For the past few days me and LTR have been having arguments. It seems like we both have toxic tendencies (I’ll stir up her emotions and then pressure flip and act like everything is okay and there’s times where she’ll try to rile me up etc) I do it in a playful way so I can engage her sexually but when she does it she says it’s fun trying to get a reaction out of me.
She claims that I bring the toxicity out of her and that she’s a reflection of me (which trp says is true but the way she phrased it seems manipulative). If I call her out for something she’ll fixate on something irrelevant like my volume and try to deflect
The other night we were on call and she was acting in a way that was manipulative and nonchalant, I lost frame and called her narcissistic. She then says she was going to bed and hung up on me. I try calling back but she ignores it and texts me “I’m going to bed”
During the next day we go back and forth a bit and she says that I was disrespectful and that she doesn’t like me talking to her like that and that “she’s going to take some time for the next couple days to think” and says “she needs a me day”. The next evening she picks me up and we go to eat. But Saturday she spends with family and proceeds with her “me day” and is more distant than usual. We call each other a couple times throughout the day. I do my own thing and get my car fixed and go to a concert.
The next day we go out to eat. I made a comment about the waitress while she was asking me a question and she gets upset and tries to give me the silent treatment. I ignore it and we continue talking. we get out and she tries to start shit again. We go back and forth in the car and she says she’s over this conversation. An hour later I engage her sexually and we proceed to have sex.
I drop her off home. She asks me if I can call her and wake her up in the morning so that she can prepare somethig. I say yeah I’ll be up at that time for work and I’ll wake you up. I end up waking up late. She texts me “ damn you didn’t wake me up” I call her and she sounds upset and says she’s going back to sleep. I think she hung up on me mid sentence and then ignored me calling her back.
So now Im thinking of sending her this message :
“hanging up on me mid sentence and then tryna use the silent treatment cuz I didn’t wake u up on time. If you’re upset you can tell me and have some time (a few hours or so) to collect your thoughts. This sudden radio silence is games. I don't play games and I don't need the drama”
Usually when she’s upset I use amused mastery and act unphased and she’ll say “you’re so annoying” while giggling like a little girl. However if she decides to be passive aggresive or go quiet when we’re not together it’s for maximum 1-2hrs and then she’ll hit me back up. The day she took her “me day” was probably the least communication we’ve had during our whole relationship. How do you deal with someone that tries to employ passive aggresive tactics. Is she truly a reflection of me? I’m not going to lie we’ve been seeing each other at least 4-5 times a week for the past 5months. Other than constantly trying to test me, She’s fun to be around and always brings great energy. Shows me off to her friends and is supportive( for example she’ll come with me to the ER no matter the time)
redpillschool Admin 3y ago
You're getting into the weeds. That's where she thrives and you flounder.
Stay out of the weeds.
How long have you two been together?
DastardlyCade 3y ago
I understand giving her a reaction fuels her behaviour. I sent the message I wrote calling out the behaviour as unacceptable. Was that appropriate or should I have continued ignoring bc like I always have
Hanscheezburger 3y ago
I can tell you how I did that - I broke up with her because it was annoying.
If you want to maintain your LTR, IMO it''s all about your reaction. If she gets a reaction out of you, then she will keep doing it. You made the right call with amused mastery and being unphased. If she pulls back, you disappear and go have fun with the guys, then return like nothing happened
crimsonchin03 3y ago
A lot of redpillers will say "she did X to annoy me, i broke up with her"
Assuming this is a LTR, this is a very bad way to handle relationships. These are not plates you can replace so easily. Im assuming in order to become your LTR she stood out amongst many plates, and you may have emotional connection and history with her.
I have broken up with an ex over small petty things, and i regretted it down the line because thats all they were. Small petty things. There is no such thing as a girl that doesnt do that shit. So you are demoting her for being a normal girl.
Anyways If she is a Good LTR and this is just a small phase of distance/silent treatment, its not a good sign, but not the end. You have to adjust your game to pull her out of it, maybe you are acting beta or being reactive.
Basically an LTR is all about dealing with a girl's negative traits. Sometimes the positives outweigh them and theyre worth it. Sometimes the negatives outweigh the postives.
mattyanon Admin 3y ago
Women love to blame you for their behaviour.
Ok, let's make this simple:
She's acting up and doesn't respect you. Lack of respect and lack of attraction is what you need to fix.
She needs to know that you have other options and you'll take them if she steps out of line.
Also, don't engage in any arguments. Tell her "stop that", and if she continues you silently walk away and ignore her for 48 hours. Next time you say "stop that" she will listen.
If you are afraid to do that you are operating out of scarcity and that's what you need to fix.
Gurren843 3y ago
100% this. You acting like a simp OP and that text you sent her made her respect you even less.
You never undermine a woman’s feelings, that’s a mistake where you will lose even more respect and you always need to make her feel secure emotionally, so you own up to your side of the argument if necessary and just leave her alone for a few days, it will drive her insane.
Walking away from a woman when you aren’t happy with how she’s acting is the manliest thing you can do in her eyes, but that text you sent basically says, “ Please stop your tantrum because I don’t know how to handle you like a strong, confident man would.”
Just go about your day and let her come to you. If she doesn’t, she wasn’t as attracted to you as you initially thought.
financehardo420 3y ago
brother this happened w my ex oneitis. and I had oneitis so I just kept pushing when she’d pull and ultimately fucked myself.
Advice for this situation: pull back; match her energy. Keep your power and keep everything within your frame. She’s acting distant which means she’s already considering fucking off. If you show too much weakness she’ll either fuck off or she’ll learn to keep using these kinda tactics.
I recommend taking a gander at bitch training on sidebar
whytehorse2021 3y ago
Sounds like you're in her frame. You regain frame with strong dominance assertion. You're using female tactics. Male tactics are different. If you want to stir her up sexually slap her ass, don't run a shit test on her.
DastardlyCade 3y ago
I do slap her ass, choke, cum in her mouth and dominate her sexually. I’m basically wrestling her in the bed. however, she says that she likes to piss me off so that I can punish her in bed. This sounds manipulative to me and makes me think she’s not okay in the head
Terra 3y ago
Read about BDSM.
I don't know is it normal but girls do behave bad to get punished (option 1 they like BDSM, 2. They cant stop it and rationalize it this way, 3. Overlap of both)
So if you have the pattern, do the opposite. I'm not extensively experienced but other options (removing attention) would work better living together.
whytehorse2021 3y ago
I mean slap her ass in the kitchen, not in bed. Sounds like you need to communicate. Like I can understand how a woman would think a man needs emotional arousal to build up to sex but in reality a man needs visual cues. Maybe if you just told her that and she can put on some super slutty clothes it would be more effective. Something showing some labia while she's cooking or whatever.