I've got plenty of experience with women, but I've never experienced a situation quite like this. As per the "red pill" philosophy, I pretty much did everything "right" in the beginning. I kept her at a comfortable distance all times, always played unavailable, and was honestly banging tons of other women at the time. Truthfully, I was the toxic and shitty person, and there are a number of toxic and shitty things I did to her that, according to Red Pill Theory, probably got her to like me more over time.

I've been in this complex on-again, off-again "relationship" with Emily (29F) for about three years. We met in December 2021 when she came to the bar where I worked, and we had immediate chemistry. I'm 28 and she's 29.

Early Relationship Dynamics (2021-2023)

Initially, I was the more detached one while she pursued more commitment. We developed a pattern of intense connection followed by periods of distance. 2022 was great, and things seemed okay throughout most of 2023 too.

Emily works as an event manager, and during summer 2023, she lived in a New England coastal town that's only really populated during summer months. She works the whole season there doing events for brands. Despite the distance during that first summer apart, things were good. She would even remind me of our "anniversary" (the day we met), even though we weren't officially boyfriend/girlfriend. What I didn't know then was that during summer 2023, she met an older guy (mid to late 40s) who owns a venue where she does her event work. He began appearing in her Instagram stories (though never in her posts), but I didn't notice this at the time.

The Hot/Cold Cycle (Sept-Dec 2024)

Between September and December 2024, we went through a vicious hot/cold cycle where we would basically ghost each other by text - just being immature, honestly. While she definitely initiated contact more often, this was the first time we hadn't talked for more than a couple of months at a stretch.

December Reconnection

After two months of complete silence, Emily reached out in December. We spent what seemed like a great afternoon together, but there was a red flag: she hopped in my bed, then abruptly left after 20 minutes without having sex. This was the first alarm bell in my mind.

January Vulnerability (2025)

Around this time, I had a life epiphany. As I'm staring 30 in the face, I realized that Emily actually had all these amazing qualities I'd been taking for granted. I wasn't feeling age pressure - I just finally recognized how much I truly loved her, and how she had remained loyal despite my past behavior.

I was having my worst year ever with money issues and career problems, though I never let her know. I forced a conversation on January 12th where I expressed my deep feelings. She said "I love you too," we had a great night together, I slept over at her place and left the next morning. I felt like I saw "the old Emily" again.

Mixed Signals (January-March 2025)

The week after our January meeting, she started blowing up my phone wanting to meet up, but I was unavailable. Then the following week when I reached out, she declined. The vicious cycle continued and I didn't hear from her until late on Valentine's Day when she sent a brief text about the Super Bowl. When I suggested meeting in person, she didn't respond.

The Instagram Discovery

Around this time, my friend did some digging on Instagram and made a huge discovery. Going back to last summer, there was evidence of this older guy in his mid to late forties consistently appearing in Emily's life. The bombshell was finding out he had attended an engagement party with her, and he had posted it on his profile. This was concrete evidence they were seeing each other or least I think so. Maybe it's casual but who knows?

Breaking the March Silence

In mid-March, I broke the silence with the intention of seeing her again. Even though I had hunches about her possibly dating another man (albeit probably casually), I reached back out. I tried a new approach - being very forward and sexual, which she indulged.

We met up on Tuesday for dinner and had a long conversation where she basically said she didn't want a relationship and was focused on work. That night, she came to sleep in my bed, but just like in December, got up and left after 20 minutes. So in the past three times I've seen her, we've only had sex once. The other two times, she got up and left after 20 minutes. Odd behavior.

Surprisingly, after leaving my bed that night, she called me and we talked on the phone for 3 hours. The next day (Wednesday), we were sexting each other all day at work and then had phone sex later that night.

The Hotel Incident

Feeling like we had good momentum going into the weekend, I created a plan for us to stay at a hotel, using a voucher I needed to use. She agreed to the plan initially, but then made last-minute excuses saying she couldn't make it. My friend then saw her (and possibly the older guy) at the same coastal town she claimed she couldn't leave from. Meanwhile, she was texting me these excuses that were clearly fake.

