I have this FWB who has been hinting at wanting more, for example, last time we hung out about a month ago she was telling me about the "rockstar girlfriend" aesthetic which is apparently like emo or goth, and I said "oh so your a rockstar girlfriend"? and she said " no because i dont have a rockstar boyfriend" (i have long hair and play guitar in a band..
Last night we were texting sexual banter and she said "when are you free" so i gave her an option and she said that wont work, she is busy, so i tried to give her a different option and she said "im busy then too, I dont fucking know, nevermind" so i said "why would you even ask" and she said "I do wanna see you but I didnt realize how busy I am. sorry" (BS). so i just waited a while and said "ok". then she texted back and said "forget it"
So i waited a while and said "i miss you" and she said " i dont believe you" and long story short I told her that I was getting interested in her and thought she was cool, and then I said "im looking for a rockstar girlfriend"... then she said "get one" so i asked her out on NYE, she said "really?" i said ill take you ice skating and she said "oh thats cute" and I said ill pick you up at 6 to which she said "maybe, that sounds fun".
So either i really showed way too much interest, (which i only did because im pretty sure she liked me more and knew she was just a plate/side hoe) and just burnt a plate, or i dont know. I have no idea what to do now.
I was thinking I could either A. not respond B.say I dont do maybes C. continue to be nice and show that I actually like her (if she really doesnt believe me) D. other
she tends to say maybe sometimes, in fact one time i did say "I dont do maybes" and she didnt exactly respond to that well but she did come over that night after 2 years of not seeing her. I cant deal with "maybe" as you all know, especially if thats just her weighing her options or not wanting to cut off other FWB to be with me, (which I cant expect her to)
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
It's a woman's job to pursue a relationship, not yours.
Sounds like a red flag anyway
TheBarber 1y ago
thats what i always thought too, i went against what i knew and listened to a friend i was talking to last night because i was confused by what she meant when she said "forget it" after i left it at "ok"
Most likely i just burnt the FWB and ill just not text back and maybe shell come back around eventually. It's just confusing to me because I think she liked me quite a bit.
Problematic_Browser 1 1y ago
Well, why are YOU trying to make it a relationship in the first place?
Regardless, a lack of enthusiasm is a "no". Never ask her again.
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 1y ago
I want to expound on this point for the autists in the audience that need it spelled out: You cannot logic/argue/persuade or otherwise talk/negotiate a woman into being interested. There is no paint by numbers jay arr pee gee conversation tree that will change her mind and give you guaranteed access to pussy.
You know how a woman either passes a boner test for you or does not? Yeah well, you either pass her drip test or you do not. There is no point in investing any time or effort in a woman that cannot be bothered to display interest when given a chance to do so. Just move on and look for one that does. The best thing you can expect from talking is to not fuck up already existing covert interest on her part.
Most women are more shallow than a frat boy, they just do a good job at distracting most men from realizing it.
TheBarber 1y ago
I thought it might work, after she said "forget it" when i left it at "ok" then it seemed like an opportunity to show more interest. but you are right, shitty move
TheBarber 1y ago
I'm pretty sure its cooked. the "oh thats cute" is a pretty good indicator that i fucked it up and its over.
TheBarber 1y ago
should I burn it down? should i say "bye" or "nevermind" or "I have other plans now"
SpiritualEnema 1y ago
No, radio silence is best. If she tries to clarify you might vaguely allude to having plans now. You attempting to burn it down shows her you were desperate and too invested.
When in doubt try to be positive but aloof. Like whatever she does is no skin off your back. If you have higher RMV/SMV than her the radio silence will drive her nuts.
Let her chase you. Most of these women are so burnt out from fucking randoms that they can no longer properly pair bond.
TheBarber 1y ago
went silent for a while and she texted me again and said some shit to try to get my attention and I played it good and ended up getting into some very playful but romantic and sexual banter where I was implying that she was mine and she was accepting it and it ended with her saying "im gonna get your name tattooed across my ass"
I should have left it alone and let her chase but this morning (not first thing but at 1130) I made a mistake and sent texted her back and said "good cuz im gonna get your name tattooed across my throat" and she just replied "hot".
im gonna leave it now and let her chase
MrSupreme 1y ago
Dude youre in a band, get 10 more plates,never commit
TheBarber 1y ago
i committed the cardinal sin of showing interest and telling her i liked her. (although i have done that before and still fucked her) its fuckin cooked though. I thought my SMV was high enough or she was interested enough for me to get away with that..
I think she wanted me to say I was busy and make myself unavailable to make her chase me and make her like me more. because she definitely does like me but thats the missing piece
derdeutscher 1y ago
You would not believe, but your SMV can be highest possible, and it would not matter. Global celebrity, millionaire, whatever. Things like good deeds and being beta are NEVER forgiven by women. I know guys with brad pitt looks, lambo, fit body, and they DONT GET ANY. U know why? Because they think the same: I can get away with being beta.
Nobody can bro. Its biology. Ask urself: why do u want to be 'it" in first place?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
Lol no. You could be Henry Cavill and she's never letting you geta way with that shit in her mind. You'd always be my he bitch version of Henry if he did that
Musicgoon78 3 1y ago
You're giving some simpy behavior. You hung out a month ago and you're entertaining giving her more?
None of this "I miss you" simp shit will give the tingles.
A maybe isn't a fuck yes. You know that bro. Just ignore her and spin plates unless she hits you back up with a plan.
