In chapter 15 "Stop hoping for your woman to get easier" there's an example of a "shit test". I find the testing the and response inadequate.
I'm pretty inexperienced to TRP, so I'm probably missing the point, and understanding this will be of a huge help!
The example goes like this
M: "I just made a million dollars today"
F: "That's nice."
M: "That's nice!!?? You know how hard I've been working for this."
F: "I know. It feels like I haven't seen you in months. Did you remember to pick up the milk on the way home?"
M: "Oh, sorry. I forgot. But who cares? We could buy a dairy farm now!"
F: "I asked you to pick up the milk three times this morning, and I put a note on your briefcase. How could you forget?"
M: "I said I'm sorry. Look, I'll go get the damn milk...."
So here's how I see it - the man has achieved something huge but the woman wants to test him, to be sure that he doesn't depend on her acknowledgement and that the achievement is not as important as the journey for him. So far so good, the dude laughs it off and gets back to celebrating.
"I don't care what you did, where's my milk?" Now it gets weird for me. The said correct behavior here is to grab her and show her your love and happiness
M: "Honey, I'll get you some milk, all right," you say as you sweep her off the ground and lay her on the couch, laughing, kissing, looking deeply into her eyes, and "milking" her happiness with the confident loving of your caresses
You are trustable. You don't need her validation in order for you to be loving. You simply are loving. The truth of you is love. Your fullness is independent of mommy.
I have a hard time seeing it this way. You have a spoiled brat that feels she can play with you, poke you, make fun of you and neg you. She doesn't fear the consequences of her disrespectful behavior. And rightly so, you react to it by showing her love!
I'm aware it's not all black and white. People make mistakes and we see things differently. Maybe she hasn't realized what he's telling her yet and is focused on her milk - sure, it happens. That's why he doesn't snap at her right away - he says he's sorry for that, but there's something more important right now! She doesn't acknowledge what he's saying. She's even snapping at him "How could you forget?". You can swallow your pride some times, but not all of the time. For how long do you keep playing her game? Maybe you do sweep her off the ground and start laughing and kissing her, but what if she goes "Don't touch me. I asked you for ONE thing!". Do you keep playing then too? Maybe beg a little?
Maybe I'm missing something, please tell me! but I think the right response would be to at first try to laugh it off, then maybe leave her be and celebrate by yourself, and if she still tries to interrupt and disrupt you, then it's your duty to put her in her place. Maybe just tell her you're not interesting in the what she's saying, maybe go do your own thing, like celebrating with some friends that do care, or calmly but firmly explain that what she's saying doesn't make sense. If a fight goes off then be it.
I agree you shouldn't go into her frame and you should control the situation, but achieving it by closing your eyes for her misbehavior and distracting her with your playfulness seems kinda beta.
BWMagus 2y ago
On the other hand, in this particular situation, if the man has said he will do X, he should do X--it may seem like a small thing, it's just milk, but it's actually a big thing, because it's integrity. Especially since we have no context; is she making you your favorite dish, which requires milk? Or something special for your kid's birthday? Now, I agree with the general notion of not letting her petty shit get to you; no woman will be attracted to you if you get all huffy over stuff like this. But you can't give her ammunition; if you do everything you say you are going to do, if you are honest, THEN you should blow off her whining. If you're failing to meet that bar, though, and then ignore her points, you seem like an ass.
playsolitaireaz 2y ago
Thanks for sharing this. I really enjoyed reading it. It is very good. This is interesting as well as very engaging. I couldn't stop until I finished it. https://play-solitaire.co/
supremelummox 2y ago
You read the book? Nice!
EmpireCrimson 2y ago
This is DEER vs. DARE. When she gets mad about the milk, move on to something else and make fun of her assertion that there's something wrong because you forgot her milk. There are plenty of posts here and elsewhere about this.
supremelummox 2y ago
Thanks man! I found an article about it and it's great. Trying to do it with my girl.
What do you think about the author's approach of 'just loving her'?