I then suggested to cancel the plan because I thought our expectations were different for the night and then she claimed she "didn't feel safe" around me and that my messages were "too sexual" - despite actively engaging in sexual texting just days earlier. She blame shifted and then even regretted it within hours saying later that night "I would have gone but I'm clearly torn" torn about what?

The Confrontation

I sent a confrontational text mentioning "karmic blowback" and implying I knew things about her friends that would "shake her to her core." She called multiple times afterward, saying she "needed to tell me something" and didn't want things to "end this way." She threatened to block me but continued calling several times. I've ignored everything but a part of me thinks I may be fucking this up. I did this partially to regain frame and to protect my ego. I knew further arguing would be futile and getting rid of her then and there seemed premature. She's been the initiator since although not since last week.

Current Situation

It's been complete silence for over a week now. She's been posting on social media about Coachella and hasn't reached out yet. A part of me fully realizes that I can't be "mad" if she's seeing other dudes because we aren't dating but still.

I know this isn't a typical case. I could easily move on - I have a great job and I'm what most would consider very handsome and tall. On paper, everyone would say "just go get another girl." But there's something unresolved about this situation, and I find myself running on loop with regret about all the bad things I did to her over time. But mystifies me why she couldn't just break it off? Was it to keep me in her orbit? But she knows I'm not an idiot and won't tolerate it. Was she being vindictive? What level of this is about her being 29 years old?

You may accuse me of Oneitis but the list of pros about this girl vastly vastly outweigh the cons. It wasn't until the end did I see "the other side" to her. She's tall, hot, responsible, smart. Went to the same college as me. Has great relationship with her father and mother. Very family oriented and was always loyal to me. Was she blindsided by my love confession in January?I've got plenty of experience with women, but I've never experienced a situation quite like this. As per the "red pill" philosophy, I pretty much did everything "right" in the beginning. I kept her at a comfortable distance all times, always played unavailable, and was honestly banging tons of other women at the time. Truthfully, I was the toxic and shitty person, and there are a number of toxic and shitty things I did to her that, according to Red Pill Theory, probably got her to like me more over time.

I've been in this complex on-again, off-again "relationship" with Emily (29F) for about three years. We met in December 2021 when she came to the bar where I worked, and we had immediate chemistry. I'm 28 and she's 29.

Early Relationship Dynamics (2021-2023)

Initially, I was the more detached one while she pursued more commitment. We developed a pattern of intense connection followed by periods of distance. 2022 was great, and things seemed okay throughout most of 2023 too.

Emily works as an event manager, and during summer 2023, she lived in a New England coastal town that's only really populated during summer months. She works the whole season there doing events for brands. Despite the distance during that first summer apart, things were good. She would even remind me of our "anniversary" (the day we met), even though we weren't officially boyfriend/girlfriend. What I didn't know then was that during summer 2023, she met an older guy (mid to late 40s) who owns a venue where she does her event work. He began appearing in her Instagram stories (though never in her posts), but I didn't notice this at the time.

The Hot/Cold Cycle (Sept-Dec 2024)

Between September and December 2024, we went through a vicious hot/cold cycle where we would basically ghost each other by text - just being immature, honestly. While she definitely initiated contact more often, this was the first time we hadn't talked for more than a couple of months at a stretch.

December Reconnection

After two months of complete silence, Emily reached out in December. We spent what seemed like a great afternoon together, but there was a red flag: she hopped in my bed, then abruptly left after 20 minutes without having sex. This was the first alarm bell in my mind.

January Vulnerability (2025)

Around this time, I had a life epiphany. As I'm staring 30 in the face, I realized that Emily actually had all these amazing qualities I'd been taking for granted. I wasn't feeling age pressure - I just finally recognized how much I truly loved her, and how she had remained loyal despite my past behavior.

