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- Hide Preview | 61 Comments | submitted 7 months ago by Aghayden [Post Locked]

There are three common ways to meet women: through your social circle, online dating, and cold approach.

Of these three methods, which is best way to meet women?

Well, there is no simple answer: it depends on your personal goals and life situation.

But it is important to understand the pros and cons of each strategy. If you don’t you can spend months (or even years) of your time and energy on a dating strategy that cannot get you the results they want.

In this article, you’re going to learn about the 3 best methods for meeting women, you to make them work for you, and how to choose which to focus on in your own life.

 

Social Circle

 

Until the advent of dating apps, the vast majority of couples met through their social circles. If a girl is in a class with you, she works with you, or you were introduced by a mutual friend – then she’s in your social circle.

There are several advantages to meeting women through your social circle:

 

1. Trust

 

When you meet girls through your social circle, they can trust that you’re probably not some antisocial weirdo. Conversely, girls you approach on the street might assume that you live in your mom’s basement.

 

2. Social Value

 

If you build a social circle with many beautiful women, you can leverage it to create opportunities. You could, for example, invite girls to a weekly party that you host. You’ll have a lot of social value in these parties, it’s equivalent to being the DJ at a club.

In psychology, there’s a concept called ‘preselection’ which means that women are more attracted to men who seem attractive to other women.

For example, if you’re hosting a party, a variety of beautiful women who are all giving you attention, any girls who see you getting this attention will become more attracted to you.

Furthermore, fewer women than men go to clubs which means that girls have more social value in that environment.

But if you throw an event, you get to choose who comes. You can turn the usual dynamic upside down, you can ensure the ratio of men to women is whatever you want it to be.

 

Why Social Circle Game Is Not The Best Way To Meet Girls

 

Meeting women through your social circle has one important disadvantage: lack of volume. Unless you work for Maxim, your social circle probably only has a few attractive women in it.

You might sit next to a cute girl in class, but if you ask her out and she rejects you, then what?

Meeting women through your social circle can easily lead to become overly invested in the few girls that you see in your day-to-day life.

When men rely too much on meeting women through their social circle, they often fall into a scarcity mindset.

Scarcity is a psychological principle that states: the rarer something is, the more value it has.

For example, gold doesn’t look any better than something gold painted, but real gold is extremely valuable simply because it’s rare.

In dating, we enter a scarcity mindset when we only interact with a small number of women in our day-to-day lives. If your dating options are scarce, each individual girl will have a tremendous amount of value to you – as a result you’ll become afraid of the possibility that she’ll reject you (if she rejects you, you have no other options).

The more you care about getting with a particular girl, the less likely you are to get her. She will feel that you want something from her, and that dating her is big deal for you. When someone needs something from us, we feel an inherent repulsion towards them: it’s like meeting a homeless person who starts asking for money.

Relying exclusively on your social circle is not the best way to meet women. When you’re only interacting with a few attractive girls, you’re not only likely to develop scarcity mindset, but it’s also unlikely that you’ll meet a girl who you’re extremely attracted to (both physically and psychologically).

Let’s say there are 5 attractive women in your social circle – what are the chances that one of those girls is really your dream girl, the kind of girl who you have amazing sexual and social chemistry with?

The larger your dating pool, the more likely it is you’ll meet a woman who truly has all the qualities you want.

 

Social Circle Game: The Verdict

 

Social circle is great as a supplement to other dating strategies.

Let’s say you approach women throughout the week and you get 20 girl’s numbers. You could invite all of those women to a party you’re throwing on the weekend. Maybe 5 of those girls show up, but that’s 5 girls who are all interested in meeting you who’ve shown up to your party – you can hang out with all of them and choose the one you like most.

You can also use social media to build your social circle. You can add any girls you meet from cold approach or online game to your Snapchat (you can follow me on Snapchat: (aghayden) for some examples of what Snapchat game looks like) or Instagram following. Then, you can post interesting daily stories that keep the girls following you engaged with you.

The best stories are either you doing something adventurous, you being playful with girls, or sharing things that will build a connection with your audience (you hanging out with your dog, cooking, playing board games with your family, etc.)

The women who follow you will see that you have an awesome life and this will both make you seem intriguing and trustworthy.

Social circle game is a powerful supplement when you’re already getting good results from either online game or cold approach -but it’s not an effective way to meet women by itself.

 

Online Dating

 

Dating apps (Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, etc.) have a nearly limitless supply of members. There is no scarcity of women you can meet online. But online dating has a serious problem for men: the competition.

In 2016, 67.8% of Tinder users were male whereas only 32.2%4 were female. Even worse, women on Tinder get swiped right an average of 50% of the time whereas men only get swiped right by women 16% of the time.

