Disclaimer: this is for guys who want to learn or improve cold approach. If you don't have to do that because you're banging girls on Tinder, god bless you brother go forth and slay. But understand that in many cities/dating markets, most guys will get shitty results on dating apps and therefore their best option is cold approach. Plus, it's a hell of a lot of fun and learning how to talk to random people in a way they find interesting and engaging is a fantastic skill that translates well to business and other avenues of life besides women.

First, I just want to point out that I never would have met this woman if it wasn't for cold approach. She wasn't on the market (as I later found out and have another story I'll post on how I almost fucked up and got oneitis for this girl), and she wouldn't have swiped on me if she was--here's how that went:

It was a Thursday and I should've been at work, but I'd been up late the night before with another woman so I said fuck it and used one of my vacation days. Slept in, went to the gym, then did some writing and worked on my websites.

After I went to a Thai restaurant to grab some food, and there she was: HB 8--Ukrainian or Eastern European to my eyes--sitting alone at the bar. As I came in she turned and I immediately made strong eye contact with her before sitting down a seat away, nodding, "hi," with a coy smile.

"Hello," came the reply.

Here's the thing for guys who worry about girls freaking out on cold approach: 1) if she didn't want to be approached, she wouldn't have looked at me, and 2) even if she did, simply not returning the greeting or turning away or any other sign of disinterest would have hinted that the door was closed or closing--anyway, if you pay attention to that kind of shit it's usually pretty obvious if a girl doesn't want to be approached.

At this point, the waiter came, brought the menu, and I ordered because I already knew what I wanted. Then I turned to her and said, "I love your earrings--they're very (pause)--unique." BTW, if she's wearing interesting earrings, this is a great canned opener. However, the overall point is to just notice something about her that is part of her ensemble or aura that's not overtly sexual (although there are times when, "I want to eat your ass" can work). Anyway, this gets you in the set.

She says, "thank you," and sort of blushes and turns away.

Here's where I could have lost her, but I followed up--remember if a girl is giving you solid IOIs (looked when I came in, made eye contact, replied to my hello, replied to my opener), keep going. She may like you but just not know what to say. You have to be the leader--that's what she wants you to prove eventually anyway. Besides, if you can't carry a conversation how are you going to fuck her good like she wants to be fucked?

Anyway, I follow up with: "were they a gift or did you buy them yourself?"

And she begins to tell the story of how they were from an ex, yada, yada, yada--at this point as a guy you just need to maintain eye contact, look interested and smile sometimes, and follow where the conversation leads. When appropriate, tell her she's attractive: "well you look lovely I must say."

Now she's hooked, i.e. invested in the conversation. Next make her qualify herself. Neg if necessary.

When the story came to a close, I joked, "so are you independently wealthy, or just like to chill in Thai bars at 2 on Thursday afternoons?"

"I work at a hair salon and it's my day off," she says petulantly. "You're here too," she says leaning toward me, "what do you do big shot?"

Perfect--this is building tension. Too many guys are afraid to piss a girl off, but you have to break rapport in order to establish sexual tension, and this is necessary because you have to show her you can walk away. She expects me to give her a straight answer.

"I'd really rather not get into that--everyone's always asking me what I do for a living," I say. "Besides, what if you're a thief who wants to rob me?" This with a big smile telling her I'm not serious, while leaning toward her--again, eye contact.

At first she didn't say anything, then she laughed, taking a drink and shaking her head.

"I'm Chase," I say. "Nice to meet you."

"I'm Marryn," she says, taking my hand.

From there it was simply a balance between comfort and pleasure.

Comfort: find things in common, shared experiences or interests, agreeing with what she says.

Value: disagreeing with what she says, teasing, negging ("is that nail chipped?" I grab her hand to look, "oh never mind." hint: no, but it throws her off), and being aloof, cocky, and unserious.

Once you've engaged a girl and you know she's hooked and you're having a good vibe, it's time for logistics:

"So where are you off to after this?"

"I have to run some errands, etc..." OK so at this point I know the best I can do is number close.

"Well my dear there's a great wine bar just a bit from here--we should grab a drink there sometime," she doesn't object so I just continue, getting out my phone, "type in your number and I'll text you mine."

KEY POINT: give her a reason she's giving you her number. Bring up a cool hike you go on, or a trivia night, or a fun tap house, or whatever, it can even just mean saying, "let's do X, Y, Z"--but this will decrease your flakes big time, because she now has an idea of what you're going to do and she feels like she's already agreed to it. Plus it shows you have confidence that whatever that thing is, it's going to be fun and it's something you already do.

"OK," she nods. And that's it.

Last thing: don't just stop talking to her after the close. In my case my lunch hadn't even come yet, and if she had been eating lunch (she was getting takeout), then it becomes an instant mini date and I would have continued to chat her up, though it's usually best to number close when right before you have to leave or you can see that she does. In this instance her order came right before I got her number, so I knew she was leaving soon. I guess the point is that until one of you leave, you're still in the set, and if you act like a weirdo after you get her number, she's going to flake.

Steps:

1) Play the role walking in: be confident, dress well for your style (that might be a tank top if you're jacked and live somewhere warm--every guy has to figure that out), and anytime you see a hot girl, make strong eye contact if possible.

2) Move quickly and be social: I said "hi" immediately after I walked in, but even if it's not the girl, be friendly with everyone and anyone, joke, and show that you're a cool guy--without being try hard. Remember, your base attitude is DGAF. To steal a line I saw from a recent post: "Your toes are tappin' no matter what happens."

3) Open the set: I used the earrings opener--but it can be anything relevant to the girl. All you really need is a topic that she's interested in or something about her that makes her different/special. You can even open by telling her you think you know her, as goofy as that sounds. What really matters is your tonality, attitude, and eye contact.

4) Establish man to woman: "you look lovely."

5) Qualify and/or neg: what makes her so special? What about her is a little off? Remember, a neg is not insulting the girl, it's something that simply throws her off guard, shows her that you're not putting her on a pedestal.

6) Build tension, break rapport. This is simple: establish your frame--show her you're not some little beta lapdog waiting to be petted.

7) Balance value vs. comfort: see above.

8) Escalate and/or close: always try to do something with her right then (if you can)--but if not, kiss/number close is fine. This is obviously going to depend on the situation. The most I could do with this girl in the moment without looking weird is lean in a few times and the one time I took her hand. If it's a nightclub, you can (read: should) be much more aggressive in terms of kino escalation.

9) Play it cool until you leave or she does.