I was having my worst year ever with money issues and career problems, though I never let her know. I forced a conversation on January 12th where I expressed my deep feelings. She said "I love you too," we had a great night together, I slept over at her place and left the next morning. I felt like I saw "the old Emily" again.

Mixed Signals (January-March 2025)

The week after our January meeting, she started blowing up my phone wanting to meet up, but I was unavailable. Then the following week when I reached out, she declined. The vicious cycle continued and I didn't hear from her until late on Valentine's Day when she sent a brief text about the Super Bowl. When I suggested meeting in person, she didn't respond.

The Instagram Discovery

Around this time, my friend did some digging on Instagram and made a huge discovery. Going back to last summer, there was evidence of this older guy in his mid to late forties consistently appearing in Emily's life. The bombshell was finding out he had attended an engagement party with her, and he had posted it on his profile. This was concrete evidence they were seeing each other or least I think so. Maybe it's casual but who knows?

Breaking the March Silence

In mid-March, I broke the silence with the intention of seeing her again. Even though I had hunches about her possibly dating another man (albeit probably casually), I reached back out. I tried a new approach - being very forward and sexual, which she indulged.

We met up on Tuesday for dinner and had a long conversation where she basically said she didn't want a relationship and was focused on work. That night, she came to sleep in my bed, but just like in December, got up and left after 20 minutes. So in the past three times I've seen her, we've only had sex once. The other two times, she got up and left after 20 minutes. Odd behavior.

Surprisingly, after leaving my bed that night, she called me and we talked on the phone for 3 hours. The next day (Wednesday), we were sexting each other all day at work and then had phone sex later that night.

The Hotel Incident

Feeling like we had good momentum going into the weekend, I created a plan for us to stay at a hotel, using a voucher I needed to use. She agreed to the plan initially, but then made last-minute excuses saying she couldn't make it. My friend then saw her (and possibly the older guy) at the same coastal town she claimed she couldn't leave from. Meanwhile, she was texting me these excuses that were clearly fake.

I then suggested to cancel the plan because I thought our expectations were different for the night and then she claimed she "didn't feel safe" around me and that my messages were "too sexual" - despite actively engaging in sexual texting just days earlier. She blame shifted and then even regretted it within hours saying later that night "I would have gone but I'm clearly torn" torn about what?

The Confrontation

I sent a confrontational text mentioning "karmic blowback" and implying I knew things about her friends that would "shake her to her core." She called multiple times afterward, saying she "needed to tell me something" and didn't want things to "end this way." She threatened to block me but continued calling several times. I've ignored everything but a part of me thinks I may be fucking this up. I did this partially to regain frame and to protect my ego. I knew further arguing would be futile and getting rid of her then and there seemed premature. She's been the initiator since although not since last week.

Current Situation

It's been complete silence for over a week now. She's been posting on social media about Coachella and hasn't reached out yet. A part of me fully realizes that I can't be "mad" if she's seeing other dudes because we aren't dating but still.

I know this isn't a typical case. I could easily move on - I have a great job and I'm what most would consider very handsome and tall. On paper, everyone would say "just go get another girl." But there's something unresolved about this situation, and I find myself running on loop with regret about all the bad things I did to her over time. But mystifies me why she couldn't just break it off? Was it to keep me in her orbit? But she knows I'm not an idiot and won't tolerate it. Was she being vindictive? What level of this is about her being 29 years old?

You may accuse me of Oneitis but the list of pros about this girl vastly vastly outweigh the cons. It wasn't until the end did I see "the other side" to her. She's tall, hot, responsible, smart. Went to the same college as me. Has great relationship with her father and mother. Very family oriented and was always loyal to me. Was she blindsided by my love confession in January?

So what do you think is going on here? Should I just move on and accept this is an impossible situation? A part of me would be content smashing one more time though :)

So what do you think is going on here? Should I just move on and accept this is an impossible situation? A part of me would be content smashing one more time though :)