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- Hide Preview | 207 Comments | submitted 3 years ago by DontCallTheFed [Post Locked]

TL;DR
Girlfriend starts getting too friendly with another guy, boyfriend new to RP tries to show is he capable of walking away. Girlfriend responds as predicted by RP strategy.

Here is some background for context:

I am a 24-year-old law student dating a 21-year-old. I recently discovered this reddit after seeing someone mention TRP in a comment on a Stefan Molynuex youtube video. I fell into a daze reading all the sidebar material. EVERYTHING made sense to me. For the first time in my life, I UNDERSTOOD the behavior of the women around me. I gained enormous clarity into my own actions as well. I have been in a LTR for 2.5 years. We have lived in the same apartment for 1 year... I lived with three buddies in a badass house near our university during the first year of the relationship, but decided to get a place with my girl when I started law school for more stability and quiet. She was 18 when we met and I took her virginity. She graduated in only 2 years. She’s very smart and driven in her field. She’s HB7, but truly stood out to me on a personal/intellectual level which is why I made her my girlfriend and not just a FWB.

Living with her hasn't been an issue, I actually really like it - but I understand it is not ideal according to TRP.

Alright, so three weeks ago I saw my girl was texting some unknown guy. She is occasionally communicating with coworkers and/or members of a running club she's involved-in, so the first night I observed her texting this guy right next to me on the couch - I said nothing. We have never had issues with flirting or cheating in the past so to me, nothing was out of the ordinary if she's sending a few texts. I'm pretty secure with myself and do not feel threatened by other guys when it comes to my girl. I wasn’t looking over her shoulder or interrogating her about the conversation.

The very next day she comes home from work and walks through the front door while on the phone with THIS SAME FUCKING DUDE. I was sitting at the kitchen table reading cases for school when she arrived. I greet her and don’t say anything more – I focus on my work. She quickly goes to the bedroom and continues the call for another 5 minutes. I can’t help but listen to her laughing and borderline flirting with this guy (“haha that was SO funny when you said that to her today at lunch” and “No I don’t have any plans tomorrow after work other than happy hour with everyone – you should come with us it’s fun”) Later that night (9pm) when we are both chilling in the livingroom I notice that she is rapidly carrying on with this guy again via text.

THIS is the point where pre-RP me would have lost his cool and confronted her by demanding to see the texts and wanting to know how she knew this guy/why is she so friendly with him, etc. This approach would have undoubtedly resulted in a fight with her being defensive and I would have been very upset. We most likely would have made up that same night and fucked and gone to sleep – prolonging the issue and the ultimate fight/break-up/her cheating.

Post-RP me handled the situation as follows; I told her to put the phone down, she did. I said that it’s not okay for any girlfriend of mine to be talking to guys in the fashion that she was carrying on with this random dude. I said very plainly that it’s unacceptable for her to disrespect me this way. I told her that I obviously don’t care that she talks to other men in a professional context, but that I could see this instance was beyond professionalism for her job. I stated that I make the choice every day to not engage in a similar way with other women out of respect for her. And with that I went to the bedroom, put on some shoes, grabbed a coat, and said “I’m going to [buddies’ name]’s place for the night” as I walked out the door. I heard her weakly say “what? Don’t go…” her voice trembling as the crying commenced.

She immediately blew up my phone with calls and texts. I ignored all of it and calmly drove to my destination. About an hour later she texted saying that she was going to drive to my friend’s place to talk to me and I replied “Don’t come here. Give me space tonight.” This was the only response I gave her throughout the entire ordeal. I hungout with my buddy and crashed at his place for the night. She gave-up calling and leaving voicemails after a while, but my phone received texts from her until 3am. This was a weeknight when she would otherwise have been asleep by 11pm. She told me how much she loved me, she begged me to come home, she couldn’t sleep without me in bed with her, she justified the conversations with the other guy by saying he was just a friend from work, he has a girlfriend, she isn’t interested in him in any way, she has never done anything with any other guy since being with me, she didn’t want to ruin things with me, she shouldn’t have been so stupid, she should’ve realized that I wouldn’t stand for this kind of thing, she wanted me for herself and begged me to not break up with her because I would find another girl “in a week” (her words) and move on with my life without her.

You get the idea.

The next day I went to school without calling her. In the afternoon she texted me asking if I would be home when she got home from work. I replied “No, playing soccer with [friend, friend, friend] then I don’t know.”

Around 7 o’clock she texted to tell me that she went straight home after work, skipping happy hour with coworkers. She was cleaning the apartment and doing laundry. She organized all of my cycling gear in the spare bedroom (this area is usually an unsightly mess of my bikes, disassembled frames, wheels, water bottles and helmets, tools, and racks stretching across the floor and hanging on hooks in the walls). She wanted to make “my favorite dinner”. She asked if I would join her at the apartment. I didn’t reply, but I did drive home.

When I walked in she jumped on me and would not let me go. I hugged her back and she cried, apologized profusely for disrespecting me, and told me that she had one of the worst nights of her life when I left her home alone because she would never get over me if I left her for good. She thanked me for being with her so long and went on and on about how we met and how she was so surprised that I wanted a relationship because she knew I had been single and was seeing multiple girls up until the day I was exclusively hers.

**It’s worth noting here that I had a FWB hanging all over me the night my girlfriend was introduced to me during a party at my old house.

I said VERY little and tried my best not to show emotion or too much gratitude for what she had done. My girlfriend cooked me dinner. She showed me how much extra space the spare bedroom had when my bikes were lined up neatly and the tools were in a box on the shelf. She showed off the cleanliness of the bathroom and kitchen. She gave me a 30 minute back massage in bed, and then proceeded to ride my cock every way she knows.

SO IN CONCLUSION – before I was exposed to TRP, I was a male that unknowingly demonstrated a mixture of alpha and beta traits. This inconsistent behavior ON MY PART left me in a baffled state wherein I would have success with women and enjoy the attention they showed me, but inevitably undermine myself with BP actions.

The FIRST time I decided to practice my ability to walk away from my woman – she chased. She has genuinely been a shining example of what I want in a girlfriend ever since. And I believe this will continue as long as I build up a solid frame and continue to swallow TRP.

After continuing to explore RP theory and strategy I learned that I may have unknowingly executed a "soft-next" on my girl.

Seriously, THANK YOU guys.

[-] CopperFox3c 218 Points 3 years ago

You handled this pretty well. But to be clear, you haven't "won" ... this shit will happen again at some point down the road. Maybe sooner, maybe later.

The shit tests never end. And if you're with a girl long enough in an LTR or whatever, you'll even notice that they take on a certain cadence. Like a rhythm, or cycle. She is the storm, and you are the rock.

Just remember to remain vigilant. Passing a shit test doesn't get you anything, except a little more time till the next one.

[-] idontwanttostart 123 Points 3 years ago

Yeah. I'm gonna go ahead and stick my dick in a light socket. Fuck that shit.

[-] [deleted] 37 Points 3 years ago

its a fitness test, and only a concern if you aren't fit.

[-] tuzki 11 Points 3 years ago

29+ they 're not fit so the tests decrease.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] ballpain1 26 Points 3 years ago

I spit my dinner out laughing when I read that, thank you.

