TLDR: Red flag plate caught feelings and wanted more than casual but went right back to initiating hookups—felt like a test to push me into commitment. Meanwhile, I met a new girl who's chill, drama free, and refreshing. Now red flag is pushing for quality time again and guilt texting when I don’t give a straight yes. I’ve got other plates in rotation now and more value to offer. Red flag’s consistent but draining. Not sure if I should cut her off or throw her a small bone to keep things smooth without compromising frame or future prospects.
I previously posted about the woman with the red flags that I was just spinning as a plate and she got all upset about the fact that we were just casual and said that casual sex was hurting her mentally (even though she was inviting me 9 out of 10 initiations past midnight) -- she tested my frame, had a whole tear session talking about how her therapist asked her to have the "where do we stand talk" with me and whatnot. I said I wouldn't rush into a relationship, especially since I don't see a lot of the traditional things my Eastern European parents' culture had instilled in me in her.
The next part of the story: following weekend, she invites me over, not a word about the previous tear session, she was being extra pushy to get into the bedroom. WTF I thought, all that must have been a show, a huge shit test to push for my commitment, when she knows that I won't hand it out like an ad flyer.
Anyways, that same weekend the following night I go out and meet a different girl, a whole other can of worms. There was this Greek night that happens once every several months at a local restaurant I met her at, it was going on till later in the night and I had obligations in the morning, so I left early. But this new plate was being much more agreeable and easier to be around. None of this combativeness. She invited me the following week to hang out, had some great sex, and afterwards she said she had been celibate for 2 years randomly.
Now, do I believe that? Probably not, but she graduated college and works as a babysitter and seems very aloof and rose-lensed, kind of shy, I wouldn't bet my money that she was celibate, but I have had a date with an actual virgin (a woman that hadn't even held hands with a man before) and I saw some of those similar qualities in this new plate, but of course all women are good with reputation management so I take their words at face value and follow the actions.
Anyways, I set up another time to hang out with my new plate (this Friday) - but now my original plate, red flag girl, asks if I'm free Friday night. Mind you, she just invited me over last night to fuck, and we did. I said, idk yet I might have to get up early on Sat. Which, she knows I have a lot of obligations 2-3 jobs at a time, but still, shit-tests me again. I get this long paragraph text, I'll paste it verbatim:
"okay wellll i know i have continued inviting you over and whatnot but i meant what i said about wanting to spend time with you that isnt just late night/my bed. doesn’t have to be anything crazy but i kinda was hoping if you were around friday evening we could plan something. if friday doesn’t work that’s fine, there are other days that we could do something or if you’re just not interested in that at all that’s fine too but please let me know that"
It's been 3 weeks since the last "crying session" and this is the first time she gives me pushback since that.
I'm not entitled to give her a whole night; you take what I give you. This second plate I told the same ordeal, she asked if I could hang out with her this last Friday evening, I said I'd be busy with Easter events, she said have fun, maybe next week. That's it, none of this combativeness and entitlement.
Also, I have a date set up Thursday evening, because fuck it, I'm expanding plates for this first time, in the past I'd have plates fall after a couple weeks, but now that I've leveled up, I've created more time and value to allow for that.
But I'm still perplexed what I am to do with this first plate. Do I let it drop finally? She's been the most available, but also hard in certain ways and good in others. It's been 5 months now and I've had to train her too much, it's like I bought a car that was used and restored it and modified it, but I could have bought the car I wanted from the get-go instead. What would you do?
Edit/ Solution: seeing that this plate previously had avoided the casual only topic after I reinstated/ introduced my frame, I should do the same course of action by not falling for the commitment puppy eyes bait. I could set up an activity, but that would ruin possible other plate spinning opportunities. She has got a long way to go from getting LTR'd and caving to the second major shit test would only weaken my value and future prospects. Seems one of those cases where you have to dig through a lot of shit to find gold, I just need to keep digging and not fall prey to shit testing.
What's would be your next move?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago
You need to try to answer your own question somewhere in or at the end of the post with the new AskTRP rule
alchemist Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 3w ago
I tried in the last paragraph
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago
That isn't a solution. You seem apprehensive to give a solution outright "maybe a little or XYZ"
Give a firm to the point decisive solution
alchemist Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 3w ago
Just changed it.
Musicgoon78 2 3w ago
I would next her. You don't seem happy with her. What's the point of prolonging something that won't last. Move your energy to other and better women.
Overkill_Engine 3 3w ago
I feel like 99% of the underlying issues that are causing questions to be asked here are due to some form of scarcity.
If a man has his life in order to the point that he can easily just replace a woman that doesn't act right, there stops being much of a need to ask questions. It's no longer an life altering event to agonize over, it's just....Tuesday.
alchemist Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 3w ago
True, definitely, but humans are more complex than animals. I find some parts of RP animalistic and primordial in a way - treating some women recreationally has its pros, but also it's cons. And they do that to themselves most of the time they are the one's objectifying themselves publicly.
However, for me it's always been hard to find at what point to cut ties. I once had this wonderful plate, only issue was that she was several years older. She'd go the extra mile in everything, only had one negative interaction in my 2 months knowing her that lasted less than one minute, and she apologized on the phone after. But, her age was the issue, dying eggs, and I distanced myself one week or two, then it faded. And it's always been that way; I just remove myself when things start naturally fading.
My father actually has been the ultimate RP influence, but he keeps 99% of his knowledge to himself, so I mainly have learned through anecdotal experience. I was bullied during my childhood, was dangerously anorexic at that time as well, socially awkward. But I've changed all that, developed impressive social game, gained 75 lbs of muscle naturally, developed status. So much so to the point where I'll bump into women that curbed me a decade prior, and they instantly want to hit it off and flirt.
I've cut off a lot of my nice guy, blue pill tendencies. But my main issue is when to break it off with women. What's the right timing, what's the best way to do it. Etc. Sure, I can offer this girl an ultimatum and say I can't see this turning into an LTR realistically so we can keep it this way, but she will probably seek out other men behind my back, and will poison the well so to say. And, the moment I find out another man has been in those guts, I turn a cold shoulder and ghost, nothing less. But ideally, I'd like to avoid that drama altogether.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago
Most of AskTRP is mental masturbation and not genuine confusion or a request for clarification on a topic.
I would say most users already even know the answer to their own question but i can't because I don't think a lot of guys here have even internalized TRP or learned it correctly
Mofreer 3w ago
That is indubitable. I also think it’s a way to avoid accountability or to seek out opinions that comfort the asking party.
I posted here multiple times, fully aware of what I needed to do, yet I clung to the ideals I had instilled in myself growing up.
This hesitation also undermines one’s confidence in decision making. If you already know the truth but still engage in mental gymnastics, it interferes with your ability to rely on your own experience and determine the best course of action.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago
We all do it. Respect for acknowledging it. It takes a lot of strength to admit it
preach 3w ago
If you want to continue spinning plates for the foreseeable future, then do that. Sounds like your first one with the emotional problems is already becoming a pain, so if you find a new one, soft next this one.
It's always important to remember that spinning plates isn't the goal. Men spin plates in order to relieve the stress and desire sex has on all of us. We all have a sexual drive. Spinning plates is about scratching that itch and moving on, that's it. We tend to have larger goals in life that we are focused on, so don't let these women distract you from that if that's what you've got going on in your life. Remember if that first woman is already this emotional about trying to spend time with you, just imagine the sort of guilt trips, manipulation and crying fits she'll have in an actual relationship when you make a decision and she doesn't get her way. She sounds like a damn pain in the ass.
alchemist Didn't Read Sidebar (confirmed) 3w ago
100% agree.