This is our weekly askTRP megathread where no question is off limits as long as it's TRP related. Ask your questions and members who have been around longer can chime in and let us know what they think. As always, if you're brand new here, please make sure you've read the sidebar.
AutoModerator
Posted 6y ago in Uncategorized - Permalink - Locked - 503 Views
TheRedPill
Created By redpillschool
The Red Pill: Discussion of sexual strategy in a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men.
7K Members
Public Tribe
Unsubscribed
TheRedPill Sidebar
Welcome to The Red Pill
The Red Pill: Discussion of sexual strategy in a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men.
Original Reddit Red Pill sub (quarantine bypass) that contains the full original sidebar
The Rules & Glossary
You are REQUIRED to read these before posting. Ignorance of the rules is not an excuse.
Endorsed Contributors: Respect The Tag
Glossary of Terms and Acronyms (2015)
Here to troll? Here's a Glossary of Shaming Tactics, try to be creative and avoid these. We know you won't, that's why you're easy to spot.
The Red Pill Network
Official Fail Safe Forums (Currently Locked)
New Here?
New here? Read the following threads and the Theory Reading below. Read before participating:
Confessions of a Reformed Incel
Theory Reading
Relationships, the Red Pill, and you
Women, the most responsible teenager in the house
On Value and the Value of Women
Powertalk and other Language Categories
References
Everything you need to know about Shit Tests
Comprehensive Guide to Shit Tests
Goals - A beginners guide on how to attain them
One Key Step to Not Giving a Fuck
Links to the Manosphere
Subreddit By Flair
Red Pill Subreddits
/r/TheRedPill
/r/RedPillWomen
/r/askTRP
/r/RedPillParenting
/r/thankTRP
/r/becomeaman
/r/altTRP
/r/GEOTRP
/r/TRPOffTopic
The Archives
Special Thanks
/u/CrazyHorseInvincible
/u/bsutansalt
/u/EpicLevelCheater
/u/Halitenina
/u/SlyGradient
/u/TheRedPike
/u/RedForEducation
/u/RedShifter99
/u/LegendOfTheFrontier
/u/MachiavellianRed
/u/RedSovereign
/u/OldMuckyTerrahawk
/u/Aerobus
/u/RedAsteroid
/u/CrimsonPerspective
/u/RedGoldSaint
/u/GaiusScaevolus
/u/SoftHarem
/u/-Anteros-
shinokk 6y ago
There's a girl that I like and we've been exchanging messages for a while now. However, she always takes a few days to open my messages (Instagram) but then she apologizes and sends a bunch of replies. I asked her out a week ago and she still hasn't seen the message. I'm starting to see this as disrespect and I'm considering dropping her. Should I pursue further or next?
gELSK 6y ago
// , (silence for two days)
Hey
"Hey"
What's your number?
LavaPipe 6y ago
Sounds like she’s turning you into a beta orbiter. Messaging on instagram for conversation is just plain retarded. You should’ve asked for her number or to hangout when you first had her attention. I doubt she’s very interested given the circumstances you’ve described. Definitely next for now unless she agrees to hangout but don’t bank on that at all. Go game other chicks
shinokk 6y ago
Haven't met her IRL yet though, she's a friend of a friend (doubt this changes things though). I was planning on asking for her number when I see her. Thanks for the reply!
RedPillpls 6y ago
Had a tinder date with an HB8(cute face, nice tits, great ass etc) and the date went very well. Made kino, kissed a few times, passed shit tests etc and when it came time to pay I asked for separate checks she became visibly upset(princess syndrome?) and just in shock of what I just did. I held frame and just told her I don’t pay for girls I just met etc and she precedes to explain how that’s not how it’s suppose to be etc etc. ended the date with giving her a hug and telling her goodnight, nice to meet you then an hour later I got a long winded text saying she apologized for getting upset but that I made some comment she didn’t like (no clue what she’s referring to).
I’ve continued to hold frame and just told her it was nice meeting her and goodnight.
Is there anything else I could’ve said and should I keep pushing to plate her? And has anyone had experience with chicks getting so upset about not paying?
tiger-muffin 6y ago
For a first tinder meet up I think I did well. But, given the location I couldn't really escalate like I wanted. But, it was a great time. We just talked and walked around her campus for awhile. Did I mess up by not going somewhere to escalate? Should I just meet her again?
LavaPipe 6y ago
No point in moping. Just meet her again in a spot (your house) that is more favorable for escalating
theoracleofbromaha 6y ago
New to a workplace, how do you establish rapport and be alpha at the same time? When I show frame and Being alpha it’s always coming off as a jerk. So how do you do this in a workplace where you kind of have to be pleasant to all by default?
LavaPipe 6y ago
Alpha doesn’t equal asshole. Charisma, likability, and being a strong example are all alpha traits
theoracleofbromaha 6y ago
Thanks for that I needed that insight
magnificent18 6y ago
What is your mentality like when you are approaching newer women (knowing that you’ve had sex with so many woman in the past)?
Im assuming you still want sex but now that you’ve had plenty of it, what do you look for instead that outweighs your thoughts of just trying to get laid?
And i bet not thinking of getting laid when approaching, actually gets you laid more?
Does the following quote apply here? “We all get what we don’t want or don’t care for”
gELSK 6y ago
// , Krauser talks about this in his appearance on the London Real:
Cue the video to 5:00 and watch until about 30:33.
https://youtu.be/mpYWQRpxzQs?t=5m00s
Epictetus2017 6y ago
I want to get better in the sack. Started picking up women after a lengthy dry spell, but I cannot get them off, or satisfy them all consistently.
Nothing more satisfying to me then a girl who looks up at me with a dopey smile after a long night of good sex. I want that to be every time if possible.
Any good TRP resources for learning more?
LavaPipe 6y ago
This might not be exactly what you’re looking for but entering a long term relationship helped me improve in bed significantly. It gives you consistent experience and let’s you get to try lots of new things. A long term plate could easily help get your sex game up, don’t be afraid to experiment different positions and different levels of teasing/foreplay
MaliciousMack 6y ago
Can someone point me in the direction of the plating post?
