When I see (I don’t even have to read it) a post about someone having oneitis. It usually mean one of two things, if not both.
ONE
The given is scarcity, lack of abundance; we talk about it all the time. You should be going out and meeting other women. You should be talking to as many women as you can till you end up with enough plates that it will be hard to even focus on one. Then you will finally understand what we mean when we say abundance.
TWO
This one is even more important and doesn’t get addressed as often over in the askTRP sub.
You’re not using your time wisely. Between your mission, lifting, hobbies, reading, and goals. You shouldn’t even have enough time in a day to be sitting around worrying about who is plowing your precious little tulip. And since it isn’t you, you should re-evaluate what you’re actually doing with the limited time you have in a day.
If you’re actually doing what is suggested here. You will barley have time to call your own mother to see how she’s doing. Let alone obsess over a women you aren’t fucking.
We talk about this more than enough to know that you’re never going to get her anyway if you don’t already have all this established ahead of time. So if you’re sitting over on the askTRP sub typing paragraphs about her. You are just pissing in the wind. And it’s No wonder she doesn’t want your boring/lazy ass.
You want to really get rid of your oneitis. Get off your lazy ass. Go find some new hobbies. Get your ass in the gym. Focus on your diet. Learn how to cook your meals. Plan for that business you been thinking about starting Up. Meditate. Enroll in classes. Read the fucking sidebar and the books in/top posts.
Or do whatever the fuck YOU want to do that doesn’t involve women. Then once you get all that established and in the works if you still have time to be worrying about what she’s doing. Spend it meeting other women or people.
I can’t fathom a logical reason for having oneitis for any women other than just being pure lazy. If you’re actually doing what is suggested here. I guarantee you will start to see you don’t have time to even think about her. Let alone post about her. So get off your lazy ass and get to work.
TL;DR
You’re not busy enough. Put in the work
dylnnnnn 5y ago
i completely agree. all the time you spend obsessing over a girl is time you should be spending meeting and talking to girls. obsession gets you nowhere and will probably turn her off from you even more
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Whisper 5y ago
/u/Whisper's three step process for identifying a oneitis post:
TrenGod37 5y ago
Exactly. What’s even better is when they call them plates and haven’t fucked them yet
DayGameChirality 5y ago
Which is what, exactly? Is being lazy something ingrained in you? Is this a static label? There's too much discussion on what laziness actually is, therefore I think it needs explaining.
Other points I agree on.
volcanolairbadguy 5y ago
The reason we have it is because of nature vs nurture. Its environmental. We are bombarded with it, with provider genes, and happily ever after. Its not until the red pill that you see the world ad it is. Not how you wish it was. The realization that, if not for fertility and declining SMV, women wouldn't change. Its not love. Its a failure model in not acquiring Chad's. Its a means to keep society orderly. If your not first, your last. The f you aren't at the top of the dominance hierarchy, if you aren't Chad, you are beta male provider. You're expected to raise Chad's baby and marry cratered SMV. Incels get none. Being above incel is taking out the trash. Being a cog in the female imperative. Allocate resources to Chad's booty call. My mission in life is not providing resources to Chad's booty call. I pursue but, fellas I am checked out. I have dreams and a aim outside women, children. Its a far gone conclusion to be a sacrificial lamb by default as a man. I won't do it. I have ambitions and I don't care about the feminine imperative. Its not for me. The female biological strategy conveniently adapts once the wall hits. Once baby rabies kick off. I am after excellence. I will chase excellency. Not women.
bestsparkyalive 5y ago
This is true stuff. As a little bitch with oneitis myself I agree with it all. Amen.
Seven_Veils 5y ago
Oneitis is the ultimate man-killing disease. I'd venture to say it's the reason which brought many of us to TRP, myself included
Korrangar 5y ago
No wonder it's the first chapter of rollo's book
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Sqtlol 5y ago
Amen. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you the amount of women I’ve lost and regained contact and plate status with due to being out clubbing or just making new friends and doing shit. The only losers in this scenario are those who masturbate and watch Game of Thrones every free hour they posess.
