I will make this short. After having my heart really hurt after the end of a 4 year break up with a really dumb unemployed woman, I came here. You guys propped me up and showed me the way. She was cheating. I caught her. I told her to leave with the new dude who was some trashy wanna be cholo. He knew she had inherited about $80,000. I told him to make sure they spend it all up. and then Ghosted. All social media, phone number. Everything. After months of going monk I caught the eye of a new woman. year older than me. She is a dance teacher at a few universities. in great shape. She makes really good money and has a great work ethic. She is a bit smarter than me and very well educated, which is a change for me. When we started dating about 5-6 dates in she told me she wanted to be exclusive. I resisted as long as I could. But honestly she is great. But who cares about that? That is all good but I rather catch you up with how bad the ex fucked up.
So this Ex moved out of to California to be with me. Everything she had here after 4 years was because of me. friends, part time job. She was working for family friends and collecting SSI. She was nuts and a drunk. So I guess a few months ago she reached out to my aunt to apologize. She had to leave the state because she lost all her jobs and all of her friends were actually my friends. Part of her family that was in California was disgusted by her and disowned her. She had to leave the state since she had nothing left for her here. She ended up moving to Washington. No job. She spent up all of her money she had inherited. She wrote to my aunt saying she was sorry and wished she could change things and that she knew she was making a mistake when she left. She recently got married but only because she was pregnant. She said she was pregnant with twins but guess what? The cholo was abusive. She lost one of the babies. She said she got married to hide the pain or abuse or something from her family. Said she was crying on her wedding day or some shit thinking about me. She has not had any contact of me or anything. Nada. There is nothing to see.
I don't think about her at all but I somehow came across this post (Cant link the post because it is a sub that will block my post here. It is some guy who keeps taking back his ex baby mama and she trashed all his shit.) in another sub and I thought it would be perfect for this sub, then I remembered how much you guys did for me and how my life is a million times better now. I was in a really dark place back then for a bit. I thought my whole life was over and yeah it hurt at the time but fucking ey. Life is great. Everything takes time. You will get better and you will be better. and fuck man. revenge is a dish best served cold and is even sweeter when you really don't give two shits about how shitty the persons life is because you are just living your sweet ass life. Anyways, this post is for you guys who are just at that first part of a major break up and really feeling shitty. I know it sucks balls. I know it is really hard but do a total ghost and be the best version of yourself. I can gurentee in a year you will look back and laugh your ass off that you every cared about that POS. I went from being broke from supporting a loser drunk to being with someone that can take car of herself. I have a new car, I new kick ass place to live. I am killing it at work and making great money. I have had quite a few ladies from my past try to hit me up. It feels good to ignore them and keep kicking ass. Keep your head up brothers. o7
NYCMusicMarathon 5y ago
Can we put paragraphs breaks in your new learning curve.
Would make your post more readable.
eye8yourbaby 5y ago
This is awesome. I’m a month in to my break up, complete ghost and monk mode. Been reading this sub almost non stop for weeks. Quit the heavy drinking, gym 5-6 days a week, focusing on my hobbies and 5 weeks into my awesome career they already want to promote me. Thanks for sharing
MiserySnake 5y ago
Focus on work. It will keep your mind busy and will help you out tons in the long run. Being in kick ass shape is good but it is much better when you have the cash flow to go with it!.
faustian_talos 5y ago
I am exactly 1 year past my work break up. Man I was such a beta whiny bitch.
I thought I would never get better.
But time passes and you do get better. Gym. Boxing. Friends. New job. New girls.
Hell, life is grand!
ArbitraryArlom 5y ago
I really fucking love these stories of people going through a breakup and then self-improving like crazy, to the point where their ex is begging on her knees for him to take her back. Great job man.
jackandjill22 5y ago
This is a good reminder but honestly if you have a mission & refuse to compromise/adjust your goals to your partner then, whatever the outcome of leaving aside from the emotional aspect you should be fine.
People are only capable of what you let them do to you.
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tempolaca 5y ago
The thing is I fear this is sampling bias. Exes often never come back.
AreOut 5y ago
they do, not often but ALWAYS only if they see you have improved and/or you have a better girl than her now, remember..ALWAYS
KingZeeke 5y ago
My first and 5 year relationship ended 2 months ago. We bought a house together, and we are waiting for it to sell. I moved back in with my parents for the past month. My home gym is set up there, and I go there MWF.
I can't ghost her yet, she is in my house, I drive her car for now, we have pets, we said its best for her to move away as soon as it sells. Our lives were really integrated, but its slowly unraveling. Shes already started "dating" this guy she met online across the world, and I am getting over her, and I know 100% no chance I'd ever go back but...