[deleted] 6y ago
[deleted]
LavaPipe 6y ago
Why don’t you offer to have the drinks right at your place?
FR33ZEx 6y ago
How do you guys write a tinder bio, quick run down plz!
[deleted]
ShittyLitty 6y ago
"I have a better ass than you" "no fucking clue how to fold shirts, looking for help" "just here for the free meals tbh"
Dont be serious, just say some stupid shit that you or them can mention in conversation. I've found most success with the first
[deleted] 6y ago
Height is pretty much all I write.
Girls are weird like that...
My bio with "6'2" gets me more likes than friends who have paragraphs of information in there bios.
dr_warlock 6y ago
You didnt read the askTRP sidebar.
MentORPHEUS Endorsed Contributor 6y ago
If you really want to up your online dating game, read posts by u/omlala. His LSSW (local sexy single women) posts are gold.
OmLaLa 6y ago
Got a new guide coming so sit tight.
gELSK 6y ago
// , corsega is stepping the game up, too
Insendi 6y ago
Keep it simple. Not too much as to where they know who you are, but enough for them to want to know more.
leviathan51 6y ago
Why is there conflicting advice on passing shittests? On TRP, as far as I understand it, you can pass it (go stronger, ignore as if nothing happened, some witty reply, whatever), but at the same time, there's this advice of never try for girls who aren't super into you. Where's the difference?
LavaPipe 6y ago
Shit tests will happen regardless of how much a girl is into you. They’re going to test the water no matter how much they love swimming
Peter_B_Long 6y ago
When a girl gives you a shit test, it is because she is somewhat interested in you. She's interested in you enough to try and test your frame. Shit tests don't determine how much a girl is into you.
Some girls won't shit test you but still be interested in you. One of the only ways to determine if a girl is 'fuck yes' about you is based on her actions. What does she go through to see you? How's her affection towards you? etc.
blackedoutfast 6y ago
shit tests are NOT a sign of disinterest. it just means a girl is still trying to figure you out. if you consistently crush all of her shit-tests in a good way, that's very attractive and will turn her on.
never getting shit-tested is actually a very bad sign because that means the girl thinks she knows exactly what type of man you are and isn't interested in learning more about you ie she thinks you're an unattractive, uninteresting beta.
leviathan51 6y ago
Could you please give me an example, or a link to where I could find out, how to differ between disinterest and shittesting?
Insendi 6y ago
How do you guys make time for reading? Second year uni student here with a packed schedule I’ve tried the audiobook thing but I’ll usually wander off into my own thoughts and forget what’s going on
TRP_mask 6y ago
Do you have time to do some gaming, go out with friends once a week, go home in the weekends? Don't for one week and read all sidebar posts or a recommended book and see how far you can get. I'm going to uni next year and I know how much effort you need to put into it, but you also have time left. It's your decision how valuable that time is for you and how much time can be spent on reading instead of just hanging on the couch, bored.
42-AX 6y ago
Wake up 10 minutes earlier than usual, use those 10 minutes to soak in the book
[deleted] 6y ago
Is it worth it for an Indian man in America to learn game? I feel like being Indian just tanks my SMV too much for any amount of game to make up for it.
gELSK 6y ago
// , Ohhhh, yes.
The muscular Indian guy who pulls is kind of a stereotype
Plus, the fact that you are here, in this forum, and with an ego small enough to be willing to ask questions, already puts you farther ahead than your race holds you back.
What area of the country are you in?
[deleted]
HumanSockPuppet 6y ago
If you have been applying the sidebar material (and not just reading it) then you should know the answer to this question already.
Self-honest 6y ago
Yes. You should be doing everything you can to raise your SMV, especially if you think something is tanking it. Who has a better chance at success: weak/socially awkward/non-sexual/beta Indian guy or strong/charming/well dressed/muscular/alpha Indian guy?
amekooky 6y ago
its likely you'll need to work harder. the moment you use that as an excuse to your struggle is the moment your mentality is off.
Insendi 6y ago
Indian male here, fucked a Bosnian chick yesterday, we got this bro
vwzwv 6y ago
I've notice a lot of Indians have tanked SMV because they think it's simply more realistic to accept their tanked SMV. Identify with the Indians who don't have tanked SMV. It might mean lightening up and finding a more pleasant mustache then the traditional one you've been sporting. That was a random example. Change you physical appearance so others know you want to bridge the gap with them. You can use google to look at Indian actors in America. Find ones that have similar facial hair to yours. You'll find their beards aren't outrageous because they are actors. They are respectable and something you can wear. Research what facial hair would look good on you. Do the same with dress. You don't have to go all high end. Just get rid of all your childhood shit traits. At one point in my life I had to give up my stupid 'bowl' haircut I wore as a child for too long. Improving your appearance is not first about being the best groomed man in the room. It's about knowing how to grow out of old self-image so you can thrive in the present.
Just make sure you spend as much time doing as researching. If you spent 2 hours figuring out a beard you like, make sure you match that with 2 hours in the barber shop getting that beard or buying the razor you need to do it.
[deleted]
[deleted] 6y ago
Depends on where you live.
I have an ex who lives in the Bay Area, and has been dating Indians almost exclusively, but she's in a high end STEM PhD program, so it makes sense.
Yeah, she's WASP (well, Jewish, but her mother was a convert lol)
Flying_Wingback 6y ago
Just look at Jesse from SimplePickup
[deleted] 6y ago
That used to be my favorite YouTube channel until YouTube made them take down 90% of their videos
Flying_Wingback 6y ago
I think money got to them and they started taking the entire pickup thing too seriously
[deleted] 6y ago
[deleted]
Flying_Wingback 6y ago
Last I checked they were offering pickup seminars. That's when their channel died, should've kept the lighthearted pickup line videos instead
gilver9 6y ago
I'm meeting a woman I've been talking to for a bit. But, I found out checking her IG that she has a boyfriend. She just never mentioned him to me. Should I try to f-close and not even worry about it?
RPStone 6y ago
As someone who has plated a few married women. I actually prefer them sometimes. They have little expectations and sex is usually all they want.
Just be prepared to hard next at any given moment. If some guy kicks your ass, well, welcome to fight club.
