I made an exception to my Eastern European women only rule a few months back and here's how it went.
About 8 weeks into dating/plating she starts asking me for more time, more commitment etc.
Wants to be official, always talking about kids. I see where it's going but would like to continue dating and if that's not an option then I want to get off the bus
Post wall, so all normal behaviour so far.
We were due to meet for lunch one day and she text to confirm the time.
Here's how our last convo went, over text:
Her: Still ok for today?
Me: Sure, I need to do some stuff first so 2pm is good
Her: On second thought, I don't feel like you're taking this seriously so I'm not prepared to meet you anymore
Me: That sounds like a great idea, take care.
Her: What. No, wait, look let's meet and talk.
Her: I'm sorry I said that, can we just pretend I didn't say anything.
Her: Can we still meet?
Her: Are you ok? I'm sorry.
For weeks after I got texts apologising and begging me to meet her again. I never did and I never replied.
Not to be cruel but if I let her win this one then it was a quick path to losing control and ending up in an LTR that I didn't want.
Women respect men with strong boundaries, always be willing to walk away and you will instantly become super attractive.
It's hard to walk away from guaranteed pussy but if you can do it, you will become a better man.
Nothing new here, you've read it a hundred time but a real world example is always useful. Now go lift :)
[deleted] 6y ago
Only note I have on this one is the "women respect men with strong boundaries" thing is only slightly relevant to this, as the only woman that is keyed in to how serious you are in this story doesn't matter.
What matters more is that you respect yourself more when you are serious about boundaries.
Rhynovirus 6y ago
Can confirm this behavior is typical in the post wall set.
I had a similar experience, with a similar convo. Met Bumble girl, saw each other maybe 5 or 6 times. F Close on date 3.
She says, when I text to confirm our evening plans: "TBH I'm not sure you're attracted to me and I've been seeing a few other people who I feel have a better connection"
Me "Ok, good luck. Had fun. :)"
Her, about 4 hours later: "OK look, I'm sorry I said that its just the way you've been acting is so confusing and I want to know where this is going."
Ignored.
Her 2 hours later: "Ok I know you're mad I just want something more serious"
A couple of things to consider here:
1) I was dumped. No takebacks.
2) She stated plainly that she was more interested in someone else. Either this was an attempt at manipulation or I was her backup plan. Test for the reader: What is the correct response to both of these shit tests?
3) Notice how her hamster makes it impossible for her to accept responsibility for her actions. She attempted to turn the situation back onto me.
If I had decided to go for her offer of something more serious I'm either 1) The guy she settled for, 2) Someone she knows she can manipulate or 3) Someone who does not hold her accountable. I'd be unconsciously programming her for a lifetime of shit tests.
Sorry baby, your D cups weren't that good. Plenty more where you came from.
empatheticapathetic 6y ago
My oneitis that brought me to TRP gave me a similar unwinnable situation. The only option was to walk. Dummy. She had a similar hamster response but my last message was pretty ironclad. She blatantly contradicted her desires over two messages to deal with it.
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DrBrockStar 6y ago
How was the follow up on this? Did she ever text again after that day. I feel like demoting to side material would have worked.
Rhynovirus 6y ago
Never heard from her again. She did try to match me on the app a few months later but I was already over using dating apps so I didn’t follow up.
akatsukirp 6y ago
One thing to note for those of you saying: "why not just use this as an opportunity to reinforce boundaries and then go back to business as usual". The issue I see is she already brought up kids. I wouldn't continue fucking this woman after that. She may try to me lock me down with a "I'm pregnant".
Vlagos 6y ago
But what would be the situation if you met her for example in the street ?
enjoy_life88 6y ago
That's your fault as I see it.
Concluding from the scenario you posted, I see no real reason for a hard-next here. So you're either not really into her at all or you kept something from us.
Otherwise, a soft-next of 3-5 days should've been sufficient here. Then, an initiation of you like nothing ever happened ("Hey, wanna grab a coffee on Friday after work?"). She'd be super fun and happy when she shows up, plus being educated now that you soft-nexted her and she should now the deal for a while.
Free pussy again.
Trpogre 6y ago
Definitely her drama was Soft Nextable behaviour for 3-5 days at most.
I think you are going to find that you will not find what you are looking for in your current state. Since AWALT when you had weaker frame.
