I've had varying success with women, and it comes down to me having varying success with myself. Not being able to lose weight/get into shape, not being disciplined with my studies, work and diet. I've falling into the feeling of FOMO and going out with my mates/drinking "just because". Now most of my friends have gone travelling for 6 months (they finished their articles and are doing a gap year), so this year I've decided to lock in. I'm cleaning up my diet, gymming religiously, fixing all the body issues I have (ankle, shoulders etc.) and signed up for 2 board exams (each are 500 hours recommended study time).
The thing is, I fucking love it. I love waking up sober, I love grinding throughout the day at gym/studying/work/whatever task I have. It's honestly the best I have felt in years. But I strangely feel some guilt, my friends who are still in town want to see me, they want me to go out and drink with them but I keep declining because I just don't want to, I want to wake up tomorrow and fucking kill it.
Has anyone been in a similar place to this? I do worry that right now I'm going to become a bit of a loner and entire monk mode which I'm fine with, but I also recognise the importance of socialising for your mental health. Would appreciate any advice for "monk mode" and making sure I don't burn out during this
Musicgoon78 3 1mo ago
It might be unpopular but I think monk mode is usually bullshit. You're going to have to juggle and organize your priorities to have a balanced life.
This doesn't mean drinking yourself into oblivion or even having a drink. It means that life isn't all grind and no play. Make time to get out and socialize. That part of you will atrophy if you don't exercise it.
RPU_mike Admin 1mo ago
Monk mode isn’t bullshit if it’s a short term shift of effort into other priorities. Six weeks is about the maximum amount of time in terms of setting other parts of your life aside before you start to see some negative effects. Beyond that, I agree with you.
MrSupreme 1mo ago
Don't call it monk mode. You're a single man and you're supposed to love life with or without a partner or an active sex life. Having a purpose is a main goal of TRP.
I think you can become a bit attached to being alone, make sure to balance with some social life: friends, family, playing a sport with some people, you get the point.
First-light 2 1mo ago
I think that the biggest risk for most men from monk mode is a lack of new stimuli. You tend to be the one who calls the shots, who gets the ideas as you are not interacting as much with others to stimulate you. So you get your head down and work hard for a time but then it starts to go stale. There is no real way to get better doing the same things except grafting harder and if you are already grafting hard you get worn down by what was once refreshing you.
One needs to find ways of getting outside one's routines one in a while, letting new ideas in that can then improve the routines. If you find you have failed to do this and are getting stale, if you recognise it for what it is then you can still remedy it, its when you fail to see that the failure is from "training the same and staying the same" that you start to feel hard on yourself and maybe let it all drop.
Try to find ways to get taken outside your routines and see friends that are not commitments to late nights and alcohol. You can still keep a lot of friends if you are creative about trying other things with them and still make the odd trip out, going home early. You can't keep them all but the ones you can't keep are the ones you have grown apart from (at least for now) anyway.
GeorgeIII 1mo ago
If you love it then stick with it. Monk mode is largely good for you long term. Unlike generally drinking and hitting on drunk girls.
From your message you sound young. In general, you will say goodbye to some friends and make new ones. Just a part of life.
Related, to keep yourself social, find other people doing similar things to you. If you meet people who want to do good, productive things, you will connect with them better, and your social circle will enhance your life.
OP, are you just finishing uni?