After lurking here for quite a while, and getting more and more accustomed to daily dose of RP I wanted to share my own story of RP journey so far which was more or less half a year only, but it is already a skyrocket from the bottom to, well, to much better place. I feel a need to share this story which is expression of gratitude and possible help for others starting their journey.
For some this is may be a boring blog/autobiography but some of you might see similar patterns in your lives and use it to reassure themselves about the right path to take.
Sorry for the long post but there is so much shit I want to share with you brothers in arms.
I had an uber BP upbringing where submission to authorities, religion and thus gynocentrism was pumped into my brain every day. Sexual repression, BP betabux doormat father with lack of positive examples, control freak mother unsatisfied by her marriage and staying faithful only due to hardcore Catholic brainwash.
All of that resulted in 24 yo virgin me with no job, studying some shit faculty, wasting all of his time on video games and internet browsing. You want to know what sexual repression means? I’ve started masturbating no sooner than 24, my first wake orgasm was at that age, all before was only wetting my bed. All my school life I was this calm insecure beta guy, that had like 3 encounters with females and kissed like 2 of these. Nothing more, just hanging out with other nerds and losers till my 20’s.
Things changed when I made some chad friend during my studies and started lifting with them. For the first time I started really attracting women.
I’ve started dating, but most of these chicks were not turning me on, I was just desperate for validation and to finally get laid. That’s how I met my ex. She was way below my SMV, quite chubby but still fuckable enough to not make me burn in shame while being seen with her (I was still desperate for validation and had hardcore scarcity mindset). She was the one who approached me, obviously, because I would never dare to approach myself. I passively went on with all of it just to get some fucks. That’s where the hell begun.
During our first date she got attacked by her current fiancée which she apparently wanted to cheat on with me. He attacked her with broken glass in a pub when we were making out. Guy just busted in and cut her face in front of me. Thankfully to chad pals I had my gains, I was also training boxing with them frequently. I basically took down this guy with one punch to his face while he only managed to scream “It’s my girlfriend!”. Little fucks did I give back them, first time I was chad, I was alpha, I smashed the guy, I smashed her this night too. That night I lost my virginity at age 25. Seemed like a beginning of a great relationship, did it not?
She told me this guy was just her stalker, a psycho and all this girlfriend stuff was bullshit. Nope. It was true. After some time of hanging out together she already begun to shit test me like a motherfucker, I failed majority of tests. Girl was a psychopath, told me she is bipolar, but her therapists would refuse to continue therapy for her which mostly happens for BPD people. Most probably she was BPD. As I started to fail all the shit testing, she knew she could get me down to the level of beta I have not even achieved before. My psychological degradation begun. I lost most of my friends and social life. I stopped lifting. I moved in to her flat. I started performing badly at my studies. Became chubby for a first time in my life as I was this thin kind of guy that never gets fat before.
Girl gave me hell. She spent some time in a mental hospital, she expressed all the red flags mentioned in this vid. ALL OF THEM CHECKED. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iihsbrwqZLU&t=8s
- lovebombing
- pity stories of being raped and molested before
- being jealous of porn I’ve became addicted to as I’ve started reaching new levels of beta
- calling for chivalry and protector mode, whiteknighting because her psycho ex
- shaming for control “what kind of man are you?”
More than that she started displaying alcohol issues, getting drunk most of these days, going out alone without me (she was already cheating probably), she also started becoming even more and more fat which amazes me she still was able to find side fucks. Whatever. Finally after our relationship started to fall apart she told me “I don’t love you anymore”.
You know hat I did?
I broke down crying. I want to kill myself at sole memory of it.
We made up few days later, since probably her monkeybranch failed and she came back to me. Me denial of course about possibility of such thing, she just loved me back. Shit went on smoothly from then, until her mother got cancer. She fell back into alcoholic abuse complaining that I don’t give her enough emotional support (“you are fucking beta bitch”). She demanded me to swear that I’ll never leave her because now she can’t be alone, she can’t live without me, she loves me forever and she will kill herself if I leave. I demanded her to swear that she never cheated on me. We both swore. She emotionally blackmailed me to propose to her. I did it while being drunk, when we came back fucked up from some party. We started preparing for wedding.
Long story short. In the end I started to get flashes of sanity. She forgot to log out from my noteebok and I was able to go through her facebbok converstions.
