After the whole fiasco that I posted about recently (https://www.forums.red/p/asktrp/324482/perspective_needed_after_a_huge_fight_my_wife_refused_to_go "After a huge fight, my wife refused to go to therapy or any third party."), I digested the advice and implemented it. On Sunday night, for the first time in days, my wife and I were able to talk, and without any therapist or third party; I learned and upped my game: I "trained" her how to talk by me rerspnding only when she was reasonable, and as soon as she starts fighting, I would disengage. I also mantained my frame and stuck to it. I explained as much as I felt was right, while she was receptive to it. We felt so happy we could reconcile without a therapist, and we reconciled with sex.
Unexpectedly, after the reconciliation, we somehow talked about the topic of multiple wives, and she asked "And you don't want it?" For the first time, I answered, "I'm not sure," and then I had some work to do and she was cooperative, but it led her to have a sleepless night as she struggled with my response. Here, I really had to implement what I learned by controlling my emotions patiently, prioritizing my work over her emotions, even if it meant poor sleep for her.
The next day, I insisted on going out for my daily morning "coffee" before talking, but she insisted with tears that I have the talk now without delay, as she cooperated last night. This was where I faced a dilemma, if I should go out first or give in. This time though, I chose to give in, having compassion. I also reasoned that, okay, she cooperated by letting me work and this is a huge topic, so I made her agree not to interrupt until I was done, and if I had brain fog, she asked for it. So then we sat down and I talked for a little over an hour:
I revealed that before meeting her 3.5 years ago, I was already very open to polygyny (an antidote to oneitis), having studied it and came to my convictions that it was biblical, despite the popular opposition of most of society and christendom. After meeting her online, I fell so hard in love, I thought I might turn monogamous, naive as this was my first relationship, so what I said to her made it seem I was monogamous. Things moved very fast and I moved to her continent, pursuing her. Unbenownst to me, I would be trapped in her prison-like family circumstances and I would be overwhelmed by her fears, being the receiving end of her anxiety of her controlling father, and be coerced into submitting to him, and by extension, her and her fears. This led to the hardest years of my life and I let myself be pushed around patiently and with endurance. After 1.5 years of suffering, finally I was allowed to wed her and we moved in to our house. This led to another 9 months of suffering as she didn't know how to behave in a marriage or a team, and my leadership wasn't strong enough for her kind of behaviour. During these years of suffering, I said, during the most difficult moments, other than God, the hope of having polygyny as an option was what gave me the strength to endure; otherwise I would have definitely broken up with her if she had been my only option, and we would not have what we are having today. Therefore, polygyny, I said, made a big part of the foundation of our relationship.
I continued that I hid it from her as she was my first so I was learning; plus I felt the time wasn't right yet, but now felt like the time to reveal it, with all the fights, and before having children. I explained to her that as things got better in the past year, I tried to pray to be convinced that polygyny was a sin and that monogamy was the only way, but it didn't work for me and I can't unsee it. I also explained that only a small percentage of men is monogamous, and the majority are capable of multiple sexual partners, but a lot are in denial, don't want to lose their wife, or don't want to be hated. That's why, I said, we see a lot of men have affairs, cheat, and have side chicks. I said that I was not going to cheat as I'm religious, so I'd rather just be straightforward and honest with my values. For this talk, I didn't need to use DARE, as she was listening.
She was very shocked and did not take it well at all. And then she proceeded to spend the whole day trying to break my frame with her frame. She said it was the worst day of her life, and that she was a monogamous woman (non-negotiable) and that she would not accept me being polygynous. I tried to counter, saying that as the marriage had been going better, I might not use my polygyny option after all as I want to do other things than having many children, and so chances are 98% monogamy 2% polygyny, but that did not satisfy her one bit as she required 100%. So then I said, okay, what if, even though I have years of conviction, I would study it more, and if I get convicted it's wrong, then I'd be monogamous. And she said that she wouldn't accept it either, as she wanted to be the one and only, so if I didn't do polygyny because it was wrong, it wouldn't be satisfying enough to her. I tried to explain why having an option was important to me as a man. She very soon reverted back to her defensive mode and stopped listening. So I had to use some DARE here and exit the conversation. I tried to treat her normally so things won't be weird, but it was too heartbreaking for her to bear as she said she had no choice but to make plans to leave me in the near future. So at this point I was virtually "wifeless" and went out to get some air and think.
