The manosphere has a lot of negative things to say about the advice given to men "just be yourself". I understand.

You get home, exhausted from work. You plop down on the couch and crack a beer. It's been a long day. What's on the TV? 5 hours later, and you figure it's time for bed. Aren't you being yourself? You're tired after all, and deserve to relax.

It's Sunday, and the big game is on. Couple hours with the boys. Lotsa beer, lotsa pizza, probably too much. Aren't you being yourself? You've had a hard week at the grind after all, and sometimes you just need to treat yourself.

You see all the money that some people spend on their appearance and think "what a waste". You work with a bunch of guys anyway at a factory. Who are you trying to impress? People should look at what's on the inside anyway, right?

These excuses for your behaviour have been conditioned into you. As a man, it's your responsibility to rise above mediocrity. When a man behaves this way, women find it a turnoff. But weren't you told that women wanted a man who is "just himself"? Oh, but they do.

The manosphere has a lot of negative things to say about the advice given to men "be vulnerable". I understand.

You get home, exhausted from work. Your wife asks how your day was. You unload to her. Your boss is such a dick. Can you believe he keeps piling more work onto you? You're already behind on the project. Can't he see that it's impossible to get done? He's such a hardass! Aren't you glad you got to share how you felt to her?

You and your girl are at the club. You're standing by the bar while she's out on the dancefloor with some friends. You notice a guy come up and start chatting her up. He's a little too close to her for your comfort. You let it slide, trying to control your emotions. They both walk over to the bar and he buys her a drink. You're fuming now. You need to calm your nerves, so you head outside for a smoke. When you get back in, your girl is back on the floor, but the guy is gone. In the car on the way home, you unload on her. All that pent up emotion, released like a tsunami. How could she do that? Doesn't she know how much it disrespects you? You feel better. You've let her know exactly how you felt. She'll respect you now, won't she?

Again, this behaviour has been conditioned into you. As a man, it's your responsibilty to channel, not repress your emotions. When a man behaves this way, the panties dry up. But weren't you told that women wanted a man who is "vulnerable"? Oh, but they do.

You're at the club, and a gorgeous woman standing in the second row at the bar waiting for a drink. Wow, she's hot. You feel desire. Wouldn't you like to tap that? You approach, and start up a friendly conversation. You crack a joke. She laughs. Hook, set. You offer her a bypass to the line if she'll buy you a beer. She agrees. You wave to the bartender (who you know) and he makes it happen. Boom.

You saw something you wanted, and went for it. You are a man who follows his desires. You didn't let society dictate your impulses, you acted on them. That's attractive. That's being your true self.

She could have rejected your advances. You opened yourself up to rejection, no matter that it stings, and took the shot anyway. That's attractive. You took a risk. You were vulnerable.

You're 37. Since you were a teenager, you've always said that you'd buy a motorbike when you're 40. The thought has been in your head for years. But how will you do it? Your paycheck only stretches so far, with a house and family and all. You need some extra cash, so as an electrician, you start doing some side jobs to create a little extra flow. But you're not saving for the bike. You're saving for the income to buy that bike. After 3 years, you have enough for the downpayment on a rental property. Your research shows you should cashflow after expenses about $200 per month on a property you've been researching. You pull the trigger. Within the year, you've used your extra income to finance the bike that you've always wanted. When it's paid off, you'll have a bike AND extra income every month. Boom.

You wanted something, and made it happen. You are a man who goes after what he wants. You didn't let something like failure get in the way of what you wanted. That's attractive. That's being yourself.

You could have made a poor purchase on your property. Even with all the research, shit still can go wrong. There could have been some structural damage to the building that went without notice even though you had a competent building inspector. You opened yourself up to a loss, and went for it anyway. You could have failed. That's attractive. You took a risk. You were vulnerable.

The difference is obvious. So yes, be vulnerable, but not in the way you've been taught to. And be yourself unapologetically, goddammit.