Context, me and my gf are in college, went out together last night, we got very drunk and were going from party to party having an amazing time. At the end she had clearly had too many drinks, she asks me what I would do if we ever broke up. I said I’d probably get back on tinder and find other girls, she then goes up to some guy that was into her before we were dating that happened to be at the party and said “ I know you thought I was cute last year and that you have lots of money, can we go out if me and my boyfriend break up”. And immediately I pull her aside and ask her what the fuck that was, she starts crying and feeling horrible for herself, saying she’d do anything to make me feel better, she’ll never go out drinking again, she would let me go through her phone, whatever and that she wants to marry me someday, etc. and I walk her home. she was sobbing the entire night. I told her I needed space and I left early in the morning. I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t really want to break up with her because she treats me incredibly well and is hot and the sex is great. I don’t think she had bad intentions by the way that she was acting, I think it was supposed to be a joke because that guy was like 5 inches shorter than her and not that attractive, but also I can’t tolerate it. I’ve told her that what happened is completely unacceptable, and she understands. There’s not really anything I can ask her to do, nor is there anything I can do to to fix it. It’s just bizarre to me because she puts so much effort into our relationship and this still happened somehow.
What would you do in this scenario? My gut is telling me to just pull away for a few days.
MidgetSpinner about a week ago
She was asking what you'd do if you broke up because she was comfort testing you, dude. Granted, she was drunk as fuck and it was an incredibly stupid thing to do, but I don't think she wanted to jump that guys bones as you suspected. I understand your reaction, but that was the problem: you reacted. She was feeling insecure for whatever reason girls do, and then you saying you'll go back on Tinder clearly made her rage internally and she wanted to one up you in that moment, and then you reacted to it, which is exactly what she wanted. So now she knows you care which is the answer she wanted in the first place, but she feels guilty for the way she got to that answer. Bitches be trippin. Give each other a few days to chill.
I'm not saying your answer to her question was bad necessarily, but you have to say it in a way that implies you're teasing her or joking around (Even if you mean it, use a bit of tact. This is your gf, not some random hoe). If you said it with a straight face, understandably she's gonna be upset especially if coupled with ridiculous amounts of alcohol. Women are emotional anyway. The only real way to respond to a question like that is by not taking it seriously, have fun with it. It doesn't matter what you say as long as you're implying fun, not taking it seriously because the question is a trap. If you answer seriously with something like, "I'd be heart broken my love", you'll come off as a spineless beta male. And the other route, which you took which was to be realistic and cause overt dread just backfired on you. Girls are malicious as fuck, even if they love you and don't mean to be. She wanted to see if you cared, it was as simple as that, dude. As fucked up as it was.
lurkerhasarisen about a week ago
This. I've been married for 35 years. One time my wife said that if I die first she would never remarry. I told her that if she dies first I'll bring a date to the funeral. Then I smirked and smacked her butt.
MidgetSpinner about a week ago
mattyanon about a week ago
This is relationship-ending if you have any self respect.
This is "regret for consequences", not regret for actions.
demote to FWB, SEE OTHER GIRLS.
She had VERY bad intentions. She wanted to line up a plan B by coming on to another guy. Either to fuck him or make you jealous or make herself feel better, AT YOUR EXPENSE. And she did this in your friend group.
If i t was a joke then one of you would be able to explain how it is funny.
If she crosses the line she has to have consequences so bad that she FEELS IT.
Tell her that you're taking a one sided break where you can see other people but she can't, until she figures out what she wants.
There has to be at least 2 weeks of regret and insecurity. Nothing less. And it can't be "two weeks and then I forgive you". It has to be two weeks of missing you and fear she's lost you.
You pull away for a few days if she gave a poor BJ....... this is fucking serious and how you respond defines how much respect you are entitled to.
The problem is you're sold on this girl and she knows it.
Desaint about a week ago
No contact 2 days.
Attention is their currency
No-Stress-Cat about a week ago
Her asking questions like, "What would you do if we break up" means the thought has crossed her mind. I would have asked her, "Why, are you planning on breaking up with me? No? Then there's no need for you to be concerned about what I would do in a situation that isn't going to happen, right?" Also, I would have just left her there, as soon as she started flirting with that other guy. She'd be lucky if she was only demoted to plate, if I didn't hard next her ass. That shit don't slide with me. I don't give a fuck how good a housewife and bedwhore she is. If she says she's my girlfriend, she better be 100% all in 100% the time. My loyalty test trumps her shit test every time.
SSeuSS about a week ago
Effective conflict strategy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQS76bWhWNc
You might not have that much time to listen to all that shit but from my exp he is good at describing this stuff. And because he is consulting some dudes he's got it well broken down in more vids than only t his.
No contact but not for the sake of it only. That should give her time to reflect. If reflection doesn't come by yet and shes arrogant extend it for another day, let her know that. Don't expect her to get all blame but don't let her get away.
Alcohol let her do shit she might regret nevertheless it does the same damage as she wouldn't drink art all. Crosses boundaries are crossed boundaries. Behind boundary are land mines. You can't unblow yourself.
BTW Matty below makes valid points. She stepped on landmine.
Reason you might want to repair that is experience in dealing with difficult situations like this and see outcome yourself. But she has to do now things for you. Big things. She has to give you the value back and in the same circles she has taken it away from.
whytehorse2021 about a week ago
chatGPT4: it is important to communicate with your girlfriend and express how her behavior made you feel. It is understandable that you feel hurt and betrayed by her actions, and it is important to set boundaries and expectations for your relationship moving forward. Taking some time apart to process your emotions and thoughts may be helpful, but it is important to have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend about what happened and how you both can move forward. It may also be helpful to seek the advice of a trusted friend or counselor to gain perspective and support during this time.
koedeloe123 about a week ago
Tough one, I think you handled it well. You have all the reasons to feel disrespected. This is not some plate we're talking about, this is your girlfriend. The fact that she got so drunk in the first place is a huge red flag (lack of self-control). The second red flag is that she did this in front of you. If she pulls shit like this when you're around, imagine what she would do if you weren't around.
If my girl did this in front of me, I would have ditched her on the spot. Would have left the party, and ditch her ass for the night. I'd demote her to plate status, and meet other girls. I'd gradually become more 'busy', and meet more women until I fade on her, she's dead to me now.
And what you've said is true. There's not anything you can ask her to do, nor do anything to fix it. Once a girl disrespects you like this, it's over. Even when she's crying, and knows she fucked up, deep down she won't respect you if you take her back. But let's be real here, you're in college, you probably won't stay with her forever anyway.