Last night was my breaking point. I actually paced myself yet somehow still got too drunk. I don’t think I was nearly as drunk as a couple nights ago yet I broke down and cried to my mom and told her about personal problems and things I’ve never disclosed to her.
I also drunk texted my ex again.
At this point I don’t know what to do. Quitting alcohol wouldn’t be difficult, but do I quit to the point where I can’t have one drink at a family bbq?
I’m also going to go to therapy again. After therapy could I drink again?
I’m not 100% certain I’ll quit alcohol. The problem is that negative emotions get WAY worse for me with alcohol. I don’t get so drunk that I’m endangered, but mentally I’m fucked. The fact that I literally cried to my mom for 30 minutes last night makes me feel so embarrassed and like I have no control.
If anyone can give advice on whether I should fully quit alcohol + advice on how to feel after my behavior last night, I’d really appreciate it.
Musicgoon78 1 2w ago
Bro. Let me tell you. I had an alcoholic ex. She would always talk about quitting and regret never having a drink again. It's all bullshit justifications.
You need to hear this: You have a drinking problem from what I've read and you know it.
Alcohol adds zero value to anyone's life. Period. Go without it. Just the fact that you can't makes a good case for why you need to be strict with yourself.
Wintergreen 2w ago
Do you drink or no?
The value that alcohol add[ed] was enjoyment and social lubrication but clearly at this point it’s just not that beneficial. I just don’t know what I’ll do when I do night game, I don’t know if I’ll have fun doing night game without even having a drink.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2w ago
Shitty attitude. Only enjoying the results and not the process.
Bro, you're struggling because you have an ass mentality. It permeates through every single question you have here.
Enjoy the process, enjoy your own curiosity about how the world works. Dude you are driven by nothing but results and absolutes and have no natural conquerer/explorer drive a man should have. The process should be exciting. Fuck this deflated low ego shit
Half the guys on here do not enjoy the process whatsoever of doing anything. Life isn't about winning. It's about living
Musicgoon78 1 2w ago
Based as fuck! Bravo!
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2w ago
Thank you my G
Wintergreen 2w ago
Yeah this seems pretty accurate, thank you.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2w ago
You're welcome
Musicgoon78 1 2w ago
I stopped completely. My main addiction is sex and when you drink yourself into whiskey dick at a sex party that's enough for me. It doesn't make me feel good. It doesn't make me wittier. It raises blood pressure and ruins lives. When I thought about it, The ROI was really bad. Replace that addiction with something healthier.
Wintergreen 2w ago
Interesting, thanks for the insight. I’m very surprised you don’t drink given the lifestyle, so it’s clearly possible.
ObliviousDuck 2w ago
Stop drinking. It will be a couple of difficult months but then it becomes easier.
You'll have to learn how to socialize without the lubricating effect but this too gets better with time. As a matter of fact, since most people around are drunk at night, you can easily intellectually and socially dominate them.
mattyanon Admin 2w ago
If you can't pace yourself you need to not drink.
It's that simple.
ogrilla99 2w ago
If you're asking the question then the answer is you should stop now. Furthermore sobriety isn't a "forever" question, it's a "daily", even hourly question. That is, you ask yourself "will I stay sober today?" And then next day ask yourself the same question. And keep doing it until you realize you've gone days/weeks/months/years without drinking.
Note that there are plenty of people who are able to control their drinking. It sounds like you're not one of them. Forget its effect on your social life. Quit before something far worse than embarrassing yourself in front of your mom, happens. Like drunk driving leading to a manslaughter or murder charge. There are worse things in life than a shitty social life and drug addiction is one of them. You need to have your priorities in order and get right before you hit rock bottom.
Now, once you've been sober, can you drink again? The textbook answer is no: the risk of relapse is too high. I know people who've done it though, so I can't say it never happens, but this is a question you can answer after you get sober first.
Regarding your social life, sure right now drinking is a large part of it, but it doesn't have to be. People who don't drink also have social lives, wives/gfs, etc. but it's through different venues, and likely different friend groups, and you'll have to learn some new skills. But it's definitely doable.
Fwiw, I hear you on the social lubrication part. Just about the only time I drink is when I go out with the guys to a bar or club, and it's fun to get plastered, even with the hangover that comes the next day. But even in those nights, I'd say we just as easily pull women during the dinner (when we're still sober) than the bar and club after. And regardless, like I said, if you truly don't have control over alcohol, then getting sober is far more important than almost anything else, even if it hurts your social life.
Ill_Will7 2w ago
I'm a 15 year alcoholic that's been sober for 20 months. I write about alcoholism and sobriety now. Read some of my stuff, see if it sounds like you resonate with any of it.
https://s0berkn1gh7.substack.com/
No-Stress-Cat 2w ago
Coffee. It's a great ice breaker.
devise 1w ago
Stopping drinking is much better for your health.
Only you can make that decision for you.
Lone_Ranger 2 1w ago
you sound like me in the period I spent before I gave up booze.
