clenched by the balls.
You need to regain your frame. But to do that, first you must take control of your own life.
Step one, craft your physique. You need to hit the gym every day. Lose weight, gain muscle. Not only does that make you look better, but it also boosts your testosterone. Work out every single day. No excuses. Nothing else will matter if you don't do this.
Step two, handle your personal finances. I dont know your situation, but based on this post, it sounds like you have mismanaged your money, so your wife acted to protect herself in case something went awry. You need to get your shit together.
Step three, treat your anger issues. Yelling and kicking doors proves that you haven't mastered your own emotions. Of course your wife is an emotional wreck - because so are you, and women are mirrors of the men in their life. Take anger management classes. Practice stoicism. Wrestle your emotions into submission.
Step four, flirt with other women. In order to be attractive to your wife again, you have to re-learn how to be attractive to women in general. Chat with the waitress, moms at the school, and everybody else you meet. Don't feel bad for flirting with them a little bit. If your situation allows for it, even ask them out on dates and - gasp - sleep with them. I know it seems counterproductive, but trust me, it'll work wonders in the long run.
These are the basic steps to rebuilding your relationship. Because at the end of the day, it's not actually about the relationship. It's about improving yourself to become a man who is worthy of respect and love once again.
Lone_Ranger 3 1mo ago
this is the worst answer I have seen in a long time.
This ship has sunk. It has taken 3 torpedoes below the water line.
He needs to start building a life raft. But on the quiet.
'Hitting the gym' lol. what a hilarious response!
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1mo ago Stickied
All of Red Pill starts with lifting.
It instills discipline and gets your hormones straight, which in turn gets your mind straight.
It also instills some much-needed virtuous selfishness. You lift for you, and only you, and you take that time for it and allow no disturbances.
Anyone without the self-discipline to do that won't be able to do anything else.
So yes, anyone newly unplugging needs to hit the weights before they worry about anything else.
In OP's case, at least he'll be more attractive and have an easier time replacing his wife.
Lone_Ranger 3 1mo ago
oh, I agree with you. Lifting is like a decent medicine. Esp if you lift just for yourself.
But I think what he needs to right now (actually a few months ago) is start preparing some defences against the financial rape that is about to be visited upon him.
He is about to get asset stripped without the reach around.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1mo ago
He needs both.
The time hitting the weights will be much-needed stress relief and help clear his mind, and yes, he absolutely must talk to a lawyer.
brazilianxof 1mo ago
I think she said enough and you both went through enough humiliation for any of you want to continue. Sign the divorce, pay your pension for peace before emotions get you into jail and you lose your daughter to.
That shit is clearly not worth saving, you can do 10years of therapy and the next time you fight everything will compound again.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1mo ago
Considering there were no virgins in high school or college back when I was there in the late 1990s and early 2000s, and women have only become even worse since then, I doubt she was.
But OK.
Neither one of those are addictions. Did you go through painful withdrawals when you stopped?
Neither of the parts I responded to are all that important, but just rabbit holes I wanted to go down for a moment.
Read @pofkaf's reply. Except for the bit about "it sounds like you have mismanaged your money, so your wife acted to protect herself in case something went awry" he pretty much nailed it. For my part, it reads like you managed the money just fine, but she worried too much and acted out of her neuroticism.
Your marriage probably isn't salvageable, but you never know.
The biggest thing is, you need to make yourself more attractive. That means fixing your physique and fixing your mentality and behaviors.
Go to the MRP subreddit and read the sidebar.
The Big Three books from that sidebar: "Married Man Sex Life Primer" by Athol Kay, "No More Mr. NiceGuy" by Dr. Robert Glover, and "When I Say No I Feel Guilty" by Dr. Manuel Smith.
Those three books will help you (and any man) more than just about anything besides hitting the weights.
Once you've read and digested all three of those, I recommend the first two books in Rian Stone's "Praxeology" series: "Praxeology Volume 1: Frame" and "Praxeology Volume 2: Dread". They're available on Audible, and I've listened to both during long commutes multiple times. They're truly great, but you need the foundation of the Big Three first to get the most out of them. The author, Rian Stone, is one of the moderators at the MRP subreddit and is among the Senior Endorsed Contributors at this one. He doesn't bat a thousand (no one does), but his work is damned good.
While you're reading this stuff, you might also want to check out a particular post on the MRP sidebar titled something like "the beta's guide to divorce" or something like that, and also consult an attorney about protecting your assets as much as the law allows.
Good luck.
Oh, and a small tip: if you find yourself getting angry enough to want to kick a door or anything else our effeminized soyciety might consider "violent" or "abusive", just leave the house a while. Go hit the weights if your gym is open and put your anger into your workout. If the gym is closed, take a brief, brisk walk through your neighborhood. Either way, come back home once you've calmed down and gotten a grip on yourself.
First-light 2 1mo ago
Your last paragraph should be pretty much taught by rote to boys in school these days. (If only anyone cared about boys).
You are operating in a one strike and you could be out environment when it comes to domestic abuse. However what constitutes abuse is not clear -clue its what she feels is abuse, threatening, coercive or whatever label she can put on what pisses her off enough to report you.
You have to be better than her here, a lot better or you may get slaughtered and butchered by lawyers. De-escalate. Switch on your phone and record her screaming and ranting and talk softly deescalating. If that is not working just put space between you and her. Don't storm out make it clear she is pushing you out with her aggressive language. At the very least you might just give your self a hail marry pass there at saying she was the aggressive verbally abusive one. You have a penis, so your chances are minimal but better than the zero chance you would otherwise have.