MentORPHEUS Endorsed Contributor 6y ago
She's probably trying to plate you, so proceed with plate relationship. Don't tip your hand; just escalate and run with it.
"We've already established what kind of woman you are; now we're merely negotiating the price."
gilver9 6y ago
Right, that sounds good. I'm definitely not trying to LTR her. I'll just escalate and stay low.
Heyayitsray 6y ago
How do I become more self-disciplined?
TRP_mask 6y ago
Having in your head that whatever happens, I need to do this and that. For example: Whatever happens today, I need to:
Skyhawk_And_Skyhead 6y ago
I kind of caught feelings for one of my plates. Not quite onitis, but desire to date none the less. However, there are a few qualities I know will make her a horrid LTR. Should I next? Or just keep her as a plate.
[deleted]
LavaPipe 6y ago
Keep her as a plate man. You’ve said it yourself that she’s not ltr material. If you think you’re too weak to keep her at plate level then a soft next may be in order
Skyhawk_And_Skyhead 6y ago
I don't know where I am with her at this point. I think I'll use her as a litmus test to see where I'm at.
timleif 6y ago
In your experience, how often is it that it's the woman who already decided she was going to fuck you? What I mean is, I've come across articles on here where they say she already decided she was going to do you, and was just hoping you wouldn't fuck up the process by doing or saying something stupid. Some of the FRs on here read like redpill porn, which is to say, quite unbelievable... but I'd like to hear from the more senior members on this one: do most men on TRP actually change a woman's state from not fucking to fucking or are these women already ready to go from the get-go but throw up ASD and LMR to appear like a good girl i.e it's the woman who chose from the start, which is why she's wearing matching underwear?
dontbethatguynow 6y ago
If you get positive IOI's she made her mind up, just don't ruin it.
Flawless44 6y ago
She may have made her mind up in terms of being attracted to you, and physically wanting to have sex with you, but there may be other issues keeping her from doing it, like loyalty to her bf, or other principles.
gELSK 6y ago
// , "principles"
To Hypergamy, the bible is just another book
rubixd 6y ago
/u/timleif: These are examples of things that you can change.
/u/flawless44: Are you implying this is a range? I've always thought that it was binary -- she's either intrinsically attracted or not. You can turn the light switch on but it's either on or off. I legitimately do not know.
Flawless44 6y ago
As far as attraction goes, there is a gray area where she doesn't go either way, and the attraction will depend heavily on what you do. This is usually the case if you are a 6/10 in her mind.
thebadbigwolf 6y ago
Good literature on shittests?
[deleted]
Jailhouseredpilled93 6y ago
The best article I've read here: https://therationalmale.com/tag/shit-tests/
ImHerWonderland 6y ago
Could anyone give me some fitness advice? Tried posting in r fitness and in bulkorcut, didn't really get any responses.
I feel like I'm skinny fat; I'd like to be leaner, but I also don't want to be some skinny kid with abs. 20m, 175 lb, 5'10, running Coolcicadas PPL. Honestly any advice is well appreciated
https://m.imgur.com/gallery/fvuGA
chauncy_popperstein 6y ago
Get your diet together. Being leaner is all diet. Being bulkier is from lifting. So get to the gym and lift. Download an app for diets or do some reading.
Judging by your body type you have potential. But your body fat is higher than it should be. It looks like you are sucking your gut in.
ImHerWonderland 6y ago
I'm using myfitnesspal to track what I eat and my calorie intake. Actually in this picture I'm relaxed, not sucking it in. I honestly feel like my gut is too large.
Not sure who downvoted you
MentORPHEUS Endorsed Contributor 6y ago
There is a section of the AskTRP sidebar with fitness and health advice for beginners.
ImHerWonderland 6y ago
I've read the sidebar already, I'm not new to working out, just looking for some advice based on my pics and stats.
[deleted]
ImHerWonderland 6y ago
Thank you for this thought out reply. I didn't even think about the quality of my groceries, I usually just buy the cheapest shit in bulk to save money. I'll definitely incorporate this.
rubixd 6y ago
I work out a lot. I put up a lot of weight, but man I looked like shit until I did the above. Diet is literally most of it, I think the phrase is "diet is 80%". At the end of the day as long as you tear your muscle fibers they will grow but if you don't fuel them with the right amount of nutrients it won't matter.
jNSKkK 6y ago
Here's my diet (5'8" male):
Breakfast
4 scrambled eggs on 2 wholemeal toast, with avocado (avo's great for good fats)
Protein shake w/250ml full cream milk
Banana
Mid-morning
Protein shake w/250ml full cream milk
Lunch
400g chicken thigh
100g wholemeal pasta
Unlimited veg (whatever you want; broccoli, carrots, beans)
Mid-afternoon
Protein shake w/250ml full cream milk
Dinner
~400-500g meat (steak, chicken, turkey, whatever)
Carb (sweet/regular potato - mix both tastes good)
Veg
Snacks
Almonds (however many you want)
Before bed
CASEIN (slow releasing) Protein shake w/250ml full cream milk
...comes to around 2800 calories, so just increase your carbs because you're taller. It's quite a simple diet but the best thing about this is that it's CHEAP and you can cook ALL of it on a Sunday and keep it in containers in the fridge. Nice and easy ;)
This is what works for me, but I hope this outlines that it's not THAT hard to do. Just pick a meat, pick a carb, and some veg for every meal. Make sure you get some good carbs at breakfast. Drink loads of milk.
h4nkz 6y ago
so you eat like 1kg of meat daily and add 2 protein shakes? what the fuck..
[deleted]
rubixd 6y ago
If you're working out hard you need between 0.75 g - 1.5 g of protein per lb of bodyweight.
OP may or may not be doing it right but I know from experience it's challenging to eat a lot of protein.
CoulombGauge 6y ago
The benefits of more protein max out at about 0.8 g of protein per pound of bodyweight. Any more can actually be counter productive.
rubixd 6y ago
Not really trying to argue about this, but I've heard so many different numbers. In college my nutrition professor said elite athletes need as much as 1.75g/lb.
Vitamin_Red 6y ago
Any of you here are accountants? How good of a career path is it? Also, should one consider Law if they aren't going to top schools like Harvard?
