I've been the most down to earth and nicest guy in the workplace and I was surprised to know that some people hated me even if they acted like they liked me. It was truly surprising. I mean why would anyone hate someone who is so down to earth and humble? I am talking about workplace. I try not to offend anybody and yet got hated.
On the flip side, there were times I'd not give a crap about offending people, being a braggart and awfully honest to their fucking face too and even then people hated me and I can understand that. Some people loved me too.
This kind of makes me think that no matter what the fuck we do, good or bad there are gonna be some people who hate us. Why is this? It's not even jealousy. There were times I never even talked about myself to be jealous.
Do we think we men try to make friends with everyone without vetting them properly and perhaps, we should be friends with just our tribe. By tribe, I mean people who share something with us and we must reject others. The reason why I think is people who hated me always had too much of a culture difference from me. Is there any escape from this hate?
Mar5145 2y ago
Yes it's is a classical nice guy situation, let me explain. When you're a Nice Guy, you feel the need to hate yourself and devalue yourself to get people's approval, so they do the same thing. When you're a cunt you want to shit on other to make youself comfortable, and of course they dislike it. Both are useless, but that's great you're on the right path, being a cunt is better than being a nice guy, but it's still not ok. The good way is to be a nice alpha, i can't explain in details but basically you just have to stay nice without doing the two previous mistakes, especially the first
Ti123 2y ago
You hate yourself and that matters more than anything
Boosted_Arrow 2y ago
I'm in the same spot. And I don't know what to do either.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
1) Not everyone is going to like you, that's just a baseline reality.
You might look like someone they hate, they might have a stick up their ass, it could be as dumb as them not liking your nose for all you know.
That and people have their own agendas, your existence might interfere with covert agendas they have. Point being, you'll always piss someone off for unstated reasons even if you do nothing wrong.
2) you sound like you can't calibrate. You either sound like you are a doormat people know they can walk on so they don't respect you, or you are brazen and blunt. People hate both of those types of people.
You should adapt to the company you are around to best know how to calibrate. For example, you should act differently around a group of superiors (bosses etc) than you would a group of equals or inferiors.
You can't have the same exact vibe and social calibration every single place you go, you have to adjust your behaviors, vibe, and presentation, etc to the people you are around
It sounds like you have a combination of unrealistic expectations and not calibrating to the social contracts of the people you are around
Edit: I wanted to add, you don't want everyone to like you either. I just left a toxic friend group of two years. I wanted them to like me and many of them did not. I realize now they were terrible for me, even they had liked me. Fuck em, not everyone should be mutually liked. Helps you filter out shit people some times
BDATA 2y ago
It's like I am not really a push over but friendly and yet some people don't like me. I mean, they act like they like me and talk bad about me behind my back. I am one of the most popular guys in the workplace and there are people who really care me too but some people hating me is making me wonder if everyone hates me and is acting like they like me.
Diabs 2y ago
You could be a annoying or arrogant or something like that. Everyone has blind spots and it's hard for us to see where we are wrong. Try thinking about everyone that fucks you off and what it is that you can't stand about them Then take an honest look at yourself and see if any if any of your behaviour resembles these people that you don't like. That is a good start.
People will gossip anyway so don't take it too personally. Then people still won't like you if you're too nice. The best way is to be as honest as you can while remaining respectful and remember you can't please everyone so don't even try. You're only responsible for yourself it's not your business what they think.
RedPill115 2y ago
Some people will also hate you because you don't share their flaws. People who get everywhere by lying hate honest people. People who are insecure about their position in the hierarchy hate other people who they think might challenge their position in any way. The person who kisses the bosses ass can hate both other ass kissers and people who don't kiss ass at all.
Narcissists hate you for not providing them narcissistic supply. People who hate that narcissist hate you for feeding their feeding their narcissism and feeding their supply.
Basically, yeah.
BDATA 2y ago
From this post, what I understood is people are gonna hate you anyway and we shouldn't care. Just be a nice guy but not a push over yet don't expect anyone to like you and live life.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
People love narcissists. Just look at McDonald Dump. People hate nice guys. Doesn't make sense but that's how neurotypicals work.
BDATA 2y ago
And Killary Kinton and the current prez of US. Don't even know his name. Damn these politicians sucks
whytehorse2021 2y ago
I think his name is Brandon. Dude has one foot in the grave.
Hanscheezburger 2y ago
Yup, you're right.
In many cases, it is.
You don't have to. If you look better than the haters, they get jealous. If you work better, they get jealous. If you act beta, they get annoyed. If you act alpha, they feel threatened.
It's always better to be hated than not respected. Even if they hate you, stand up for yourself and let them know you're not going to take shit from anybody.
BDATA 2y ago
This made me think that I am going the right way. People respect me a lot at least on my face.