Redpillpusher 1y ago
It's obvious that she's not your plate, you're the plate here guy, that plate that's slowly been pushing for 'something more than just sex'. Chill out before you get broke and she finds a new plate. She doesn't want this to be anything else and, at this point, just enjoy the sex until she finds another less nagging guy because you're her best option until you aren't. You messed up the power dynamic in her favor with all those date requests, too late
TheBarber 1y ago
I think your right but I have never pushed for anything more, at all before last night. In fact I think I've always done a good job of doing the opposite
Redpillpusher 1y ago
In your last paragraph you stated that she said 'maybe' sometimes so I assumed this wasn't the 1st time you've asked her on a date.
TheBarber 1y ago
she just has said maybe sometimes when i ask her to come over to fuck as FWB. not always though, sometimes she hits me up and asks when im free and sometimes she does come through.
Redpillpusher 1y ago
Ah ok. Act like you never asked her, then. If she brings it back up with a definite affirmative then go out with her if you want and if she never refers to it you have your answer and you know that she's just a plate. If she knows you have other plates then this can be played off; she'll just think that she's your best plate but you still have options
Lone_Ranger 3 1y ago
its hard to tell, but I bet you gave her the ick by saying that you 'miss her'.
Big question: why are you trying to change things?? she is already a plate, what do you need to change?
Brining a plate on a date? sounds like a great way to ruin everything.
One of two things will happen -you'll give her the ick (too much commitment) or you'll make her too comfortable in the relationship, so she will withdraw effort. It could happen that both will happen at the same time - and tbh it sounds like this is what is going on.
TheBarber 1y ago
idk man whatever i did seemed to work, i definitely agree that i went too far and displayed some simpy behavior but she definitely didnt believe me until last night i went silent and she texted me again trying to get my attention and i turned into banter where I was being very tongue in cheek romantic with the underlying theme of me killing her (she always jokes about that and says its hot and wants me to murder her) and i was implying that she was mine and she accepted it and ran with it, ending with her saying I'm gonna get your name tattooed on my ass.
Lone_Ranger 3 1y ago
I hate to say it dude, but if a plate is pulling you into texting exchanges, she has won.
that is what she wants from an orbiter. She wants her phone to go bing.
TheBarber 1y ago
thats true for sure. the only thing that i dont get is that ive never showed any orbiting behavior really, except when i first met her i was a little bit simpy because i was just learning about the red pill and so then i realized and set boundaries and then we started fucking
To be honest over the course of me knowing this girl she has given me an unreasonable amount of chances after I make dumb mistakes like this. Actually us reconnecting this time was from her hitting me up after a while of not talking, and even when I first met her , she basically showed she liked me, I didnt cold approach . I just think she thinks I'm hot enough and keeps forgiving my bad behavior, especially because in person, I dont have this problem at all, I never display any beta behavior because thats really not who i am but when it comes to texting i start to overthink and act weird
Lone_Ranger 3 1y ago
just don't get suckered into texting wars.
that is what she wants. she can come over for some netflix and chill, but don't be getting into texting wars.
texting is for;
women to text each other orbiters text women
that's it. Period. Don't fall into the trap.
TheBarber 1y ago
do you think I blew up my plate/fwb though? like is this type of shit enough to have her lose complete respect of me and not want to fuck anymore? like i said ive made some dumb mistakes with this girl and she always seems to forgive me probably because whenever we hang out in person I am not blue pilled acting at all, by nature I am just confident and kind of an asshole with girls, at least once I have them at my house. lol
First-light 2 1y ago
She does not think you are serious about her and is not sure whether to make the effort to try with you. This may or may not be related to other options. That doesn't mean you should be serious about her or go simp out to try to drag her attention back but it does mean that something will have to change if you are not going to remain two people who just hit each other up when they are bored and not busy.
The "That's cute" is definitely a sign of her being a bit less than enthusiastic. It could be a bit of a superior way of talking to a second choice guy but it could also be a eye rolling reply to a player who she likes but knows is just a player and from whom she has heard it all before. You need to know which you are to her.
Do something different if you want the situation to change. Either it will get worse (and in that case it probably was doomed to get worse anyway) or it will get better.
I think not responding will change nothing and just let it all continue as it is. This option gives her control and leaves you hanging. If she leaves you hanging long enough, you will have to come back later with something weak to the effect of "Please can you tell me know if you will let me take you out on NYE" or something bitter like "Sorry made other plans"
"I don't want maybe" is the best option I think. Saying "I don't do maybes" is Ok but say it enough and it will come back to bite you one day. She may use it back on you or it may irritate the hell out of her and she may start saying "then no". You could try telling her something to the effect that you both deserve better than a lukewarm maybe for a date on new years eve, so she needs to say no by the end of the day or you are going to make arrangements for the date, will be at her house at 6 that evening and will feel let down as hell if she flakes. (This must be said light heartedly not crossly).
This should at least get her to make her choice and not waste your time or keep you in reserve. Its also positive assertive and keen and it might show her that there is potential for more provided she steps up and treats you as a greater priority. If she does then flake, you know where you stand and won't waste time on her again unless you are bored and have no better option.
TheBarber 1y ago
I went silent for a while and she texted me again and said some shit to try to get my attention and I played it good and ended up getting into some very playful but romantic and sexual banter where I was implying that she was mine and she was accepting it and it ended with her saying "im gonna get your name tattooed across my ass"
I should have left it alone and let her chase but this morning (not first thing but at 1130) I made a mistake and sent texted her back and said "good cuz im gonna get your name tattooed across my throat" and she just replied "hot".
im gonna leave it now and let her chase
derdeutscher 1y ago
Guys texting women "I miss u" need to read sidebar. Million times. What made you do it? Your feelings? Oh such a cute boy.
You are not completely blue pill. But stop talking about your feelings so much. Women likely dont care about them anyway.
As u already understand..be cautious with "maybe" chicks. For every time a woman says maybe, text other women immediately. Abundance mentality is king.
Dont have anybody to text? Well..work on getting some numbers in.