Juanmaa12 6y ago
I've discovered TRP a couple days ago, it's amazing and very insightful. Regarding fitness... I'm 19 years old, and have a "skinny fat" physique. That means I'm not overweight, but I have something like 28% body fat and very little muscle. I'm trying to fix this going 3 times a week to the gym (lifting) and with a kind of Ketogenic diet (very low in carb, but also little eating in general). Do you think it's a good plan? Also, I struggle with social anxiety and talking to Girls, I'm now in "monk Mode" trying to get in shape and finish the college year with great grades, is It OK if I wait till next year or feeling good about my body before I start focusing on social and game stuff? To be honest, It scares the hell out of me.
MentORPHEUS Endorsed Contributor 6y ago
Nope... don't put aspects of your life on hold, conditional on some change in the future. You're not going to arrive at your target weight and physique and find social experience and skills appeared by magic.
Live in the now!
rubixd 6y ago
Agreed. Always be improving.
Even once you have a good physique this will still need work. Girls will be more attracted and more open to being hit on (and may even come up to you) but without practice you can and will blow it.
TurningRed54 6y ago
What to do at a bar?? And how to pick a new favorite hangout if there is such a thing?
For all of my adult life it's been my habit to beat a direct path between home and work, and I've pretty much just met women through dating sites. At 54 I'm sure my old habits are going to be hard to break but I'm feeling up to the challenge. Already this year I've let go of my long term/long distance relationship, bought a decent house, lost weight and for the first time in my life have started lifting. Basically I'm changing my entire lifestyle.
Now I want to work on becoming more social/sociable and am pretty well lost. I expect chasing pussy is a ways down the road for me, but for now I'd like to try to at least work on becoming a more interesting and friendly type of guy. Not that I've been unfriendly, but I've never felt comfortable in social settings and have avoided them. Time to get out of my comfort zone and go greet the world I think. Hopefully with some pointers I can manage to do that without coming off too weird or creepy.
MentORPHEUS Endorsed Contributor 6y ago
If you don't already like bars, no sense learning about them now. Maybe pursue hobbies and Meetup groups for socializing. I'm 50 and recently got into Obstacle Course Racing. Online dating working well still, but I discovered there's a huge difference between 49 and 50 in the responses you get.
[deleted] 6y ago
[deleted]
TurningRed54 6y ago
Eww... Ok, well it wouldn't be the first time I got some stuff wrong, that can be fixed.
Current goal of bedding some HB's is probably the wrong mindset but wtf. Goal is goal and I'm doing SMV related side goals on my way to that one. Lifting (one month in and enjoying it so far), improving wardrobe, getting some dental work done soon etc etc.
I don't feel that my goal is unreasonable since my online dating past had brought me LTR's with a couple 4's and 5's, I'm between relationships and I'm not going to settle for another 5. I know I'm better than that and steadily improving. I'm an averagely decent looking guy, 6' tall, 175 lbs, good skin, blue eyes, near 6 figure income, finances are in order and have enough free time to go mess around if I want. I might be considered a catch by some decent women if I bothered to go looking, but this lack of social skill thing is holding me back.
And I might not be horrifically bad at personal interactions. I get along great with people I work with, although I feel like I say stupid stuff from time to time, and I've talked to a couple people while lifting including one HB7. No drama there, she was doing deadlifts kind of strangely, I asked her about it and she said her technique was terrible. Just like normal people, whatta ya know?
I figured "bar" is the default social ground so that's what I aimed for. Figured if I could become comfortable in that environment I could probably do alright.
If that all sounds wrong minded or off TRP track, let me know where I've messed up so I can work on getting it right.
[deleted]
Demographic_ 6y ago
Have you read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi? I believe what you are trying to do is become a PUA, where PUA mimics alpha behaviours towards women to seduce them. But the real alpha just does all these things and he is not faking it. Alpha is what you want to become, not a PUA.
TurningRed54 6y ago
Nope, I haven't read it. And I see it there on the side bar. I'll round up the book/eBook whatever and go back over the side bar some more. Obviously I've either missed some stuff or my retention the first time reading through it was not great.
And yeah, PUA/ONS isn't really what I'm after. Something more solid than that, but not to the point of oneitis. Every woman I've been with so far has been exclusive for at least half a year and most for much longer. That shit must stop! Time to enjoy shopping around.
[deleted] 6y ago
[deleted]
TurningRed54 6y ago
Yeahaw. I found a recommended TRP reading list post and placed an order from Amazon. Got The Rational Male, No More Mr Nice Guy and The Millionaire Fastlane on the way. Also I already have a copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People that I am starting immediately.
NeverForgetEver 6y ago
So I'm in high school and I've been suffering the last few years due to my overall anxiety with talking to girls, especially with my own personal case of oneitis. I've only very recently decided to start attempting to follow the advice given by TRP. But my question is how exactly do I start, with what do I begin trying to improve?
MentORPHEUS Endorsed Contributor 6y ago
Go to AskTRP and read the top sticky post NEWBIES READ THIS. Also in the sidebar there you'll find RED PILL PRIMER- SIDEBAR MADE SIMPLE.
These are specifically written to guide newbies along the steep learning curve, when they're each starting from different places in life. It's all a buzzing, blooming confusion at first, but once you absorb a certain amount it becomes easier.
[deleted]
boolNation 6y ago
First, lift, then get over your oneitis and read the side bar
NeverForgetEver 6y ago
I can only use the gym at my school but I do use it when they allow us, I'm also trying to get over my oneitis as well. And I've gone through the sidebar, though I haven't really red every single link on it, just the ones I felt like I needed more.
RPStone 6y ago
Read those links you skipped. And read The Rational Male. Keep lifting and reading. Unplugging takes time, it doesn't happen overnight.
[deleted]
WISE_TURD 6y ago
Read "how to win friends and influence people" and the sidebar multiple times.
Form good habits. "the power of habit" is a good read, but not necessary. Understand that you are what you do repeatedly.
Good habits would be:
STUDYING AND GETTING GOOD GRADES. Look at it as a personal challenge. Yes, most of the things you learn aren't necessary for the real world, but think of it as the world testing your willpower. Also, having read and remembering chaucer is never bad knowledge to have. Makes people know you're not a dumbass when they try to seem smarter than you. Kill it in math and writing skills if you want something to bank on. Knowing a second language is great too.