So I thought about what was the right thing to do; if I should just leave and get out of here immediately, but it didn't feel right. So after much thought, I had some clarity and went back home to say:
I'd like to complete my mission of gaining her freedom that she wanted all along, by moving cities (to the busy capital) so we won't live a few streets away from her overbearing and controlling father. Then I would feel satisfied and we can separate. We would find our new individual lives in the busy capital, or I might go to a new place altogether. At first, she mocked my mission and she cried and cried a lot; even almost got violent, but luckily now I had upped my DARE game and "threatened" to just leave right now and not complete the mission due to the mockery; agreed with her that I was crazy; it was a very difficult game for me as I treaded the line between tough love and being an asshole. I went out again and she gave me so many missed calls, so I blocked her temporarily; just stating the time I'd be back. I won the DARE game, and came back to talk some more as she had calmed down. I was genuinely concerned at this point.
We talked some more and she realized in a big way for the first time: That she was monopolizing my time and that the marriage served her way more than it served me: I helped her achieve a lot of her goals whereas she only helped me with attention and sex, but not my goals that she knew about. She cried as she realized this aspect of her selfishness, and during the crying she had an idea: She would not have children with me but could still be my wife until we fulfil the mission in less than 2 years (timing due to financial and regulation matter, as I'm a foreigner and am getting my visa), and I'd define a deadline for us to separate and divorce so she can have the chance to find someone else and still have children young, and I could find someone else too.
Between now and this deadline, I'd like to have some hope that my wife will change her mind to be accepting of my values and stay with me. I would further try to convince her at the right moments, but of course the final choice I'll leave to her, as I don't want to control her free will.
Today, I feel really great, confident, and with new energy. I can show love to my wife as long as it lasts and as long as she is willing to receive it, in my way and with my leadership. I'm more secure, and I've upped my game in handling her so I don't fear her bad behaviour no more. I feel almost the way I felt when I was vetting her: Confident, being bold in a sexual way, being witty. She appears to like my new energy and joy. With this limited time left, she would like to reciprocate and support me in my goals beyond just giving me attention and sex as usual.
From her behaviour, I don't think the The Lightswitch Effect applies as we both still love each other very much. I tested the Briffault's Law on her, with her freedom from her oppressve father as the benefit. Going back there she said feels like death to her (we could compare it to a Nazi concentration camp). So, I think Briffault's Law applies to this situation like 50%. After reading "Alpha Fucks / Beta Bucks", perhaps my arrangement gives me strong points for both? Idk...
Of course, we know what a woman says and does is different. I'd like to appreciate the community for their insights and honest constructive criticism on my previous post, and I'd like insights on this new situation please.
MrSupreme 1mo ago
I think this needs a TLDR
Usual answer: Divorce, 6 months by yourself then start gaming again. Zero contact with her. Game always more than one girl at a time. Be attractive, don't be unattractive Etc.
Just get rid of the poisonous marriage and start all over by yourself. It can be done.
Lightmilktea Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 1mo ago
Well the TLDR is in the title, but perhaps it could be expanded. How many paragraphs do you want the tldr to be?
Redpillpusher 1mo ago
What country are you in? Is it an Islamic country? If the country you're in is somewhat sympathetic to women divorcing their husbands than this is a serious threat. Before men are men and before women are women we are people. Just like men have things they will not compromise on so do women and for women strongly against polygamy polygamy is one of those things. Imagine, for a moment, you two lived in a liberal society like America and she made it known that she wasn't completely against going out every now and on dates and liaisons with other men, with your knowledge of course. I'm assuming you aren't a cuck so I expect you would be completely against it. In fact, I would expect for that relationship to be over in your mind no matter what. Bearing this in mind I hope you can see the utter stupidity in what you did. I've stated this before on here, many of y'all in this red pill sphere study the tenets like it's academics and try to apply it robotically in real life while ignoring things like common sense and human behavior. Some of y'all think that if you read enough red pill material you can make your girl agree to a threesome with her sister and you. You can salvage this marriage but it will cost you some autonomy, your balls, etc.
