Pros. She has a very good relationship with her parents. Has a stable job. Submits to me sexually and I can do whatever I want. Is always excited to see me like a puppy is to its owner. Conversation is decent (we laugh a lot which is fantastic) and she very rarely shit tests me in any way. She also cooks for me and often offers to pay for my drinks or food if out or at home ordering. And about a month back I lent her $800 for a sudden emergency cost and today she paid me back in full.
Cons. Is generally bad with money (she told me this as if it was a quirky trait). Has a tongue piercing and a few random tattoos. Has a dog inside all the time, dog hair everywhere, dog sleeps in the bed every night (expect when I stay cause I say no to it). Doesn't exercise and has no hobbies apart from watching movies and walking her dog as far as I can tell. Has no friends. And this might be a bit of a strange one but it bugs the shit out of me, she doesn't keep her new car clean at all. Like, it's fucking filthy most of the time even though she's paying it off.
I've also encouraged her and partially supported her to try some new things and get back into exercise and she used to do it. But she hasn't attempted anything and appears to be in this state of "this is my life now and forever" regardless of what I try to suggest or motivate her towards.
We aren't official even after 18 months. I've told her I don't like titles. However we are still together. Her motivations to do more with her life has been so up and down that I have never had a consistent period with her where I've thought about upgrading her.
It always seems that one week or the next there is always something that has to occur in her life that is negative. In reality it's just how life and but she sort of takes the approach of oh why me, oh no not me again, oh life is hard etc.
She is very sweet and caring/slutty towards me. But I can't figure out how to view it all at this point. I have no reason to end it, but based on her attitude towards life I don't exactly want to make it something more either.
What should I do to help myself right now?
pfeilmacher 2y ago
Sloppy girls and tattoos....two of my pet peeves. Currently seeing one exactly like that. She's a bit autistic, but the sex and submission are great. She also has a high body-count, which is the primary reason I won't upgrade her.
If I were you I wouldn't change a thing on your part. She's probably not LTR material unless she gets her act together.
BusterVadge 2y ago
Oneitis. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you're not seeing any other women? If that were so, this one would drop out of rotation and you wouldn't care that much.
Intrepid_Place53900 2y ago
Assume you are thinking of an LTR with her.
Everyone has different standards on cleanliness. But her car being a mess, apartment a mess, adds up.
she doesn't like to work out, that probably won't change. Means she'll get soft and flabby or fat. I assume you are young, but this can happen quickly with girls.
Money, that's a big red flag, unless she would submit to your wishes, but hey, you should keep finances totally separate of course. But you want her to pay her half of course. can she, will she be able to do that, go on vacations,etc
Drama in her life, issues.
So, Positives are
she's into you, good,
she's slutty with you can do what you want, good.
cooks for you
negatives are the following:
cleanliness social life Finances Drama, negativity, assume she's not that bad. All women have some doesn't exercise
What should you do, or what would I do.
Nothing drastic right now.
I'd never lend her any money in the future, I know she paid you back. Just Don't I'd let her know my standards on cleanliness/expectations I'd continue to encourage her to go to gym, simple as, Hey I"m going to gym tonite, want to join me? I'd put limits on the drama, remove your interest if she is negative or bitching about life. See if she notices it I'd continue enjoying her as much as possible
You are trying to see if she will move into your frame. You like to be clean, you like to work out, you take finances very seriously. Will she move into your frame in these areas, is she concerned that your needs/concerns are not matching her and she's willing to change?
so, focus on that, in a non-direct way and see if she gets it. give it some time, there may be no change at all. That tells you things. If you start removing interest/time with her, I'm sure it will have some impact. Not necessarily change, she may just confront you with , why are you not spending time with me. That may be an opportunity to explain some of this, if you want to.
In the meantime, what do you want out of life? You want to live well, travel, etc. What are your financial needs, what do you want in life, what motivates you.
then, does she fit in that plan, lifestyle?
that's what you are really assessing.
Good luck
[deleted] 2y ago
[--removed--]
[deleted]