When it comes to seeking long-term romance or companionship, there is a segment of decent men who - through a combination of loneliness and frustration over the dating market - think that they might have a better chance at dating single moms than single women. I was of this mindset many years back as single moms appeared to have a greater interest in me, especially after they learned I had a career in STEM.
I've also noticed there are dating profiles of single moms tailored to trigger men's provider nature, leading susceptible men to assume that "saving" these women would result in passionate, enthusiastic sex on her part. I'm here to share with these men the true intentions of single moms so that they think twice about committing to them:
A single mom who brings young children to the dating market is looking for a man to help raise her kids and provide financial stability. That is her #1 priority.
She's not looking for romance or affection. She's looking for a man to help change those diapers, pay the bills, bring the kids to school and doctor's appointments, help with the dishes and clean up after them, and ultimately give her a break from managing them all the time. And she will expect him to use his resources to provide for their needs. Here's one example of the life of the average single mom with young children. Those aren't the words of a woman looking for romance; they're the words of a woman looking for help. Even if she has a job and "don't need a man to take care of us", she still wants a male role model. White knights who pity single moms will feel compelled to rescue them while also expecting enthusiastic sex in exchange, when it's more likely they'll end up in a dead bedroom.
"My children are my world. My children come first."
Browse the dating profiles of single moms, and eventually you will encounter the statements "My children are my world" or "My children come first". When a woman says these words, it means that her children are her primary focus and takes precedence over the man in the relationship. On the surface this seems reasonable as once a woman has children, her maternal instincts are amplified and her children's health and upbringing become her first priority. She's also busy with both kids and work and can't always be available for dating.
But when you take into account that women have a different set of standards for men they want to provide for them versus men they want to fuck them, then it's revealed that the root of "My children come first" goes way beyond her availability for dating. To understand the root we must first understand the problems that spring from it:
The first problem is that the single mom neglects of the sexual needs of her partner once she has secured his commitment. Newly single moms learn to their dismay that most men have no interest in committing to a woman with kids - let alone the desirable men - so she eventually lowers her standards to average men. But because she's not attracted to average men, she focuses on her children while he takes the back seat. This partly explains why men complain that single moms rarely make time for them. She's more interested in his money and help in raising her kids, rather than as a romantic interest.
- The second problem is once the couple moves in together and becomes a family, she wants all the control and decision-making authority in her children's discipline and upbringing. She wants her partner to be a good role model and to provide financial stability, but without the authority of a biological father to make decisions in their best interests. This disempowers the man, and allows the children to disrespect and undermine him because "You're not my real daddy. You can't tell me what to do". This mentality of "My children come first" establishes the family into a matriarchy, where the hierarchy is Mother > Children > Male Provider. And because her children "come first", she expects her partner to make them first in his life by dedicating his time and resources to their needs, which explains why many single moms won't date single dads, because she selfishly doesn't want him dividing his time and resources with children who are not her own.
Therefore, the real reason why single moms say "My children are my world" and "My children come first" is because the men she's addressing are provider males who are undesirable for romance in her eyes, and she's setting the frame that her children are the focus of the relationship and the man's role is to provide for them. She would never say "My children come first" to the alpha biological father because her attraction for him compels her to balance her children's needs with his. So she's effectively saying to less desirable suitors: "You're an unattractive man I would have rejected in my prime years, so if I date you, it's only because I want you to help me raise my kids and provide financial stability. I'm not really interested in romance or sex with you. Otherwise I would make time for you like I did for the jerks."
To further drive home this point, everything written in this article is addressed to provider men, which you'll notice is less about romance, and more about her kids. This is not to say that single moms never want affection, just that it's not her priority when she enters the dating market. Any claims of a single mom wanting "love and affection" is secondary to the raising and provision of her offspring.
"Nice Guys Finish Last"...but they don't have to.
It's a common perspective in the manosphere that after a woman gets pumped and dumped by jerks long enough she will eventually want to settle down with the Nice Guy. But some men think that's just a beta male fantasy, as if Nice Guys are always invisible to women. The truth is that while women prefer Mr. Tall Handsome and Swag, single moms desperate for financial stability and help managing the kids will indeed seek out Nice Guys for commitment just like orbiters for her friendzone. Otherwise, Beta Bucks wouldn't exist. There's a reason why it's said "Nice Guys finish last" and not "Nice Guys never finish at all". Chivalry becomes the IN thing when single moms need a bailout.
In conclusion, if you're an average guy who's having difficulty dating women, and suddenly a single mom is showering you with attention and affection, then she likely wants you to provide for her and her offspring. But before even entertaining the idea of dating her, first ask yourself: "Would this woman date me if she didn't have kids?" Don't allow a polite profile or damsel in distress cause you to forget that Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks.
tl;dr: Single moms who bring young children to the dating market are looking for men to help raise their kids and provide financial stability. They're not looking for romance unless you're exceptionally attractive. Any man who dates a single mom hoping for long-term romance can potentially end up in a dead bedroom.
For anyone interested, I wrote an expanded version of this essay on TRP which includes how to bang single moms here.