I'm struggling to put all the pieces together. I'm such a kinesthetic learner that all this stuff overwhelms me. I try not to mentally masturbate and go out and practice, but it seems hard to be consistent. I feel like I'm suffering from decision paralysis and information overload, to where I'm thinking about every step and getting anxiety about the decision, or what if she leaves and I have to make a move, and I hesistate. I still have a ton of fun when I'm out, but can't help but think about how I can improve. Some form of outcome dependence.
I'm naturally attractive, but my closing rate is so low, and it's always been my problem. Either I care too fucking much, and the girl gets turned off, or not enough, and I miss an easy lay-up.
Last month I went on a trip and saw some of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in a party setting, so no clothes basically maxxed out looks, and I've come back completely disheveled. I had so much fun overall but I didnt get laid, I approached but nothing came of it. I don't know if its the setting or the time but all these women now seem to think that theyre gods and im not necessarily complaing about it. It is what it is but I dont know what to do. On one hand it seems this way on the other I still see regular guys with these chicks and it sometimes makes me think is it social situation these guys are in like social groups are the only way to really connect with these high smv women. The crazy part is a lot of my friends pull, but they never approach. It's actually so weird they don't get approached or anything really but I guess either social game, or they maximize their opportunities when they go out. I approached for all of us the whole trip and it felt like a losing game, most approaches were actually good, but I feel I need to take the next step, maybe improve my physical and verbal escalation.
It feels like you're constantly being assessed, like looks, status, frame, even social media, but I want these hot girls, I need to turn conversations more exciting I have no idea how to be challenging and I think thats where im going wrong. Heavily relying on my looks and I dont get nearly as much iois as I used to.
It feels like a clock is always ticking, not that im scared of getting old, but that I'll have less time as it gets eaten up by bigger priorities(many of these things are good). This all doesn't help that as I enter my 30s Im struggling to find a place for women in my life, the time the energy to get them. The activation energy, if you will seems so high that I'm losing my peace. I barely have time for any leisure any more with work which is fine but im becoming increasingly neurotic toward women, my libido is high and it almost feels like I have a sex addiction without the sex, a bottomless pit, a never ending sense of gluttony like itll never be enough no matter how may women, maybe it's the fierce competitiveness in me to always want to do better. That being said I actually like my life more now and seem to have found some meaning but the feeling still exists.
How can I finally be a challenge and conquer this hold I've had over my life?
I'm sorry if this post is incoherent and jumpy, but I couldn't even figure out exactly what I'm trying to articulate. I took some time to think it through and read a lot of the recent asktrp, and now I'm even more confused.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 4w ago Stickied
Women have a very specific role, as outlined in the sidebar and basic readings:
•Your first mate to your captainship
•Along for the ride, on your journey
•A follow to your lead
•The mother of your children
If you have to ask what more for what a woman's role is you do not see yourself as the prize or inspiring women to fill those roles
Lone_Ranger 3 3w ago
It's very hard to understand what you are complaining about?
How old are you?
First-light 2 4w ago
This may not sound helpful but I think most guys go through this in one way or another. They get a busy work life and they get a bit older with a bit less energy to spare. Being a bit older can make the hottest most available girls in their late teens to 24 a little less available unless you are very high value. All this comes together and a guy thinks "I am spending too much energy on chasing small possibilities"
You probably have a fraction of the free time you had when you were a student. You probably meet less single and bang up for it sluts that are your age or a bit younger than you did when you were 18. This means that looking for casual lays will start to take a larger chunk out of your free time than it did.
To some extent this is life. The solution is probably to be more targeted in how you look for women if you have less time. The approaching game is a numbers game and if you are going to play it, try to hunt where the game is plentiful. (This really is the best advice to any hunter of animals and it also applies to women) Seek places where there are lots of sluts up for it. Or maybe find more targeted ways to approach women, to do as your friends do and maximise your success rate when you are hunting.
Red_dead 3w ago
Yes, you put it perfectly, exactly what I was trying to articulate. I think the solution I keep coming to is either carving a dedicated chunk of time out, or just optimizing my life for more women in the long term and eating the scarcity in the short term.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 4w ago
Read the full post
Seriously indicates you:
So you can't walk before you try to parkour over a group of "hot" girls
Post full of pedestalizing women and doom spiraling over steps you haven't even gotten to yet
Like starting up a video game and masturbating over the final few bosses before you've barely played the first two chapters
There is really no practical advice that anyone can give you on this post because you are quite not even figuring out that you are fumbling basics and thinking so far into the future that any advice targeting high level skills is going to be wasted in this post
Fix your basics. You're still here two+ years later because you're tripping over basics like crazy
Red_dead 3w ago
The problem Is not that I think im not learning its the inconsistency. I think and what I failed to articulate in my post is that I see glimpses of what could be but im not out enough to execute.