[-] lurkingtacopiller 24 Points 3 years ago

Exactly this. For me, the girl I'm seeing behaved incredibly poorly last week so I in essence kicked her out for the day. She responded in a great way by making me dinner and fucking me enthusiastically throughout the weekend. But I still know that the next test is coming, as it should.

If you listen to the Beige Philip show you'll hear the host say "girls give you shit to make sure you're the shit"; and that's what this is all about. I expect to be tested, and I also expect to destroy the tests and reap the benefits.

[-] Forcetobereckonedwit 2 Points 3 years ago

I like your attitude on this. I have been getting lazy I guess, expecting things to be smooth 'cuz I'm behaving the right way. Nope...it's like walking down an alley at midnight. Always keep your guard up and keep one eye on what's close around you and one eye on what's coming up next.

[-] vandaalen 14 Points 3 years ago

this shit will happen again at some point down the road

This is definetly not the norm in a functioning relationship where OP is in charge.

Things like that will only happen if you slip into weak behaviour or if your selection process was flawed.

This is not a common orinary shit-test IMHO, but she was already in the process of looking for a new branch to swing to.

[-] [deleted] 12 Points 3 years ago

[deleted]

[-] Ojisan1 11 Points 3 years ago

I liked how that sounded so I used google to translate it into Latin. This could be an RP motto for LTR game.

libertatem — officium — vigilia

[-] snorted_the_red_pill 18 Points 3 years ago

Don't use google translate for Latin. Trust me, that shit's horrifying. Good idea though with the Latin business. If we wanted them all to be nominative (subjects rather than objects in the sentence) then it would be:

libertasque auctoritasque aeterna vigilia - which means "Freedom and Authority / Responsibility and Eternal Vigilance", which is a good thing of what you're looking for :)

Or it could be "aeternae libertates auctoritates vigiliae", which translates to English as "Eternal liberties, eternal authorities, eternal vigilances"

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] adoscafeten 3 Points 3 years ago

Is he supposed to do the same thing when that happens? When does she call the bluff?

[-] [deleted] 1 Point 3 years ago

I'm guessing its not a bluff on OP's part. If she doesn't apologize, he's moving on.

[-] TheReformist94 1 Point 3 years ago

Passing a shit test? Fuck her shit.that's succumbing to her frame after she behaved badly. She's shudnt be talking to that guy.she is spinning side options.

OP,just like the shit tests never stop,neither do the mistresses. Get some bitches on the side until she falls into line.

[-] BardCollege_Dropout -6 Point 3 years ago

I'm probably fucking his girlfriend as we speak, but kudos my man.

[-] evileddy 104 Points 3 years ago

Now she will just hide it from you.

AWALT

[-] upupvote2 90 Points 3 years ago

To give some perspective, I've been the "other guy" before.

He found out she was talking to me, lost his shit at her, forbade her to speak with me or see me and she totally and completely agreed. She cut me out. I never complained and I let her go easily.

She lasted a week before texting me again. Long story short, we fucked for a year in secret.

AWALT

[-] slay_it_forward 45 Points 3 years ago

That's the problem. There is no winning in this situation. I've been there. Tell her not to do it and she'll just do it in secret. Do nothing and her relationship with the guy just keeps progressing until she's taking the D.

OP, get a key logger and track her for a month. Might be eye opening.

[-] Travis_McGee 49 Points 3 years ago

Why in hell do you think a keylogger is an appropriate thing to do? It's blatantly disrespectful and a complete breach of trust and privacy. If you know AWALT then you should be prepared for whatever. You shouldn't have to sneak around like a bitch to make sure your girl isn't cheating on you. If she cheats, you leave. Abundance mentality.

If you're so convinced she's going to cheat on you you certainly aren't:

  • Fucking her well

  • Passing comfort and shit tests

  • Demonstrating alpha qualities.

To go so low as to install a keylogger is to admit you are a weak man who can't control his LTR and has such a poor foundation in confidence that you can't possible hope to keep a girl around for long. Grow up.

[-] John_E_Vegas 23 Points 3 years ago

This is correct, but I'll throw a bone to /u/slay_it_forward by saying that some folks are here precisely because they don't yet know how to fuck her well, how to pass the shit tests, or how to demonstrate alpha qualities.

And so, in the meantime, the keylogger suggestion would indeed be eye opening and perhaps provide the proper motivation for budding RPers to get their shit in one bag.

[-] Travis_McGee 4 Points 3 years ago

I see your point that these guys may not be up to par yet, but I still think it's abhorrent thing to do and a gross violation of personal privacy. Beyond that, how is it going to help? If you find out your girl is cheating via a keylogger, how are you any better than her?

[-] beginner_ 3 Points 3 years ago

You are not but you learned a valuable lesson. The lesson being that even "nice girls" will cheat, will lie and will do so without showing any kind or remorse.

[-] Forcetobereckonedwit 2 Points 3 years ago

Sometimes it is a great learning tool to have that shit staring you in the face instead of "but what if...?". As long as you learn and next, instead of boiling over and doing something stoooopid.

[-] tuzki -5 Point 3 years ago

Why is that guy so pissed about a keylogger. My guess is he's bp

[-] TheDialecticParadox 6 Points 3 years ago

'He doesn't agree with me, must be bp.'

[-] tuzki -1 Point 3 years ago

You'd have to read more into the context of his statement, reframing the guy finding out about cheating as just as bad as the girl cheating. That's clear bp mentality, much like your idiocy.

[-] TheDialecticParadox 1 Point 3 years ago

Oh we're starting with the ad hominem attacks now? Installing a keylogger is pathetic. It clearly shows lack of integrity, trust, honesty and honour. If you are that invested into a woman that you would spend the time to track her online behaviour, because "she might be cheating", then you are cleary the bp one.

[-] Travis_McGee 0 Points 3 years ago

Both actions are a breach of personal integrity and trust in a relationship. I don't see what's so BP about that mentality. Why should I hold my LTR to a higher standard than I hold myself? I guess it's no surprise that someone who can't trust his LTR is attracting LTRs the will cheat. Read the sidebar and start improving yourself instead of relying on keyloggers and shady tactics to control a relationship.

[-] mehdreamer 3 Points 3 years ago

No I think he's right. Putting a keylogger is a bit bitchy and weak.. Plus, I am a person who value privacy. I hated when my ex read my emails..I would never do it to someone else.

I think if a girl is gonna cheat..you'll see it coming...there will be signs. Better learn to detect the signs than putting secretly a software on her computer.

[-] tuzki 2 Points 3 years ago

My guess is you're also the type to leave your phone unlocked but allow your gf to keep hers locked and her pin secret

[-] RedPillHanSolo 1 Point 3 years ago

Putting a keylogger is a bit bitchy and weak

It's Machiavellian, not bitchy.

[-] RedAntidote 2 Points 3 years ago

Because it's extreme mate guarding. It's weak and pathetic. Is she really that much of a special snowflake you need to snoop everything to make sure she's not a lost cause? Spend any time around here and you'll quickly see mate guarding does NOT work. Abundance mentality over all. Find a new girl. Rinse and repeat.

[-] RedPillHanSolo 1 Point 3 years ago

How's what OP did not mate guarding then?