Try to think about what you want to do with your life. The earlier you decide, the easier the goal will be.
take a gap year living abroad if you can't figure out what to do with your life or even consider the marines. Don't go to college without a plan. Starting a business is also an option.
lifting and/or playing a sport. If you play a sport, lifting in the offseason is usually beneficial. Powerlifting club if you have one. You could also found the club yourself.
joining things like the debate team and/or chess club. These make you look good for colleges and keep your mind sharp.
talking to everyone in your class. The jocks, the nerds, the teachers. Everyone.
stop watching tv, stop watching porn, stop playing video games, cut back on social media (ironically, even reddit once you know the sidebar well).
go to bed early and eat healthily. NO SODA. Only drink milk or water.
*phase these habits in slowly. Lifting and/or studying should be your keystone habits, so start here.
NeverForgetEver 6y ago
And also ironically most of these are already checked off for me, but I do see room to improve myself, but the details are appreciated.
rubixd 6y ago
When I was in High School, I thought I had a lot of those things checked off, too. Part of what you'll discover as you continue to grow is that things you thought you knew you actually know a lot less.
For each item on that list try to step back and apply the concept above. For example:
If you do talk to everyone, how meaningful are the conversations, really? Are you getting out of the conversation what you want? What is the other person getting out of the conversation? Is what you think they are getting different from reality? Watch their body language, etc etc.
I'm telling you this because "thinking I got it" really actually closed my mind off to sooo many other possibilities.
Happy to answer questions.
NeverForgetEver 6y ago
Hm, well as a junior I'm in ap calc, all I can really improve there is get As, the only academic improvement I can think of is just get slightly higher grades. I already know I want to be a physicist and that I want to study in the university of Munich, so I'm learning German right now to prepare for that, as well as already being able to speak Persian and planning to learn Russian. Sadly, the only gym I can use right now is the one at my schools gym, but I do use it everytime they allow us to use it. I play chess daily at the library and I would join the chess team if we had one. It's honestly here at the social level that I suffer heavily. I'm slightly better at talking to strangers and guys, but it gets harder if they're girls, especially the prettier ones. Basically I think I've outlined what I need to work on most: Working out, improving my mental state are by far what I need to improve the most. Other than that I plan on working on my increasing the stuff I know. But it's implementing what I learn from TRP and the various books and such I'll be reading, that is my biggest problem, aka actually expressing, physically all that I'll learn. So are my goals too general or what do you advise?
rubixd 6y ago
Sounds like you're smart and you have some solid long term goals for your future, which is great.
Lifting will improve your mental state. If you can't lift at your school gym go for a run. Exercise everyday. If you can do AP calc you can go pick up some weights and put them back down a few times. The fact is, if you don't lift or do some kind of exercise, you are shortening your lifespan. If you're going to be a brilliant physicist you'll need to live long enough to publish the Unified Field Theory. :)
You can read as much as you want but the only way for a guy as smart as you probably are to get better at being social is through experience: exposure therapy. Challenge yourself to speak to new people. When you are in line say hello to the person behind you. Ask them how their day is going. It doesn't matter if the conversation dies there, it's experience. Try to read their body language. Are they annoyed you are talking to them, do they want to be left alone, or are they interested in doing something besides stare at their phone and wait in line (like talk to you)? Did she smile when you said hi? Is she laughing at your jokes?
The thing about being smart is that you can justify your way out of anything. You'll intellectualize why you shouldn't talk to that girl behind you. You'll find a way out every time. Face your fear and say hi. You can just as easily intellectualize your way out of working out. Don't let yourself.
Exercise and genuine social connection are human physiological needs. By depriving yourself of both, on purpose or not, you are actually increasing your stress levels and shortening your lifespan. Also, it's proven that exercise helps you retain information. Go for a run after school to help that sink in!
As far as goals, you have good long-term goals but you need to develop short term goals to. Like daily goals:
Have one or two like that everyday. Take it one day at a time, and you will get better. You'll see.
NeverForgetEver 6y ago
Yeah, it's gotten to the point where people telling me in smart has lost its meaning from all the years of people telling me that. And it always makes me feel awkward, which actually reminds me of another question, I always get flustered at compliments cause I never know exactly how to respond, especially when someone just gives one to me all of a sudden. So I usually just end up awkwardly staying silent while I deliberate on what to say, and by the time I figure something out, i feel like it's been too long to really say anything at that point. As for working out, I have rec/wellness every other day and I do spend between 30 to 45 minutes using various weights and and machines, focusing mainly on my upper body. It's the days I have off from rec/well that I need to exercise, which I haven't done at all really. It would be simply amazing if I could find the unified field theory :) And the thing about justifying my way out of doing things hits home. It's literally a daily occurrence, happening like at least 5 times a day, probably, and honestly, definitely more than that. I've felt the effect of the deprivation of social contact really hard the last 2 years, and I really do want to stop it, but again, it's my damned fear and anxiety that stops me. And I have tried to set some kind of daily goal, but I nearly always without fail, have been unable to do them. I don't expect sudden changes in my life immediately, but I do expect this to take a long ass time.
rubixd 6y ago
This happened to me as well, rhetorical (but thought provoking) questions: What makes a person smart? Can you imagine what it would be like to be less smart? What wouldn't you notice that you do now?
Learning to take a compliment was challenging for me as well. First, unless it's painfully obvious, take it at face value. Don't read it into it ("he/she doesn't mean that") -- just take it at face value. "Jenny thinks I'm funny/cute/awesome". Now that you take it at face value, realize what that person did.
"Jenny" gave you a gift. What do you say when someone buys you lunch, or gives you a gift? You say "thank you". Once you get used to this you can respond back with how you feel "Thank you Jenny, that makes me feel happy".