TrenGod37 5y ago
I totally would believe you. Because it works if you do
AwkwardEmpath 5y ago
This is oddly specific for me.. ive got the masturbating controlled but I literally spend at least 2-4 hours everyday rewatching game of thrones.. never seen someone call it out before. Fuck.
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Fyn689 5y ago
This is called escapism. Some people do heroine, some people play games to death, and others are a bit more creative. You said you watched all seasons 15 to 20 times. By season 7 that's 55 hours total (aprox). Let's say you rewatched 18 times. That's 990 hours. That's 5.9 weeks. That's 41 days.
41 total days, including the night, of nothing new.
Imagine all the things you could have done in that time to better yourself but no... why? You have an addiction. You are escaping from something and it got pretty fucking bad.
I don't know how much does it cost wherever you live to get an appointment with a psychologist but I would really consider it if I were you.
ECoast_Man 5y ago
I know yours is specific to GoT but let me share a story from my life when I realized I had reached peak busy, and I think this is sort of what OP is getting at.
I was living in a fairly nice two-bedroom condo I owned and my cousin came to stay with me for 6 months to get set up in the city. He's around my age, clean, paid the rent, and I'm rarely home anyway due to work and so on, so it didn't bother me at all.
I of course had Netflix and the usual things. He got a job pretty quickly but I started to notice his weekday evenings were smoke up a bit, make dinner, and binge Netflix for three hours. Every night. This is not unusual for many people these days.
A couple years later I moved cities and I was setting everything. I checked my Netflix account history and I had watched one movie on it since my cousin moved out two years prior. So I actually just said fuck it and got rid of it.
I'm not saying there is anything inherently wrong with Netflix or movies or comedy specials or whatever, but I just don't have the time, and in the evenings when I am home I'm usually so tired from work and exercise that I just go to bed and fall asleep reading. The whole notion of binge watching anything is alien to me.
dryenz 5y ago
By the way, why the fuck you masturbate dude, real man don’t waste time doing that, it’s even bad for your sex perfomance, NoFap dotcom
bearlakeburton 5y ago
I dont even know how to process this... This is a thing?
AwkwardEmpath 5y ago
I'm extremely obsessed with the show and books. It's an unhealthy obsession for sure. I fall asleep to re runs every night and if I'm gaming I've got it replaying on one screen and I'm gaming on the other. If I'm in my room it's pretty much a 90% chance I've got it running wether I'm paying attention to it or not. I've legitimately rewatched each season more then 15-20 times easily. No idea if this is common. If I had a long day at work I'll just put it on and Reddit for 3-4 hours while flicking my attention from one to the other. It's a work in progress. Probably just typed out a lot of shit no one cares about.
DayGameChirality 5y ago
Perhaps you just need a healthy dose of fantasy in your life. Read new books/fantasy instead, in healthy dosages. I recommend Frank Herbert's Dune.
[deleted] 5y ago
The first step towards recovery/improvement is acknowledging that there’s a problem. You just mastered step 1. Now, go get it.
AwkwardEmpath 5y ago
Genuinely appreciate the positive comment man. It's a work in progress. I will get better but it will take time.
pete_1488 5y ago
Don't bullshit yourself, you know that's the addiction/child talking.
Ask : What would a healthy MAN do?
falconpush 5y ago
curious tho, what "itch" is Game of thrones scratching for you? Storyline? Certain female cast? Masculine behavior? Id be willing to bet that whatever it is that you find yourself so gravitated to, is something youre not fulfilling IRL.
(source: myself) played 7 days to die too much. Started goin outside and picked up tree felling after 10 months for gaming. Hardly pick up the controller AND got more sex from the trade-off now
AwkwardEmpath 5y ago
I love everything about it to be honest. The violence, the sex, the actors, the storyline. It has great character development through out the first 5 seasons as well. I also love the medieval times it's portrayed in along with the sci-fi bit to it with the white walkers, the dragons etc.
Not sure what it's compensating for though.
TheLuckyN1NJA 5y ago
Ever heard of LARP? lol Jk
AwkwardEmpath 5y ago
Sometimes I wonder if that's where I'm meant to be and I should just give it all up and go join some LARP camp for life haha.