[-] Travis_McGee 1 Point 3 years ago

Nice personal attack instead of contributing anything substantive to your argument.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] calibrateThought 4 Points 3 years ago

If the suggestion was hire a PI to follow the person around would you prefer that, because it is an indirect invasion of privacy?

I agree that installing a keylogger on someone's computer is extremely unethical, yet in some relationships we risk more than just 'heartbreak', there can be money involved, or losing social status due to the embarrassment that comes from everyone in your group knowing you are being cheated on except you.

"trust but verify" is clever advice, but the verification method has to be one you can live with.

I installed a keylogger once in my younger, more insecure days, and while I wouldn't do it now, I think it is a good suggestion for someone who is new to TRP and still hasn't realized just how women really are.

Edit: By the way, most good AV software will detect keyloggers and spit out a warning message, so unless you're really savvy with computers, you had better be testing that shit on your own computer first with the settings you need and AV that might be present on the target machine.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] RedSovereign 3 Points 3 years ago

Lay off the personal attacks. Only warning.

[-] Travis_McGee 1 Point 3 years ago

Well guys are here to learn which means they don't know. This sub has grown astronomically since it's inception so the ratio of learned RP men to new RP cadets is of course going to diminish. These new guys upvote keyloggers and bad advice because it masquerades as the RP truths they come to the sub for. It's our job to point out how these suggestions AREN'T RP so these new guys can figure that out.

That leads into your second comment about how some of the info on this sub is useful. You glean from here what you can. Not everything is black and white, it's up to a reader to take what applies to them, and up to us to show the truth of the situation rather than the easy BP answer.

[-] DrMrPepper 14 Points 3 years ago

If you're at this point, is it worth it to stay?

[-] evileddy 36 Points 3 years ago

No. It's worth it to learn AWALT

[-] ballpain1 4 Points 3 years ago

So is it even possible to have a LTR do you think? I just got out of a LTR, I got bitch slapped with AWALT. I wanted to install key loggers, GPS trackers, etc, it just seemed overly paranoid. Now in hindsight I shouldve. Fuck, I just.....UGHHHGHHGHG dont fucking know how to deal with it so fuck LTRs.

[-] icecow 3 Points 3 years ago

If the desktop or laptop is owned by you, you can install a keylogger, as far as I know. Anyone know anything different?

[-] tuzki 5 Points 3 years ago

How many women know what a keylogger is? .001%?

[-] icecow 1 Point 3 years ago

That's shit logic. Good luck with that.

[-] tuzki 1 Point 3 years ago

So many angry trolls in here

[-] icecow 2 Points 3 years ago

Not a troll. I'm watching your back. For one, way more than .001% of women are using keyloggers. They are starting to use them themselves.

Secondly, he is setting himself up in the future to be rash and tell her about the keylogger to prove he caught her in the act. At that point all the woman has to do is carry off her own laptop to the police and fuck him under. He could be in the court system and the news.

There's so many ways planting a keylogger can blow up in your face.

[-] [deleted] 2 Points 3 years ago

Theyre long term, not infinite term.

[-] Bathes_In_The_Styx 1 Point 3 years ago

If marriage is Hard Mode then LTR's are pretty far up there. Medium-Hard mode. Point being, if you're not sure you're ready for an LTR, then you're aren't. Fuck a lot of bitches, get some notches on your belt. You'll know when you're ready.

[-] mehdreamer 6 Points 3 years ago

Yeah....I think it's game over... OP is just postponing the inevitable...

It'll happen again and this time, she'll make sure to hide it well...

[-] RedPill_FightClub 4 Points 3 years ago

Absolutely. Best advice in this thread so far.

[-] trp_dude 1 Point 3 years ago

Screw keylogger. Plate her - he's not married to her, it's not worth the trouble. OP, you handled this like a champ.

The only way to keep her in line, should you so wish, is to apply dread.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] Dert_ 1 Point 3 years ago

Are you this much of a psycho?

Spying on the girl for doing nothing wrong?

How insecure are you?

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] DontCallTheFed 12 Points 3 years ago

That's my main concern. I'm in a good place with myself and I think I would be able to go through with the break up if she does anything like this again. I made it very clear to her that this is unacceptable and I will drop her in the future if need-be.

[-] [deleted] 6 Points 3 years ago

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[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] [deleted] -9 Point 3 years ago

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[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] vandaalen 9 Points 3 years ago

Yep. Or just keep the talking at work for a while. She was already in the act of preparing to branch-swing. She proactively tried to set up an arrangement where she was able to meet with the guy outside of work.

Not only this, but she chose to rub it right into OPs face. Very huge red flag.

If she respected OP in the way she should, things wouldn't have happened like they did.

I'd be watching her very very closely and make a plan on how to eject if she fucks up next time, which she inevitably will from the info provided here.

[-] funATL 2 Points 3 years ago

I agree. I like that OP was assertive, and it's the assertiveness and calm vulnerability about OP's needs that made the relationship stronger.

However, AWALT and there is nothing wrong with a woman liking other men while in an LTR. It's natural and will happen again. I think OP has to find a way to be secure in the relationship when it happens again. And, OP has to enforce his boundaries just like in this post if she goes too far with another guy.

[-] evileddy 2 Points 3 years ago

When women who are in LTR's start talking to other men.. does that mean the man they are in the LTR is starting to lose his value in her eyes?

[-] Forcetobereckonedwit 5 Points 3 years ago

Not necessarily. Just remember that women will ALWAYS be looking for a BETTER man. No matter how hot your gf is, don't you always check out another sexy chick's ass? Remember, women don't have to transgress the LTR by actively pursuing another male, they just have to not say no. The Hamster and the tingles will do the rest.

[-] funATL 2 Points 3 years ago

Yes, but that's not a bad thing. Men do it too. It's natural. The key is to accept it and enjoy your relationship as long as it suits you. If it makes you unhappy, then talk to her about what makes you unhappy like the OP did.

[-] Khs25 2 Points 3 years ago

It depends on the context.

I'm an engineering student so I'm surrounded by lot's of guys. The extent of our social interaction outside of school: i see something that pertains to an ongoing joke from lab and a few texts are exchanged.

however, if it becomes daily communication... yes. unless the communication was established well before the LTR was. Like with an old friend.

[-] Dert_ 1 Point 3 years ago

Hide what? she isn't doing anything wrong.

[-] razorazo 56 Points 3 years ago

She told me how much she loved me, she begged me to come home, she couldn’t sleep without me in bed with her, she justified the conversations with the other guy by saying he was just a friend from work, he has a girlfriend, she isn’t interested in him in any way, she has never done anything with any other guy since being with me, she didn’t want to ruin things with me, she shouldn’t have been so stupid, she should’ve realized that I wouldn’t stand for this kind of thing, she wanted me for herself and begged me to not break up with her

She told you what you wanted to hear, now she'll just do it on the down low...this also happened to me and i did the same as you.

The fact is, she knows she has options and she knows you will come back home if she begs hard enough. and if she's smart and hardworking chances are she's like my BPD-ex

[-] Mpcfiend 8 Points 3 years ago

What happened with that situation?