I fear stuff like this, for some reason it just gets to me. It just makes me so mad and disappointed. I need to sell the house asap...
KeffirLime 5y ago
I'm glad you've turned things around, but it's time for you to take the next step.
Forget about bullshit like this.
I know alot guys on here love these "women are such pieces of shit" stories. It's a problem we have to constantly deal with, because that's not the point of this sub.
This sub is here to give you the tools to improve yourself. Not worry about what some bitch did to you or what's happening to her now. The only way to improve yourself is by realistically evaluating yourself, your behavior and plotting where improvements can be made.
Sure she's no angel, but you have to have the self awareness to know that you had a huge part to play in this whole dilemma.
You chose to date a dumb, unemployed woman
You chose to have a woman move in with you.
Yet you had her move to California and put up with it until she finally cheated on you?
You chose to support a loser drunk.
Worrying about what she did/is doing is not gonna help you improve, acknowledging the part you had to play that led to this will, and making adjustments going forward will. You're stepping into a new relationship now, make sure you've learnt from your mistakes.
vullnet123 5y ago
I'm a week and a half into my breakup and Im still struggling. I was a beta bitch to her at the end, and I still have those tendencies currently. Hope I can improve myself to not take her back if she comes knocking. This sub is a lifesaver.
Dymatizeee 5y ago
Hey man hang in there. Similar experience happened to me recently. Best thing you can do is focus on yourself and learn from your mistakes. It takes time to go through it.
As much as people like to say don’t take her back, it’s likely true. Obviously it’s your life so you can do whatever you want, but most of us here advise you it will be a bad idea for numerous reasons.
vullnet123 5y ago
I know it's a bad idea. Thing is my love for her hasn't faded so I'm just pathetic currently. There's a good chance I'm meeting up with a chick tomorrow so well see. Fingers crossed.
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sonnydanger 5y ago
Proud of you brother. One of the biggest lessons about trp is that your happiness does not depend on someone else. Keep on grinding, the game never stops even when they come back dragging their knees begging for forgiveness.
MiserySnake 5y ago
Its not always easy to do what you know you need to do because of feelings and all that Beta shit. Stay strong. Do your best. I promise you, Focus on yourself and you will look back and laugh that you ever gave two shits about her. I know its hard now because it is fresh and you might want to reflect on the good times or whatever but trust me. It gets better. Every day you get better and you think about her less and less until one day you don't think about them at all. You have to ghost them because the first day you don't think about them they will try to get back in any ways they can. I swear nature has some sort of trigger in the air they can sense. rest assured, You WILL get better and there is much much better out there for you. Life gets better. It is a fucking joke looking back and you will be a fucking beast looking back at it and laughing at the feefees you once had. Stay stong brothers and do your best to not go beta bitch. easier said than done but I have faith in all of you.
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awakenedspirit1 5y ago
Inspiring. Working to get there myself brother. Let's do it.
[deleted] 5y ago
Thanks bro! Glad to hear you're killing it out there
tempolaca 5y ago
Six months in to my break up. She called a couple times, tried to come back, just to disappear again in the last minute. I blame myself for not passing some shit test or going beta every time. Last time I did a incredibly beta thing, showed at the door at her birthday unnanounced. What an asshole ha!
EPGMDAWG 5y ago
Sounds dope. My ex of 4yrs didnt cheat but goddam was i a beta buck dealing with continuous lies, lending money, so many arguments, suicide threats. Once she found out through a “mate” how i got job promotion i been grinding for, started lifting again and sleeping with few of my female orbiters that she also hated, the bitch wouldnt stop trying to get back and tried making me feel bad and refill that supportive provider role i once was after saying she lost her job and got some brain sickness (the list goes on). Little did she know after becoming aware of TRP and all female mentalities.
I cannot compare the self i was two years ago to the man i am now as i have changed once i found the road to self improvement to become a better man. Just signed up for Jiu Jitsu classes starting next week, selected to go on a buisness trip overseas next month, maintained a solid gym schedule for the last year, new wardrobe, new chick thats within my frame and the list goes on but to sum it up all my hardwork to improve is paying off. I was so angry at first for a chick to make me realise all this but thats all about learning.
Apologies for the long comment, hadnt looked back and summarised my progress until now.
Back to climbing the next mountain of goals.
Thankyou TRP for waking me the fuck up
rob13_ 5y ago
Hey thanks a lot man, that's a really motivating and inspirational story. Me myself, I'm going through somewhat of a tough time right now (not a breakup) but I'm working one step at a time to get to a better place. Seeing a story like this gives me a little more fight to keep going.
