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Too much expectation creeps me out immensely.

I’m not your god. I’m not your saviour. I’m not your hero. I’m not your charming prince. And I will never be able to offer you this ever lasting happiness you have been longing for all this time.

‘’And they live happily ever after’’ is just a myth. Granted, It is a nice myth but it is still just a myth. And yet, so many seem to believe in it. But the truth is, a relationship can only take you so far…

We have been conditioned to believe by society, Disney and Hollywood movies that we are all fragmented individuals and that somewhere in this world, our other half is waiting for us.

And once we have found our other half and have merged with it, we become a whole and we become happy. Some of us even believe this is the only way to become happy, hence, you see all these hordes of people longing and running after love like zombies running after fresh meats in a post apocalyptic movie.

And when a woman relies her whole happiness and her whole concept of wholeness on me, it just freaks me out and I just want to run away. It’s not because I’m scared of commitment or scared of love but it is because I know she expects something from me I cannot offer. And I already know by experience the relationship is doomed to fail as she will inevitably gets disappointed when she realises I can’t offer her what she wants, maybe even leaving me and hurting me in the process.

So the reason I want to run away is also because I have to protect myself from you. Because you never truly loved me for the good reason all this time anyway. I know. You didn’t really see the person standing in front of you, the deeply flawed and imperfect human being that I am. Admit it. I was completely invisible to your eyes. You only saw this idealised version of myself and what I provided to you and you expected me to continue to provide with your impossible expectation.

But here is the thing, what you have been longing for and this other half you have been desiring to find and form an union with, can only be found inside you. You will never be able to find your other half inside me or anyone else. Forget about all this bullshit they all have been telling you. I know it is a very poetic and a very romantic concept but this is not how reality works.

You might indeed think you found your other half within me for some time but one day you will eventually wake up with the realisation that it was all an illusion and this god like image and god perception you have of me will also fade. You may then lose respect for me, or even fall out of love and leave me like a piece of shit.

This, deeply creeps me out because I was never a human being to you, I was just a temporary provider. And If love has become that selfish, then it is not love we are actually talking about here. And unfortunately, when I look around me, this is this kind of love that dominates the world today and the one the majority of people tell you that you deserve and should seek.

So why do so many people from this majority get divorced and why most relationships are dysfunctional these days then ?

Because of all the reasons given above, simply. These people confuse relationship with transaction. They have too much expectation. And they always get into relationships for the wrong reason, to get something out of it and get something out of you; to fill up the void, to get rid of their feeling of loneliness, to become happy and to become a whole.

Therefore, they are asking for the impossible and once their relationship fails to give them the impossible as it always does, they leave and try their luck with someone else, hoping this other person will be able to give them what the first person was not able to give them. But of course the other person can’t give them what they want either.

And so, the vicious circle continues, endlessly.