Hey guys im in a very confusing scenario. My LTR seems to push me away or act distant when I treat her like a boyfriend: get her an occasional gift (not flowers) or treat her to nice dates, or when I do things like pick her up from the airport, just random things that "fuckboys" wouldnt do for her.
But when I treat her like a plate... basically act like I dont value her such as: "Do you even love me?" "Sure, I guess" type energy she loves that. Or when I tell ignore her "I miss you" she gets "mad" but treats me better. When I text her back the next day, she replies quicker. When I dont talk to her, she will chase me.
When I stop treating her like a LTR, she legitimately gets extremely insecure and thinks I dont want her anymore. And i get a barrage of comfort tests. I am not sure what type of baggage she has yet, but i think its something along the lines of abandonment issues, but im not sure.
It kind of pisses me off, because I dont know how to treat this girl. In the past, I would treat a plate like a plate, and a LTR like an LTR, and that would keep the relationship rolling. With this one, I really dont know.
Im tired of not having the stability that a LTR is supposed to bring. If so I would just deal with a plate, with less commitment and investment. ITs a constant game of push and pull with her. But i never had to deal with this in other LTR's. Its just her weird insecurities, i genuinely dont think shes toying with me. Shes just too damaged or insecure for me, and im not sure which one, but i just know its her not me.
Shes just really fucking hot and treats me very good other then this. But its a constant issue we have, I believe this is the root of our conflicts. The fact that she rewards palte behavior but punishes ltr behavior. I dont know how to treat her.
I want to "Talk" to her about this, but i feel like it wont work at all. Every time we "Talk and communicate" her female nature pins down on what "bugs" me so she knows what buttons to press in the future. So basically, this is yet another example of punishing my "LTR" behavior. So I no longer do these "Talks" with her anymore if something bugs me. Unless theres no choice but to do it, when an issue becomes big enough you cannot ignore it.
I cannot tell if im running bad game or what, or if im finding out shes damaged and not girlfriend material to everyone, not just me. Or if its incompatibility or what. But we share many many positives beyond this that i think its worth dealing with as i know not every LTR is perfect, theres always some flaw or annoyance.
goodmansaysfuckyou 1y ago
Do a little research on Borderline Personality Disorder.
Confusion and push/pull love bombing gives way to walking on eggshells then gives way to walking on land mines.
You choose what you want in life, but my $0.02 is run while you can.
[deleted] 1y ago
[--removed--]
Bagpipes 1y ago
I think shes relationship material but shes very immature. Very immature. But shes a young girl 19 years old..
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
She sounds like she has some psychological hangup. She definitely sounds broken. She's conditioned to be treated like a worthless plate, that's not a good LTR trait.
How well did you vet her history before committing to her?
financehardo420 1y ago
Ex was the same; ditch her juice isn’t worth the squeeze. if you want an LTR have one w a bitch that is fuck yes about you
Bagpipes 1y ago
She is "fuck yes", she never bitches or complains or nags like other bitches. Its just this is the only issue i have with her. So overall a good LTR, just very insecure and a bit difficult to push.pull.
financehardo420 1y ago
Brother when you said she gets turned on when you treat her like a plate and pulls back when you treat her like an LTR… that was verbatim my ex. She even told me she likes it when guys treat her like shit (ie fuck other bitches/don’t reply/etc etc). This is a sign of emotional trauma; ditch her and find something better
Terra 1y ago
I have fresh exp.
If you're very invested, run. If notvso much you can stay and learn leasson. JUST have a plan what to test and which button to press.
She is damaged. BPD or whatever.
You will see housewife behaviour and then slut if you push for it.
You probably will get it all if push right and she is the type. Us3 but don't abuse.
Bagpipes 1y ago
Damn really.. BPD? How do you know? Based off what did i say that makes you think that?
I dont know the symptoms of that but she really provides no drama and is definitely not psycho-crazy with me. Shes very pleasant i havent seen any ugly side to her. I imagine a BPD bitch will have crazy mood swings and have that psychotic look in their eyes. I think she may be a little narcissistic though, but im not good at diagnosing these mental disorders in others, unless its very out there.
Terra 1y ago
BPD or whatever,
some time ago I was abut knowing more and identifying, but end game is you want to learn out of it. Sure knowing what exactly is her poison would help you to navigate (like theoretical triad person) but then if you have 0 knowledge n9w, it'll too much time to learn at once.