The economics of online dating are very much in the favor of women: pretty much any girl can get a limitless supply of matches on Tinder whereas the average guy gets maybe 1 per day (if that).

A particularly beautiful woman on a dating apps will receive dozens of messages every single day: standing out from all those men is no easy task.

It’s not all doom-and-gloom, though. Very few men are good at online dating: most guys use lazy pictures taken on their smartphone’s selfie camera and send messages that are either creepy or boring.

You can stand out from the majority of guys on dating apps by crafting learning how to message girls in a way that intrigues them and spending a couple hundred dollars on a professional photographer.

You could use online dating to meet a new girl every single day. However, it’s fairly rare to meet ‘9s’ and ‘10s’ from dating apps: there’s just too much competition for the most beautiful women.

You can use online dating to consistently get dates with fairly cute girls, but if you want women that are ‘stunning,’ online dating isn’t a good option.

(Also, if a girl looks like an ‘8’ on Tinder, she’s probably a ‘6.’ If she looks like a ‘6’, she’s probably a 4. Most people on Tinder choose the most flattering photos they’ve ever taken, these pictures tend to be misleading.)

 

Wrapping Up Online Dating

Dating apps can be a good way to get some experience under belt if you’re inexperienced with women (https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2018/12/09/bumble-game/). It’s much less anxiety provoking to message a woman online than to approach her in person. And if a girl from an app agrees to meet you, you can be confident that she’s open to the idea of dating you.

Relying too much on dating apps can become a crutch. If you start going on dates with girls you met online, but you can’t approach a girl in person, it’s easy to become reliant on the dating app.

If your long-term goal is to date ‘9s’ and ‘10s’ you shouldn’t use dating apps as your exclusive method for meeting women.

Meeting girls online can help get the ball rolling and help you build some confidence in yourself, but while you’re doing that, you should simultaneously work on your ability to approach and attract women in person – because that’s where you’ll meet the most beautiful women.

 

Cold Approach Pickup

 

In today's society, most men cannot approach a beautiful girl without the benefits of alcohol – it’s just too anxiety provoking.

Of course, if most people are unable to do something, the few people who do it have an unfair advantage.

If you can confidently approach a girl, you’ve already proven that you’re among the top 10% of guys.

When you’re out meeting women in person, you can approach literally anyone and get her undivided attention. (Compare this to online dating where the majority of women won’t even see your profile or read your message).

There’s also a virtually unlimited number of women you can approach. In your social circle there might be 5 beautiful women, in a city with a million people, there might be 50,000.

 

Disadvantages Of Cold Approach

 

Psychologically, cold approach is extremely difficult for most men. You will get rejected on a regular basis. Those rejection can easily fuel negative thought patterns (“I’m just not attractive enough”/”These women are bitches”/ etc.)

The harsh truth is that most men who try cold approach ultimately fail. Success stories aren’t the norm, frustration and disappointment are.

This is no different from say, fitness, where most people who start a new diet or buy a gym membership give up within a couple months.

If you eat fewer calories, you will lose weight. If you lift heavy weights, you will build muscle. However, few people who start these endeavors ultimately reach their goals – building healthy habits is psychologically challenging.

Similarly, you can attract beautiful women through cold approach, but it’s psychologically challenging to do so.

That’s why it’s important to focus not just on the techniques that attract women (https://redpilltheory.com/2018/02/08/make-girls-chase-art-hot-cold/), but on the process of learning game itself.

In bodybuilding, knowing a good workout regiment isn’t enough to build muscle. You also must know how to motivate yourself to go to the gym consistently, how to make sure you’re eating the right foods, and how to consistently lift heavier weights each week.

Likewise, knowing how to attract a woman isn’t enough, you must be patient and disciplined(very few guys get instant successes from game). You also must learn from your mistakes and set goals that will point you in the right direction.

Most guys who try to learn cold approach fail – not because something is inherently wrong with them or with pickup itself – but because their strategy doesn’t account for the biggest obstacle we face: our psychological resistance to change.

Of the three strategies for meeting women, cold approach has the most potential. One guy I went out with brought home 9 attractive women home in 9 days. Now, that may not be your goal, it’s not mine either, but there’s almost no limit to what’s possible.

To be fair, you can’t bring home a ‘perfect 10’ every night. But that’s because such women are genuinely rare. You can, however, go on a date with a solid ‘8’ every single day if you wanted to.

[-] BobbyPeru 47 Points 7 months ago

This isn’t a bad write up, but my first thought is all 3.. Like you said, one may be more conducive than the others to your goal, but generally all 3 can be used to achieve short or long term goals with women.