Its physical scarcity, I physically don’t talk to enough women. Its more I see these women when im at an event or obligation and my body immediately reacts. Its a psychological response.
Now do I sacrifice time, energy etc to move to an area to go out more and waste time over working, when I know how little it will improve my life. I want to have kids and Im basically torn between spending an absorbent amount of time improving my game, or focusing on work and family.
If you ever read good looking losers posts its like a very similar situation. I have all the attributes to be great Its not that I need these women I like my life without them. But these glimpses make me consider dedicating more time like he did. Rather than just do MGTOW.
Do yall think its worth it from your experience.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago
I can sure you its not, you're unconfident and your problems are purely psychological and lack of any serious experience. It doesn't matter how many women you approach because you fail to see what your problem is
Seriously doubt you're as good looking as you think, otherwise women would approach you.
I don't know how to help you dude, you definitely don't have your social skills down or else approaching women would be a breeze
[deleted]
mattyanon Admin 4w ago
Well yeah.... social game is generally the easiest way.
how does it work for them?
Well, someone is talking to someone, so how is it happening?
The reality is that you're looking at around 1 out of 30 cold approaches leading to sex (day game, no IOIs). Night game, with IOIs and social proof, maybe that's one in 20......... 1 in 10 if you are very good and very attractive.
You should be physically escalating. Available women love it. Unavailable women hate it.
yes, but not in the way you think.
right, so do what excites you and talk about what you find exciting.
Not hugely relevant. Work on being emotionally engaging.
Right
You are nerding out on irrelevancies now.
ok
you need to work out what you want
you don't need to be a challenge, you need options
What do you want? If you want sex, get sex and then work out what you want next.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 4w ago
This is my experience but confidence, high social accumen, and strong frame go a long way with looks.
My experience is at least 1/10 women giving me good IOIs night game will bang me, and the reason it's not higher is because once you pick a target, the other ones start backing off
You can always convert the others later under different times and circumstances if they don't move on too fast/life etc
You'd be very disturbingly surprised, but I still don't recommend though
@Red_dead
Red_dead 3w ago
Yea need to do some reflecting moreso wanted to hear any anecdotes or advice from people who decided to pursue sex for while at the cost of other things.
Morpheus80 4w ago
A change to my orginal response as I reread your post, and understand it a bit better. I believe what you aren't understanding is what type of game is going to make things happen for you in different environments....AND what type of women to approach in the first place.
The fact of the matter is if you are in a high status type environment, the women are going to be looking for high status men. So unless you are a physical outlier...you probably arent going to get very far. It sounds like you took a trip somewhere and didnt get very far in the environment you ended up in.
So as per my original post, I would advise you to just interact with women you see on a daily basis. Dont wait until you are in the hottest club in miami around call girls and think you can run some game on them. These women are used to being tricked off on by millionares and that's all they want in those environmets.
Stop waiting to travel somewhere....or be in "the hot spot" to try an run game. Just meet women wherever you encounter them. Also what you need to understand about the most beautiful women almost everywhere is that they are monetized. Again if you aren't talking money....and showing money.....their interest will be low. i'm talking 9's and 10's with the 10 pounds of makeup fake tits etc.
Again unless you are a outlier physcially and 8, 9, or 10 level with the physique to match. honeslty go after the 8's...that the sweet spot.
As for becoming more of a challenge.....that only works if the woman is actually interested in the first place. You cant really play hard to get with a woman that isnt attracted to you in the first place.
I also noticed you saying that you approach girls for your friends. Try going places alone more often....stop involving your friends in the persuit of women. It sounds strange to most, but it actually makes you appear far more mature and confident when you can go out by yourself. It also makes things far less complex in trying to fix everyone up(her firends, your friends)......figuring out logitics for leaving the club/bar/venue. Alone is best...for travel too.
PROTIP: look for women in groups of two. Women tend to go out with that one slutty friend when they are looking to get into something with a guy. They are very guarded of their reputation so pulling one from a larger group is often difficult. Also look at body language. If a woman is off in a location dancing with her friends.....she isnt looking to meet anyone. sitting isolated in a vip..not looking to meet anyone.
women will place themslevels in areas where they can be seen and are accessable if they want to meet someone. Learning to pick the proper target is a HUGE part of this. When you get really good, you tell just by looking around the room which women are actually open to meeting someone.
As per my original post...its seems like your social calibration needs some work. You are just going to have to keep getting more experience. Just start taliking with women more in your daily life. if you see a woman you like...approach her.
Red_dead 3w ago
Yes you confirmed most of what I initially thought in my experiences.Its just become more of a question of do I upheave my life to put myself in this position where I can approach and sacrifice my current life, with work and family and completely change trajectory. I wanted to see if anyone had done so before.
I definitely force things and ignore my gut because of scarcity, which in turn ruins my social calibration.