Put those brains to use and do some research on lifting. There is more than you can imagine right now, I assure you. Also, it's proven that doing squats before hitting biceps causes your biceps to grow more than if you hadn't done squats. Hitting large muscle groups (Legs/Ass: Squats/Deadlifts, Chest: Bench/Dumbbell Press) causes huge releases of dopamine and, more importantly for lifting, testosterone. Bottom line: do squats once a week, do deadlifts once a week. I generally do (commas separate days): Chest/Tri, Back/Bi, Squats/legs, Cardio/Rest, Back/Bi, Shoulders , Deadlifts/Back/Hamstrings, Cardio/Rest.
Also, squats and deadlifts build your glutes, and of the muscles a guy can have the ass is generally what women like the most. (I think the order is Ass, Abs, Shoulders, Chest, Biceps)
This is caused by fear. When you feel the need to justify, STOP. Catch what your brain is doing. Think about why you feel fear. Identify what is causing it. Then, take another look and ask yourself "Really, what is the worst that can happen".
Set attainable goals. "I'm going to run a marathon with no training" is an insane goal. "I'm going to run/walk for 20 minutes tomorrow, is a reasonable goal". Don't sell yourself short, you will know when you are doing this, but don't set the bar so high you can't reach it, either.
Don't look at it like that, it makes it overwhelming. Take it one day at a time. "I'm going to go workout, and then do my homework, today".
NeverForgetEver 6y ago
I do try to say thank you when someone compliments me, but I feel like that isn't enough and that I should compliment them back, but then get pressured by myself to think of something nice to say back. And really the only compliments I get nowadays are those deeper more genuine ones from adults, although I do still get the occasional praise from friends and classmates.
As for the workout routine, the squat thing surprised me, usually when I do squats, I just do them normally without any additional weights, is that good enough or should I add some weights to It? And since I can get anywhere from a day to three days between gym days at school, and on off days in stuck with what I have at home. What I did at home was that for an hour or so before I went to bed, id do some squats and calf raises, then pushups, curl ups and planks, then repeat once or twice more. With a lack of equipment that's all I can do, and as of yet, i haven't found anything suitable to use as a weight to use. And as for the order of what women like most, to me at least, it seems to be more like abs, chest, biceps, shoulders, ass. Though I suppose that depends on the woman in question.
And in regards to the fear thing, would I be correct in saying thay I'm consciously aware that really nothing bad can happen, but that has yet to reach affect me subconsciously which is why I'm still afraid, since I'm more than aware nothing really bad would happen if I talked to that girl I like, especially since we're technically on speaking terms and know each other well enough, but I still have that unshakeable fear of talking to her.
rubixd 6y ago
A compliment is a gift... and gifts are something you give yourself. That might sound crazy at first but think about how you feel when you give someone a gift. You're excited, you hope they like it... and when they're happy you are too. So when someone gives you a gift, don't take that away from them by 'gifting' something you don't mean. A true compliment is from the heart.
Definitely add weight. You'll need a barbell, though, so that may be impossible, for now!
There are so many different variations of just the few things that you told me. Changing your grip on push ups for example. Try doing wide grip push ups, or narrow grip pushups (with your arms almost hugging your body on the way up and down). For squats, you can go low until your knuckles touch and then don't just come back up, but jump. As far as abs go the list is endless. Side planks, Plank-runners, "pikes", figure-4 leg curls, leg lifts, sit ups, sit ups with twist. I could could go on and on.
Probably but, your subconscious is being flooded with hormones (not just because you're a teenager), but because the girl is hot. It's a physical response caused by a potential mate, to put it in biological terms. The ONLY way that it will get easier to get over that initial "approach anxiety" is by doing it over and over and over. "Do I want to be able to talk to girls?" If the answer is yes then "I must start talking to girls". This is why I mentioned talking to everyone, starting with easy 'targets' like people in line. First of all, you're talking to someone who is probably bored and thus open to at least saying hi. Next, this girl may not even be your type so therefore the physical reaction mentioned above is far less powerful. However, it still helps. I don't know if you play video games but the "girl you're not attracted to, but still don't know" is level 1. The hot girl who you like from afar, maybe get some grinding in first. Practice makes perfect.
[deleted] 6y ago
[deleted]
tredpillthrowawayy 6y ago
How can I actually be nice to a girl? The flirty asshole thing comes pretty natural to me I guess but how can I balance that with being nice without sounding too sweet and bp? Girls absolutely love the cocky asshole thing at first but after a while I can tell they get turned off and think I'm mean. Any advice on how to balance things without sounding like a beta bitch?
gELSK 6y ago
// , Most softie niceguys will, by simple accident, have a "range" while trying to become more "cocky and funny". Their human side will come through whether they like it or not.
If you're the exception to this rule, there are some old posts about it. Perhaps you can mention a vulnerability that demonstrates higher value, perhaps a fear of sex with women of a certain kind, or that time when your gf sprang an unconventional sex act on you?
[deleted] 6y ago
I think you can show interest about them, just don't do it in a submissive style. Avoid using the rising tone, and dominate the conversation.
vwzwv 6y ago
It's push and pull. I'm almost afraid to say it here, but I vacillate between cocky asshole and moments of sincere intelligence and emotional range. Always make the cocky asshole side dominate, and the other side brief and fleeting.
MaliciousMack 6y ago
I second this. That fleeting sincerity can be a pull, and many will find interest in making that side show, increasing their investment in your.
TheDelegatesDahnald 6y ago
First post here y'all, from the dark triad, do you guys view narcissism as a bad quality for a man to have?
Rian_Stone 6y ago
https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/
Best resource On narcissism I've found
[deleted] 6y ago
[deleted]
rubixd 6y ago
I just want to say that I am impressed by the precision of your word choice -- I don't think what you said could have been worded much better.
burner138 6y ago
How do you respond to a girl/woman that says 'you seem like a nice guy' or something along those BB words?
gELSK 6y ago
// , "Would a nice guy do this?" And then do that thing that a nice guy wouldn't do.
BrisingrAtWill 6y ago
"First time I've heard that" "Only on the first date"
Come up with some way to shut her down, then immediately next her. If you're lucky she might text you later but don't get your hopes up.
Review where you went wrong and improve.
m0rphing 6y ago
You respond the same way you respond to any woman saying anything to you. Say something silly and fuck around. "You seem like you're naive." "What?! why?" "Because you think I'm nice." Then change subject to something dumb iike the weather and let her hamster run.