Lightmilktea Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 1mo ago
I don't think you read the post. It's kinda a tldr anyway so oh well. I see where the confusion comes from. I'm using redpill terms so you think I've done a crash course, but really I'm using those terms because I learned it from the previous post and you guys relate to them. So it's for your benefit. But I'll respond a bit: No not an Islamic country. No I'm not a cuck. I'm new to redpill stuff and I haven't read the books or sidebars; I'm here because I follow some subs on reddit, and one of them was the RPW sub, and the mod redirected me here. A few months ago I read the RPW sidebar a bit but that was a slow read. No threesomes.
Redpillpusher 1mo ago
I did read your post, it appears you either lack reading comprehension or you like lying to yourself/ignoring the truth because I see you made absolutely no comment about how her trying polygamy would absolutely be a no for you. Even if you take away the red pill stuff I wrote the main point of my post still stands: there are some things women will not compromise on, and polygamy is one of those for women who are strongly against it. This is common sense. Why would you wait several years to let her know? You could've found a woman who was more open to it and save yourself all these years, dealing with her overbearing dad, etc. Now like a fool you are on this horrible situation. This is retarded, you're clearly retarded, and she'll probably leave, like she stated, because stupidity is contagious
Lightmilktea Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 1mo ago
Okay if you think I'm retarded I shall reply no more, because it's retarded to talk to a retard. I'll try to salvage any useful tips from your comment. Have a good day.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Technically the AskTRP rules say you need to read the sidebar and you actually need to
Reading the sidebar is a prerequisite to post here. That rule is in place so men don't come on here having no idea what anyone is talking about and so men don't ask questions that are basic red pill that they could have read about
You have a marriage that is quite literally about to implode. You need to READ THE SIDEBAR
Lightmilktea Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 1mo ago
Ok thanks for the link. I actually didn't know where to find it before. Am not very familiar with the forum's UI. I won't make anymore posts without reading. Cheers.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
That sounds good
Just don't skim it. Try not to take every word of the sidebar as literal gospel
I will remove your sidebar flare as soon as you have read it
Feel free to keep engaging with your current posts
You are more than allowed to post in trp.red
The sidebar rule only pertains to this forum specifically
Lightmilktea Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 1mo ago
Sure, I could do that. I am still learning how these forums work. The interface, menus, and links are different from Reddit.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
We're working on the interface
It's not entirely intuitive
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Dude, you are struggling to maintain even one marriage and want to bring up having multiple
Jeez dude
In the span of your last post to now, I fully support getting divorced
You have very little frame let alone relationship sense
You're reading the sidebar and trying to speed run being a sperg by "testing" all this red pill stuff on her.
You're not supposed to be doing any of this. Reading the sidebar is not supposed to be an autism parkour course to jump around in
Lightmilktea Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 1mo ago
I don't think you read the post. It's kinda a tldr anyway so oh well. I see where the confusion comes from. I'm using redpill terms so you think I've done a crash course, but really I'm using those terms because I learned it from the previous post and you guys relate to them. So it's for your benefit. But I'll respond a bit:
I actually haven't read the sidebar; only the ones adviced in the previous thread.
I'm bringing up the idea of the option but I definitely won't pursue multiple marriages if the first one isn't maintained well. Plus I have my career too and potential kids from the first marriage. I just only gained the confidence to say I what I believed from the very start.
By very little frame what do you mean? Do you mean very unsure of values?
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1mo ago
Stop.
Stop stop stop stop stop.
STFU.
I'll respond more in-depth some other time, but you do not talk to your wife about this shit, especially when you're newly unplugging. First rule of Fight Club.
I skimmed over your other post, and many of the replies there.
