Summary: The title of this post is literally the summary of this post.
The number one cause of unhappiness for men in relationships, whether casual or serious, is expectations. A man is surprised, and often hurt, when a woman behaves in an unexpected manner. This can take the form of a girlfriend who is supposed to be sexually interested in you and treat you well rejecting you sexually for a lengthy period of time and acting like a bitch. This can take the form of a woman who is supposed to be loyal to you and invested in her relationship with you cheating on you or leaving you suddenly. This can take the form of you behaving in a way that you believe ought to generate interest in a woman, and that women rejecting you and not being interested.
You might say that it’s not the women that are making us unhappy, but we, as men, that are making ourselves unhappy by having unreasonable expectations. If you think back to the last ten times you were mad at a woman, each time, your unhappiness probably stemmed from the fact that the woman failed to meet an expectation you had of her. Sure, sometimes, the expectation you had was perfectly reasonable and your anger was justified. But other times, looikng back and being honest with yourself, maybe you should have known better. Maybe you even saw the signs and knew better about her but didn’t want to adjust your expectations.
For example, every once in awhile, a reader of The Red Pill asks when and how he should tell a girl that their casual relationship is just casual, primarily for the sex. A lot of the time, the girl hasn’t even brought up the relationship question yet. But the man in this case expects that the woman is secretly pining for more and wants a relationship with him, and he wants to preemptively address that. In other cases, the man might actually want a relationship himself but not want to be the one who suggests it, so he’s hoping to spur her into suggesting it. In either case, the man expects the woman to want a relationship with him and wants to confront her about their non-relationship to validate himself that she was interested in a relationship. The fact that she was just enjoying the sex for what it was deviates from the expectation he had of her, and his feelings were a little hurt. He thought he was the powerful one, stringing along a woman into giving him what he wanted, but it turns out she was getting exactly what she wanted, too, and maybe they shared the power.
As another example, very often, a reader of The Red Pill complains that his girlfriend is behaving badly, either by how she treats him poorly and doesn’t have sex with him well or often enough, or by how she’s on her phone 24-7 and constantly hiding it when he walks by and is suspiciously staying late at work 6 nights a week. He will explain in a lengthy, 10-paragraph post, how great his girlfriend has been to date and how special she is and refuse to see the signs. Instead of kicking back and enjoying the sex and how she makes him feel, he has begun constructing this giant box of expectations for her in his mind and trying to shove her into that box. Really, he’s looking for the perfect wife, and when his girlfriend (usually of three months or some other ludicrously short period of time) deviates from his unreasonable perfect wife expectations, instead of taking this at face value enjoying his relationship for what it is, he is hurt when his expectations aren’t met.
The entire blue pill premise that men were brought up to believe hurts us due to our false expectations. We thought that we were supposed to meet a girl, get to know her, become friends, grow to like each other over time, start dating, become boyfriend and girlfriend, get really serious about each other, then start having sex. That’s what we expected the game to be. That’s how we expected to get girls. We expected to behave in this way and for women to respond with interest. But women didn’t conform to those expectations. Instead, women were meeting other guys and jumping right into casual sex with them, without requiring emotional intimacy. And in some cases, women were falling head over heels for these guys who just wanted sex. In others, the women weren’t developing feelings and were just enjoying fun sex with guys they didn’t even want to date. This completely violated all of the expectations we had regarding women, sex, and relationships, and we felt hurt and angry.
When you find yourself unhappy about a woman, look at yourself first. Figure out what you’re angry about. Figure out what you expected of the woman and how she failed to meet your expectations. The majority of the time, you will find that the reason you’re unhappy is you. You expected something unreasonable from a woman. You’ve found The Red Pill now. You knew what she was like, what women are like, and all of the things, good or bad, that could have happened, but you constructed these expectations in your mind anyway.
Happiness comes when we stop looking for our future wife and just let the women we enjoy be the women they are. Enjoy the sex, enjoy their company, enjoy how they make us feel and how they feel about us. Sometimes they behave badly, sometimes they behave well, sometimes they move on, sometimes we move on. Just take it all at face value, confident that if she moves on or if you’re ready to move on, there are other women to enjoy. If you fixate on trying to imagine today’s woman as your future wife, you’re going to miss countless opportunities to enjoy today’s woman today.