TheDeadlyZebra 6y ago
Perhaps follow "nice guy" up with "I don't fuck like one"
MentORPHEUS Endorsed Contributor 6y ago
I internally think, "Fuck!" and review how I made a beta-esque impression like this so I don't keep doing it unthinkingly in the future. It may have been a fluke with this one particular woman, but if it's been a repeating pattern then yeah something in your approach needs work.
Old beta-me would have thought, "Yesssss!" and doubled down on the beta traits until some Chad swept her away before my eyes yet again.
burner138 6y ago
MentORPHEUS Endorsed Contributor 6y ago
In that context, de-escalate ONE step, to what you were comfortably doing before the LMR, rather than to zero. Maybe you'll push through the same night, maybe not. In this context, I've been able to F-close on a later date, and they've told me AFTER the fact that they appreciate that I didn't just push for sex early in the game.
Being called a nice guy before even getting past 1st base usually means she's disqualified you in her mind already.
burner138 6y ago
Sounds good to me, I still practice light kino on her during class by rubbing our legs together or placing my legs on her knees and she doesn't deny it. We've also exchanged texts where she wanted to keep our 'relationship' on the down low but then she got back with her fiance and I stopped replying and left it as is. (AWALT) -We made out while she was still with her fiance.
I also read on the sidebar to keep your messages as simple as possible where if its on the Big Screen for people to see, they wouldn't think you're a desperate fuck, but she thought I was being mean when I made jokes without the 'lol' or 'ha' at the end of it. How do I prevent sounding like an asshole?
Jailhouseredpilled93 6y ago
If woman have a duel sexual strategy and basically seek alfas when they are ovulating, then how does being an alfa work well when women are not in that ovulatory state most of the time?
blackedoutfast 6y ago
u fuck a different one.
but really it's not that absolute of a thing like complete 100% vs 0%. they always want to fuck alphas, they just get extra horny when they're ovulating and more tolerant of their lame beta boyfriends when they're not fertile. if you didn't know it was cyclical it would just seem like random but normal mood changes.
[deleted] 6y ago
[deleted]
[deleted] 6y ago
Incels was shut down because some of their members were harassing and catfishing women in real life, posting videos of it on the subreddit, and the moderators allowed that shit. As long as our moderators don't allow that type of behavior, and I haven't seen any indication that they do, we'll be just fine.
MentORPHEUS Endorsed Contributor 6y ago
Incels indulged in violent fantasies and ugly hatred of women. THAT is what brought down the banhammer for them.
[deleted] 6y ago
[deleted]
Lucas-Lehmer 6y ago
Does it bother you that such a vast proportion of the population can't distinguish TRP from Nazis/Incels? Have you considered why this might be the case?
ikcaj 6y ago
This is the first time in my life I've been on TRP and even I, a lowly woman, apparently "dumb as brick" to some of your brethren, can see the difference between this place and the now non-existent one.
In my brief time here I've learned TRP views itself as a praxeology versus an ideology and that what you do matters much more than what you believe. The people who strongly advocated for the closing of the incels sub, of which I am one, did so not because of what they believed but what they claimed to do (in all tenses).
None of the groups I'm affiliated with are calling for a ban on this sub. It's mentioned only in response to the question as to where incels may try to regroup. If you guys stay the course, you'll be fine, even you are uncouth enough to try (multiple times) to liken the closing of a reddit forum to Kristallnacht
deltaunit18 6y ago
I've been dealing with brain fog for years now and only recently found out I can minimize it and hopefully get rid of it fully. Problem is that I feel disconnected and become forgetful because of it and ultimately act blue pulled/loosing frame when the fog is at its worst. I've started to take anti depressants to help with the fog as instructed by my doctor and I gave up dairy which has been helping a lot.
I don't know how to keep focus when the fog is affecting me. Mediation tips? Any exercises of some sort? Should I stay on the meds for a month or two and see if it even helps?
amekooky 6y ago
whats your diet like? ive been on a keto diet for 3 months now.. cleared brain fog for me, if i ever cheat the diet on the weekends mood swings will kick back in.
deltaunit18 6y ago
Took out milk completely, lowered my gluten intake, and debating keto.
vwzwv 6y ago
This is rather trivial, but I thought I'd run it by here since I don't have an answer. I'm in my mid 50s and meet weekly with about 20 other men. One of the guys, who I otherwise like, calls me 'Johnny' instead of John. First time I told him people don't call me by Johnny. He continues to call me Johnny affectionately as though he's trying to make it stick as a nickname. He greeted me last time, and I responded 'oh no not this johnny shit again'.
At this point I'm trying to think of something that will make him feel like he shoved a stick up his own ass if he calls me Johnny.
Trivial I know, but if someone knows a jedi shut-the-fuck-up move I'd like to hear it.
If not I'm going to start ignoring him saying to other people 'i don't know why he calls me that'
gELSK 6y ago
// , Call him "Tibbles" :)
If you want to be extra annoying, "Mister Tibbles"
[deleted] 6y ago
might need to do something like this
[deleted]
BrisingrAtWill 6y ago
Own it. Don't show that it bothers you and laugh it off. As soon as someone finds a way to get a reaction out of you they will continue that behaviour in order to look more Alpha.
LavaPipe 6y ago
Don’t get worked up about it, just start by calling him the wrong name too
TheDeadlyZebra 6y ago
This seems like a good direction. Find a name that he feels is uncomfortable and make sure he hears you calling him that. Then spread it to other people that know him if he keeps calling you the wrong name.
He's trying to assert a kind of dominance and likely won't respond to reasonable appeals. If you have read some of the Dark Triad literature, he seems to be playing "the jester" https://illimitablemen.com/2016/09/19/dark-triad-archetypes-the-jester/
He may see you as having some kind of authority that he is trying to steal. Otherwise he's just a sadistic dick. He might have some other pressure points up his sleeve to use against you if you use the same jester type of counter move, so brainstorm some of his weaknesses beforehand
anabolic92 6y ago
I can't guys. I can't. Only if you took 10 minutes to go through my post history you'd see how low my self-esteem and worth are. I've been doing well, I have been getting some female action even, and even that is a problem. As soon as I'm done with the girl (not necessarily fucking, just making out or fingering) my first question is
Why me? I am un ugly bald cunt, I see a lot of guys more attractive than me on the streets.
