I'm pretty new to TRP (Got introduced to 16 and am 17 but I couldn't practice any concept so I'm not counting any experience). I am addicted to destroying my brain regularly with chemicals from PMO. I want to internalize the concepts but I have realized that reading anything is only going to fuel my addiction rather than helping. In order to learn anything about girls, I need to talk to them and actually witness the stuff I should've seen right through earlier. Problem is COVID won't let me conduct the experiments I need to learn, and in general it's just pausing life.

Normally I have a drive that forces me to work harder because of competition, and seeing girls everyday and not getting the option for PMO helps in actually developing my skills.

I'm a naturally lazy person and I work hard only when I have to, Pre-COVID it was often cause I always see people better than me (So the right environment drove me). Now I'm settling for good enough because it kinda is (The environment is just my room and the only person for comparison is myself). I normally would work a little and get feedback and repeat the cycle because of encouragement, Now my mind is giving me the illusion of progress when I read TRP. It's impossible to just work on myself because I never needed the discipline for it, it was always requirement based. Chances are: discipline will never be my thing especially since I'm still getting results

I'm able to make improvement habits that even benefit me short term like exercise or replacing youtube and reddit with my favorite kind of work (like studying math), but the long term stuff like studying chem and getting over my addictions (including reading about women because I can't see them), I can't get myself to do. I'm currently just trying to do it little by little and work on the stuff I can get motivation for, but the long term stuff I keep relapsing and losing progress.

I can't explain my problem quite well but any perspective from an experienced person is appreciated (The title is mostly everything I'm aiming for before college)