[-] razorazo 30 Points 3 years ago

She cried and begged and sweared that she loves me and there is no other guy, they're just friends (just like OP's girl) and i took her back.

only to find out a few months later that she was actually having a full blown affair with the coworker. dumped her on the spot, never looked back.

it's easy, if she thinks you're amazing and you're gonna walk if she fucks up, then she will do anything and everything to keep you around: she will get into fight with her family, she will stop talking to friends, she ignore advances from other men, basically she will act like a blue pill

OP should downgrade her to plate and get his own place

[-] DontCallTheFed 45 Points 3 years ago

No joke I've been looking online at 1 bedroom apartments for about a week. I'm seriously considering getting my own place before school starts up again in August.

[-] FiveLions 21 Points 3 years ago

Same thing happened to me when I was your age, except he was "like a little brother" to her. It's your life but keep this in mind: you're not more special than any of us on here...AWALT period

[-] DontCallTheFed 23 Points 3 years ago

Understood. At least now I feel like I'm mentally equipped to navigate the break-up. pre-RP I would have certainly fallen into some sort of depression, but today I think I could transition back to single-life with enthusiasm.

[-] [deleted] 26 Points 3 years ago

meh, if it happens, you're ready.

no sense jumping the gun, you gave her enough rope to hang herself with

[-] rm_-rf_slash 15 Points 3 years ago

Your responses here tell me you've got a good head on your shoulders. I would agree with the others suggesting she might just move her antics off the radar. Just be vigilant and you won't get caught by surprise. I trust you'll make the right decision regarding moving or future reactions to that kind of shit. This happened to me when I was super blue and I only wish I could've handled it 10% as well as you did.

[-] Forcetobereckonedwit 5 Points 3 years ago

school starts up again in August:

And she'll have the apt to herself on a regular basis...ahem...

[-] HumanSockPuppet 3 Points 3 years ago

I've been looking online at 1 bedroom apartments for about a week.

This is a good idea. Cohabitation breeds familiarity, which leads to boredom and a wandering eye.

However, when you're living on your own, she has no idea what you're doing or who you're seeing when she's not around. This is especially effective as dread game when you're moving into a solo place just after an indiscretion on her part. Her solipsism will convince her that it's her fault.

[-] [deleted] 3 Points 3 years ago

[deleted]

[-] HumanSockPuppet 2 Points 3 years ago

Moving out once you have cohabitated will cause her to branch swing...

I know. And that is also a desired outcome. Homeboy doesn't need this bitch - not after she has openly and knowingly disrespected him.

Read Archwinger's new post about communication if you want further elabouration on why.

[-] Forcetobereckonedwit 2 Points 3 years ago

"her fault"? If she has a vagina, she has no fault. /s

[-] Forcetobereckonedwit 2 Points 3 years ago

then she will do anything and everything to keep you around: Except NOT fuck Chad. Jesus these creatures are a pain.

[-] BoobToArmRatio 38 Points 3 years ago

I'm glad you found TRP. The mainstream "she still loves you, just give her some space" advice would have blown up in your face eventually. Just remember to keep your frame and avoid bad financial decisions!

[-] dodiat 4 Points 3 years ago

Wow, people really say that? I guess the feminine imperative has really fucked the western world.

[-] PM_ME_TYRANITARS 7 Points 3 years ago

LOL, if he asked the relationshits or the twoX sub they would have provided him with bullshit like that. Don't ask women for advice on women, they would hamster that shit up

[-] TheDialecticParadox 10 Points 3 years ago

Women want what's best for women. They are just giving advice for what they would want their men to do in that situation: Become a provider so she can fuck the more attractive alpha and get tingles

[-] John_E_Vegas 27 Points 3 years ago

Please file an update in 3 months, 6 months and one year.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] J_Incognito 24 Points 3 years ago

This won't be the last time - any half-way attractive woman will receive attention and have orbiters. They're always there, and you being on your game is the only thing that keeps keeps her from indulging. Research "mate guarding" and see "married red pill"; it's a fine line between setting boundaries and being jealous/controlling. Lastly, know that no matter how great she performed the re-commitment sex, she could just take the flirting underground.

Better you start determining what made her return his attention in the first place. No time to rest.

[-] [deleted] 24 Points 3 years ago

[deleted]

[-] slip-down 16 Points 3 years ago

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.”

― Tupac Shakur

No LTR, but I dropped a chick when she started playing games. She light up my phone like a Christmas tree. But, a hard next is the only gift I'm giving this year.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] [deleted] 16 Points 3 years ago

Contrary to what everyone's telling you, you FAILED the shit test HARD.

My man, you failed HARD.

Basically all you did was be a little bitch in a more mature way. She KNOWS what she's doing is not acceptable, she knows it, she's not a child. So what was she looking for then? She wanted a reaction from you that reaffirms that she matters to you and that's exactly what you gave her(next time try adopting an IDGAF attitude).

What you should've done is you should've done the exact same thing to her. You should've been texting some HB8 over the phone and smile at your phone when she texts you back - then left the phone in plain sight and gone out - she will look at your phone and blow the fuck out. When she confronts you about it you should've said "it's just a friend", "you're the only one" or some other vague shit like that to pump up the hamster.

You my man have failed the shit test HARD. She WILL break up or she WILL cheat on you(for all I care she's made up her mind already). Either way you're inevitably going to get fucked. AWALT.

[-] balajig8 2 Points 3 years ago

True...Machiavelliansm at its best.

[-] DontCallTheFed 1 Point 3 years ago

I'm disheartened by your response Puffly. If she did want a reaction from me that proves I care about her and she really matters to me... I think I gave her the opposite. It maybe wasn't as effective as dread, but my intention in walking out was to make it clear to her that I don't want to be around a girl who is talking to another guy in any friendly/flirty capacity. This was truly the first time in the entire relationship that she did anything like this. I wanted the message to be "You can't do this and also be with me. I won't be around if you're going to do this." And I thought demonstrating my ability to calmly leave her proximity for an indefinite period of time was a good strategy at this first sign of her sketchy behavior. I'm new to this remember, so I'm attempting to understand the nuances.

[-] [deleted] 1 Point 3 years ago

If you were my bro I'd knock you the fuck out if you told me you were disheartened.

Your foremost mistake was giving her an IF this THEN this - type of ultimatum. If you do this - then I'll do this. I bet you're a more rational, logical type of person. Unfortunately women DO NOT dig this type of shit - it calms the hamster down. She won't feel any more excitement being with you and she WILL look for a more exciting person(what you did was boring, you need to mix it up).

Always be vague when dealing with your woman, say one thing and do a whole another thing - and make sure she sees it, if she questions you about it act offended. Tell her you won't go after other women as long as she don't go after or flirt with other men and then do the complete opposite, get flirty with other women (This is dangerous play, if you aren't careful you'll get burned, I think you're a noob so don't attempt this but keep this in your mind for emergencies).

The power of being vague and inconsistent is it fuck up her hamster - it'll be on warp speed. Naturally all women look for patterns of behavior in her man and once she's figured him out - he's majorly fucked. This is why it is paramount to keep her guessing all the time, she thrives on the emotional clusterfuck.

[-] DontCallTheFed 1 Point 3 years ago

Well fuck I'm not crying myself to sleep disheartened, but I'm confused over here.