I prefer cold approach, but I like to get some kind of sign she’s interested (eye contact, body language, smile... etc). Also, it’s key to use kino right off the bat to guage her interest. Sometimes, her reaction to just a touch a simple touch on her hand or wrist can tell you whether or not you should use your valuable time... I look at kino as a cheat code to get to whether or not you have a shot ... a shortcut. However, like someone else pointed out, it’s important to view yourself as the prize. If you are a high value man, this will shine through.

The other big advantage of cold approaching is in-person practice. The other 2 will require in-person conversing anyway, so it helps those approaches also. Furthermore, practice makes almost perfect. The more you cold approach, the more comfortable you will become as long as you have an abundance mentality vs. a scarcity mentality.

[-] _TheRP 5 Points 7 months ago

Fuck yeah, diversify.

Also OP doesn't mention that cold approaches are super context heavy. The reality is that a cold approach will work best in a place where the woman feels attractive. If she feels good about herself she'll be far more likely to get over her own insecurity and actually give a fuck about what you're saying.

Remember, to most women people it's all about how they feel first and foremost.

[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] sunbro29 36 Points 7 months ago

Cold approaching at music festivals and once at a coffee shop have netted me the most beautiful women. Tinder has only gotten me 5s, 6s, and one 7; and I’m attractive myself, an average dude will do even worse.

Social circle game, however, is king. It takes the longest to cultivate, but when you’re well-established in a few relevant circles, you’re fucking set. Too bad most of us here are low-key autistic and will struggle greatly with entering and building social circles,

[-] LiftMeditateApproach -13 Point 7 months ago

I’m attractive myself

no, you arent... all people tend to exagurate their own self-worth, appearance, and intellect.

there is a big disconnection between what you think in your head, and what you are getting in real life.

if you were actually attractive, the hottest chicks would message you first, and you wouldnt have to resort begging fat ugly "5"s for sex.

[-] MattyAnon 14 Points 7 months ago

if you were actually attractive, the hottest chicks would message you first

No, they wouldn't. The hottest chicks just sit and wait and choose from the hottest guys.

Women are mostly passive (especially at first) - doesn't matter how attractive you are or they are - they always behave the same because women are women.

u/sunbro29 has it right: you get better girls from approaching than you can get on the skewed market that is Tinder.

[-] sunbro29 5 Points 7 months ago

I've never begged for sex, but if I have dated a couple solid 8s and have pulled 7s from festivals, I must be somewhat attractive.

[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] machocornflakes 31 Points 7 months ago

So what if your cold approach is not cold at all. What if a cold approach is actually quite warm and enjoyable. What if your cold approach warms her up thinking oh this is fun instead of her thinking oh who is this guy and is this who I want to deal with at this moment.

In the end you are the prize. You are a winning prize, and a winning prize is fun.

Stop being cold.

Be fun.

[-] Aghayden 38 Points 7 months ago

Cold approach just means you don’t know her beforehand, if your game is good yeah she’ll enjoy talking to you and be more attracted. Not sure if trolling lol

[-] BobbyPeru 13 Points 7 months ago

I think his point was mindset is everything with “cold” approaching

[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] ArdAtak 1 Point 7 months ago

I think he's confusing the "Cold" in "Cold Aprroach" with the "Cold" in "Hot Cold" technique.

Cold approach doesn't mean you approach her and treat her "Cold" the whole time. It just means you walk to to a stranger you don't know and initiate an interaction. Now, within that interaction you can use "Hot / Cold" but that's a different concept entirely.

[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] quelques_heures 26 Points 7 months ago

but real gold is extremely valuable simply because it’s rare.

I'm going to be an autist for a minute and say that gold has intrinsic value because it's 1) a store of value and 2) it's purity can easily be determined, therefore it's hard to counterfeit. That's in addition to the value it has in electronics as a good conductor.

[-] grewapair 59 Points 7 months ago

The guy who directs the symphony in my city can get just about any woman he wants. Therefore, there's a huge advantage in being a good conductor.

[-] curveball21 36 Points 7 months ago

This is complete bullshit. Gold is valuable because humans agree it is. Just like we do with fiat money. Copper conducts electricity just fine.

Give a chimpanzee a $1.00 bar of chocolate or a $1300 oz of gold and see which one it finds has more intrinsic value.

[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] creepy_porn_lawyer 2 Points 7 months ago

Currently it is invaluable, but if we move away from traditional metal conduit electronics like we are attempting, the industrial value drops significantly. It is valuable to us today as both a hold of value, and industrial purpose, which may not be true in 5 years.

