Summary: Although the game is unfairly stacked against men, women aren’t our adversaries. They want you to win. They want you to say the right things, do the right things, and take them home. Having sex with a guy who wins the game is a lot more fun for women than having to blow off a guy who fucked up.


When sitting around contemplating the best ways to approach women and get them to have sex with you, it’s easy to find yourself thinking of this as an adversarial process. You want sex. It seems like women are looking for every possible reason to deny you sex, because they’re mean and they suck. You have to do everything just right and be everything a woman wants just for a chance at getting laid, and it’s so hard and so unfair and the game is so stacked against you as a man. And you start to see women as adversaries. The other team. The people you have to beat in order to obtain sex.

Even though the game seems difficult and outright unfair for many men, believe it or not, women are not our enemies. Women actually want us to win. A woman’s wet dream is a man who easily wins the game, choosing to win it with her.

When you approach a woman and she hears your voice and begins to turn her head, she is hoping you’re cute. She is hoping you work out and are in shape, your haircut is decent, and you’re dressed well. She wants the guy who is approaching her to look like a winner. She wants you to win. Imagine her disappointment when she looks up and you’re overweight or rail-thin, dressed like a slob, with mediocre grooming practices. Or imagine her delight if your body kicks ass, you’re dressed like a champ, and you confidently meet her eyes. She wasn’t expecting an Olympic athlete in an Armani suit – she’s not stupid, just a decent guy who takes care of himself. She wanted the guy who walked up to her to be someone she could work with to have a fun night.

When you start to talk to a woman, she is desperately hoping you aren’t weird or creepy and have basic social skills. You don’t have to be some kind of Dale Carnegie social dynamo, just not socially weird. She’s hoping you don’t say anything stupid, and that you’re at least a little interesting and fun to talk to. She wants you to win. She wants you to be normal, social, and at least vaguely intelligent and interesting. She is rooting for you. She doesn’t want you to fuck it up. Having sex with a guy who’s fun and interesting is much better and more enjoyable for her than having to blow off a weirdo creep.

As the conversation progresses, she is hoping you’re not timid and that you know when and how to touch her, how to flirt, and how to steer the night to a sexual close that you’ll both enjoy. She wants you to win. She wants you to not screw it up.

As often as they do it, women actually don’t enjoy blowing off and rebuking guys. It’s awkward, confrontational, sometimes risky, and actually pretty annoying for them. Women do not derive pleasure from turning guys down. In an ideal world for women, hot fun guys would make bids for their attention, other guys would know their place and not even ask, and they’d never have to turn down anybody. Women don’t like turning you down, and when you give them a reason to do it, they’re actually pretty annoyed with you and wish you hadn’t. They wanted you to win so they could have a fun night, and then you had to ruin everything by fucking up.

When you interact with women, instead of thinking about them as manipulative, self-interested, opportunistic bitches, think of women as teammates, in a very loose manner of speaking. Think of women as your partners that you are working with to try to create a fun night together.

Sure, some women will blow you off as soon as you say a single word. That’s fine. Those women are working with you to keep you from wasting your time with people who don’t like the look of you and weren’t going to have sex with you anyway.

But the women who give you the audition and let you make your bid for sex – they want you to win. They want to play the game with you. They want you to be fun and interesting and say the right things and touch in the right way at the right times. They’re bantering with you. They’re playing off of what you say and do. They’re your teammate, and the two of you are working together to steer the night toward a fun and enjoyable finish for both of you. When you fuck up and say stupid shit or act timid and don’t flirt or escalate, you’re being a bad teammate and letting your team down. It’s no wonder the woman gets pissed or bored with dealing with you and blows you off or leaves. She wanted you to win, and you failed her.

That small mental shift in perspective, where you begin to see women as teammates working with you on the mutual goal of having a fun night together, can change everything when it comes to how you deal with women, how you interact, and how you come across. The next time you’re out, try to kick back and enjoy working with the women you meet to create a fun time, and see if the change in perspective makes the night less annoying for both of you.