What I’ve read there was her talk with female friend about how that beta nice guy loser she’s with is total failure, that she should keep fucking around like she does right now, that she has affair with some older higher positioned man and she was hoping that my proposal will make this guy want to get serious with her (he probably pumped few times and dumped or avoided commitment).
This evening was the moment I took the natural RP without even knowing of its existence. For the first time I stood for myself, moved out despite her cries, lies that it was all made up to her female friend because she’s bipolar and mythomaniac and schizopherniac and whatever the fuck else she can be. There were suicide threats, she even tried to bullshit me about being pregnant with me, also blackmailing calls from her dying mother. For the first time whiteknight ended
I SAID FUCK THEM ALL
Moved out. Blocked her.
First I went total MGTOW. I’ve decided that women are not worth of any of my attention, I will play video games and jerk off to anime till the end of my life because society filled with women has nothing better and safer to offer. But there was chick at my workplace. Solid 8.5/10, with fun open personality, finding interest in me for some reason, probably compassion because she got to know my story. She started inviting me to places to go with her after work and stuff. The problem is she had a boyfriend and I had freshly gained trust issues. I told myself she wanted to make fun of me, and that’s all some sick joke to shame me among workplace buddies. Despite that I decided to try and made a move on her, she rejected me and made laugh at me with other people at my workplace. First time I have learned about frame naturally, I’ve just started laughing with them and suddenly we all were back in friendly atmosphere, she kept hanging out with me as her official orbiter, but this time she begun being more seducing and sexual the more I kept making fun off all this situation. The frame started to work.
Other people started inviting me to do sports together, hang around with them during parties and meetings. First time I had social life that was not based on my Steam friends list.
My ego was hurt though. I wanted to pay back that bitch the same way. I had to level up, I had to seduce her, fuck her and dump or just reject and humiliate her. I started lifting again. Started my research about seduction. It became something between onetis/revenge plan.
Finally, I’ve found RP. Holy shit my mind got blown. In one year I changed my life by 180 degree, I’ve implemented all of RP knowledge with focus on dark triad manipulative psychopath because I was empty and dead inside, I wanted to make hurt and see the world burn.
Got cured from new onetis, learned about abundance, started dating and approaching chiks I’ve never dreamt of. My workplace girl was still asking me to go out with her to parties with friends, and social events. No signs of her boyfriend around. As I limited my interest in her and practiced abundance by dating other chiks with higher SMV than hers, she started sucking up to me herself. Messaging me late at night, dirty talking, getting touchy with me and desperate jealous of time and attention that was her before.
The breakpoint was the moment I was out with her at some pub and she gave me nuclear shit test by starting to hit on some other guy in front of me. What did I? I chose the most beautiful chick in pub and approached her. I spent rest of the night with the prettiest girl I’ve ever approached while workplace girl went back home alone red faced and angry.
I’ve acquired a 9.5/10 plate. I couldn’t resist bragging constantly about fuck marathons with this new chick in my workplace in presence of the workplace girl. Shit was so cash, I could feel the burn. My ego was still thirsty for blood. The plate girl was a wall hitter and wanted to settle down with me, I was giving her fake signs of commitment, while using her just for sex and revenge on some other chick that I wanted to make cheat on her bf with me. I was the bad guy for the first time in my life.
Meantime I also bragged about all of this to my old friend. Chad getting laid like crazy since our early age I was always looking up to. I told him about this new “RP” stuff. He said he had known about “RP” for a long time, long before me. We had very interesting talk that evening. He said I’m pathetic and I’m still fooling around, being ridiculous just to get laid and feed my ego.
Finally the plate chick gave me ultimatum, I said openly that I don’t give a shit about her, and she can fuck off. I left her, never called back. At first I was satisfied, I was the king.
The next morning, I looked into the mirror, I remembered what RP chad told me, I started to feel bad. I nearly broke down crying.
It did not feel that good at all. I started to feel bad for the plate girl.
Workplace girl is still hitting on me, we are going out regularly but she keeps baiting with no reward. I lost my interest I don’t want to meddle in her business and relationship anymore. There are lots of free young girls that just want to fuck around without consequences. I just still need to learn to make right choices and go for the right kind of women. We are hanging out with RP chad regularly now and discussing all the concepts and experiences, going out to clubs and stuff. Kudos to you if you read this.