This marriage is most likely over. If you don't want it to be over, ask yourself why. She treats you like shit, and she's a shitty wife.
You need to read the sidebar at TRP and especially the one at MRP, and keep your mouth shut as you digest what you've read for the first few weeks, if not months.
Forget spinning plates or non-monogamy for the near future. You have lots of work to do before you're ready for that.
I highly recommend that as you read the sidebars, you use the companion video series at Rian Stone's YouTube channel.
Durek_The_Bald 1mo ago
100% this. Shut your pie hole, and stop explaining everything that goes on in your mind. And for the love of God, in the event you do open your mouth, do not throw red pill lingo around.
"Look, mommy! I'm not prone to oneitis!"
"Look, mommy! I'm the leader of this family!"
That's what explaining shit comes off as. And it's unsexy as hell.
Shut your mouth, and let your actions and demeanour speak for themselves.
Lightmilktea Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 1mo ago
I agree. I did not throw red pill lingo around her. It's just for this post for you guys. Yeah I read what admin shared about DEER so I get you. I'll improve at not explaining. Stop explaining everything that goes on in my mind fine. Being afraid to express myself because I fear what she thinks? No.
Durek_The_Bald 1mo ago
It's generally advisable to STFU early in your red pill journey, because you don't know what you're doing yet, and you don't recognise your own motivations for wanting to express whatever it is you want to express.
It's already clear from this post, and your previous one, that you're currently self-sabotaging when you open your mouth. You're trying to mansplain shit to your wife, about leadership and whatnot, and you're trying to enlist your sister for emotional support. That's just a couple of examples.
You're not currently in the right frame of mind to make good decisions on whether what's going to come out of your mouth is going to be unattractive and gay or not. And you're not coming from a position of strength. So it's better for you to just STFU until you've internalised the reading material.
The best thing for you right now is to read and digest the material, and otherwise focus on yourself (not you wife, and whatever you want her to be). Lift heavy stuff, spend time with your male friends, and make sure your ride is a good one - regardless of your wife.
There's a reason why you're on here talking about your wife - and it's not because you're content, and coming from a place of strength. It's coming from a place of some serious frustration, and everything that comes out of your mouth is going to be coloured by that. A.k.a. your frame is weak.
If you need to explain, discuss, and theorise, we're generally happen to listen and engage here. It's not about being afraid Vs. brave - it's about being retarded Vs. not retarded.
Lightmilktea Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 1mo ago
Her sister is a bro to me. More masculine energy then feminine. She even has a girlfriend. Her family and I are the only ones who use she/her pronouns for her.
I am a bit gay though. Not in a sexual way, but in other ways, such as interests and topics. And I suppose that's why I make friends with women easier than men. However I have been trying to befriend more men recently and will endeavor to. I don't want to be unattractive to my wife. I am very straight. My wife is very intellectual but she has her emotional nature. My downfall was assuming that she can be reasoned with all the time. Thanks to this forum I know I have to be able to tell the difference now.
I am reading the material slowly now. I lack lifting in my life but in the past few days and this morning I've lifted my wife during sex and used her as a gym and she let me, so I'm gonna continue.
I can't deny I am frustrated but I'm controlling it better now and I know my values. I'll study more about frame.
Well, the song goes "to say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels; the record shows I took the blows".
SwarmShawarma 1mo ago
The best exercise|study for frame is keeping silent when you want to say something.
Nevermind is it something you consider totally safe.
Holding it inside is absolute belted for a training. And you can exercise it like Kogel muscle • almost any time.
Lightmilktea Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 1mo ago
Got it. Silence and control/discipline, like kegel muscles. Not incontinence. Great.
What do you mean "Nevermind is it something you consider totally safe."?
SwarmShawarma 1mo ago
Safe \ valid \ right to say... You can stop yourself from saying something just because. Just because you want to see can you stop yourself anytime. In certain situations you can use eg nod or smile instead.
Lightmilktea Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 1mo ago
I see. Good tip. Thanks!
Lightmilktea Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 1mo ago
I'll ask myself the questions and will look into slowly reading and digesting the stuff. Thanks for pointing to the resources.