I can't understand why any woman would want to do anything with me.
I've already been almost three months in this new country, live in a flat with another guy of my age, go out every weekend with a group of people, earn OK money and from time to time get some action. Shall I be happy already? How do I even know what I need to be happy?
[deleted] 6y ago
[deleted]
anabolic92 6y ago
He's rich also and status.
The thing is that I've never had many girls in my life, so whenever I get some action I just get so emotionally invested seems like. I keep it OK on the outwards (I dont act needy and shit) but inside I'm fucked.
I have to finish now NMMNG and I can read the sidebar again and The Rational Male.
I will never have self-esteem, I've been already lifting for years and I'm on steroids, I get the typical conversation starters from guys 'nice physique' and shit but it hasn't helped me.
Thanks for the input though.
MentORPHEUS Endorsed Contributor 6y ago
This sounds like clinical depression. If so, TRP isn't a magic fix-it.
Read up on self-actualization and the hierarchy of human needs. See if there are any unfulfilled areas of your life holding you back that you can work on.
Get up early and expose your retinas to at least 10min of bright sunlight at the same time each morning. This will reset your body clock and may help get you out of the mental rut. You'll have to follow through with ACTUALLY DOING THINGS to build an organic sense of accomplishment and self-worth.
If you can't bootstrap your way forward, seek professional counseling (not necessarily meds) to help you start on a new path.
anabolic92 6y ago
I feel like any achievement I reach makes me happy, so I will take a look on the hierarchies of human needs.
And seeking counseling I think it's something I should have done before, sadly in the country I am on now and not speaking yet fully the language it will be hard.
42-AX 6y ago
Are you creating strong relationships with other guys?
Glover approaches this mentality as an attempt to get validation from women in No More Mr. Nice Guy. His solution is building bonds with men.
anabolic92 6y ago
In the new country I am living with I have just one good friend, we pretty much meet and go out for drinks at least once a week.
We like the same and look the same almost so we get on well. We hang with other people but they are not as good friends.
Actually yes, I think this might be one of my problems. It feels good the validation you get when making out/sex/etc... with a women, it makes me feel wanted and worth to a degree. Isn't this normal? I mean I like women and I want to be liked back, but barely has happened ever during my life, so whenever it happens those two feels of worth and validation appear.
42-AX 6y ago
Right, it's completely normal to enjoy the sensations of sex. But to place so much internal value on it maybe be where you are unintentionally hurting you.
What you need is to spend more time with males. As a male you derive satisfaction from achievement and accomplishment. It's literally in your genetics. Women are not built like that so you can't sympathize with their day-to-day activities as well as with men.
Spend time with men doing activities that invoke your masculinity. Discuss philosophical ideas. Play/watch a sport. Go camping. Build something with your hands (legos are acceptable if necessary). Perform stand up comedy with each other.
Depending on what country you're in may also affect what it means to be a 'man'. Don't be afraid to try stereotypically male things, nothing will go wrong as long as you aren't dead (and trust me, you're much harder to kill than you think).
Self-honest 6y ago
I'm going to give you two pieces of advice I got when I was depressed after having a blood clot in my heart that almost killed me. I could not shake the feeling. No matter how well I did physically, financially etc. I just could not be happy.
My best friend told me, "We can talk about how you feel all day long, but the real question is: What are you going to do about it?" A lightbulb went off for me and I stopped thinking and talking about how I felt, and started doing things that made me feel differently.
A few months before that I was talking to my father in the car while my younger brother slept in the back seat. For reference, I was 31 and my brother was 27. I was complaining to my dad about constantly being afraid of dying from another blood clot and how that was making me depressed and ruining my life. I told him I wanted him to just ask me how I was doing from time to time, because I wasn't doing well and I was holding it all inside.
From the back seat my brother angrily shouted, "You need to grow the fuck up and be a man!" I was so mad at him that night. He had no idea what it felt like and no place to call me out like that. I wanted to hate him for it, but he hit the nail on the fucking head. It took me months to understand it fully. It's been a year and a half, and I am so thankful he said that to me right when he did. Everybody has problems, and if you don't decide to grow the fuck up and be a man, then you will be doomed forever.
anabolic92 6y ago
Regarding your first advice there is one good point, I need to know the things that make me happy. Currently one of the things that I miss most in my life is the lack of interaction with women.
Yes I know TRP says women should never be the main goal focus on your life/pussy on a pedestal, but I think only those who have experienced a certain degree of abundance can say so.
Your second advice, seems like that was your rock bottom point, where everything went up from there. I ask myself when I am going to reach that day or if I can do anything to hit it earlier.
I have a lot of problems of self-esteem/worth/pity, but for so long that I don't know how to get out of there. My entire concept of reality is fucked I think.
Thanks for the advice.
Self-honest 6y ago
Self-esteem: There are always going to be people who are better and worse than you at everything. Who cares? Start comparing yourself to you yesterday and see how much better than that guy you can be.
Self-worth: I am a grown ass man and I know what I'm worth. Establish that with discipline and by setting and enforcing boundaries.
Self-pity: Covered that one already. Grow the fuck up and be a man! Nobody else gives a shit. Why should you?
So you miss interacting with women. Stop telling me how you feel and tell me what you're going to do about it.
anabolic92 6y ago
But sometimes seeing other men and how far ahead they are, most of them without putting almost any effort or trying, makes me go into a downhill of negative thoughts. I think it's almost impossible not to compare.
I am not a person who talks a lot to be honest, I can't see myself going to random people and starting a conversation.
Funny enough, my best buddy right now he does it every weekend we go out, but it wouldn't feel natural if I did what he does.
Self-honest 6y ago
Bro, I can stand up in my office right now and point to guys who are taller, better looking, richer, more successful, and stronger than me. Who gives a fuck?
It's not "most of them without any effort or trying." You are making that up. You think everybody gets strong without lifting things, or rich and successful without working hard? And again, even if they all did, who cares? Stop thinking about other people.