MiserySnake 5y ago
Don't over do it but make at least a little bit of progress every day. It will keep you positive and feeling good about yourself.
masterduelistky 5y ago
This story actually gave me hope for the future. I’m a year and a half in after she dumped me and I still miss her, I’ve went on several dates or anything but my baggage is holding me back, I’ve driven my friends and family away too with the same old story. I’ve honestly wanted to die since then, but I know that’s the cowards way out. I can understand why she left me then, I was pathetic. Totally emotionally dependent on her.
But as I looked around last night after work, I realized that maybe there’s a million more pretty faces out there, and how obsessive and stupid I was. But anyways first, I need to be a stronger man first.
MiserySnake 5y ago
When i was in my early twenties my 2 year relationship took me a good two years to get over. I was surprised i got over this one so fast but really it was a blessing and the freedom was worth it. Focus on yourself. Heal yourself. All that other stuff will come in time. No rush. Get comfortable being alone with yourself and don’t depend on others for happiness. When you can do that the right person will come to you.
masterduelistky 5y ago
Over the past year I’ve tried, but there are really times that you want to share with people, it’s a lonely road. Especially when everyone around you “looks” fulfilled most times, it’s hard not to be envious, become even desperate for a taste of what I had before.
tempolaca 5y ago
Brother I feel exactly the same as you. TRP don't help with that. Supposedly that felling goes away if you fuck a lots of girls. I tell you, it don't. Only lessens a little bit. I believe only time cures that. And I mean lots of time. Years.
masterduelistky 5y ago
Yeah, I figured as much. Just thinking, all I gotta do is get under some other girls and I’ll just forget doesn’t seem like it’ll happen. Sure a sexual physical connection is fine, you’ll never hear me say I don’t want it, but when you actually care about the person you’re doing it with, I wouldn’t trade that feeling for anything. But right now, I’m just trying to improve myself in anyway I can, and although I’m no where near fully healed, I’m starting to be able to appreciate the days I have, even without her. We’re in this together brother, just a day at a time.
magx01 5y ago
Jesus Christ man you lived how many years without her and now suddenly she's like oxygen? Come on bro. You need a mission. Some purpose that is yours and yours alone so life after breakups doesn't seem so pointless.
masterduelistky 5y ago
Only now have I started to gain some clarity but yeah, I know how stupid it is man. She just made me feel something I’ve never felt in those 23 years before I had met her. We were both each other’s first, by best friend and I really thought we would be together forever. But the me that she met then while I had a goal was the one that was attractive, I definitely understand that now. Only after I started to depend on her, did she feel smothered until that attraction faded away.
That’s what I’ve honestly been looking for for the past year and a half. I’ve just been stuck in my loneliness. I lost my job because I had severe depression, and I’ve recently changed jobs to try and get myself back on my feet. Studying Japanese, work, music most of it doesn’t have the same flavor since she left. But I’ve realized that each day, all I can do is try now. I’m tired of feeling like this everyday, I’m ready for a change.
magx01 5y ago
This sounds exactly like drug addiction. Seriously, re-read it to yourself but replace "her" with "heroin."
The real black pill here is that is IS drug addiction. It had nothing to do with her at all; just the feelings you got being with her. You'd have experienced the same things with any number of other girls. I mean there are billions out there. You can't really think she was that special (and you just happened to live in the same time and place on this neverending journey).
I'm not sure if this any of this would help and I definitely don't want you to think I am beating up on you. I just hate seeing good men fall by the wayside.
masterduelistky 5y ago
No, not at all man, I know you mean well I greatly appreciate it. Those memories and feelings are special because it was her, is the thing. Those can’t be recreated by anyone else. We were both each other’s first everything, I was 23 at the time, and it just was horrible timing that things turned out the way they did when they did.
I’m used to the loneliness by this point, as I’ve driven off all my friends and family obsessing over her. I meet other girls and such around, but I’m so emotionally scarred I can’t stand make a connection with them, or end up acting desperate and scaring them away. But I agree with you, that maybe at this point, more than just her, I miss the feelings I felt while spending life with her. I’ve wanted the sadness and loneliness to just kill me for the longest time, but now I’m finally ready to try and make a change for myself. I have to find out not only who I was before I met her, but become a better version of the guy she fell in love with. I just really don’t know where to start.
queenitarie 5y ago
I wasn’t cheated on but my relationship is becoming toxic with her I need to build up the courage to leave and this inspires me
ImAlmostCooler 5y ago
Was in your position a month ago. Leaving was the best thing I’ve ever done (for both of us).