ExConvictNowMillionaire 1mo ago
Brother.... Remember: "Words are like bullets. Once they exit the barrel, it's impossible to bring them back"
Lightmilktea Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 1mo ago
Yeah like this post.
First-light 2 1mo ago
You are moving rather fast here. I think it may be quite useful that you have found your wife willing to do a deal and then divorce. this probably does show you that her attachment is not as strong as one would wish it to be. But please do go slow here.
I happen to be a former polygamist. I have openly had two women who called themselves my wives. Let me advise you that is a whole different game. The first rule of polygamy is that it will never ever be the same with the first wife once you start that game. Every polygamist I have spoken to agrees about that one. Marriage does become more functional and transactional and the women compete hard over resources (you being the main one). Some polygamist cultures say a man is only really married once he gets the second wife. Certainly it teaches you about marriage. But do get the first marriage straight first.
My advice is not to talk to women much about red pill issues. They want the fantasy that you have oneitis, that you are their unconditional champion through life. You can show them the fantasy is not true but do not actually tell them it.
Now she has offered to release you you have an option. You don't have a life sentence. I would try to get the best you can out of your marriage, even if its only 2 more years. At the very least use this as a learning experience and try to get good interactions with her -good interactions for you both. Do not treat her with contempt. Contempt is the real killer of marriages. Try to see what you can build.
Your situation sounds complex. You could explain more of it -the different continent, how you courted your wife and the work you are doing.
Good luck but go slow. We can burn things a lot faster than we can build them.
Lightmilktea Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 1mo ago
Glad to hear from you! I was hoping you'd respond, actually. There's also an update from last night: She just told me that the plan looked good on paper but really she only still sees having kids with me, but doesn't how to deal with the suspense and logistics of waiting for if I do find another wife, upon which she would leave me as she can't accept or handle it. I am still thinking about this and about what to think and what to say. I'm guiding her to being patient and cooperative, which she is putting in the effort to, so I don't have to use DARE on her at the moment.
So perhaps her attachment is more than I/we thought. She wants me to be her children's father because I have God in my heart and other reasons she can't put into words. So she wants her children to have me as the father, even if she gets remarried, but she doesn't know if she wants to continue being my wife in the future. Mind-blowing.
I'll respond from the bottom up.
The men on here think that I am blazing through and am confused about my own values, but I am a slow person and these things have been building up for months, if not years. Another misconception of theirs, I fear, is I tell everything that's going on to her like she's my mom. On the contrary, she brought the topic up. I had avoided it in the past out of a combination of fear and purpose. Now I no longer feel fearful of her and also think it's time. Not lying is also one of my values. I have my ways to avoid or hide things but generally I like to express the truth and handle the consequences.
The reason I finally decided it was time to tell her was because it was a good time: We are both still young. No kids yet. I gained the courage. I recently decided not to be scared of her. I think most importantly our relationship is quite intellectual and I connect with her in a deep way, so it was worth the risk, as this has been foundational for me for 4 years, ie, the entirety of our relationship. Furthermore, I believe I gave her too much emotional security, believing erroneously that it would cause her to be calm and secure; now a little competition, whether I choose to proceed with polygyny or not, may be healthy; so there's still the marriage security but with some competition; no more fantasy that I have oneitis, and consequently, better behavior, hopefully. There are studies on how capitalism and brands competing with each other leads to better product quality and accountability, and that could apply to this too.
My life has been very virtual, so courting my wife online wasn't a problem. I courted her using a list of criteria that I had been working on for months, so I wouldn't be irrational. I talked to friends who can give me constructive criticism. I also do most of my work online so it wasn't a problem to move continents. However I do feel too virtual now and I am working on living more of my life in person.
I will definitely make the most of our my time with her. She's still precious to me, so I would be happy to give as long as she receives. It's been only two days but our interactions have already been so good, almost like when we were courting. Don't worry, I am generally fast to forgive and don't hold contempt. The issue was I need to not forget the discipline after forgiving.
