I've been seeing this girl for about 6 months now and it's great, but I've decided now that I won't consider her for an LTR. She really likes me and recently started crying after sex because it was intense and she "doesn't want me to throw her away like a piece of shit"...
Should I:
A. Tell her straight up that we won't be together.
B. Keep going without making any promises but being ambiguous. Eventually she will decide that it's been too long and leave I guess.
Option B obviously has less risk of her leaving immediately, but if I do that will it blow up horribly and hurt her deeply?
pfeilmacher 2y ago
Remember that she'll leave you in a fucking heartbeat as soon as something better come along, so I vote for option B.
Philippe01 2y ago
B. Always B
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hannulv 2y ago
All people lie. All people manipulate. All people self-deceive. But openness and positivity are the key to keeping your interactions feeling good.
Sex is about more than cumming in a fucktube. Its about connection and bonding and kundalini and conquest and submission. Otherwise, avoid the hassle and get a rubber doll.
If you're the manager and your youngest employee may not make the cut, do you string them along avoiding the topic of their advancement, or do you exhort them to greatness? Maybe they WILL rise to the occasion. Maybe they WILL achieve greatness. If you string them along you will find your interactions sour, but if you're an amazing coach, you become a positive influence on the world.
It's OK to be inspiring and realistic at the same time. It's OK to not be ready for an LTR and also hope for her that she could someday be great LTR material. The subtle difference is in how your mind works. Writing people off is an approach that is inherently negative and will ultimately sour your interactions until her anxiety gets so abrasive that you will probably prefer the rubber doll. The words you say matter less than the feelings you communicate. A great leader inspires others to always give their best. Even when he doesn't expect that they'll live through the battle, he hopes that they will. When he speaks to his soldiers they don't drown him in hopelessness and fear, but in reverence and devotion.
If your current approach didn't make you feel bad, you wouldn't have asked. The bad feelings will eventually overwhelm your interactions. Instead, choose inspiration, positivity, and openness. The outcome will still almost certainly be that you do not end up in an LTR. But her view may change from one of bitter resentment about being strung along to someone lucky enough to have been with you when she was.
jormigaso 2y ago
B. women are motherfucking monsters, she will throw you to the shit once she can do better, 0 empathy with these fucking creatures
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BootySpillingOut 2y ago
There's a good case for option B, but there's also one for option A that isn't mentioned.
Tell her straight up, and if she leaves she leaves. If she wants you enough, she will bend her frame to accommodate her desire. This is better for you. In option B you're in effect lying so you can keep fucking her. I think the real liberating idea is to not give a fuck if she fucks you or not, and be honest because lying and beating around a bush is not pleasant or pretty. For more about this mindset can read Mode One by Alan Roger Currie.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
I would go with a modified option A the other user mentioned. Tell her why it won't work out and see if she corrects.