Snowaey 5y ago
Leave dude, you deserve better.
queenitarie 5y ago
Thank you I’m really trying slowly setting up more boundaries until I can let go, I love her a lot so it’s kind of hard but I gotta do what’s best
Zeyedane 5y ago
Dude just leave her if she's that toxic
adamasiel 5y ago
Don't let them bitches suck the peace out of you. Dump her.
MurkyArtichoke 5y ago
Awesome dude. Only recently started attempting to swallow the pill. Posts like these give me a lot of motivation.
cbakez 5y ago
Not heartbroken but def just had a recent breakup. Been on 4 dates so far, with 4 more lined up this week (weds,thurs,Friday, Saturday). 2 of them are second dates, made out with each girl on the dates. Hoping for an F close tomorrow, wish me luck boyossss
Feels good to be single again ???? TRP has taught me a lot also and has been helping me get back into the grove again. Thanks y’all
TheShearerComplex 5y ago
How have you managed to line up so many dates? Online dating or cold approach?
cbakez 5y ago
Hinge > tinder/bumble
Girls are more willing to meet and less flaky. Most are working professionals. I can post examples of my text game if you guys want.. it’s a work in progress but has worked for me thus far
tempolaca 5y ago
Post-wall hags unless they got a degree at 12.
cbakez 5y ago
If you consider girls 22-26 post wall then sure man lmao
tempolaca 5y ago
I meant you can't be professional at 26. You are just starting you career at that age.
cbakez 5y ago
Ok.. but you get the point it’s chicks who are post-grads with careers. I mean there’s younger girls and older on there too , but that’s just what I’ve noticed in the range I’ve set - which is a good thing. Unless you’re into community college waitress hoes be my guest and use tinder lol
SalporinRP 5y ago
Bro I've been saying this on this subreddit and to my friends for the last 8 months.
Tinder used to be awesome like 3 years ago but now it's just designed to keep you swiping by fucking with the people who show up in your feed.
Bumble was good for a longer period of time but suffers from the same problem as tinder. Plus the girls message first.
But Hinge is so dope dude. I love how you get a notification when someone likes you and they show up in your feed after 4-5 swipes max. The 3 question bio format is so much better and actually gives you something to talk about/tease her about when you message her. I've genuinely fucked like 10-12 girls off of hinge alone this year.
To any guy reading this, get the fuck on hinge. Easiest dating app experience I've ever had.
cbakez 5y ago
Word my brother I feel exactly the same. The trash hasn’t moved over yet, get in on this ASAP
TheShearerComplex 5y ago
Please do, or DM me if you want to keep it more private.
cbakez 5y ago
Hinge is somewhat dependent on your bio/responses to the questions that others can see. Having some witty ones does help a lot, or having responses that girls can respond to.
Typically my text game on Hinge consists of either her responding to one of my answers in my bio (for example one of my responses to ‘One thing I’ll never do again’ is “My ex-girlfriend”. Its witty and Ive gotten lots of messages to that. Also ‘I know the best place in town' for’ “Moscow Mules” has worked tremendously.
Example of text game:
Her: I feel like “your ex” isn’t exactly what Hinge had in mind when they created that prompt hahaha
Me: Oh definitely not, doesn’t mean it isn’t fair game
Her: Very well played. Guy who sticks to his decisions, good to know
Me: I tend to be blunt and bold, with very few regrets
Her: Retreats are overrated anyways
Her: Regrets* (covering eyes emoji)
Me: You definitely regretted that
Her: Immediately. Shutting the whole operation down. Nice knowing ya (peace sign)
Me: How about we meet first and then ill decide
Her: Okay fine, if you insist
Me: Text me (insert number)
Her: Wow (name) straight to the point
….and then I get a text from her 10 minutes later.
I always keep it short and sweet to a few back and forth texts, then I drop my number once she agrees to meet. I don’t ask for their number ever, it helps to screen out those who are truly interested imo
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yeahmaybe2 5y ago
Proud to be the first to downvote this comment and hope there are many more.
MiserySnake 5y ago
It totally is hate speech. I hate cheaters. Don’t you? Gotta love the real world karma though.
zielkarz 5y ago
Jesus, people are really downvoting you
TheRedPike 5y ago
Dunno. Maybe the dog-whistle "hate speech" bit.
I'm not a bit fan of the top post, but I'm less of a fan of pontificating reviews of it. If you think something is bad, report it and move along. Now I need to see where it goes. The worse part is he isn't wrong, but now I have to ban him.
This needs to be a lesson. Delivery is actually more important than the idea in your head. Yeah, I know that isn't right, but that's the way it is. You see, you are trying to get your idea out of your head and into a lot of people with different cognitive capabilities and perspectives of their world. You want to find the real leaders in history? They were the masters of this.