My example is very fucking sweet girl with issues, helpful to the point shell help everyone, let the partner down more as a consequence as the times go on. Not much drama, but then I.cut stuff short. But then if.you want to navigate the diffrences it ll cost u time.
If.you can't let it go, train yourself to use not abuse. Itvwill provide valuable exp.
I just read below you got her BDSM. Use it for training as much as you can. Mind that proper training with BDSM is also time consuming.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Lol bro I been with the same woman for 18 years and I can honestly tell you that they don't give a shit about all the romantic crap us men care about. Grab her by the hair, drag her into the bedroom, go caveman on her and you will be her GigaChad Alpha God. Go all 50 Shades of Grey on her. Or you could just do the Disney movie crap that never works and lose her. Your choice.
Bagpipes 1y ago
Lmao I do. I literally introduced bdsm to her. Chains, ballgags, everything. Sex dominance is NOT the issue here. Public sex, make her suck my dick when shes on the phone talking to customer service and friends. We even had sex in public hostels. I would say sex is our strong suit and not the weak link.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Yeah that's BPD. I have a sister like that. The trick is to be scarce. Keep her in a constant state of scarcity. Demote to plate and only call her for booty calls. Have other women for affection and what not. BPD is a mating strategy for times of scarcity.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
This girl is female. She responds to alpha more than beta qualities. She's fairly normal.
LTR doesn't bring you stability. Forget that little dream.
Right
You are trying to have a LTR with a girl who isn't up to it.
Bagpipes 1y ago
Well, she wanted my exclusivity. I never ask a girl first. And I dont take every "exclusivity" offer from any woman. I took her because she was heavily vetted and I liked her enough to take her up on it. We were seeing each other casually for 5 months before she wanted my exclusivity. She was a near-flawless plate. Honestly she didnt want my exclusivity until she found out i was hooking up with a mutual friend of ours, and she realized how jealous she got, at least this was her explanation.
As far as the communication goes, she does listen, but i have learned to be careful with my wording as to not expose any buttons to press. To be fair here, i believe all woman do this. You can never let a girl know what bothers you, its becomes a shit-test button. Unfortunately its very hard to "have talks" with a S.O. without you presenting a pain-point. I think thats why TRP advises against no "communication" with LTR's, or at least thats the general sentiment ive gathered from the search bar.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
She's clearly not with you because she has genuine interest in a LTR. You're keeping on her toes, being a good fuck and keeping her pussy tingling for now.
While she doesn't seem like LTR material, your game can always improve. Here's some content on LTRs.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/83ah8u/ltr_the_bare_minimum_you_need_to_know/
https://www.trp.red/p/humansockpuppet/754
Terra 1y ago
First link doesn't work
Bagpipes 1y ago
Isnt that the ideal frame of entering a LTR?
I would rather enter a LTR from an alpha fuck prospect than that of a potential beta provider.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
The articles answer that
[deleted]
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
Having read your OP and responses, I have two comments:
1) What you say isn't congruent. On one hand, your issue here is that she punishes LTR treatment on your part. That's why you made this post. But then, when pressed, you go on to say she never bitches or complains, that she's very pleasant, and that you've never seen an ugly side to her. And that tells me you're hamstering, post hoc rationalising away the things that caused you to make this post in the first place.
Yes, you always have to game women, including LTRs and wives, to operate in that sweet spot between too much dread, and too much comfort. But it's supposed to be fun, not a chore. If there's a recurrent theme here, that every time you treat her like an actual girlfriend she behaves badly/annoyingly, that you can't even reward good behaviour, I'd definitely call that "an ugly side" to her (or at least, to what she is with you). So you need to make up your mind: Do you have an issue with her behaviour or not?
2)
This sounds more like hysterical bonding, than her actually seeing you as her best hypergamous option. And that may explain why she reacts so negatively to you treating her as an LTR - because she doesn't want to be an LTR, she just felt she had to because hysteria.
Listen, she's 19. She wants to have her cake and eat it, it's normal. She both wants and doesn't want the LTR simultaneously. But as always, words don't mean dick, only action matters. So if she acts like she doesn't want to be treated like your LTR, then she's not your LTR. Doesn't matter what anyone have said. Demote to plate, and start seeing other women again.