Now I’m kind dealing with returning lack of motivation, since I’ve dropped my ego, I hope, and it’s no longer source of my fuel. I need to work on mission I guess. There is still much more to this story but I’ve tried to point out the most important aspects. Take this experience and put it to your databases, I hope it will make your own research richer somehow.
Squirmme 6y ago
Dude come on you never got your revenge?
scissor_me_timbers00 6y ago
Dude it's not cool being a Machiavellian psychopath. I mean good job improving yourself and getting more towards idgaf but seriously cut the sperging out on the psychopath stuff.
Ananonguy88 6y ago
I did cut it. That's why I'm confessing.
I can't understand the fact that most people are so autistic to argue about my title choice rather than see into my post.
LiveAFTSOV 6y ago
Good job telling the dying mom and fat alcoholic to go fuck themselves
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chadwick_thundercock 6y ago
If you were truly a "Machiavellian Psychopath" you wouldn't brag about it like this on TRP, where anyone can say anything. :p
[deleted] 6y ago
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Ananonguy88 6y ago
Damaged ego, butthurt and thirst for revenge on femalekind.
Now that I lack any of these, I'm struggling to keep it going.
[deleted] 6y ago
Becoming a man of self-worth and self-respect doesn't make you a ''psychopath''.
I don't know why people on this sub have started to refer to themselves as narcissists and psychopaths. Lmao.
[deleted] 6y ago
The old BP part of your self sees you as such, you behave in a way that you've been brought up to believe is wrong and sinful.
The diagnosis of narcissism or psychopathy is also likely invented by BP men shaming naturals who see the world for what it is and because of their BP narrative do not understand the behavior of the narcissist or psychopath.
I would even dare argue that most mental disorders and criteria are a form of crabs in a bucket mentality. So when they actually believe they are ill and pushed down by people around them and the psychiatric community they can laugh at them and go: "haha, see we told you people like that are crazy and sick and never amount to nothing."
Arabian_Wolf 6y ago
The matrix effect is strong within the masses.
LiveAFTSOV 6y ago
I guarantee atleast 50% of this sub's population has mommy narcissistic issues.
Rian_Stone 6y ago
This.
Narcissism manifest in a few ways. So long as it's a script detached from the persons real identity, it's narcissism.
Doesnt have to be a positive one
Arabian_Wolf 6y ago
Some even say true psychopathy is a clinical condition from birth.
420KUSHBUSH 6y ago
It is said that psychopaths are born; sociopaths are created
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red_matrix 6y ago
I think it is - but I also think it's possible to rewire your brain into the Dark Triad if you really wanted.
Rian_Stone 6y ago
Killology is what you're thinking. Psychopathy is missing the empathise part of the brain, it can't be taught
Barbuhgurth 6y ago
I know a guy whos a psychopath, this is what he told me.
"Lets say you're working in a grocery store, and you have a box of bananas in your hands. A fat coworker is yapping about something you really dont care for. You take that box, throw it as hard as you possibly can at his head, just to hear how that little fucker will squeal."
The term "psychopathy" is becoming the new "racist", as in its getting diluted. My friend struggles day in day out with impulses like these, so claiming to be a psychopath is a.. strange thing to do.
YGDieciseis 6y ago
Is your friend clinically diagnosed as a psychopath?
Barbuhgurth 6y ago
Theres no drugs they give for psychopathy, so why the fuck would he see a doctor about it? Cmon now, we are talking about a psychopath here.
Arabian_Wolf 6y ago
Can you enlighten us with how to spot a psychopath?
Barbuhgurth 6y ago
If they are: Manipulative Parasitical Impulsive Drug user / abuser So emotionally shallow theyre flat In possession of a very strange sense of humor cynical Narcissistic Delusional ..then theyre probably a psychopath, or have psychopathic tendencies. Easy to mix with sociopath, sociopaths are like this due to a certain upbringing. Theyre safer if theyre more emotionally distant, that kind of thing. Psychopaths are born without that link to empathy like that other dude said.
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[deleted] 6y ago
Wait are you a young guy or an old guy?
