Ive been seeing this F26 for over a year now, turned my plate into FWB. Been fucking on the side while she had a bf, eventually she got preg by me (yes im sure) and was willing to leave her bf to form a family we both caught feelings at this point. Which i said no to, she aborted and grew resentment. My endgame was to upgrade her to relationship after she ended her bf which never happened, she is very femenine, gives great sex and gifts, attention , and her condition was that if we had the kid she would leave the beta bucks. I think the FWB thing ended there, however a month after the abort we kept fucking on the side, 4 months from that point she ended the relationship with her bf and started clubbing and partying, which i attributed to the end of their relationship.
AWALT, my gut tells me she went to ride on the carrousel, after her relationship ended. Last week she gave me the talk and said she wasnt looking for a relationship (at least now), and didnt see a future for us, that she didnt know why we would go out if we werent going to be anything and didnt want sex because she resented what had happened (the abortion) and couldnt get over it (obvious bs). Then suggested we be friends, which i said no to. I also made it clear that i would ghost her if she went that route. I entered her frame a bit by accepting to fuck whenever she felt like it, however towards the end of the date we made out and she said ok i want sex again. This weekend i banged one of my new plates and it hit me, i retook frame, and lost my oneitis shit, also soft nexted this fwb girl since sat. To which she reacted and suggested we see each other.
Tomorrow ill be seeing her, we are going straight to fucking and if she denies sex again (like this last time), im going to just drive her back to her place and say ill be getting it somewhere else and its no big deal, followed by a hard next. Before the softnext happened i asked her to stop calling me babe and love and she kept asking why she couldnt call me that, all week. Even though i told her because other girls could see it and could be taken as a misunderstanding.
Question to all, why during the whole year (including these last few weeks) this girl been giving hints towards doing relationship shit together and saying that all i care about is sex, is my game off or did she really catch feelings at some point?
inb4 shes not yours its just your turn, her actions are matching her words on wanting more than just fwb but then pulls out this i dont want a relationship and sex bs. the last one seemed like a comfort test or a shit test.
Strif3 2y ago
You forgot the golden rule. No matter what a girl says, subconsciously add "for now" to her words. Women live in the moment to a greater degree than guys, thus when she says things like her wanting a relationship, she's completely serious and sincere. It's just that her words are a result of the feelings you're giving her at that moment. When those feelings change (and they always do, long-term), her words will follow.
anon55 2y ago
So this plate is broken i supose, im doing dread and soft nexted to see her tomorrow.. Is this salvageable or should i just consider it a loss.
Strif3 2y ago
Depends on how tomorrow goes, but there's now a timer counting down until she breaks for good. Going nuclear (directly telling her you'll ghost if she does x) is a last resort because after that, you have no more tools to pull out. If she tests your nuclear response, then you're forced to follow through and ghost lest you be labelled as just another thirsty dude willing to compromise his values for pussy.
Now that you've gone nuclear, she'll either comply or leave. But even then, she now knows in the back of her mind that ghosting is on the table. When her next shit tests come, they'll be calibrated with this in mind and every failed one brings her closer to getting more comfortable with the idea of you leaving. It's only a matter of time imo, no man can pass every shit test 100% of the time, so prepare yourself and don't be dismayed when she eventually leaves for good
anon55 2y ago
Ill keep that in mind, thanks.
Musicgoon425 2y ago
That's female nature. You dick her down really good and she will want to out you on lock.
Now abortions are rough. I never had to deal with one I love my kid. You two together are making a choice to end a potential life. It's normal for that to weigh heavy on a person.
All this is very normal behavior from a girl if you ask an older guy like me. Enjoy your turn and/or move on if its not working for you anymore.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
Don't underestimate how much this has affected her.
Also, she's female, so she will rationalise the abortion as YOUR FAULT.
You need to understand the "all you care about is sex".
This is not because women think all you care about is sex: women never say this when in a solid FWB situation.
Women say this to PROVIDERS THEY ARE LOSING ATTRACTION TO. It's a gambit that means "please support me and don't have sex with me". It's a power play. And it's used on men they are losing attraction with, or have lost attraction to. You are supposed to reply "no, I will continue to support you, we can stop having sex". Women are surprised this is not the reaction because they have lost attraction to you, therefore you are supposed to not want sex either.
You have shown potential commitment/provider behaviour.
Dude..... she had an abortion.
Let her go if she's not on the same page, the whole deal is fucked.
anon55 2y ago
Thanks, regarding her rationalise the abortion as my fault, ill deal with it, she can think whatever she wants.
The all you care about sex part you mention makes sense, and indeed have shown potential commitment behavior on my end. I guess ill let her know im seeing other women now, because that never ended, but she thinks im not or is skeptical about it since i mentioned exclusivity in sex, ill confirm it indirectly at some point now to get the hamster running.
This post generates confusion as to if directly take her to fuck or have a small date, game her and then take her to fuck. As far as i know, she always says she enjoys my presence, however taking her on a date, and having sex only because she felt like it would still be accepting her terms on the previous frame she established during "the talk" . Hopefully someone can help me with their opinion on this.
The other last option would be not pushing sex, be aloof and keep the date short, and make get her to think im getting it elsewhere to reframe the whole vibe and have sex on the next date. Thoughts?
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
Good, this makes sense.
What works for me: go on dates together sometimes, fuck almost always. But to avoid her sinking into "he's a provider, sex is optional", I am clear that I am seeing other women, and they pay half.
Varies, depends on the girl.
I tell you one thing though: you really do need to find other girls that you have less history with.