Holy shit, really glad I just read this.

How do you know my ex? Seriously, your description is spot on!

My last ex fits OP's description to a T, and most of my ex's have had a similar history. What makes a man drawn to this kind of woman? I still have problems avoiding girls that scream trouble... why is that? I know this belongs in TRPask but can anyone chime in?

The other side of this is that abusive people often project their abusive behaviors on to their victims, so it's just as likely that she's the crazy abusive one. Also, every abusive relationship is a two-way street. Sane, well-adjusted people simply don't stay in relationships with abusive people, they just leave.

I feel like this is great advice but it would be worth it to broaden the subject to include psychologically damaged girls not just abused. I pursued a LTR with a girl and I was head over heels, everything came naturally and effortlessly . She had severe insecurities which were brought about mainly by parent's divorce. Jealous outbursts and a desire to singularly occupy my life lead to my feeling asphyxiated and poisoning the rest of the relationship which by all accounts including mine were awesome (I had someone I could talk to about my family/friends/work stuff, the sex is above and beyond what I had before or have had since, she was ideal partner for travel/quick excursions I like to take & she was great at social events adding to my status). I doubt she had abusive exes although by the end of the relationship I had turned abusive, did a total 180 of what i was in the beginning and she had no real problem about it except for idle threats. I ended up breaking it up after I put her through hell, and realized at mid20s a girl wouldn't leave a handsome successfull guy even if he beat on her every day. I was miserable but kept hanging on how good some sides were. In colcusion I had as many problems as she did but only I did something to work through them and stop being miserable. Damaged girls may even be angelic beings but you cant fix them.

, you suddenly find out she was in an abusive relationship. T

Women tell beta men they were in an abusive relationship to elicit sympathy and care and attention.

Usually the woman needed the abuse, the abuse was mutual, and often it wasn't even abuse.

"He was an abusive asshole" is girl-code for "Chad was hot and rough with me and I loved it but he dumped me".

Stop being a supportive/nice beta and the number of women you meet who have been "abused" suddenly drops.

What about LTRs of abusing your partner?

A woman who endures an abusive partner has either low self esteem, an addiction to the emotional highs and lows of an abusive relationship or both. Definitely not LTR material. Plus she's likely an Alpha Widow and will have a tough time getting over the ex, no matter how abusive he was.

Speaking from experience, learning of a woman's past abuse will trigger your natural protective instinct, but don't succumb to it. OP is absolutely right.

If a woman has an abusive ex she was with for any significant amount of time, it shows she lacks the rational decision making to say to herself "this person is bad and maybe his penis isn't worth it".

This comment misses the obvious narrative that ALL women claim to have been abused. Every single one of the red flags you have listed for women from "abusive relationships" applies to all women. Erin Pizzey tried to point out years ago that female victims of "abuse" are usually part of the abusive cycle themselves. OP, you do not understand women, or LTRs and the very idea of searching for a woman for an LTR who was not "abused" is messed up. They all think they were abused in previous relationships, they keep expanding the definition of the word to include verbal, financial, psychological etc etc so that any disagreement with a woman becomes "abuse". Do not use the language of the feminist, any woman who claims abuse is either a liar, or one half of a previous disfunctional relationship.

Absolutely 100% accurate. Though my experience with this personally is fairly small, I can confidently say that the one girl I was with who had these issues cheated on literally every other boyfriend but her first: about 5-6 people the last I checked. She claimed to be close to being engaged/married to a guy and then broke up with him to ride the CC in Europe.

Its a huge fucking red flag.

[deleted]

This post was so full of nostalgia. But seriously, the victim mentality is real. It's never their fault when something goes wrong, always some excuse that justifies their shitty behavior.. glad I learned early and got out of that one in high school.

This is the sort of content we should have far more often here.

tl;dr

• She is using you to recover her self-esteem. Once she has it, she will dump your ass for someone she sees as higher value, or cheat on you and treat you like garbage.
• She could just be a manipulative POS who likes to play the victim. Her ex gets to play the role of the villain and you the rescuer. You can't be the rescuer forever. Eventually it will grow stale and she will shift you into the villain role and go out to look for a new rescuer. Grats!
• Anyone, and I mean anyone, who stays in what they consider an abusive relationship long term has serious problems themselves. No normal healthy person would choose to remain.

They are great actresses. They know how to appear well and good on the outside, but they are a complete mess inside. You will only find out the truth later.

