Sometimes when I give an advice to my LTR she does not listen and ignore it. But when their friends or even some random people say the same, she gets obsessed and starts following the advice.
It looks like my frame is weak and makes me question my self what I am communicating wrong. The advice is correct and right. Why is she not listening to me, but does with others?
whytehorse2021 4mo ago
In addition to what others said about her not respecting you, I would add that you should set boundaries and be ready to walk away from the relationship if she crosses them. I did this early on with my wife. She would just flat out lie for no reason. Some kind of people-pleasing behaviour. I set a boundary that she never lie to me again and she didn't.
pofkaf 4mo ago
One thing you must understand about women. They do not want advice from their boyfriend/husband. They want their boyfriend to make them FEEL emotions, both positive and negative.
So as your boyfriend, you should praise her when she does something good, and chastise or withdraw attention from her when she does something bad. That is how you lead her to living a better life, which ultimately gives you a better life too.
Another thing to keep in mind is that women tend to listen to their female friends much more than any male. They want to feel "in" with their friends so they often do what their friends tell them to do.
Lone_Ranger 2 4mo ago
They do not want advice from their boyfriend/husband.
A truer word was never spake.
Could it be that you are hanging out too much with your gf?
Intrepid_Place53900 1 4mo ago
So a few things here.
She may not "like" the advice , example is it is not fun, not a good thing, I want a different view that is better for me. Yup I know, but we are talking women here.
I think all women do this to a point. My LTR does this sometimes and I will give her the info and move on. Even with math, I do it in my head and she never believed at first that it's correct, but after awhile she's just like, hey what's the % increase from these numbers and takes it as word.
But, the more a LTR doesn't take your advice, it is a red flag. Especially with bigger things.
Like What advice does she listen to you well with, versus not. The more important the topic, the more she should pay attention. If you aren't on the same page, that can cause issues down the road.
MentORPHEUS Senior Endorsed 4mo ago
Ugh, this gave me flashbacks to some of my early relationships >30 years ago, and the way they played out after recognizing this phenomenon and trying to correct it.
The bottom line here: She doesn't respect or look up to you now, and nothing you try to do will change that. Based on my close friend's experience, if you marry a woman like that, she'll go on to openly scoff at your well thought out and relevant advice and leadership, and impulsively follow that of comparatively irrelevant people in her life. That's how this plays out.
You can try one last stand. Demonstrate to her bluntly, if she wants to go forward through life with you it will be with attention to and respect for your input on important matters. The likelihood that she'll stick this, starting from where things are now, is about nil however.
whytehorse2021 4mo ago
Ding ding ding! You go to the front of the class. Nailed it. I was gonna say the exact same thing.
Lone_Ranger 2 4mo ago
great point, well put.
I think its worth OP doing as you say. He has nothing to lose.
redhawkes 2 4mo ago
Never give unsolicited advice. If she's not living in your Frame, she lives in someone else's, like social media, friends, tv etc. Bitches take the shape of the container. It's all about respect. Whatever is given for free is not valuable, economics 101.
It's essential to read the bitch management and training posts in the main sub.
First-light 4mo ago
One thing I would add to other comments is that familiarity makes you less exciting as an advisor. Look how women can get hooked on advice in Cosmo, on Tic tok, from an agony aunt, from an astrologer or in fact from anyone they find exiting and novel.
Taking advice from you will be her compliance. Taking advice from new exciting sources versus form you who tend to be boringly right and make her feel dumb because you are right is like a kid eating candy as opposed to eating kale.
Now she could be really arrogant and irritating with no respect for you but if she is just getting excited by novelty, its normal female psychology. I am not crazy on the men hunters, women gathers stuff when its treated as a total dichotomy -at least one of my daughters is a passable huntress and I can forage ok- but it does fit here. Women want to gather the most and the best and you won't get something bigger or better looking in the same old places. Novelty excites them. On the other hand a wise man learns his good hunting spots -the inside corners, the bottlenecks, the places winds eddy, where you will always get a buck holding territory in season, where they hide in rain or in lie up in hot sun and so on. Men seek the right solutions and apply them. Men seek patterns of success -hence they make scientific discoveries. Women like to go and get surprised.
SnackTheGrass 4mo ago
Red pill poem
Sheeeeiiiit
Notorious 4mo ago
Excellent analogy. From an evolutionary standpoint it doesn't make sense to gather berries from where you've already picked them, yet it makes all the sense to repeatedly hunt where animals frequently gather.