Correct. I am ultra logical. I'm the guy you know that can't stand talking about sports for more than 10 minutes. Are we going to go play ball? Then let's go. But why the fuck are we wasting time spewing stats from the game last night and debating about which team will make the playoffs? What do I think about what Stephen A Smith said this morning on First Take? Absolutely nothing. Let's talk about something that fucking matters. I have little patience for fools.

[-] melxer 1 Point 3 years ago

In a week from now you should ask for her phone. Depending on her clairvoyance she won't have her message with other guys deleted and you will be able to check that up. If she refuse to hand you the phone then you can rent that fat.

[-] trp_dude 1 Point 3 years ago

This is correct, with regard to being inconsistent. It's always a good strategy. However, over the short term, OP's approach was on point.

Over the long term, applying dread will be necessary, I agree.

[-] hawkeaglejesus 1 Point 3 years ago

Whoa, did she just dread game him?

[-] [deleted] 14 Points 3 years ago

I would keep my options open and not take this girl too seriously. This mightve have just been a one time thing but if it continues start to distance yourself. You said she lost her V to you so she might be bored and trying to branch swing or have a slut phase before she eventually wifies up.

[-] ECTD 12 Points 3 years ago

This is an ideal response, but since it went far enough I'd potentially dread game her mate.

There's no reason she should settle in after one night of placating you (which is honestly what she has to do to get the 'beta' back in you). You need to make this change for good, for yourself—swallow the pill, and never let her doubt that you'll fuck another chick the first night you break up with her because you just don't give a fuck. That's what's needed.

[-] DontCallTheFed 6 Points 3 years ago

I would honestly feel like a scumbag if I were to dread game. Is it my morals? I know I shouldn't give a fuck because after all, she was overtly talking to someone else herself.

[-] ECTD 11 Points 3 years ago

Nah man, dreading isn't a bad thing. She knows you're a catch. The reason she gets complacent is analogous to eating your favorite meal everyday—it gets boring. That's why we must dread game. At the root of it you're displaying your prowess by ultimately attracting other girls to you. You're demonstrating your value vicariously through the attraction of other females—ultimately, the necessary response for her is to reciprocate the actions that new women would behoove to you to charm you. If she doesn't, well, like a lion at an empty watering hole, you'll move on to the next one. (i.e. mate guarding in some respects).

I'm only 19 and I'm in a relationship that's around a 1.5 years. Granted, I think we're still in the honeymoon phase, I've used dread a few times, some were unnecessary and that's my fault because it is a serious thing to do—and that's why I'm recommending it to you because IFF my LTR were to flirt with another guy she'd get level 10 dread because I'm a cold-hearted thundercock and I know I can easily score elsewhere.

I've danced around the border between 9 and 10, and it does create turmoil, but it ultimately simmers because if you're high value enough you'll be able to do this effectively.

All in all, it is in your morals because you know what? It's best for her if she doesn't make a whore out of herself—you know that, I know that, hell, even she knows it, but she needs a strong man to guide her. You just have to give her a good prodding in the right direction and she'll follow. All the lambs follow the Shepard, but using the barking dog in you to keep her in line is what ultimately benefits both you and her.

Why do women ultimately pick the strongest, best man? Because they can ultimately be their feminine and submissive self (which they all want). If you have to show that even she can't act up, you're doing her and yourself a favor.

[-] Forcetobereckonedwit 3 Points 3 years ago

Damn brother....19? Good for you. Keep that head up. I wish I had understood this shit at 19. Glad I found TRP when I did. Better late than never.

[-] ECTD 2 Points 3 years ago

Yeah man! All power to you dude!

[-] disgruntledearthling 1 Point 3 years ago

Yeah this - dread or soft dread needs to be a consistent part (with on/off periods, otherwise she'll burn out) of any LTR.

[-] ECTD 1 Point 3 years ago

This! When I was going dark triad on her she was in absolute emotional turmoil and couldn't sleep right for days for fear of losing me. She has nausea, stomach pangs, sleep exhaustion... turned out well though. Last about 2-3 weeks so it's kind of a dramatic show.

[-] [deleted] 1 Point 3 years ago

Say it one more time. I dare you.

[-] ECTD 1 Point 3 years ago

This! When I was going dark triad on her she was in absolute emotional turmoil and couldn't sleep right for days for fear of losing me. She has nausea, stomach pangs, sleep exhaustion... turned out well though. Last about 2-3 weeks so it's kind of a dramatic show.

[-] [deleted] 0 Points 3 years ago

I noticed beta males often start with: This

[-] verify_account 1 Point 3 years ago

You have much to learn grasshopper.

She will love you more for dreading. Women want to fuck guys that other woman want to fuck. By not soft dreading you're actually losing value in her eyes.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] Forcetobereckonedwit 1 Point 3 years ago

"Scumbag"? Nope. It's a bitter pill isn't it? You pay car ins every month, right? No fun is it? You don't pay it after an accident.

Do you hit the gym? You don't hit the gym the day you want to look and feel good. You hit the gym often because that's how you control your body. You pay the rent every month so you can sleep easy, not when they come knocking with an eviction notice.

Think of dread game as GF maintenance.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] yomo86 12 Points 3 years ago

Very nice FR. As a man of the law you know to abstract things into black and white to judge them more easily.

My litmus test is would a pimp do the same? I mean not the violent part but would he let one of his hoes disrespect him this particular way? No. Because for him it is a cruel and dangerous world literally and taking girly shit is not worth the time nor the effort.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] [deleted] 1 Point 3 years ago

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[-] qwertz101 1 Point 3 years ago

i demoted a girl from being exclusive (had been dating for about 2 months at the time) to FWB cuz she was acting shady talking to exes and what-not. its been 1.5 years since then and shes still my FWB. its weird, in the beginning i kept her around bc i just wanted to keep fucking her, but now shes actually developed into one of my closest friends and we share a lot of personal stuff with each other. we both are free to do what we want but just dont talk about it.

there were jealousy issues at times, but a key thing that helped was just cutting each other off from social media, no FB, IG or Snapchatting each other. now we have no clue what each other is up to when we are not physically together.

[-] Forcetobereckonedwit 1 Point 3 years ago

I'm in the middle of it now. It's really fucking difficult because as GF, she would be the default companion for all activities. Now I have to make sure I am busy at times when we would normally do things together. I have to tell her "No babe, I'm busy Saturday night, how about Sunday?" It's a soft next, and she'll be fading away from my personal space entirely soon, but it's good to see her squirm in the meantime.

[-] dented_halo 7 Points 3 years ago

Next. You haven't won, just delayed the inevitable.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] DontCallTheFed 7 Points 3 years ago

Breaking up with her over this incident would be an overreaction, no? I have always had an attitude of inevitability with women. Love-at-first-sight is a myth. I'm not interacting with any women with expectations of them being "The One". The split is inevitable, sure. So am I supposed to next a woman at the first indication of imperfection? By that logic, none of us would be in contact with any particular female beyond 1 week.

[-] disgruntledearthling 3 Points 3 years ago

She might straighten out, she might not. It's a crap-shoot. But the manner in which you handled the first incident shows that the 2nd, if it ever happens, won't be a problem for you. Good work.

Keep your guard up and continue on - I don't see a reason to dump her right now.

[-] [deleted] 3 Points 3 years ago

Breaking up with her over this incident would be an overreaction, no?