Who’s the old guy up top ?
csqr 6y ago
Some comments: 1) Read the sidebar material, multiple times, then read it again. 2) Congrats on dodging a bullet with the BPD gf, many of us have been there. 3) Do not shit where you eat. Push-pull dynamics with with a coworker is very very risky. 4) Your whole "psychopath" routine comes across as plain being stuck in anger phase, not good for you. For anger/ revenge issues, take a look at stuff on anger phase. Also watch some lectures by psychologist Jordan Peterson.
plainposter 6y ago
Constructing this machiavellian psychopathic image of yourself is a useful defense mechanism for now, and eventually you will realize that trust issues aren't fun and you definitely don't want to have them forever. Point blank: have enough strength to be able to let people in emotionally and connect with them, and not be afraid. be able to surrender yourself to certain people and form close bonds with them. it's much more fulfilling than just using people... you don't want the reputation of being a psychopath.. trust me.. major problem.. your main aim should be to leave this world in a better place than when you came into it.. life will sort itself out once you make that your main priority.
ItsNotShane 6y ago
Hahahhaha yeah right, this is some Revenge of the nerd's wet dream(gone wrong since you "felt bad").. At best.
foggydew42 6y ago
Machiavellian psychopath? Not even close. You still have a lot to learn and you are highly invested in what these girls think about you.
Good work dropping the first girl. It's funny how often this happens to men and how there isn't any support for it. No one tells you growing up that your girlfriend could be a psycho BPD. Men are left far behind and there is nothing to prepare you in life for dealing with a girl like that. Keep making steps forward and always remember the lessons you learned from that relationship.
red_matrix 6y ago
It's these experiences that shape men. One of life's tests with fatal consequences. Men are truly alone.
gELSK 6y ago
// , There is now. But it doesn't get millions of $ in govt. funding
WolfofAnarchy 6y ago
And it's good that he's not some fucking psychopath. Sometimes I think there's a lot of people in this sub that watched Dexter a little too recently.
CoupDeGrace22 6y ago
Exactly, people in here need to stop idolizing this like it's a superpower, if you understand the benefits of psychopathy in modern society then you understand that everyone is capable of what they do but with a different approach and methodology.
Elementary level of self awareness, just read your own writing. Bravo, not a psychopath, and be glad you aren't.
Good work on getting your life around, stop caring so much about girls.
Edit: The wisdom of psychopaths is a very comprehensive gestalt on psychopathy offering the exact insights/lessons a redpiller would want
CreateANewAccount___ 6y ago
I can attest to this. My first serious girlfriend was BPD and had suicidal thoughts. Absolute shitstorm of a relationship and oddly enough made me pretty RP near the end of the relationship before I actually discovered TRP.
Shitty to go through, but for some kickstarts the beginning of their new life.
maverick99x9 6y ago
Bipolars and borderlines are the worst out there. You can’t think of anything else other than revenge if you’ve ever been in a relationship with these kind of bitches.
witch_pimp 6y ago
Sounds like you are still learning a lot about women in general. But don't give up, keep growing!
kellhusian 6y ago
Yeah, what? This is not even remotely close to being a psycho/sociopath, fuck. I can tell my sociopath stories that are a degree or two more fucked up than OP's... and I'm not even a genuine sociopath.
pizzarulzz 6y ago
In his first lines he already saif you might find it. Boring, there was no dominence, he was unsecure about his post
0ldsql 6y ago
Seriously, I recently began to think that most ppl here never really read Machiavelli or Nietzsche, Schopenhauer or Aurel for that matter (just as they never read the sidebar) but just want to name drop to impress.
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tallwheel 6y ago
No way! You think? Couldn't possibly be... /s
[deleted] 6y ago
I have read some Nietzsche and Machiavelli, haven't got round to Schopenhauer yet and have never heard of 'Aurel'. Did you mean Marcus Aurelius, or is there another philosopher that I should check out?
0ldsql 6y ago
Sorry. Don't know why I used this transliteration of his name, maybe because of the two Germans before. There are a few others philosophers of the same or similar school you can check out, however: Seneca (Stoicism), Kierkegaard, Sartre, Camus (Existentialism), Stirner (Individualism/Egoism). It's at times hard to digest but if you worked yourself through Nietzsche it should be alright :)
Bradthedolphin 6y ago
"Machiavellian psychopath". Go outside.