Yes, you brought this on of your own choosing. Now you are Hard Nexting her because of some other reason that you did not share with us.
The fact that she pushed the relationship talk onto you, and you entertained it at the 2 month mark tells me that you were operating in her frame for more than you are willing to admit to yourself.
Frankly, you fucked up. Then you fucked up again like a sociopath for Hard Nexting her when really you brought her behavior upon yourself for acting too much like a boyfriend. This is normal female drama when you act like a boyfriend and could have set boundary with a 5-7 day Soft Next if you felt especially violated and wanted to make a very strong example.
Andgelyo 6y ago
“That sounds like a great idea, take care” lmao I’m stealing that
WestyWorld 6y ago
Honestly I think it was too harsh. The girl definitely pushed her luck and you called her out on it which was appropriate but you can just treat her as a child and give her time out (no contact for a day or two) then basically act like nothing happened. Depends how much you liked the girl of course.
Rhynovirus 6y ago
This is the big one. Some people act like keeping these women around is a bonus when often having a plate is more trouble than she's worth.
moogle_googler 6y ago
I love it when they do this. She feels she got you hooked, tested you, then found out otherwise. Sign of a possibe cluster b. I plate those and don't invest shit, make her invest. These girls can be a blast, just don't get hooked, they will suck your soul dry and leave you a shell of yourself. Better to next for most.
sleepkeeping 6y ago
May not have gone the completely scorched earth approach myself, but your initial walk away was A+.
Mescalean 6y ago
Nothing wrong with walking away from easy pussy. I remember being younger and listening to my friends who would do anything for pussy. Then I stopped and actually started getting more and more. Then realized its all pretty much the same gushy thing.
Also you may realize this already. But watching them act like she did is priceless. Could have been way more entertaining than the actual fuck
thepontiff_ 6y ago
You have balls of steel and a very wise approach bro.
Back then the blue pill me would've replied back like a simp just for the sake of blindly following feelings
Had I known back then about what i know now I would've put my foot down more and handled those relationships with more confidence and boldness.
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AdamNJH 6y ago
Difference is, he's not into her so what he did was a solid decision.
Drugs_Kill 6y ago
deleted ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.9876 ^^^What ^^^is ^^^this?
TheProphetPhysiquiel 6y ago
This is normal behavior for a plate that's been around for a while, it's natural for a girl to want exclusivity. If she had stood him up without a word then told him all her thoughts, that's reason for nuclear. But pushing boundaries, testing frame, etc? Totally up to the individual man how to treat her after that.
thereforeqed 6y ago
The theory explanation here is nice but honestly for your specific case it seems like you just didn't really like her and dropped her when a convenient excuse came up.
[deleted] 6y ago
Yeah there is that too , must not have been that hot
Rhynovirus 6y ago
Whats wrong with that? Withdraw attention slowly, wait for convenient reason, c-ya.
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Hillarysdilddo_2016 6y ago
This approach might be acceptable if her transgression was minor. However she revealed her manipulative ways and strong arm tactics. Ditch immediately and don't look back.
Right here she already knows she isn't going to meet him. However instead of discussing that she baits him.
Here instead of voicing her concerns to him, she was passive aggressive and manipulative by setting up this rejection scenario. Then, instead of voicing her concerns like an adult, she attempts to strong arm him into her frame by escalating to "I don't want to see you any more."
Is the appropriate response. She will only show worse behavior over time.
JuicySosa300 6y ago
Could you post an example of how you would have handled it?
bigOlBeta 6y ago
Agreed. You will need to teach all women how to act at some point. This was a perfect moment that he let slip. Sounds like he wasn’t that into her though so who cares
epictetus_irl 6y ago
Yup, wasn’t that into her. Might have re-engaged otherwise
empatheticapathetic 6y ago
She knows what she did wrong. Explaining to her shows you give a shit more than she does surely?
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empatheticapathetic 6y ago
You say IDGAF is only worthwhile as a genuine expression. But then you say you should try before ghosting.
I appreciate your point of view but one of the first things I learned I did wrong with my oneitis when I got here 2 years ago was I was trying to change something that wasn't possible due to AWALT.
She knows for a fact what she does wrong, and she's seeing what level of bullshit you'll genuinely put up with.