Well, my wife and I do have a friendship, so if I sense she can take it, I may explain a bit of redpill issues without using the terminology. The men here seem to think I used redpill terms with my wife? They also tell me to STFU and I agree. Like if she's receptive I will explain it only once or twice and then I will only STFU and execute. We're both intellectual people. That's one of the reasons I chose her: More deep conversation. But now I've learned that as soon as her emotional nature kicks in, I must DARE.
Then I'm lucky that you can relate, as you have done it before. Thanks for the insight. May I know why you are no longer a polygamist?
SwarmShawarma 1mo ago
Interesting how much I identify with what you say and my ideal plan.
First-light 2 1mo ago
I am no longer a polygamist because one of my wives died. That was only the start of the problems though. The survivor was not kind to the child of the deceased. I would not let the child suffer unfairly. It tore my family apart. I live with an entirely different woman now. You need a lot of resources to be a successful polygamist. I am not going to get a lot of resources. I am not going to be a polygamist.
If you are a polygamist, every decision you make has two dimensions when before it had one. That's the simplest way I can put it. If you are in a society where its normal and you can get support and you have plenty of resources, you can cover the weaknesses of those two dimensional decisions while playing to the strengths of polygamy. In modern western society, you won't get any help.
Try not to have difficult conversations with wives. Its not attractive to them and its often actually frightening for them. A big component of female attraction to having a husband is need rather than greed. They feel their weakness and need. It brings fear. They feel your strength and it brings security. If their tower of strength turns round and says "Look princess, you are lucky to have me take care of you. I am finding you a bit of a pain right now. You are like a complaining passenger on the bus. You need to have a little respect for the driver who is taking you safely through the streets. Carry on like this and the bus might just stop and eject you or the driver might just stop and get a pleasing passenger to put in the seat next to him" This will frighten her. Yet she wants to come to you to dispel her fears, to make her feel secure.
You can show her that she is lucky to be in a warm safe house fed and loved by you but that actually she might not be and you could replace her. But if you have too many of these hard conversations she will stop thinking she is precious to you. Being precious to you is probably the most precious thing she has. Its not just love and warmth its a woman's security in life. Don't take this away from her, just show her gently that you find her precious for the good things she does for you and the respect she shows you.
First-light 2 1mo ago
To simplify what I am trying to say; You are the prize. She does have to know that. You create the strength and security she innerly craves. You deserve that she in return treats you with respect and love. If she is way out of whack on this you may have to drop the odd truth bomb but remember every one of those bombs rocks her world of security in your relationship.
If you take it too far you are becoming a source of disquiet to her, not of comfort and strength. Maybe she would be better off with another man who thought she was actually special not an ungrateful burden? There are lots of simps out there... You can actually create the opposite effect of what you want if you try to inject too much "dread" into a marriage.
Give her a vision she can buy into that makes her feel lucky to have your protection and guidance. Don't be another little dictator who tells her she is small and worthless and she needs to behave right all the time or the thought police will catch her out and dump her out on the kerb. Otherwise she may even start thinking about defecting, not initially out of desire but out of dread.
Leadership is not easy, particularly if you don't live in a society where there is a clearly accepted model of a head of household to follow. Its not following any one line. Its understanding the needs of your people, meeting those that you can, provided the overall cost to you and the family is not greater than the gain to her and giving her vision.
Fear of loss makes people do very dumb irrational things -check it out if you are not sure its a psychological fact. The stick of fear of losing your approval, your presence, your care, your affection or the marriage itself must not exceed the carrot of security and love or you have another little dictatorship. She is used to living under a dictator, she will cope and she will also plan. Not long ago she made an escape plan and took it.
So friend, just cool it with her. Its OK to talk to us guys but I hope you won't be reporting any more big hard conversations for a few weeks. If you do, I will still listen but I recommend you listen to advice too. Women are more vulnerable creatures than you may realise. Look at those boner killing feminists. All they want to be is "strong independent and need no man". They fear men. They also fear the weakness that might drive them to dependency on the men they fear. They want only to be strong enough to resist that weakness. Avoid all that shit. Be the leader who lifts her up without being a simp who pays more than the value of her affection and is taken for granted. That's all. Let us know how it goes but while she is under your roof, try to make her value your affection more than fear your distain.
