Hi AskTrp,
As the title states I'm curious about your opinions about when to own your flaws with confidence and when to do something about it. You guys will probably say that looks don't matter but I hope I can get some answers a bit more nuanced than that. The halo effect is real and that goes beyond just dating.
I think incel lookism is extreme but I also think denying the importance of looks in this day and age is a bit of a fantasy. Although attraction can be very subjective there's science to beauty, lookism is all about that stuff. I think most of us have or have had aesthetic insecurities. Could be a big nose/forehead/eyes etc., being overweight, long neck, receding hairline, being short and so on.
Some insecurities could be relatively easily remedied such as your weight/lack of muscles, but some of the other stuff might require surgery or other procedures. Like for instance if you can't grow a beard you can use a microneedle and minoxidil to start growing one. So there seems to be a spectrum; some things can be done by habits, others by DIY procedures (dying your eyesbrows f.e., or the microneedling stuff) and other things might require full on plastic surgery/aggressive procedures such as leg lengthening which is probably at the other end of the spectrum.
But the question to you then is, how have you dealt with your insecurities? Do you not give a flying fuck about your appearance? Did you notice an improvement in social interaction/getting girls once you fixed that one insecurity/flaw, or did you learn to live with it?
I find it difficult to balance these things since I've a bunch of different aesthetic insecurities especially after Tinder got popularized. When I meet girls I usually give off an attitude of IDGAF and I'm not afraid of getting rejected so I don't think I'm one of those guys that gives off lack-of-confidence-vibes. But at the same time I wouldn't mind a higher success rate, and there's obviously only advantages to looking better.
I've a big forehead (5-5,5head) and for a long time I considered getting hairline lowering surgery to fix it. I'm sure it will look better but idk if my perspective on the situation is toxic and that I should rather just get confident about it. I'm a 6'1 white guy with a 6/10 face (as rated on several truerate me sites/forums). I don't look good with bangs so that's never been an option for me. But the big forehead is just one of several insecurities I have.
I'm aware the most important thing is the "alpha mindset", but we can also agree that if there's two guys with equal knowledge of TRP/alpha mindset and one is a 6/10 and the other is 8/10, the 8/10 is going to have the upper hand. So this post is sort of assuming that you already have confidence, and I know this post reeks of the opposite, but at the same time you also advocate for working out, therefore it seems to be a spectrum.
I look forward to hearing your experiences, opinions and insight regarding aesthetic flaws/insecurities.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
TRP does not deny the important of looks. It is one of the fundamental aspects of SMV (sexual market value [looks, status, money, game])
One of the main differences between TRP and incel/blackpill ideas is that TRP focuses not only on improving looks, but on the other aspects of SMV as well.
Various forms of surgery should be very far down the list of things to improve in order to achieve your wanted success (mostly with women but TRP also impacts your career and life in general).
Consider these facts and understand that the dating apps, especially tinder, are not made to work for guys. It's made to use all the leverage it can provide in order to leech money from us. Dont use OLD as an argument for radical decisions.
It's much easier to realise they're not that important once you see consistent success. To achieve success you need to improve but, as you point out, there's a need to prioritise what should come first. A personal sort of cost/benefit analysis should be made, but remember that your insecurities keep you from being objective by lending your perceived faults more weight.
Example:
REPEAT ALL POINTS. GIVE IT TIME.
Build yourself up and create a good life.
Once you've tried this and have given it all an honest attempt, you can consider the cost and benefit of undergoing surgeries. Chances are, you've found the success you were looking for already, and have overcome your insecurities.
Personal note: I was considering nose surgery for a good while, but told myself i should wait at least 5-10 years. I've pretty much put that thought aside, and i'm quite comfy with my huge ass nose.
thejoey 1y ago
Thanks for the input. It was especially the last part of your past I was interested in, since I've already stumbled across all your recommendations on TRP forums.
Why did you decide not to go for a nosejob? Are you banging 10s every week? There's always room for improvement, so even if you were banging 10s every week, maybe you could get a threesome of 10s every week, and if you see an obvious flaw, why not try to fix it?
This is the blurry area for me. Where do we draw the line for aesthetic self improvement? It might be a very subjective question, but I feel like hearing experienced RP'ers own experience with this might be good inspiration for finding a balance for improving SMV/being confident with your flaws.
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
I figured, but i was wondering what i'd come up with and thought it might change your mind about surgery. Not that it's a huge deal necessarily.
I mean, i havent decided against it, it just isnt as important as i once thought so there's less upside.
No. But that was never my goal post. As long as i am more than happy with my success with women i would rather spend my time and money improving the other aspects of my life that are more fulfulling.
Obviously there's a cost to something like a surgery. There's the money and time involved with getting it done and the recovery. There is risk of issues like infection, and most importantly the risk of being unhappy with the result.
I think you're somewhat overlooking my point because it wasnt what you were hoping for. I'm not saying that if you're born with one leg you should hold off on getting a replacement leg. I'm simply saying that everyone should prioritise doing the low cost / high benefit improvements first, and think carefully when it comes to permanent changes to their bodies.
thejoey 1y ago
Good answer, ty!
pfeilmacher 1y ago
Looks can make life much easier for a man, but they aren't necessarily a deal breaker for a woman. Men have many more paths to success than a woman does. Improve what you can, accept the rest.
Confidence is the greatest asset a man can have, as far as getting women is concerned.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Look at your results. Are you only getting fat chicks and trans women? Time to worry about aesthetics.
KeyInterest 1y ago
If your face is ugly you have to compensate by getting jacked, that's all. Same if you're short. Just grow some muscle.
Plastic surgery is just a waste of money in your case. Start hitting the gym more seriously and you will get pussy.
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mattyanon Admin 1y ago
I look as good as I can, and I brush off anything I can't change.
I've had a number of physical issues that are enough to make dating hard, and I've done my best to fix or work around them. It's really hard to tell what works though, women are so random.
In terms of dealing with them: you gotta accept yourself and get on with life as well as you can. Women like confidence, and being a whiny bitch about your imperfections is not attractive.
Sure, but that's a very convoluted scenario. You don't have to be the best, you just have to get your needs met and have a great life.
Problematic_Browser 1 1y ago
If you can fix it, fix it. If you can't fix it, diminish it. If you can't fix it or diminish it, don't fucking worry about it.