This is a HUGE point. Everything she confides in you is all an act, designed to align your behavior to further her self-interests... The evil is real, be warned.

I am writing this for the younger guys on here who are looking to pursue LTRs

Ok I'm going to address this rubbish right now as I see it too much on TRP.

You don't pursue women with the intent of a LTR. You date multiple women and constantly see if they qualify for your exclusivity. Even then you stay single for as long as viable.

Pursuing women with the intent of a LTR is BLUEPILL. Red Pill men pursue women, full stop. Exclusivity and LTRs are a woman's worry.

This is not to say you don't end up in one but you don't pursue it.

Even if you manage to fix her up

Nope. You can't fix a broken woman. There is no 'even if'. Although I agree that nobody should be Captain Save a Hoe

OP needs to reread 'The Rational Male' as he clearly doesn't understand one of the basics of TRP.

This is a very useful post.

These 'abused' women are often suffering from borderline personality disorder or some other personality disorder.

Don't even fuck them.

A point that I feel was missed is that the abuse is often made up or exaggurated. Guess who is next in line to be painted as an evil monster. Speaking from experience.

This is 100% truth, it is scary as it gets once you're in it. In fact, searching for answers like this is what brought me to this subreddit initially over a year ago. Never written a comment, I have just been absorbing all the information and applying it.

One thing I'd like to add to these broken girls is the level of skill in manipulation they possess. See gaslighting. If she can brainwash you, stripping you of your masculinity slowly over time, you will feel complete and utterly crazy.

Speaking from experience, I wish I'd read this 3 years back. High quality post.

Great post OP. As much as you may want the girl, the trouble is just not worth it. A man should never have to bring up a woman just to have himself dragged down in the scheme of things.

You're right. There is no ifs or buts. This is the reality of such women. I am also speaking from experience. I wish I got this advice when this was relevant to my life. Learn from the mistakes of other men. Be better than op or me were.

I needed this. Trying to get over a girl whose ex and dad both physically abused her. She's volatile, with the constant mood swings you mentioned. Crazy in the head, crazy in the bed. Still a giant waste of time, energy, and emotion though.

This is good advice. I'd take it a step further and blame her father (or lack of father) for her to choose abusive partners in the first place. Because of the dysfunction she'll look for that sort of craziness in relationships and create it if enough doesn't already exist. For a LTR a woman who grew up in a stable home with 2 loving parents is by far the best hope for success.

This was my last ex for sure. I'm still trying to nuke my beta but damn that was chilling of how I can confirm 100% of this post. She branch swung back to her ex. Prolly post-wall alpha'd now.

They usually at least subconsciously like a bit of abuse. If you don't give it to them periodically then they will try to create it. This is one reason it is common for unhealthy women to have strings of "abusive" BFs. Also, it shows they especially lack accountability and blame shift. What are the odds that she was great in all past relationships and the guys were all dirt bags and everything is their fault? She will eventually turn you into one of those guys, at least when recounting your relationship.

Can confirm. I once went on a date with a girl who told me her complete dating history from 15 until 25. There were about 5 "abusive" boyfriends in there. I remember just being in awe that she would tell me this. I never spoke to her again.

The mistake I made years ago when I found a great girl that had a "rough childhood" is thinking how great she COULD be if I could help her fix a few things. It doesn't work. Over time, you will become the monster that she's convinced is holding her back unless YOU change.

She is accustomed to receiving sympathy support from her support structure at the expense of her S/O's reputation. This is her go-to for both validation and back-up plans, which every girl has/needs.

She dates a string of abusive bad guys because they feed that monkey, because they're man enough to hit them when they deserve it, or independent enough to leave her when she acts like a shit head. Girls like this are great for getting put in jail or getting your car keyed.

Where was this post a year ago??! Its like you pulled the experience straight out of my mind.

Young men who are looking for LTRs, you'll do well to avoid abusive women

Fixed that for you. Billy beta will rarely end up with girls that attract abusive guys but rather with an abusive woman.

I had an LTR in my blue pill days that claimed she was abused before and things weren't bad at all. I just got tired of her insecure defeatist attitude. She openly confirmed BB / AF to me when she wasn't attracted to me anymore.

My other LTR on the other hand was abusive to me, as in mind fuck and gas lighting. The fake strong independent women with weak fathers will hurt you much more than the abused girls who are pretty straight up about beta comfort and alpha fucks.

I want to ask this: How do you recognize an LTR from a plate?

I would probably just stick with avoid LTR's.