The level of transgression is allows different responses so that's probably why I've disagreed, as I've only ever had nuclear shit tests when it came to this shit. Buckle or walk away type shit, and so I always have to walk away.
Do you have an example where you can verbally enforce boundaries after a shitty action on her part and expect it to work?
It doesn't really matter if a relationship is zero sum, if she acts disrespectfully you only have so many actions without losing power by realising you care more than she does.
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empatheticapathetic 6y ago
I wouldn't say conflict resolution and shit testing are the same thing.
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empatheticapathetic 6y ago
Maybe my definition of conflict resolution is different to yours. Conflict resolution is where both parties are looking for a mutual solution, compromise even, to an issue.
A shit test is a fabricated conflict initiated by a female to test the character of the man in question. And a compromise is a losing strategy for the health of the pairing.
Strong uncompromising frame is the only way to win a shit test. Not the solution for a regular conflict.
[deleted] 6y ago
Amazing to see her backtrack like that , it’s clear she had no intention of ending it , was just shit testing you to see if She can make you a blue pill mangina who will chase her
TRPDigesting 6y ago
Love the line in the sand approach. The old me, shit - maybe even the present me - may have caved in after a few of those texts. Still more to put into practice.
IamLeinad 6y ago
So you just stopped plating her? What do you do next from here?
epictetus_irl 6y ago
Move on to another plate!
I see too many guys lacking an abundance mentality who cling for dear life to any woman who agrees to touch his dick.
Fast forward five years he’s in a miserable unhappy marriage and can barely answer the phone without requesting permission.
So many of my friends live in these unhappy marriages and deserve better.
My point is nipping this shit in the bud by maintaining strong boundaries and not being afraid to walk away.
There will always be more women if you’ve been following the principals here:
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Andgelyo 6y ago
Men are supposed to be uncaring and stoic as a rock. I always wondered and even hated my father for being such a ruthless, unapologetic, shit head, and how my nurturing, and caring mother never left him. Now that I’m older, I’m starting to appreciate the way he brought me and my brothers up.
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epictetus_irl 6y ago
Was hoping this would come up.
From a certain point of view it does seem cruel. If you look at it the way I did you see a woman who had no problem trying to manipulate me into an LTR by withdrawing herself.
In my book that’s emotional manipulation and the second she did that all bets were off.
womans_algorithm 6y ago
All women will try to emotionally manipulate you, it's just another type of shit testing. Remember, men have physical advantage, women have phychological/mental strength.
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Oggachog 6y ago
Are you trolling or bluepilled
[deleted] 6y ago
No she was trying to change the frame of the relationship so that he is a blue pill white knight mangina who is chasing her , she was trying to switch the power dynamics so she can treat him like crap , and eventually branch swing to inflate her own ego
DenyHerYourEssence 6y ago
Are you insane? That is a textbook example of manipulation. She asked if they were still on, and he gave her an energetic, affirmative answer. Then she shifted her decision to meet, based on nothing but the hope that he would give her attention, and plead with her to change her mind back. Shit test crushed. Well played.
OversizedFish 6y ago
This post does exemplify the value in willing to walk away, however in this specific case it is just an excuse for a dump. Every girl is hard wired to try to emotionally manipulate you when they want more, it’s simply their nature.
As you advance in your journey, plates will try this ALL the time. It really just depends in you and what you’re looking for.
It seems OP was NOT willing to even deal with the slightest bit of manipulation for fear of him sliding into an LTR.
Earlier in the post he says that he “Would like to continue dating but if it wasn’t an option he would get off the bus”
HOWEVER: OP, did not even try to plate appropriately and stand up for his values and go for what he wanted, he simply Hard Nexted the girl at the first sign of emotional resistance AFTER stonewalling her, which is fine if you’re not interested, but OP’s post clearly indicates he was.
kaane 6y ago
I don’t get how this FR is related to the boundries. OK OP, please don’t take this personally, but this looks like a mental masturbation to me.
First, boundry is not something that you have to build like a wall and defend at all costs. Your self respect and your preferences draw these boundries by itself. You respect yourself that you don’t tolerate a woman run over you ? There is your boundies. You like lifting and don’t skip a workout just to meet a woman ? There is the boundry.
And about this woman, it is easy to play this game to a postwall who you don’t care about. Next time try to dump a HB9, and than come back.
I am not trying to bash you. Just speaking my mind. This is how it looks from here