I believe that yes, it would be an overreaction. Best advice I can give is just to continue to keep a close watch on her. We always say 'judge by actions not by words' and her actions seem to indicate she realised she fucked up. Is she just playing? God only knows - but letting her go now after she showed legitimate remorse for what she did I don't believe is the right thing to do.

Keep an eye on her, but still look into moving out options regardless (always good to have a plan B). Some other guys in this thread have noted it can be good for dread, and perhaps also a bit more peace and quiet. Even if you don't end up moving out, simply knowing you have the option there can be comforting. Important to note - if there are any other red flags down the line I would no longer say leaving her is an overreaction.

[-] DontCallTheFed 7 Points 3 years ago

Sorry for the formatting, this was my first post and I tried to space things out but to no avail. Any tips for formatting would be helpful.

[-] Red_SL4 -5 Point 3 years ago

Looks good to me. Maybe some bold titles here and there, but very readable nonetheless.

[-] icecow 6 Points 3 years ago

she justified the conversations with the other guy by saying he was just a friend from work, he has a girlfriend, she isn’t interested in him in any way, she has never done anything with any other guy since being with me, she didn’t want to ruin things with me, she shouldn’t have been so stupid,

She just told you she is capable of lying to you no matter what the situation. Is there anyone that isn't? For me that's part of the red pill bitterness, which leads to knowing a woman is not yours, it's just your turn.

How heavily is she financially leaning on you?

[-] hawkeaglejesus 3 Points 3 years ago

Let's dissect the words to find the true meaning behind them

  • he was just a friend from work - because no one has ever fucked a co-worker right?

  • he has a girlfriend - good girl complex and the public/private dichotomy. In public, she wants it known that she would never fuck a guy who is already taken because it would reflect badly on her socially. In private, she thinks that if she can poach a man from another woman it'll make her vastly more valuable.

    For example, I'm happy with my cell phone provider, but that doesn't stop their compeititors from trying to steal me away.

  • she isn’t interested in him in any way - listen to her actions not her words. The amount of time that she's spending on the phone with him clearly shows the opposite

  • she has never done anything with any other guy since being with me - she didn't commit the crime, but she got caught pre-meditating

  • she didn’t want to ruin things with me - she doesn't want get fired from her current job before she can line up a new one

  • she shouldn’t have been so stupid - false display of humility. She feels stupid for getting caught not for committing the act.
[-] DontCallTheFed 1 Point 3 years ago

As for the finances, everything is completely separate. We split the rent with no issues, and we split utility bills pretty evenly. We each pay our own individual bills for cars, phones, insurance, and anything else. But yes, both names are on the apartment lease - so potentially a terrible situation there.

[-] TissueBabies 1 Point 3 years ago

Honestly, I think their might be something to the "finances are separate" You guys have been at it for 3 years, maybe she uneasy about not being provided for.

[-] DontCallTheFed 8 Points 3 years ago

She's not my wife. She's not my baby-mama. She just got a degree and works full-time. She can pay for her own shit. Do I buy her things occasionally and spend my own $ on us when we go out and do things together? Absolutely. But I'm not going to "provide" for her at this point.

[-] gizmozed 1 Point 3 years ago

As someone who has insisted on separate finances through two marriages over 3 decades, let me say that it saved my ass and it stops all money arguments in their tracks and I heartily recommend it.

[-] TissueBabies 1 Point 3 years ago

I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm just saying it probably bothers her, even if it's subconscious.

[-] icecow 1 Point 3 years ago

I was just checking to see if the arrangement was you paying the rent or 3/4 of the rent, and such.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] RMK24 5 Points 3 years ago

Trust but verify. Also, this doesn't solve anything, and she will do it again. She just admitted to what you suspected anyway. Just drop this chick and find an FWB.

[-] amit240 5 Points 3 years ago

Bookmarked. Learned a few things :)

[-] blasted_biscuits 4 Points 3 years ago

It's great you pulled out your ace up your sleeve at the right time, showing her you can walk away at any time. Realistically, it's the only power we have in a relationship. And we have to use it when necessary.

[-] thevengfulone 3 Points 3 years ago

You handled that specific situation very well. I think in the grander scheme of things there is something else going on or it was just a shit test, AWALT. If she tries to hide something like that in the future, hard next with no shits given. I've had that same reversal (very apologetic, everything will change....blah blah) to have her go right back to the same spot. In my case it's an insane long story from my blue pill days so it was not handled nearly as well as your example. Everything is good when you are 100% focused on you my friend.

[-] ElLetdown 3 Points 3 years ago

Stories like this always make me excited to implement TRP.

[-] graffix13 3 Points 3 years ago

Bravo, good play sir.

Way to maintain frame. Unfortunately, she will probably exhibit this behavior again sometime in the future, so you will have to take more drastic steps, which will probably include dropping her altogether.

[-] DontCallTheFed 3 Points 3 years ago

Thanks for all the quick feedback. This was by-far the biggest shit test I've received from her in the relationship.

[-] forcevacum 3 Points 3 years ago

This field report is so much better quality than the "I just left my girlfriend. I am so fucking proud of myself." shit show bullshit on the main page.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] [deleted] 3 Points 3 years ago

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[-] DontCallTheFed 6 Points 3 years ago

I agree. There was NOTHING I could have said to her that would have been as effective as just walking out on her. In the past I would have tried to reason with her or express how I felt about what she was doing. I would have fought with her however long she wanted to fight and endured her passive-aggressive bullshit afterwards.

[-] Riffington 3 Points 3 years ago

Honestly, I see your initial confrontation as fine but leaving to crash at someone else's house and then not coming home till she begged you sufficiently while giving her the silent treatment comes across a bit like a tantrum.

It's not a sustainable model. Sure it scares her into subservience for a short while but you escalated the situation far too much and lost frame doing it.

Better would have been to matter of factly state your expectations, how she violated them and carried on with your day. If that isn't enough for her to change, than it's time to move on--she isn't the LTR material you thought she was.

[-] DontCallTheFed 3 Points 3 years ago

I'm aware that it's not sustainable. Do I come across like a masochist? Of course I'm not going to use the soft-next on her in perpetuity, and then wait until things unravel and I'm forced to repeat the process like it's my go-to move. I walked out to make the point that I'm CAPABLE of walking out. That point isn't made if I simply say "This isn't okay with me. If you do this again I will leave you. Now what were you saying about that fundraiser this weekend?"

Maybe I wasn't clear in my post, but the reason I went back to my place that night was because of the ACTIONS she took to remind me of her value, not her generic begging.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
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[-] Eze-Wong 2 Points 3 years ago

The ability to walk is where a man wields his power. If he doesn't respond promptly to an immediate transgression, the point won't come across fully.

A warning may have kept him more in an Alpha state, but it would just lead to more shit testing and micro-transgressions. She would try to see how much she can get away with, and it would eventually lead to OP just leaving at some point later down the line. Better to do it early and instill the fear sooner.

[-] turn30left 2 Points 3 years ago

There's still the possibility that she has fucked this dude. I would plan my exit strategy, possibly downgrade her to a plate. And in the future, don't live with women.

[-] [deleted] 2 Points 3 years ago

You should make sure you use protection from this point forward. The "I'm pregnant" gotcha may not be far off.