[deleted]

I am on my journey right now after experiencing this. I dated her for 2.5 years. She had a kid too (I don't have any). I let myself go, bent over backwards for her and her kids only to regret coming home because of some pile of shit that was waiting for me. I'm now back into lifting and self improvement. I am rediscovering my dreams and ambitions. I had no idea what I was getting into with her... peace out beta hood. I'm back.

If only I had seen this four years ago. Such a shame.

I got involved with a girl who had an 'abusive family'. Every time I spoke to them they were lovely. She broke a chair on my head. Dont believe a fucking word of it.

Not just for young men... this applies to ALL MEN.

Another point, victimhood gives a good payoff and history repeats itself so you are likely to be described as an abusive ex to the next and possibly to your friends if they've burrowed deeply in your social network.

Yet to meet a women who's X wasn't a bastard.

All women are damaged goods.. you can't change her but she will try to change you in someone she is not attracted to any more, and then leave you for a better man.

An ex told her friends that I slammed her against a brick wall. She was totally unscathed however, despite me being almost a foot taller and outweighing her by 70 lbs.

Met a girl kinda like this recently.

Got some body issues, doesnt think shes attractive at all.

Has hinted a few times now about abusive previous relationships and how its effected her, even mentioned being physically abused, but I dont let these conversation threads run long.

Despite this, here is how she is around me.

Sex whenever, how ever I want it. Even to the point of just picking her up for a blowjob in the car and dropping her off again. Despite being self-conscious about her body shes kinky as hell. She will turn up wearing whatever I ask. From no underwear to the sluttiest dress she has with your tits all mashed up. Anything I ask shes down to do and she normally wants to see me cum 2-3 times every time she comes over.

Happy to be a house maid. Whenever she stays over she insists on a few things. She can cook for me and do some stuff around the house. I've let her stay over in the week and gone to work, gotten home and shes done all my washing, the kitchen, the bathroom, everything. I remember once I was driving home from work and I'd be passing by hers. I asked her to make me some cupcakes because I was hungry. I turned up at hers and she had 12 cupcakes ready for me.

Refuses to make me pick her up or anything. She either gets 2 buses from her house to mine, or she will get 1 bus to a friends house that is just a 4-5 minute drive from mine where I will pick her up, but she constantly insists she just gets a bus.

Waiting for the crazy to show up now. Judging from my calculations is should be hitting really fucking hard within a week.

if she was abused, it's because she deserved it. this statement heard by a woman or a feminist is bound to get you crucified and sent to the firing squad but at the end of the day it's true. even my own mother who's a really nice person, i can completely see why she married a man who beat her, and why she stayed, it's just who she is and ultimately she deserved it. even when i was dealing with her i can't communicate with her without her saying or doing something retarded and any sane man would have left her, so she wound up with an abuser.

don't treat women better than they deserve, or anyone else for that matter.

Women mate across and up, men mate across and down. At first you're angry at Chad, but then later you want to shake his hand. Strange.

My experience with these girls has been that they are addicted to fighting. She will start so many insane fights over nothing that you eventually realize her ex was most likely the victim, not her. Then when it ends she will tell the next poor schmuck the same stories about you.

Women who go for thugs and degenerates are red flags to me though when it comes to ending up in abusive relationships, not everyone shows their true colours so you can't blame them some of the time. Also by that logic, are guys who've ended up in bad relationships or burned badly by women unsuitable for future LTRs?

I did date one chick who was in an abusive relationship before she met me. She never brought it up when we were getting to know each other so this was not a Captain Save-a-hoe project.

How did I find out? One day after we've been going steady for maybe three weeks, she physically attacked me when we had a disagreement. I thought it was hilarious and laughed while I just grabbed her and held her down.

After she calmed down, she said that her ex used to hit her when she pulled that stunt on him. Shortly after that incident we decided to go our separate ways. I think she basically preferred guys who hit her. Not my scene.

The last thing I heard she was committed to a mental health institution.

Yea they always blame everyone else to get attention and turn victim they often throw rocks and hide thier hands too but remember women break up with good men and break away from bad ones with tingles still intact.

Learned this one the hard way. The pool of reasonable, tolerable, attractive women is shrinking all the time it seems...

Never, ever date a girl who claims she's been raped. It fucks with their head and they'll never treat you like a normal girl would. Its kinda sad honestly.

One of the best posts I've read here, totally agree all 21-30 year olds with limited relationship experience should be aware of this.