I basically split up with my now ex-GF of 4 years some months ago. I originally thought it was just because there was no more exitement/love between us ( we both kinda wanted to break up). We didnt really chat about the reason of the breakup and just went no contact. She recently contacted me because she wanted to talk about what happend. I thought i was over her but i still have feelings. We made out. While laying in bed she tells me that while we were still together she had an crush on sb. from college. They fucked 3 months after our breakup. I was completly in disbelieve and heartbroken. She realised she didnt have feelings for him and left. After hearing that I told her to pack her shit and get out of my apartement. She begged and convinced me to stay and told me she realised she still has strong feelings for me, im the love of her life, the only one she would choose. I made the mistake of meeting up with her again and catching strong feelings, she tries everything to make me feel good and return to her. Im disgusted by myself that i kind of wish to be able to accept her back. It hurts my ego alot. When she leaves i always think about the other dude fucking her while i spend the last months on getting and nice physique, high paying job and alot of other self improvment. I know what im doing is wrong but i cant help myself wanting to get her back while not being able to ignore her messages. Damn i always thought she was a unicorn. Were both moving away to different citys in only very few months and im thinking of just enjoying the last few months with her. Roast me and tell me what the fuck is wrong with me.

Unless you were a sociopath or psychopath, spending four years with someone is definitely something that would require some time to move on from. If you two have split, go cold turkey. Cease any further contact with her. Dispose of anything and everything that reminds you of her, including photos. Invest your time and energy into more productive things and hobbies. Go out with friends and family.

Then, when you're ready to resume dating, consider investing in a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, also known as the late Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's mirrored on several sites and a podcast. While his media is a bit pricey, it's well worth the investment as it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from, but I would also suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. If you've already found you'd like to read his book, but find money is an issue for you, you should be able to find copies through torrent sites, but I won't say where you should start on that endeavor.