[-] KumonRoguing 2 Points 3 years ago

You have to keep the same attitude if it comes to really breaking it off. Keep passing these shit tests. Sounds like you did good.

[-] RpwomN 2 Points 3 years ago

Not sure if I'm allowed to post in this part of RP, but from what you described, she seems like she will definitely do this again with another guy.

I would never text and chat with some guy from work in front of my bf. I don't even text and chat with close friends of his, even though we're all good friends for several years now.

I hope she doesnt use the whole "I want to see what Im missing" when her friends start telling her how "awesome" one night stands can be.

[-] mksu 2 Points 3 years ago

I think you are confusing what the ability to walk away represents and what it is for.

It's not about women. It's about you and for you. It's for your own benefit. It's not to keep the girl, it's not to make the girl behave, it's not to punish her when she misbehaves, it's not to keep her from cheating.

Women will do what they want to do and there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop it. The "threat" of you walking away only means that she will hide it from you until she is ready to dump you.

It's for your own sanity and well being. Being able to walk away means that if the relationship ends for whatever reason, your life will remain relatively unchanged and unaffected. You will be able to say "oh well, AWALT" and keep living as well as you did before.

[-] Il128 2 Points 3 years ago

Meh, should have nexted her. This is only temporary.

[-] suske127 1 Point 3 years ago

Dude that's an awesome story and I'm glad to hear it; you did pretty damn well. I don't think I could have been so cold myself but hey it sure worked for you. I'd be thinking "maybe she isn't happy which is why she's talking to this other dude" and then cold shoulder her.. But not for 2 whole days. "savage" haha. Anyways awesome outcome, glad to hear it for you two

[-] DontCallTheFed 12 Points 3 years ago

It was no easy task resisting my old BP tendencies. I wanted to call her when she was blowing up my phone. I wanted to drive back home to her after I had been at my buddy's for a couple hours. I wanted to share in the relief she showed when I returned home. I wanted to tell her I loved her and wanted her forever and all that shit. What saved me was TRP. I had been lurking here for weeks and when this situation presented itself, I found mental strength I didn't know I possessed.

[-] Neuroentropic_Force 3 Points 3 years ago

This is great right here, good for you man. It gets easier with time and confidence. Just remind yourself that all those things you really wanted to do actually turn women off instantly and violently. However, though you have applied red pill ideas, you may have done it in a still blue pill way. As few others have mentioned, there is a fine line between mate guarding and boundaries. What I just read came across as an overreaction and mate guarding. Personally I think LTRs are a complete waste of time unless you are freaking soulmates, and I'd say your first mistake is actually caring at all. Maybe I'm just a sociopath, but that's just me. Anyhow, freaking out and going to maximum dread game on a minor offense can look just as bad as getting controlling and clingy. The punishment needs to fit the offense. I'm not saying you were wrong in how you handled it, just keep that in mind going forward. Respect is commanded through actions not words. Asking for respect makes you look weak, demanding it through your behavior, forcing it in unspoken ways is very powerful and very sexy to women.

[-] Omnisovereign 1 Point 3 years ago

I agree with you on the "why LTRs" point. I'd only LTR if I wanted to have children with her, or some form of emotional connection.... Which you can have in an OLTR + plates, or MLTR.

Read Black dragons blog about it.

Personally now, I've recently downgraded a short term relationship to FWB. If she pushes for commitment, I'll push for OLTR, if I see the need for her to still be around me.

[-] Neuroentropic_Force 1 Point 3 years ago

Yeah I've had a FWB situation for awhile and she told me recently that we are basically OLTR. I really can't tell the difference from my perspective, and if I'm her main guy then great, more sex and affection for me.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] [deleted] 1 Point 3 years ago

"When my bikes were lined up neatly". What are you? A pokemon trainer? I find he emotional response she had to such an unemotional act incredible. Quite amazing what you effected in her

[-] DontCallTheFed 1 Point 3 years ago

I obviously don't give a fuck if my things are "lined up neatly" - that's why the room was a mess in the first place. My girl took it upon herself to clean it up and was gleefully showing off what she had done... I can not give a fuck about the substance of what she did while at the same time see and appreciate the effort and the value of having a girl that will do such things. And this is what she was trying to accomplish - she knew her value dropped significantly when she was flirting with another guy, now she is actively trying to rebuild her value in my eyes. She is making the decision to do this.

[-] mehdreamer 1 Point 3 years ago

Man you handled it like a pro...

I had a similar case few years ago with my ex...and I behaved like a blue pilled beta looser.

My ex was traveling to Greece for work and she was skyping 2 nights with a guy working for a security company there...she was laughing at his stupid not funny jokes...touching her hair, etc.

I went nuts...and I told her to stop... she didn't of course. she kepts talking to him and I was clueless...

Never again..

[-] polu85 1 Point 3 years ago

You haven't solved anything, now she just thinks you can be resentful and are easily disrespected.

Who cares if she's texting some guy? IF she cheats on you, you leave. If the relationship is getting stale from her you introduce some jealousy with other girls.

Maybe this won't happen again, depending on how traumatic it was for her. But it could backfire, she could resent you for doing that to her.

Her attraction for the other guy hasn't diminished, and yours hasn't increased. You didn't gain anything here. If you'd doubled down on work and other girls your attraction would've gone up, and she'd be wondering why you're spending time with other girls and more time at work, gym etc. And she would've had to invest more time into you to keep you interested.

But things like this will continue to happen, you gonna walk out and sulk every time?

Also imagine the conversation she'll have with this guy when she tells him this and how they'll laugh at how upset you got over "nothing". Now you become the controlling boyfriend. And him? Maybe he's the exciting seducer who never gets mad or resentful (he doesn't communicate overtly), he has a gf so he's already pre qualified and has another woman vying for his attention. Maybe his gf got upset about her too and he can relate to her.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] Forcetobereckonedwit 1 Point 3 years ago

Beautifully handled. This is a text book example of what to do when the shit starts. And although we all know there will be more down the line...it sounds like you have found one of the better females. Enjoy it while it lasts. Thanks for sharing.

[-] ReddittFeist 1 Point 3 years ago

Have you noticed that this girl got right back on track when this guy decided to fuck social convention and just did the shit he needed to, no hesitation, no fears of "what people might think." In other words, he acted like a Jerk.

Jerk is that word social enforcers use to shame people into doing things against their own best interest.

But the saying is true: Women Love A Jerk!

[-] [deleted] 1 Point 3 years ago

Now she is going to go into ultra-sneaky-spy mode cuz she really wants what she can't have now. You made that other dude look very appetizing now.

[-] DontCallTheFed 1 Point 3 years ago

Maybe. But she has been wonderful for weeks now. She doesn't want to lose me and now she knows that I'll drop her if she ever does something like this again.

[-] [deleted] 1 Point 3 years ago

Well I wish you good luck and hope it works out for you.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] DontCallTheFed 1 Point 3 years ago

She is not a drinker. I drink socially about twice a week. She will drink once every couple of weeks, and calls it quits after 2 beers. Most weeks, I meet her at happy hour downtown and her coworkers know me. At this Friday happy hour she will have 0-1 drinks.

Her family on the other hand...

