I went on a second date with this girl. Went in for a kiss but she turned away. Texted her I don’t feel a connection and she agreed.
This happens a lot. Should I ask her what she didn’t find attractive about me? I’m never gonna see her again so who cares, but can I expect her to be honest?
MoreAlfa 2y ago
"can I expect her to be honest?"
Fuck no because she doesn't REALLY know why she isn't attracted to you. They are EMOTIONAL creatures so stop asking them logical questions.
There are 3.5 BILLION more slits in the world. Go hit on a couple of thousand of them.
i-am-the-prize 2y ago
" They are EMOTIONAL creatures so stop asking them logical questions."
OP, this is correct. not only does she now know why she's attracted to certain guys (especially behaviors vs. looks) asking her to reflect and regurgitate that supposed reason back to you breaks her OS.
The ability for women to branch swing, practice hypergamy, employ the war-bride behavior - is thanks to (ie: a feature not a bug) of them having a dis-associative view of their behaviors and motivators.
the only thing you will get from her is: PC-whitewashed ASD confirming nonsense that doesn't make her look slutty or shallow. You want actionable intel, she won't give you that. the most she'll say is: "I wasnt' feeling it" "we weren't vibing" you want real feedback, so ask your close male friends what you should improve on, if you truly don't know your shortcomings.
WahmenLover 2y ago
It's unlikely she will give you a good answer. This is assuming that she doesn't outright lie to you. What you need is a good wingman who can diagnose the problem.
TheRedPike 2y ago
She isn't going to tell you anything useful.
BranchCovidianZeal0t 2y ago
Never bother asking. She won't give you an accurate answer anyway. Reflect on your approach and figure out what you did to make her feel uncomfortable. Maybe you came off too needy/pushy or similar. Women are like cats, you gotta let them come to you, which means pushing them away/seeming like you don't care too much. Emulate successful males. I find film helpful, watching guys like Humphrey Bogart or Captain Kirk interact with females and learning from them.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
"Connection" is girl speak for "mutual attraction".
I doubt she'd be honest. Girls just do not operate in that functional way.
I've had girls super into me, and I've asked them "Why are you so into me" and several have literally said "Because you are so YOU". I've also been super unattractive to other girls, and they have never articulated anything useful.
If they see you as unattractive, they don't want to make you more attractive, they want to protect other women from you faking attractiveness - probably because of how much attractiveness faking they do.
What you really want to know is what you can do to be more attractive, and this is something women are utterly useless at for men. I think they can't comprehend that a man can be more attractive, or that self development or lifting has results.
So, let's try some things: