Too much expectation creeps me out immensely.
I’m not your god. I’m not your saviour. I’m not your hero. I’m not your charming prince. And I will never be able to offer you this ever lasting happiness you have been longing for all this time.
‘’And they live happily ever after’’ is just a myth. Granted, It is a nice myth but it is still just a myth. And yet, so many seem to believe in it. But the truth is, a relationship can only take you so far…
We have been conditioned to believe by society, Disney and Hollywood movies that we are all fragmented individuals and that somewhere in this world, our other half is waiting for us.
And once we have found our other half and have merged with it, we become a whole and we become happy. Some of us even believe this is the only way to become happy, hence, you see all these hordes of people longing and running after love like zombies running after fresh meats in a post apocalyptic movie.
And when a woman relies her whole happiness and her whole concept of wholeness on me, it just freaks me out and I just want to run away. It’s not because I’m scared of commitment or scared of love but it is because I know she expects something from me I cannot offer. And I already know by experience the relationship is doomed to fail as she will inevitably gets disappointed when she realises I can’t offer her what she wants, maybe even leaving me and hurting me in the process.
So the reason I want to run away is also because I have to protect myself from you. Because you never truly loved me for the good reason all this time anyway. I know. You didn’t really see the person standing in front of you, the deeply flawed and imperfect human being that I am. Admit it. I was completely invisible to your eyes. You only saw this idealised version of myself and what I provided to you and you expected me to continue to provide with your impossible expectation.
But here is the thing, what you have been longing for and this other half you have been desiring to find and form an union with, can only be found inside you. You will never be able to find your other half inside me or anyone else. Forget about all this bullshit they all have been telling you. I know it is a very poetic and a very romantic concept but this is not how reality works.
You might indeed think you found your other half within me for some time but one day you will eventually wake up with the realisation that it was all an illusion and this god like image and god perception you have of me will also fade. You may then lose respect for me, or even fall out of love and leave me like a piece of shit.
This, deeply creeps me out because I was never a human being to you, I was just a temporary provider. And If love has become that selfish, then it is not love we are actually talking about here. And unfortunately, when I look around me, this is this kind of love that dominates the world today and the one the majority of people tell you that you deserve and should seek.
So why do so many people from this majority get divorced and why most relationships are dysfunctional these days then ?
Because of all the reasons given above, simply. These people confuse relationship with transaction. They have too much expectation. And they always get into relationships for the wrong reason, to get something out of it and get something out of you; to fill up the void, to get rid of their feeling of loneliness, to become happy and to become a whole.
Therefore, they are asking for the impossible and once their relationship fails to give them the impossible as it always does, they leave and try their luck with someone else, hoping this other person will be able to give them what the first person was not able to give them. But of course the other person can’t give them what they want either.
And so, the vicious circle continues, endlessly.
SKRedPill 5y ago
You talk of toxic? You ain't seen anything -- Just read this thread : https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-worst-thing-a-woman-can-do-to-a-man
If you can.. some of them are horror stories beyond compare.
bumblingbagel8 5y ago
A funny thing about this being posted here is this is in line with feminism, which to my limited understanding agrees that both men and women don't need a partner to be fulfilled or to be complete, and you should see the people you date and or fuck as human beings.
pollsterblue 5y ago
NPD women
We men get seduced and eventually ensnared by these types of girls due to their intense desire for sex (idealize phase). From experience, I've never fucked better.
However, we must remember they are crazy. Plus, the reason for the great sex is that they've had more cocks than a fareground rifle.
majorbollocks 5y ago
NPD, BPD, HPD, and other nutjobs in the spectrum. Fuckbuddies only and nothing more.
anonymous_bastard5 5y ago
FWB is the only relationship with women that works.
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pollsterblue 5y ago
What you've described is narcissism.
majorbollocks 5y ago
It's also becoming a norm nowadays for women to act like this
presto_manifesto 5y ago
This was a girl I dated when I was between the ages of 20-25. LT relationship. "Extremely serious" for back then. She had this hyper-idealized version of me in her head that I (obviously) didn't end up living up to. I was never a whole human being to her, with flaws and and facets that went against the fairytale version of me she'd cooked up in her head. She was as flakey and flighty as they come, supremely codependent and more than a little narcissistic. (Protip: if the girl you are dating is an artist and always seems to be drawing self-portraits of herself, run for your fucking life.)
My ever-increasing frustration of the situation caused me, a young fired up man at the time, to start lashing out at her verbally in the frustration. She was so helpless and so completely useless, particularly to herself. She couldn't do shit for herself. And every time someone tried to offer her a chance to learn something that could make her a bit more self-reliant, she never took it. She treated me and other members of my family (she was living with us at the time,) like we were such audacious pricks for daring to suggest she do things like learn how to fucking drive a car (gasp) so she wouldn't have to rely on me and everyone else to cart her around everywhere. Naturally when the whole thing finally ended, and she """bravely got away""" from the monster that was me...yeah, you know this story. It's played out how many thousands and thousands of times with other people? Back then, I really felt that I was some kind of demon in human skin. I mean I really believed it after all the shit that got heaped on me.
Today I can say with total clarity that my only crime in all that was being young and inexperienced, and losing my cool and lashing out verbally with a raised voice in frustration. The fact is, it all stemmed from the pure and simple fact that I didn't live up to the fucking fairytale, and that some part of me knew that I was essentially in competition with a version of me that never fucking existed, even though back then I didn't have the words to describe what it felt like. The fear that this man describes tends to stick with you after something like that. My relationship in question ended 14 years ago, and the experience colored everything moving forward (mostly for the better, if I'm being honest.)
Girls/woman who seem hopelessly locked in some fucky "magical thinking" mode == run for your fucking life.
[deleted] 5y ago
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presto_manifesto 5y ago
Uh, I dunno dude. I don't know you, I only know the chick and she was a total narco who loved to draw herself. Could have been a coindence? Can't really see how but anything's possible.
majorbollocks 5y ago
This is so spot on. That creepy idealization seems to be the norm with men and women these days. Except women do far more damage especially if they're hot:
1- Meet guy
2- Get obsessed and idealize
3- Of course said guy will never live up to the idealization
4- Have other guys on the side because deep down they know step 3 will happen
5- Once they get bored with guy they just cheat with other guy behind guy's back but keep guy around
6- Once they find better guy they just dump current guy abruptly without explanation
7- Rinse and repeat until Wall hits
8- Inb4 "all men are assholes"
UnleashYourLife 5y ago
When you are empty, you seek others to fill that void.
Same thing for betas tho. They put their whole existence into being this needy as fuck creep who needs a woman in his life like freaking oxygen. Don't even get me started on losers who put their whole identity into raising children. You can fucking be more than that while raising them...
On a sidenote, this is why being mysterious works so well. They love to try and "figure you out", and while they do that you're pretty much best thing since sliced bread. Learn to not put all your cards on the table, rather try and wiggle them like a carrot she needs to work for.
destraht 5y ago
I've been lightly thinking for some years that areas with very high remittance income are pretty nice for raising children because I can send money, be there when I can and feel like it and the woman is more likely to be fine with that since so many other people are in that same arrangement that it might just seem to her like how life is.
KeffirLime 5y ago
The concern is, that this could be said about the majority of modern men too.
majorbollocks 5y ago
THIS. I think the main lesson I got from redpill is that both men and women have to get their shit together otherwise relationships will always be a nightmare. And if the woman doesn't have their shit together it's not our job to fix them. Just categorize them accordingly into where they deserve to be in our lives.
AriesAsF 5y ago
This exact thing could be said for men too, who grow to resent women when they realize they don't validate them or complete them any more than a man does for a woman. This expectation of marriage as completion is a cancer plaguing all of us.
anonymous_bastard5 5y ago
Don't put everyone in the same boat, dude.
SKRedPill 5y ago
Deep at the bottom, every piece of life is really complete. This is the first step to abundance. Otherwise, relationships are just a black hole on the scale of neediness. What people call as 'feelings of love' is in fact an entirely self serving emotion originating out of neediness, which in turn serves nature's needs (or at least it did till the last century). This hormonal hijack just masks what would otherwise be a very cold blooded transaction.
Our relationship issues are a symptom of a much larger problem - the decline of strength. Physically, mentally, emotionally, the human race has never been weaker. Strength doesn't sound romantic, but it's far more reliable than anything else that you can ever count on.
The truth is - what kept everything going until this time was really strength. Strength allowed love to withstand tough days and times. When you took out the masculine dimension from relationships, there wasn't any strength left in them.
KeffirLime 5y ago
A symptom of the problem. Life is easier than it's ever been. Access to food, shelter is more abundant than ever, threats to survival are more scarce than ever. Survival of the fittest has never been less relevant than it is today.
With the inception of social media, TV, hollywood we have become more idealistic than ever. Constant barrage of highlights real fantasy living that becomes the expectation of the average user.
Distorted reality input, distorted reality output.
cantFindValidNam 5y ago
"The key to being happy in a relationship is being happy outside of the relationship"
CryptoKingK 5y ago
I wonder if this is why certain religions are so popular. If you blur the lines between God and man. And it is ungodly to question the man. It maybe easier to sustain a happy relationship longer if in this situation. Ultimately it will still fail though
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