Is what I would describe as "dysfunctional" and she describes as "not perfect". Her father is actually a functioning alcoholic and her mother has remained by his side through physical and psychological abuse. My girlfriend goes super light on the drinking because of what she's observed at home.

[-] ex_addict_bro 2 Points 3 years ago

Read my post history and dump her. She is not an ltr material. Adult children of alcoholics - never again

[-] Overkillengine 1 Point 3 years ago

he has a girlfriend,

Heh. Given that being "taken" makes a man more attractive to women, this was not an argument in her favor when one can read subtext. Going silent and letting them babble is valuable for this exact reason, since they will unwittingly reveal far more information than intended.

At the very least work on disentangling any commingled assets pronto. She either got too comfortable that you would always be there, or is just thoughtless. Neither is something a man can afford to condone in a woman when in a relationship. Women that are fully vested in a relationship pay about as much attention to external males as men will to a 300 lb chick at the bar when they have a spinner at home - polite disinterest is the best she will get. Behaving otherwise is a red flag.

[-] RedPillHanSolo 1 Point 3 years ago

What I would have done: start applying dread, increasing dosage day by day. When she confronts me (when, not "if"), I pressure flip telling that it's OK for her to chat/flirt with some guy and it's OK for me to do so with a girl.

EDIT: OP, please do follow up with how this worked out for you, because I'm genuinely curious. On one hand, yes, you didn't flip out, was calm etc, on the other hand (and I don't mean to offend you) it looks a bit like mate guarding and giving her an ultimatum. If you can come through with your promise (drop her at first sight of flirting with a dude), then kudos to you, but I think it'd be a lot easier to demote/soft-next your girl if you didn't cohabitate with her.

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[-] casemodsalt 1 Point 3 years ago

Now she is just gonna do it behind your back, lol.

[-] DontCallTheFed 3 Points 3 years ago

Perhaps she will try. But she won't be able to fool anyone, I can see right through that shit. I've been with the girl for a longgg time and 95% of her lifetime experience with men is with me - I'm going to know when something isn't right.

[-] Omnisovereign 2 Points 3 years ago

This had happened to me before. I started to emotionally withdraw from her to blunt the inevitable post break up depression.

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] Dert_ 1 Point 3 years ago

Hoooooly shit this subreddit is insane

This woman did absolutely nothing wrong, OP was overreacting to do anything wrong and you nutjobs are telling him he should have done more?

[-] aRedThought 1 Point 3 years ago

A long time ago I figured out that sometimes you have to hurt those you love in order to keep them. I'm not talking abuse or violence, that is beyond morally bankrupt. If you ever hit a woman you love you are one of the lowest forms of life that humans can become.

That said, a little emotional manipulation goes a long way. The easy way out as you said is what most people would do. A bandaid fix that shows clear signs of weakness, ultimately disrespects yourself, and doesn't actually solve the problem.

When your woman does something wrong, you punish it. Simple as that. You have to be clear, you have to be direct, and most importantly you have to be honest. "You are disrespecting me with your actions, the way you are acting isn't acceptable." Nip it in the bud.

Good job op.

[-] PIGamer86 1 Point 3 years ago

I got married prior to discovering redpill. One of the first changes i made was making decisions confidently. I used to say "i don't know, whatever." to everything. "Where should we eat? What are we doing this weekend? What should we do now that your family is in town?" She responded with her own dose of mopiness and being noncommittal. I stopped. I not only spoke my mind about what I wanted but also what I had already known my wife wanted. Now that my answers are "We're going to Texas Roadhouse and seeing Brooklyn," she reacts enthusiastically.

I firmly spoke with confidence and purpose during other kind of conversations as well. This is just one example among dozens of lifestyle/personality changes I made that strengthened our relationship.

[-] rp_newdawn 1 Point 3 years ago

I loved this field report... But now I have a legit question pertaining to the boundaries drawn. I liked your line about how you pass on opportunities out of respect for her. Yet I'm a charmer by nature and girls in general want me to only use that charm on them. Many in this community stress thats it's important to always at least lightly continue gaming other women, even in LTRs and marriage. How can I draw that boundary of respect when I myself am not necessarily following it?

[-] beginner_ 0 Points 3 years ago

Isn't leaving and staying the night with a friend entering her frame and overreacting? You are creating drama and adjusting your plans to her behavior eg. breaking frame. Would not the correct behavior be to say what OP said and then continue to do whatever you wanted to while ignoring her? best would probably be do deny her sex and say "Your behavior today was too disgusting for me to get it up".

[-] Tatersalad99 0 Points 3 years ago

Handled it well but she's too young for a LTR. Let her go but keep in touch. Finish school. Get a job. Then maybe get back with her. You're setting yourself for a failed relationship if you continue it. She went flirting with another man even though you've done the right thing. Fuck that. Walk away.

[-] AlphabetZodiac -1 Point 3 years ago

That's great everything worked out, but you should never feel like you need to leave your own home. Your home is your castle.

Personally, I would have got my phone out and started texting old flings and arranging a date. Using jealousy is a great tool.

[-] Jeanwulf -1 Point 3 years ago

Cool. You found a strategy that TRP talks about.

Doesn't mean AWALT, or that you should be more tough than what you have done atm. I think you acted appropriately.

She probably won't cheat on you. Most women have self control, especially when it benefits them.

Meh. TRP is hit and miss. Getting fit is just common knowledge, and not being a doormat is too.

[-] DontCallTheFed 8 Points 3 years ago

I felt compelled to share my experience with you guys because I was genuinely fucking shocked when she instantly went into housewife mode with the cleaning and cooking and pampering me.

[-] Jeanwulf 1 Point 3 years ago

yeah, it was really cool.

I like how you didn't insult women at all, and just shared your experience. That's the ideal thing to do :)

Your girl's reaction sounds quite natural "oh shit, I am gonna be thrown out if I don't act useful, I need to pay my relationship bills"

haha. Glad that your life is so much more satisfying for you.

And you will probably respect her more too, knowing that when she puts effort in she actually considers it worth it, so you will be more motivated to make her turned on like that.

:DDD

[-] Omnisovereign -1 Point 3 years ago

Your cynical responses aren't useful here.

[-] Jeanwulf 1 Point 3 years ago

believing everything on a subreddit that focuses on men being superior to women is useful.

I consider TRP as having some useful things, and is a good warning tool and gives insight. But I don't believe every point made here. Mostly because my family are incredibly awesome and break most of the TRP rules, though males in my family have not been softies (which is probably one reason for the success in family life).

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago
[-] DontCallTheFed 2 Points 3 years ago

English for sure isn't your first language.

[-] OpEastwoods -5 Point 3 years ago

Lol, that's the only response you can muster because youre exactly the fucking spineless coward I said you were. Ive had roughly the same length of relationship you have had and I havent yet had to freak out and walk out like a little bitch. She knows that what your gf did is clearly not okay to do, and I let her read your so-called "story" and she laughed at how fucking pathetic you are.

You think you're acting like the big man, but youre actually just really sad. 100% chance she cheats on you, not because women are shitty but actually because you're clearly just a fucking pussy. No wonder you're on here, you clearly have some kind of an issue with your sexual confidence.

[-] mehdreamer 1 Point 3 years ago

I am curious...what would you have done instead?

[-] [deleted] 3 years ago