Dear Single Mom,
I don't know why you're writing me a letter. We actually talked to each other like, 6 or 7 years ago. When I met you I thought you were really attractive, and you were nice to me and we seemed to get along. I wanted to start dating you, and instead of just looking at you like a piece of sexmeat like some other guys did, I took some time to get to know you better. We hung out a few times and when I asked if you were seeing anyone, you said you weren't, and that your ex was a total jerk and dumped you 3 months prior. So, I asked you out, and you quickly declined and told me that I was just a friend, or I wasn't your type. It was frustrating. Rejection sucks, but its just a part of life that young men have to learn from and deal with. I did not feel I was entitled to anything, and you were well within your rights to choose not to date me. No problem. I was in my early 20's at the time, and like most guys who had been in my position, I moved on and started to focus my attention on women who were a bit more like me, and actually LIKED guys like me.
I wasn't as reckless or aggressive as the kind of guys you dated, but I was mature and knew how to handle life. I liked to have fun, but I was also smart and took a lot of time working on my education and work. I didn't go out partying every weekend like you did with your boyfriends, but I went out and had fun when I had the time. Also, I started giving attention to women who were similar to me, and that appreciated me for being intelligent. Some of them may not have been as attractive as you (actually some were even MORE attractive!), but since they were mature and grounded we actually had some pretty terrific times together. I didn't have as many sexual partners as you did, nor as many girlfriends as you had boyfriends, but some of the ones I did date led to very enjoyable relationships, and definitely were never abusive like some of yours were. And, because I dated smart women with good heads on their shoulders, we always made sure to work on our education and careers, all the while using protection/contraception to make sure we didn't have a kid we couldn't handle at the time.
Fast forward a few years. I have all my education behind me, and work a good job that pays me more than enough to make ends meet. My college loans are paid off, credit is good, have my own house and car, and outside my mortgage, I don't carry any debt. I work a lot but I still make time to go out with friends and enjoy myself. I just recently got out of a long-term relationship and...I'm finally ready to date again now!
But something weird has been happening the past few months. Since I've been single, I keep getting letters like this from you, and other single moms. Apparently, since the last time we talked 6 or 7 years ago, you chose to keep dating guys like that jerk that broke up with you 3 months before I met you. You always saw the red flags and warning signs around them, but you stuck with them. I matured and realized what kind of people are worthwhile to date, but unfortunately, you didn't. You guys were not responsible with your sex life by using contraception, and ended up having a kid you most likely didn't plan for. Now you're in a totally different situation, and dating someone like you with a kid, at least for me, carries a TON of risk; whether it be financial, social, legal, etc.
But, recently I gave several single moms like you the benefit of the doubt. I figured maybe I should at least try to date single moms and not be quick to judge. What did I learn? Well, I learned in the vast majority of cases they were a lot like you, and almost all of the reservations I had about dating single moms were validated. They had a history of picking awful boyfriends, didn't plan for the future by not finishing school, or not working hard enough on their careers; all because they wanted to party with their boyfriends. Now all of a sudden, they're very interested in dating someone like me.....someone they had no interest in BEFORE they had a kid. Now they need help raising their children and someone to step in and help correct and financially support their past mistakes. And when I go out with them, though they are eager to pursue the relationship and make it more serious....I just can't help but realize they really treat me as a "friend," not as much a "boyfriend" ....so odd. So after trying to date single moms, I realized most were not actually attracted to me, but they were after my kindness and stability. Things they never were interested in before they had kids.
So, I've decided to do what I've always done. Date non-divorced women with no kids, and who appreciate and are attracted to guys like me. Sorry, but that's the way it is. Oh, and one other thing...
You keep telling me that I'm "scared" by you, or "intimidated" by you. No, you have it wrong. I "moved on" from women like you 6 or 7 years ago. I wasn't your type then, but why am I all of a sudden your type now? I think we both know.
Good luck out there.
(Disclaimer: This obviously doesn't apply to all single moms. But let's be real, it describes most of them.)