Hello fellow RPers.
Entered a relationship about a month ago, intended for LTR. Overall I'm satisfied as she's contributing more to me than the other way and acting sweet and not complaining around (my presence is enough). But now she doing stuff which isn't bad enough for hard/soft next but yet it's bugging me. Example: She broke with her ex about 2 months ago (after 3 years of LTR), rarely mentions him and is pretty much over him (at least when she's with me), she had to return him some stuff so she informed me and they met at a park near their houses, talked about an hour, cried a little (both lol) and left.
Now for my question - I honestly don't think it's considered bad behavior (unless you convince me otherwise) so there's no react needed. At the same time I just don't like the idea she's seeing him so my first taught was to set up a boundary something along the lines of: "I don't like you seeing your ex, you should see him only for logistic stuff (return belongings) or if there's an emergency" (aka not for pleasure or sitting in a park for an hour talking about stuff.
First - it feels like every boundary is an ultimatum which says: yeah I'm vulnerable / You can hurt me / I'm jealous = don't do it because it's a threat to me - this will ruin frame
Second - I don't know if stuff like this should be at all handled by boundaries like mine / boundaries rephrased otherwise / No boundaries at all but maybe frame/dread - but I don't know how it delivers the message.
Then I meet the problem that I didn't really encounter TRP big pro-boundary posts, So links would be appreciated. Same goes for another man she is in mild contact with on Instagram, she claims they are friends for a long time and there was a phase where there was sexual tension but it passed. Again, nothing out of the ordinary (she's allowed to have male friends/orbiters I guess?) but yet it's disturbing me and I don't know if my feelings are the problem and I should let her loose - understanding it's only my turn and if she leaves that's not a problem at all. Or I should enforce boundaries but that way acknowledging he is a threat in both our understanding.