Lightmilktea Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 1mo ago
Hey again, thanks for the replies. The last few days have been great. I've been on fire with my new confidence (not from skimming redpill material but from not being afraid of my wife anymore and having new strategies to handle her emotional outbursts), so I've been very happy and productive, and my wife and I have been having great sex everyday. A few difficult conversations were brought up by her, and I answer and explain as much or as little as I decide is right, in my timing. I don't initiate these difficult conversations unless necessary. They have mostly ended in tears on her side as she has been realizing I'm not going to fulfill her fantasy or lie about it, but the tears subsided after a while, with happy moments replacing them:
Again, it's been great. I feel like I have the same energy and vibe I had when I was courting her. She feels it and likes it that I'm all over her (in a good way), and even though she one time mentioned she was too sad and we shouldn't have sex, I ignored her and later in the day she couldn't resist my advances. I have no problem at all showing lots of love to her. I tried the Hitler thing in March-April 2024, thinking that it might work because her dad did it, but it had disastrous effects, as you have suggested. And even if it worked, I couldn't keep it up as it wasn't myself.
She knows and I tell her she's very precious to me. Only that her modern female brain couldn't reconcile that with me having the polygyny option, which makes her feel like she has 0 value. So while she sorts out her own dilemma about this, I'm going to show her love I did when courting her, and I have been to good reception.
One thing I have done these past few days that I failed to do since we started living together was replying texts in a witty way. Because before this whole fiasco and me learning, texts with her = boring daily stuff = stress for me. Now our texts have the same energy as when I was courting her.
[10/1, 19:35] Me: Ok... Thanks my love. Am getting more funds soon. Don't worry! [10/1, 19:36] My Wyfe: I'm not worrying ???? [10/1, 19:37] Me: ????????????
[10/2, 12:49] Me: Woo-hoo... No sticky poop today! Thanks to all the veggies [10/2, 13:23] My Wyfe: Sorry I became complacent and didn't care about feeding my love veggies for a while ????
[9/30, 11:11] Me: Take a photo for me? [9/30, 11:15] My Wyfe: [pic of herself at doctor's office] [9/30, 11:21] Me: Thanks my love, I came again ????. Let me know if you wanna see it [9/30, 11:22] My Wyfe: I do wanna see it [9/30, 11:23] Me: This one is child size ???? [9/30, 11:23] My Wyfe: On the table?? ???????????? [9/30, 11:23] My Wyfe: But I love it [9/30, 11:24] Me: Well it's a contribution to the flowers and the art [9/30, 11:24] My Wyfe: I couldn't agree more ❤️ [9/30, 11:25] Me: ????
As you can see, I've become witty in texting again. Before these days, I was really really boring at texts.
But I think the truth bombs would rock her "emotional fantasy security" and not the security of the marriage, because I have said things like "I will never leave you," and "You will always have me," so she has the security of marriage with me, but I think she's starting to realize that it has to be on my terms and I set the rules.
Society is one of the reasons I will most probably use the "no" on my polygyny option; not "yes". (again, in our recent conversations I said to her 98% I would not go for it, but she wasn't satisfied unless it was 100%. ????)
Yesterday's difficult conversation that I had to handle was like this: "Are you becoming part of my life, or am I becoming a part of yours?" I sold her the former, said it's better, expounded on it. I exited the conversation to get some work done. She cried a bit (I have since learned to let her cry and not bother anymore), but we slept well, and today was a good day. No more difficult conversations for a while, I hope.
Very true about those feminists. Good thing my wife is more traditional; doesn't agree and thinks they are crazy. She reminded me recently of an Everybody Hates Chris episode where Chris' mom fails to sell some strong single women "Yvonne" beauty products, but only succeeds after dropping a truth bomb that they all really just want a man and they better buy up the products.