Let's call this period the Denial Period (when you realise that there is something wrong, but you don't want to give up booze / can't imagine giving up booze).
Let me give you some golden advice: DON'T WASTE YEARS OF YOUR LIFE IN THE DENIAL PERIOD.
Many people do, and they slowly destroy what is left of their lives, asking dumb ass questions like
I don't think I am an alcoholic. I mean, I went to a party recently and I only had 1 drink, and it was fine etc etc etc drone drone drone
How am I going to be able to explain that I don't drink when I am out socially? Won't everyone know then 'know' that I am an alcoholic?
Dude - I have been this guy, I have met guys like this, and I can see (plain as day) that you are this guy. You are in the denial period. Do not waste time in this period.
The denial period is probably worse than the period before, when you just got smashed and didn't think about it that much. It's full of guilt, broken programs (only at the weekend / only beer / only x drinks etc etc) and a total loss of self confidence.
Deep down, you know what you need to do, but you are denying yourself a crack at a succesful life by living in denial.
YOu need to move as quickly as possible to the next phase which is ACTION. It is taking action that will be your redemption.
You already know that you cannot drink and have a successful life. You know that. Now move to the next fucking stage asap.
You can come back here and update us on your progress. You will find a bunch of helpful dudes who are willing to give you support. (you will know them when you see them).
Instead of saying 'thanks man' to this reply, you can reply by telling me HOW you are going to move to the next stage. WHAT are you going to do? tell me WHICH ACTIONS you are goign to undertake?
I am waiting for your answer.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2w ago
Same answer. You need to prioritize what you're trying to focus on over whatever perceived benefit you get from drinking
The truth is you're not pacing yourself. You prioritize whatever you're doing less than what you want from drinking
No magic answer is going to help you dude your prioritizes are ass about drinking
Like i said on the last post, if you're going to drink that much wait till you're home alone, have nothing else to do for the evening, and can't fuck anything up with it
First-light 2w ago
It does sound like you have a problem, so quitting couldn't really hurt as an experiment and could be really good.
The social lubrication thing is really the only helpful thing about alcohol but to do that and stay sober you would need a hard and fast 2 drink rule. 2 standard sized drinks to get socially lubricated. Never the third. If you could do this, it would be OK but can you? You would need to answer that one with experiment.
Musicgoon78 1 2w ago
I think instead of a 2 drink rule just have a coke in your hand. It's a about appearances.
Wintergreen 2w ago
I have successfully stuck to two drinks before. Once I went to a club and met a girl and only had one drink because I was with her and preoccupied.
My question is this: would I continue to be socially lubricated even when the buzz goes away?
Musicgoon78 1 2w ago
Bro you don't need alcohol to be good at conversation. You're making excuses.
First-light 2w ago
I think that some social lubrication will remain. The general relaxation and added confidence thing lasts after the buzz but the buzz that gives you the that feeling of energy and being bullet proof is a more transient thing.
Musicgoon78 1 2w ago
I disagree. I've dealt with alcoholics before and the last thing you want to do is enable them. I feel this is a very bad idea.
Wintergreen 2w ago
I don’t think I’m an alcoholic. I don’t crave alcohol and when I drink I can indeed stop if I’m at an event that I shouldn’t get drunk at. The problem comes if I feel like I can just go all out.
Musicgoon78 1 2w ago
Just the fact that you can't just say ok to the thought of not drinking again us a huge to red flag. My alcoholic exes used to state they weren't alcoholics.
It's all excuses..
Wintergreen 2w ago
No I’m still quitting this bullshit. I’m only saying that I don’t think I’m an alcoholic but I don’t think you have to be an alcoholic to quit.
Musicgoon78 1 2w ago
I agree. I'm not trying to be accusatory bro. I'm just looking out for your best interest.
Wintergreen 2w ago
Thanks man I appreciate it.
derdeutscher 2w ago
To me alcohol is a bad drug, which alters my mind and state of being in a very bad way, the night of drinking and also for days/weeks to come. I am not myself with alcohol in my blood, and I avoid it. It is shitty supstance which adds ZERO value to my life (but takes some away). Also beside psychological effects we all know it is bad for the body as well.
To be honest it is kind of easy for me, because I do not indulge in night life at all (hitting the bars here and there but already home by midnight). My drinking years were 18-24, thats when I found out all I need to know about alcohol.
For all the younger folks here, I would even encourage you to drink when you are younger (18-25 age bracket) so you can leave that shit behind you after certaing age and start living properly. Nothing worse then guy binge drinking in his 40s because he did not do it earlier.
To OP: you are opening a post here asking if you should stop; dude we all know it is a point where it is obvious you need to stop. Good luck quitting!
Kloi 1w ago
Essentially I treat all narcotics as I would LSD/Mushrooms/DMT. You should not be consuming unless you're in an overall happy, positive point in your life.
If negative emotions always come out while drinking, you're not there yet.
Quit boozing for a few months and then see if you want to pick it back up.
Alcohol and cocaine specifically are two substances I logically have no reason