Intro

itiswr1tten's Law: statements "about the relationship" are always about YOU. Act accordingly.

A common communication trap guys of all ages fall into involves taking what women say at face value, in the context of your relationship. TRP broadly recommends acta non verba, but understanding the intent and meaning behind her attempts at verbal intercourse is helpful. When you can decode these statements, you'll avoid the confusion and drama that accompanies believing her the first time.

Body - Does Any of This Sound Familiar?

"We should...."

If you've been with a woman more than a month, you've heard this shit before. Common versions include we should:

  • Plan or go on vacation
  • "Be better abouts" like cleaning the kitchen or going to the gym

We should means "I want to feel like part of the result but I need you to handle all the strategy and initiation." It DOES NOT just mean "you should". What the girl is expressing here is a desire for you to take the lead but make her feel included. Treating it as a you should makes you a plow horse. Plow horses have dry dicks. Don't do that.

"We need to...."

Slightly different from above. This is not a request for her to be involved. This is a request to take care of it by yourself. I'm not telling you to do what she wants, you'll have to decide. But she doesn't want to be involved when "we need".

"I should // I need to..."

This is the most common fail for dudes. Google It's Not About The Nail. She doesn't want you to do shit but let her vent feelz when you hear this. In an LTR, this is very important, because if you don't facilitate her gradual release of feelz they will bottle up into a drama bomb. Those feelz will need to go somewhere, and that somewhere will be "violently directed at you, the closest blamable object".

"You should // you need to // you HAVE TO"

96% of the time this is a garden variety shit test. Ignore, Agree and Amplify, etc. Swat it away. Corollary: if she's telling you to mow the lawn or brush your teeth it's not a shit test, don't go full autist. Take care of your shit.

"We have to talk about the relationship"

Alarm bells should be blaring. NEVER ENGAGE THIS DEMAND. Ever. I'll borrow a reply from Mr Purple Poison here, who nailed it:

It is a long mindfuck.

You are being asked to sit for hours and be lectured on why she is upset. With hints that you should change or she will be "unhappy" and might leave.

During this long lecture she will be picking your brain and updating the list of weaknesses that you have. She will poke at your boundaries and figure out just how far she can push you, what buttons to push, what cuts really deep.

Let's work on the relationship is information gathering and training. Do not engage.


Conclusion

When she says anything about the relationship, it means you in some form. Your reactions or lack thereof to the various forms of her attempts at verbal intercourse will make your life easy or hard. Follow this advice to make it easier.