[-] RudeTorque 7 Points 7 months ago

These arguments are valid, but only in functioning civilizations. If shit hit the fan, Mad Max style, something weird would happen. It would have no value, and then regain it's value due to being rare.

Why?

1) it's only a store of value if people believe it is valuable, they wouldn't value it in an apocalypse situation - cigs, medicine, alcohol would be valued.

2) it's purity can be determined, but not by most in an apocalypse situation.

3) Electronics wouldn't have electricity in an apocalypse situation.

If the world ended in a mad max style apocalypse, gold would be worthless at first. But eventually as bandits turned into large groups, some of those bandits would become powerful, and use gold to display their "status".

The simplest reason gold is valuable is because it's rare.

[-] IvyExcess 9 Points 7 months ago

Also, gold doesn't tarnish, women like shiny things, men like women. There's your ascribed value.

[-] lastdumra 5 Points 7 months ago

Value is always subjective, never intrinsic. This is basic economic theory.

[-] chazthundergut 9 Points 7 months ago

In my personal experience, social circle game is by far the easiest way to score pussy.

Especially parties. You show up to your friend's house party. You've already got social proof, you know people so you aren't nervous/ easy to be in a masculine frame, and the chicks are there hoping to hook up.

Easy mode.

[-] markinsinz7 2 Points 7 months ago

Yea the trouble is getting into social circles. People tend to stick with same circles from ages ago. One has to bring serious value to the table to be invited.

[-] ScribeThoth 6 Points 7 months ago

Interesting note about online dating that was surprising to me is that women's interest in men is highest in men in their 40s and peaks at 50.

​

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/08/online-dating-out-of-your-league/567083/

[-] redpillcad 23 Points 7 months ago

I'm closer to 50 than 20 and don't fully buy this. I think the conclusions are skewed by the sample. Probably lots of catladies represented so 50 becomes hotspot.

That said, there are billions of women and none prefer low t soy. If you have muscles and hold frame you will slay. At any age

[-] An_Actual_Politician 11 Points 7 months ago

Whole article could be summed up by your final two points.

I'm mid 40s and hit on most of the major points of MRP. I'm known in my community, am an officer at my company, lift, know how to cold approach people and start fun convos.

Most of the women that show interest in me are over 30. Most are over 35. Over 35 women are gallons of milk a couple days past expiration date. Most of the time you don't want to take a sip but occasionally theres a gallon that's still fresh. The wall is no joke.

[-] SnowMonkeyCracker 1 Point 7 months ago

You should make a post of that article (assuming nobody has already done so). That is Rollo Tomassi's SMV curve in full display.

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[-] Frich3 2 Points 7 months ago

if youre looking for hookups i would say cold approaches out at social scenes. however if you are looking for dating i would def say friends of your sister or close girl friend. theyve seen their past and almost certainly wouldnt let someone they care about date trailer trash. atleast i know my sisters wouldnt... thats just me though

[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] pre-death -1 Point 7 months ago

Mates, I'm a 6/10 at best and I number-closed two HB10s on campus today. How? Moxie.

[-] SnowMonkeyCracker 7 Points 7 months ago

Real numbers that lead to real dates? Women do not date down.

[-] danelawndo 8 Points 7 months ago

True but how many times have you seen hot girl with a 5 or a 6? I've seen it a lot, attraction with women isn't the same as with men.

[-] An_Actual_Politician 5 Points 7 months ago

Sure, but almost all the time those dudes are beta bucks. We all know how that ends for them.

[-] danelawndo 9 Points 7 months ago

Thinking in such binary terms isn't how the real world works. Looks and money can make huge difference, sure - but for some reason there has been a trend of MGTOW types playing down game and personality lately. Which is insane to me as anyone who has practiced even a little bit of game/done a decent amount of approaching knows that you don't necessarily need to be Alpha McSuperchad to attract a hot girl.

[-] Aghayden 3 Points 7 months ago

The key words being "anyone who has done a decent amount of approaching," a very small percentage of guys who read about game actually do it. It's much easier to say it's impossible than to put your ego on the line by approaching women.

[-] danelawndo 1 Point 7 months ago

For sure, it's maddening how pervasive this is getting with posts and MGTOW youtubers saying how it never works/only ever wait for an ioi. Anyone claiming to be an authority on game saying 'only approach after getting ioi' is essentially a tell that they have never practiced game in their life.

[-] Aghayden 2 Points 7 months ago

Yeah; they’re spreading their self-defeating beliefs like a disease. It’s a terrible thing. The Dunning-Kruger effect is strong in the pickup community.