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whatifitsfun 6y ago
I'm in a similar place right now. I used to be extremely driven by my ego, which helped me outperform others. But after learning some psychology and philosophy, the ego thing died. Now I have zero regard for what anyone thinks of me. The good is that I'm more honest with myself, free of oneitis, and truly dgaf; the bad is that the desire for status was the driving force behind my action. Part of me wants that back. Because with the freedom to go in any direction, you're burdened with having to make a choice. All my life I wanted to be free and to feel like I'm enough. Now that I do, I don't know where to go other than seek out pleasure and thrill for their own sake. But I doubt that it will lead my spirit to a good place.
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iLLprincipLeS 6y ago
You should be grateful to her.
Fuck yeah. Another whore you should be thankful for.
You were slave, now you are master.
If she's not a virgin, she's a plate.
Ananonguy88 6y ago
Yup, I am kind of grateful. They gave me lessons no one ever did. Sometimes you need a strong ass kicking to make a change.
JJ1066 6y ago
Holy shit. The story with your first girl is the reason real abundance is a requirement!
Good work on the improvement since then but if you felt bad about what you said about the workplace girl then what you said to her was a lie - you obviously care about her which is fine as long as you don't over invest...Just tell her straight what you want and leave the ball in her park so to speak.
Why was your old chad friend such a dick about things? Assume he is in a serious LTR now?
Ananonguy88 6y ago
Nah, he just was there, did that, has it worked through. Kinda bad he never wanted to red pill me openly, just giving "hints" before. Maybe he knew he would receive denial and BP rage.
red_matrix 6y ago
You can't really openly discuss RP. All you can do is drop hints, which I'm sure he did. Guys eventually find the core components just by googling - you may not find this sub, but there are millions of forums and blogs out there.
Zebub343 6y ago
I've lost friends for trying to RP them, even subtly. He did not RP you because of how difficult it is to swallow the pill & the possible backfire you can get from it (especially his reputation in the BP world).
Essentially some, even when learning, seeing, and experiencing RP meta and rules they seek to deny it.
"Ignorance is a bliss" and most BP men rather stay attached to their old ways as a "keep running into the unbreakable wall" instead of genuinely changing and improving for the best.
What matters is that you are here, aware more than most men can say. You have the tools to build yourself up better and stronger than ever.
keysomea 6y ago
Good story. I’m turning 20 today and I’m going monk mode for these next 6 months and reap the results. Ur story helped me OP thanks !
Ananonguy88 6y ago
Good luck, I wish I had same knowledge at your age. Do not waste it.
[deleted] 6y ago
Great read, shows any "beta bitch" person can change if they really desire it.
Arabian_Wolf 6y ago
Good story op.
I can see you’re a late bloomer, just like me, and that you were, in your teenage and early adult years missing out the fun and parties and shit.
Your chad friend is wise, he know well how having this type of fun is just empty and let one fall into depression, and I can see that you wanting to get laid is about getting external validation you missed it in your younger years.
Now you got this shit out your system, my advice to you is to read about stoicism and generally go monk mode for a while, or travel backpacking/vagabond to some developing countries, great growth you’ll gain that’ll make you a high value man that can get everything he wants from life.
Ananonguy88 6y ago
Good advice, I've been planing some traveling for quite a while.
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bikermonk 6y ago
Revenge Plan :
If the workplace bitch is truly looking for commitment then do this : Set up an amazing date on a special day, preferably her birthday. Let there be all the blue pill drama possible, Fancy reservation, good wine, both of you dressing up etc, after the dinner go for a walk and take out this fancy box which suggests there's a ring in it. ( it will be empty of course)
Tell her how you actually thought of proposing her but then you remembered what a fucking bitch she had been : Throw that little box down the bridge.
The way hamster is butchered here is poetry
Ananonguy88 6y ago
Too much of a hassle from my current perspective, just to show her off. And we like each other, but in this dangerous way, when one of us lets the guard down, there will be strike and we both know it. It makes it quite exciting to be honest so we keep teasing and checking on each other. Her game is master level, I wouldn't be able to get all other girls without constantly playing wokplace girl, she trained me in frame and shittesting like no one ever. And there is still this "friendly" and "playful" vibe beneath it all. I guess I'm still into her at some degree.