As title states. Have been in a LTR for 2.5 years with a slightly chubby (but somewhat fit) 7. We don't live together and have no kids or mutual financial obligations etc. We are both 27 and have been seeing each other pretty much twice a week since meeting. Sex has been good, she has been mostly feminine and submissive and we've had plenty of fun and conversation has been fairly ok. She has shit tested me many times but I just shrugged them off and she didn't bother again. Basically it's been fun while it's lasted is how it currently feels..
So 8 days ago she messages me on her break at work this huge novel and in summary as the MAIN stand-out things she said were "I want us to progress and that means we would need to look into our living arrangements and maybe in the future live together" and then later said "Lately on my mind I have to be honest in a few years I think I do want to try and have a baby but I know you don't want that.." and last but not least she told me she is in love with me.
Now I read her message and was like ok wtf. For starters I have made it known to her that I do not want to live with someone else or to have children ever. I let her know this early in the relationship and in the middle and lastly about 5 months ago. Each time she appeared to understand and respect this as my choice. She has also previously told me that she did NOT want children, but now has changed her mind.
Since her message out communication has been in bits and pieces. She's distant and so am I. It's like she knows I don't want the things she said and knows I wont budge. But then tells me she is in love with me. Trying to rope me in and lock me down I think?
She asked me today to come stay at her house next week and I'm sort of thinking like wtf now. I don't dislike her by any means but her message was just random and has thrown a curve ball at me.
I called her and was like yeah ok I can do that (I'm horny and take my own condoms so no tampering) but then told her that I definitely don't want children and reminded her where I stand on living with someone. She said she understands and that she still wants to see me and is not ready to give our relationship up.
I guess my questions guys is wtf should I do here? If she cheated and I found out it'd be like ok bye and I'd have a reason. If she got fat and her attitude went to shit it'd be the same thing. But my brain (distant BP conditioning?) is sort of like yes let's not give this up because this is great and sex is good but how the fuck can I see her knowing that she desires a significantly different future to me?
The horny part of me says to continue to be the rock and hold frame and continue to fuck her good and ensure I definitely partake in safe sex in all areas and dispose of condoms correctly (rinsing and flushing) and just accept that the final countdown has begun and that I should enjoy it while it lasts?
Idk. Feedback will be appreciated.
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
Nobody is in the wrong here, and you're doing alright so far. She has certain hopes and dreams that don't align with yours, and that's all fair and square. Just stick to your boundaries, as you have been so far, and it's up to her if she wants to move on. She's a grown-up, and you've made yourself perfectly clear. That's all a person can ask.
Going forward, it's probably just a question of time before she makes it clear to you that she will be looking at other options, either verbally or through action. At this point you can demote her to FWB, and she'll probably accept it. If she gives you the "I'm a grown-up, you don't have to decide for me to break up" speech, you shift it into being about you: "I don't want to be in a committed relationship with someone who's looking for something else/more. Let's just be fuck buddies ".
Stick to your guns.
icore2022 1y ago
Tbh I wouldn't want to stay in the picture once things do deteriorate as for me personally it would just be fucking weird and I'd start to become paranoid about strange cock she is likely sucking and getting sprayed with and the diseases etc. But yeah man I know I'm sort of staying now for the sex and I think I am ok with that. I will just continue to be in my frame and not worry too much. I used to feel more emotionally invested in the relationship but since this news she told me I'm thankfully detaching gradually.
Intrepid_Place53900 1y ago
Durek, is right on.
This is the end of the line, she wants more, living together, marriage, kids. You don't. It's the end.
i agree with you, once a girl does this, it's only going to be a shit storm staying with her, she wants something that you don't. It's that simple.
Time to move on.
Even if she wants you to stay, continue as FWB, ok, do it, while also looking for more plates because I doubt this will last long, prepare for it.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
IMO end it. You two want different things and she's on the clock. She's gonna start resenting you, and herself for staying
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Well isn't that convenient....... the love thing happens at EXACTLY THE SAME TIME as the "living together and move towards baby" happens.
Good on you for telling her this. Unfortunately her feelings don't listen.
She told you this to keep you around and play for time, hoping to talk you into it later. Or "oops I'm pregnant".
First off: good work on the condoms. This has situation has baby-ambush written all over it.
I think it's basically over and you should call it a day while you're ahead. She's hitting the wall and wanting to lock you down, the relationship quality is about to take a nosedive. You can't fight biology. Keep rinsing those condoms.
icore2022 1y ago
Yeah I agree with all this. I should probably stop finishing on her face/tits too as that's live ammo and today I imagined a scenario (probably sound crazy idk) where she takes a tiny amount and puts it inside herself when I am not looking for 1 second.
ReedPill20_15 1y ago
No, that's not at all crazy. I went when I had the slightest feeling that could happen. And it has happened to many dumb people before.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
This is not a crazy scenario.
Think about all those "oops I'm pregnant, no idea how it happened, I'm on birth control" stories.... birth control is very reliable, except when you give it to a woman who WANTS to be pregnant. Which she does.
She knows the legal landscape: you're on the hook for child support REGARDLESS of how she gets pregnant.
You don't sound crazy, this stuff happens.
STAYShredded 1y ago
This is the problem with LTRs regardless of how attractive YOU are, you lose abundance mindset. It’s like you’ve forgotten that you can have great sex with other bitches… even the worst sex is better than the best sex if the shit sex is with no commitment.
If I were you I’d personally branch swing… tell urself in ur head that you’ve broken up with her and go start getting some new plates… then once u have rebound plates ready to go dump her ass.
STAYShredded 1y ago
Don’t feel bad about doing this as girls do it alllll the time to good men. Regardless, it’s much easier for girls to get rebounds than a guy in general so I’d suggest a guy setting up plates prior to ending a LTR is equivalent to a girl starting off with no connections.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Kids are awesome. You can get houses close to one another and have a co-parenting agreement. Keep all leases and bank accounts separate. Just tell her the truth "I'd love to marry you and live together and have kids but I can't because of the laws around marriage and children".
One thing I will mention though is that you want to be done with college and onto your career path before cranking out babies. You'll probably find that when you get to that point you'll want to work on your legacy(kids). It would suck if that's right around the corner and then you find yourself without a woman that has been vetted for years and wants kids.
ReedPill20_15 1y ago
Yeah, you are doing it right. She will try to have babies even knowing you don't. Question of time when you will get annoyed by constantly being under tension like this.