I’m having an extremely difficult time with my disability, I’d really appreciate any advice on how to handle this situation.

I’m 31, was diagnosed at 26 with a neurological condition that causes me to have tremors, muscle fatigue, and general physical instability. It affects my fingers, hands, arms, trunk, neck, and legs, though it’s most noticeable in my hands and fingers. It’s exacerbated by stress, sleep issues, no food, anxiety, adrenaline, emotional states, etc.

This is what a severe case looks like - https://youtu.be/SFnWlqQ1z60

Thankfully, I’m nowhere near that level regularly, though I get pretty bad if I don’t eat or am nervous/anxious.

I’ve spent the last 5 years in a severe depression over this, but I’ve taken steps in the last few months to improve myself. For example, I started playing music again, and I’ve started to work out regularly as well.

It’s just incredibly discouraging to have my progress limited so severely. No matter how much I practice my music, I’m never going to be as good or steady as a normal person, or be able to play without this muscle fatigue. No matter how much I work out, I’m always going to have shaky muscles that make it incredibly embarrassing and emasculating when I go to the gym.

What pisses me off is that even after putting in a good amount of muscle training, I still can’t do my basic workout without getting incredibly fatigued. I also can’t do many of the hobbies I’d like to try (Hiking, rock climbing, basically anything that’s active, etc).

This isn’t even touching on the social aspect - It’s so fucking embarrassing to be in public and have my hands shaking or my legs being wobbly. My social skills are pretty solid, it’s just that my self-confidence is complete shit because the tremors make me look nervous and weak.

How am I supposed to “be the prize” when the vast majority of other guys out there aren’t disabled and have such a massive edge on me? I can’t even picture a scenario where a girl would want to be with me due to these fucking tremors (I don’t blame them). I feel like I’m deluding myself thinking otherwise.

Has anyone else dealt with a disability that caused these kinds of issues? I desperately want my life back and am always going to keep trying, but I’m totally lost on how to have confidence and be proud of who I am. If anyone has any advice, I’d really appreciate hearing it.

(As for potential treatments - I didn’t touch on that since they’re so limited. I’m in the process of trying as many options as possible, but I’m not counting on anything).