[-] An_Actual_Politician 1 Point 7 months ago

Personality and being fun is huge but how many points can that make up in a SMV differential? 2, 3 points?

The example I made my BB comment on was a SMV5 dude with a 10 chick. I'll go out on a limb here and say no amount of personality and game will work for a fat and disheveled dude (your garden variety nonRP guy) in approaching a true, real 10 unless he's straight up betabux material to her. She ain't viewing that dude as an alpha under any scenario.

Obese bald dudes have no problem getting 10s onto his big boat for a fun afternoon on the water, but any woman taking that step towards intimacy with him is doing it because the slob owns a boat (that she subconsciously knows she could score half of, ultimately).

[-] danelawndo 2 Points 7 months ago

In what world is an obese bald dude a 6? You can still make up for average looks with being lean, good style, as well as personality yet not be some jacked out his mind alpha. I should add that personality and being fun adding 3 points isn't small. That means a 6 landing a 9.

I'm not going to argue semantics as we probably agree 90% on everything, my only point is that you don't need to be a BB millionaire or a Calvin Klein model to land a hot girl for a number of reasons. In fact I contend that holding this opinion to be detrimental as people will use it as an excuse to not approach or be content with getting 7s. Obviously I'm not talking about some fat fuck with gamer fuel stains on his shirt.

[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] dr_warlock 1 Point 7 months ago

Not being handsome and muscular, having fashionable clothes or being sophisticated isn't an excuse.

-

The hottest women I see, ones with booty and nice tits, usually fuck, date, and have kids with rough looking black guys, white/latinos that look like Post Malone, softer lookin betabuxes, or guys at a club with money. Often chubby and short and lower middleclass. I can count on one hand how many times I've seen them even just flirt with a handsome guy/muscular guy. The only exceptions I've seen are girls that hit the gym all the time.

-

I've been to several countries, worked in many sectors, went to college, done 100's of approaches, gone out to lots of venues, etc. This is my experience 95% of the time.

[-] Vikingcel 2 Points 7 months ago

Damn. If I wanted to bang thick niglets I'd be golden with a face tat and extra 10-20 pounds of fat.

[-] ThatKidinAfrica 3 Points 7 months ago

He may mean he's a 6 only in the looks aspect. He could be an 8 in game or have a better status.

[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] pre-death 1 Point 7 months ago

If you want my background, just ask, man. Just cut the foreplay and ask.

[-] Vikingcel 1 Point 7 months ago

Or cut the bs and just tell us

[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] Vikingcel 1 Point 7 months ago

You want my dick-size too, phaggot?

Ye and with a pic proof. Include a sign with my name.

[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] [deleted] 7 months ago
[-] SnowMonkeyCracker -4 Point 7 months ago

You can, however, go on a date with a solid ‘8’ every single day if you wanted to.

Women don't date down therefor that is only possible for a man who is at least an "8" himself.

[-] BobLordOfTheCows 1 Point 7 months ago

Tell that to any millionaire

[-] BitsAndBobs304 -13 Point 7 months ago

A particularly beautiful woman on a dating apps will receive dozens of messages every single day: standing out from all those men is no easy task.

Was this written in 1996?

You could use online dating to meet a new girl every single day. However, it’s fairly rare to meet ‘9s’ and ‘10s’ from dating apps: there’s just too much competition for the most beautiful women. You can use online dating to consistently get dates with fairly cute girls, but if you want women that are ‘stunning,’ online dating isn’t a good option.

really?

[-] Aghayden 12 Points 7 months ago

What dating apps were you using in 1996?

[-] BitsAndBobs304 5 Points 7 months ago

"dozens of messages a day" is what 4/10 women receive today.

10 years ago with a picture of a hot young girl I got 30k messages in 3 days on badoo, and I didn't receive more because the inbox kept getting full and I couldn't be bothered to keep deleting them, and at the time a lot fewer people had internet access and even less used dating websites.
Some men "thanked me from the bottom of their heart for giving them the amazing opportunity to speak with "me" "

but even the mention of "receive messages" is a super-dated concept, considering that nowadays even major dating websites like okcupid have all lowered themselves to chase the style of the king of dating tinder, where you can message only people you've matched with, so you have a likes-received count and not a message-count to measure your popularity.
any decent looking girl will receive hundreds of likes per day minimum on tinder (if placed in a sufficiently populated area).

as for "you (=reader) can meet a new (cute) girl every single day", I'd like to see some proof of that, because I'm not buying that; in fact I'd go further and say that even the above-average person with redpill/game/pua/experience/whatever knowledge/skill wouldn't be able to get one date per day even if he cut his standards in half

[-] [deleted] 7 months ago