[deleted] 5y ago
But u must be hot to pull from the club. Ur argument doesn't hold any merit...
dryenz 5y ago
You don’t really need to, you just need game
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conflagratorX 5y ago
Oneitis is evolution tricking you into staying long enough to ensure survival of your genes.
Redpillandrew 5y ago
Yes. But something goes wrong and you're stuck longer than you should. Or even in the case you have never fucked her. That part of the brain is foolish
dryenz 5y ago
It’s the emotion part trying to control your actions
oliseo 5y ago
Idle hands do the devils work.
A fantastic statement in it's own right. Well worth remembering if your mind starts wandering to the love, sweet love, of your life. It's a well known phrase that's absolutely fitting for dealing with oneitis.
The basis of CBT is to stop habitual ways of doing/thinking certain negative actions/thoughts. The first aspect is to indentify when you're going down the rabbit hole. And then changing what happens next, rather than just staying on autopilot.
A good way of achieving this is to have a catch phrase. So, you're just sat around, and then "pop", she's in your head. "Idle hands do the devils work". In this case, the devil is desire, and the idle hands is you, sat around, wasting your time thinking about "what ifs".
So, soon as you say that phrase, get up, go do something. Anything. The Dishes. The Laundry. That paperwork you always keep putting off. Fold socks if you must. Break the ritual of sitting around dwelling. You break a ritual, by introducing a replacement.
In this case, you indentify the start of the negative cycle (she's just popped into your head, because your mind is idling, because you are idling), and before you've reached for your phone to look at her pretty profile picture on facebook, and getting all jelly at all the pictures of her with other Men, you're at the Gym instead, checking out the rack of the girl on the bench 2 stations down. Or you're on your bike, cycling along, checking out the hot ladies in their cars, or just walking in the park.
Who was we was supposed to be getting all morose about exactly again? You've not got the time for that, too busy seeing if your getting any signals from potentials. Or, just admiring how pumped your pecs are today. Or how amazing your house looks when it's been hovered and all the clutter packed away. Or a million other things far more important.
TrenGod37 5y ago
Totally agree with this but I would even take it one step further.
CBT also has to do with changing the thought itself.
In the case of oneitis this may be hard because in the end you’re still thinking about the person. So I would suggest meditating.
Allowing the thought to be, observe it and then learning to let it go like a car passing by on the highway. This does take practice but overtime you will learn to let your thoughts come and go without following them down that dark road or as you referred to it “the rabbit hole”
Learning to do this in conjunction with what you have stated. Will not only become very beneficial with oneitis but with all parts of your life.
falconpush 5y ago
Umm... side bar dsnt clarify CBT. Cock and Ball Torture? OR Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? Both actually fit in context of how CBT was used.
Extremely_Photogenic 5y ago
I think Tren gave me oneitis
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vandaalen 5y ago
The source for oneitis is usually neediness.
http://archive.is/agtCP
http://archive.is/FaeIe
Once you got your neediness under control your urge to find dat special unihoe will gradualy fade and subsequently you'll be less prone to oneitis in general.
TRickettus 5y ago
I agree with a lot of this. Lift, read and approach girls. But also accepting that you have that oneitis is important. Resisting it just spins your minds wheels, and the mind loves to spin its wheels. Just accepting that I think about my oneitis let’s my mind move into planning my next move. Whether it be hiking, lifting, playing guitar, cooking or going out with friends. Accept it and keep fuckin movin.
Rhalium 5y ago
up voting anytime there's a post about oneitis. after all, it's what brought me to the red pill. hell, my oneitis even stood me up for a date today at barnes and noble. first I was angry then I remembered the stages of the red pill awakening, anger being one of them. went and jacked off later. felt better. prostitution needs to be legalized.
TrenGod37 5y ago
I’m sure you’ll be one of the guys who will be posting about it in askTRP in a week...
Why did you go jerk off?
Why didn’t you go talk to other chicks.
You don’t need prostitutes if you’d just put in the damn work. I’m guessing you didn’t read the post.
