don't feel loved at all. Been put onto this planet while I was happy resting in non existence and forced to follow God or else I will go to hell. Be given a disability that has made my life hell and living with all this doubt I have. I just want to go back to non existence and leave this hellish planet. I just wish God would leave me alone and let me live my life and then I could go back to rest peacefully. I don't want to be alive forever burning in Hell or living in Heaven. I just want to go back to rest, God asks too much of me and puts around me all these Christians telling me different messages. I'm not trying to sound selfish or anything but I find being a Christian torment. At the moment God wants me to find a job so I ain't at home all day, I am comfortable at home, no one to bully me or tell me what to do. I know with all my heart though that Jesus exists and it pains me so much that I have to live this christian life. I don't get why you guys love it so much, for me this is torment and agony. I can't however stop being a Christian because I will for sure go to hell and burn and suffer far more than I already am. I have wanted to kill my self for years now but just can't do it because I love my family to much and don't want to burn in hell. I just wish God would cut me some slack and let me go back into non existence. I try to love God but I just can't do it. I believe I am in hell already.
They say we will be happy in heaven? You know what the best feeling is? it is not happiness it is being nuetral and calm and not feeling A THING. Non existence is this and is far better than anything in existence. Most of us a scared of leaving Christianity because we will go to Hell. We are bought onto this planet and out of our comfort to serve God who does not love us at all. Do you know the only reason this word LOVE came around was so we could be bought into existence to serve God because he got bored. God probably wishes he didn't exist at all seeing how stupid and retarded this failure of a planet is. Everyone is fake and static, it is almost like we are in a computer simulation developed by the Third Reich. We have Gods special people the Jews that would so eagerly write in their talmud that Jesus is burning in shit (I actually chuckled writing that, which is how fucking pissed off I am to exist). Obey God or else we burn in hell, it is like George Carlin said in that one video about religion https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r-e2NDSTuE&t=196s "THIS PLACE CALLED HELL EXISTS OF SUFFERING AND BURNING AND CHOKING" then he says into the mic with the most funniest face I have ever seen that "But he loves you"!. I am probably going to hell and I am scared shitless of it and wish I could change. I CAN'T and because of this I am going to suffer forever and ever. No loving parent would send their suffering child to hell. But here we go again because I think that I am going to hell. I can't win can I? I will go up to heaven and God will have an answer for everything that I did wrong, he will win in a debate with me in less than a second. I can't believe he even allows the Catholic church to remain running, that place teaches if you love God and do his sacraments you will go to heaven! BUT FIRST YOU HAVE TO GO TO PURGATORY AND BURN AND SUFFER FOR 1000 YEARS!!!! Catholics are the dumbest fucks ever. Do you know that 1 minute in that place will feel like 10 years? YET YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO STAY THEIR FOR A LONG TIME? Guys even a year sounds like a long time, but imagine Purgatory and that year being on slow mo cause you are in so much pain. Why hasn't God destroyed all of rome in a ball of fire like sodom and gomoorah (or however u spell that fucking place) I haven't written a rant this long before but I am so fucking angry to exist in this shit hole of a place we call earth, just look at this group called Incels they can't get a girlfriend or a wife when they badly need one and for it they have to suffer and suffer for it. God lets shitheads roam this earth all the time, day and night, God makes us have to deal with these cunts and then says "LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR! AS I HAVE LOVED YOU! oh okay does that mean I can shit on my neighbor then because I am loving God as he has loved me! These Christian videos are so fucking pathetic as well. Most Christians don't live with nearly as much pain and hurt as most of the world does, so it is easy for them to just sit back and say "SINNER"! Its just like that fucking creep Alex Jones that talks shit about everyone on his show, every time I put it on he is talking down someone, THIS IS WHAT CHRISTIANS DO THOUGH DON'T THEY? FUCK THAT. God makes it soooooooooooooo fucking hard for people to find them and because of that you are going to have to see people burn in hell because of it. Look at all these religions that aren't christian, they have to burn because Oh ya didn't pick the right God, sorry mate off ya go ya fucking wanker. JFL at God loves people.