I definitely am not going to get another wife while I'm still trying to figure out my life and marriage. In fact I might never have one, depending on stuff like the economy, my career goals, etc. I told my wife this once and she didn't get it, feeling like she's part of my "todo list", not pun intended, so I just STFU.
I feel for your family situation and I hope things are much better now for you. If you are willing to answer, why weren't you able to discipline your ex-survivor-wife to treat the child (your child?) fairly?
First-light 2 1mo ago
I really wouldn't recommend "disciplining" women. You might find yourself in court for domestic abuse. Had I tried to discipline her I would probably have failed anyway. I am at work all day, she is at home with the children. She has all the opportunity and she was a very smart woman. Abuse situations are complex. There were children involved and I was dealing with their mother.
If there was a failure it was a leadership failure. I got two women and deep down inside she didn't like it. She put up with it but she harboured resentment. It was the wrong choice for me to make with her in western culture. I read things wrong. That was where the damage was really done. So she took it out on the child not on me. She didn't bitch and she and let me be myself while I let her be herself, it was the smoothest domestic situation I have ever had actually. It was not right for the child though and I could not in conscience let it pass.
Of course I tried reason and appeals to humanity but had I tried the discipline route, it would probably have been me expelled from my house by the authorities for abuse not the other way round. (She tried hard to flip it round and make me the bad guy when they came for her but they found that actually I was the good guy who had not done any wrong or made her do anything. Beware of the idea of disciplining women in the west. I was lucky my instincts were right on that.
Lightmilktea Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 1mo ago
It looks like the emojis in my previous reply disappeared and turned into question marks. I tried to fix it but it didn't really work.
Sorry, I never thought of corporal punishment when I said discipline. Anything but corporal punishment. Like how you would discipline yourself when you have something to improve, in the sense of martial arts or sports.
The authorities were called on her and took her away? :O Okay wow. I won't comment further since I haven't read the sidebar in its entirety, but I really appreciate you sharing your experience and lessons learned.
First-light 2 1mo ago
Be aware that how the law defines abuse and compulsion may not be how you define it or how other people in the red pill community define it.
Just be very careful. The liberal establishment in the west wants a definition of abuse that is "making her do anything she doesn't want to do." This has implications even for enforcing your boundaries as to what you personally accept in your home or your relationship. It means it is in some cases safer to pull the plug on a relationship than get into two people reaching a compromise over getting what they want or one person deciding to fit in another's frame to be allowed to continue the relationship.
Of course not all persuasion is coercion but be afraid. The law takes the woman's side and assumes she is pretty helpless and lacking agency. If you start telling her to do stuff or sanctioning bad behaviour, you are in danger.
All relationships involve some compromise that is not desired. Where do unwilling and not desiring begin and end. Make women do stuff unwillingly and you are in danger of being an abuser. Unwilling only means "not wanting" Don't we all do stuff we don't want? Yeah but the law doesn't care. You have a penis, so you force women to do stuff by nature. You do not need to use any violence, simply pressure that she or they might describe as coercion and it seems that having more money than her and having boundaries might be coercion in some cases.
What I am trying to say is anything you do without consent could be classified as abuse. If she doesn't want to be disciplined, she is probably being abused in law.
Yes they came and told her she had to go. The reason I didn't get told to go was because I had not told her to do anything. I had just pleaded for no child abuse and reasoned with her. Had I said "you should/ must do X or Y with regard to this child (like care for it or treat it the same as your own)" or had I tried to sanction her by withdrawing anything from her or taking any action that might be seen as restrictive or punitive it would have been coercion. Until you have faced the cross hairs of examination by a system loaded to take the woman's side you have no idea how thin the ice you are skating on it in your daily life. Women have more rights than you and the law is loaded to protect them from you.
Do not try to dominate women. If you do it will all be fine unless she decides she does not like it and involves the authorities. Then you may not be fine.
Lightmilktea Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 1mo ago
I understand. Thanks for sharing your cautionary tale. However I'd rather go to jail for doing the right thing than be free not doing the right thing, so while I should be wise about societal norms and the law, there's a greater law to submit to.