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eaazzy_13 5y ago
If you put that much “concentration” into one date then you’ve already lost. That’s pedastalizing that bitch and she doesn’t deserve it. She could probably sense your weirdness and bailed accordingly. That’s fuckin weird dude, have some dignity.
OP is saying you should be sooo busy working on yourself, that you don’t have time to “concentrate” on some upcoming date days in the future.
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AwkwardEmpath 5y ago
Sex drive is one of our biggest tools for ambition as men... Going and jerking off after she stood you up is an easy out so you stop caring. I know it's easy to give up.. those moments are what drive us forward or set us back though.
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AwkwardEmpath 5y ago
Not sure how that applies to what I said to you.
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AwkwardEmpath 5y ago
Cool man, whatever works for you! Good luck on the journey brotha
TrenGod37 5y ago
This guys is a troll and doesn’t want to do any work. He has every excuse in the book. And now is spatting off quotes with no rhyme or reason.
AwkwardEmpath 5y ago
I thought it was pretty odd too but I'm not gonna throw negative energy out there if I don't have to, wish him luck and move on. Reddit has too many different people and if they aren't receptive to help.. next.
TrenGod37 5y ago
Words of encouragement isn’t going to do any good to someone who isn’t disciplined enough to put in any type of word. It’s his daily masterbation on top of his actual masterbation
gbdoragnic 5y ago
One is the only correct answer, because men who work 80 hours a week can get Oneitis
, oneitis only comes from a lack of women, not hobbies, gym, mediate, or classes. Doctors and lawyers get oneitis, while Ganster chad who smoke weed all day has 10 hoes at his command.
> I can’t fathom a logical reason for having oneitis for any women other than just being pure lazy.
As someone who worked hard all his life, believe me you can get oneitis if you lack options
DayGameChirality 5y ago
This.
Related:
http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2012/05/06/levels-of-belief-regarding-women/
If you're at any level below 4, you're prone to oneitis. End of story.
destinationtomorrow 5y ago
i have threeitis and let me tell you it's a metric fuckton of work.
ex_addict_bro 5y ago
Three: she matches your internal template of one of the parents and is your mother replacement. You focus on replaying pathological schemes learned in childhood.
bobaisdope 5y ago
I completely agree with OP, but there are several points which I want to extrapolate more, the reason why I think men develop ONEITIS is because men project an illusional image about their "dream girl", they could find some qualities which their mothers posses in this "dream girl", or they're influenced by the idealistic from porn or false expectations which they think that their "dream girl" has it. I think this is completely false and our mission is we have to shatter these unreal images about the girl. Girls are not perfect, spending time with them and you will realize that they're not what they meant to be, well at least based on your expectations. Get busy with your lives, find your mission, lift and understand that the meaning of life will never be found inside a vagina.
trancedj 5y ago
This is exactly what happened to me. And it was not fucking fun at all. It actually hurt way more than my divorce. Its like my "logical" brain kept telling me how she wasn't perfect, she had issues and plenty of red flags (AWALT), and it would never last (just my turn). But my "emotional" brain projected all this perfect unicorn relationship stuff onto her. It was a total mindfuck. I"m still working on sorting it all out, but this for me is by far the most dangerous version of oneitis you can catch.
Before anyone gets all upitty and shit, yes I lift, yes I have hobbies, yes I have plates, yes Im working on me.
_lifesucks_ 5y ago
Yea this practically sums up my oneitis. Got the perfect girl in my head that I was like welp guess I shouldn’t form any close connections with girls, let alone go out of my way and talk to them because I got lazy and complacent. Turns out my “perfect girl” was an emotional abuser. Since then, have been talking to more girls and there are so many better people out there Jesus
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TrenGod37 5y ago
This post isn’t about social conditioning. if you’ve read anything in the sidebar or any of the readings, It talks enough about “the one.”
The post isn’t about why most guys develop it. Im talking about why you still have it. You shouldn’t have time to. If you do your focus is way off and there are better ways to fill your time. It’s another perspective on it.
I wanted to touch base on something that is not mentioned as much. This came from a place of experience.
And as for it is used as a buffer for rejection. That statement practically contradicts your first statement