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- Hide Preview | 25 Comments | submitted about a year ago by redvelvet_oreo [Post Locked]

I decided to make this post because before I found TRP I had already found my mission. My purpose so to speak. I see a lot of younger dudes struggle with this and they go into this downward spiral into nothingness. I have had many people ask me for advice over the years on how get to where I am at. How to advance their careers. I hope this guide can help you as well.

Have an Open Mind

When I was in high school I was like every other kid. I liked playing video games, playing sports, chasing girls, hanging with the "crew", and eating junk food. The time came where we are all in senior year and applying for college. Some of us knew what they wanted to major in. Most of us had no fucking clue but college was the next logical step. Some kids didn't even bother and decided to get a job in a local store and this would be their lifestyle. I was in the boat of having no idea what I wanted to do. I had this unrealistic idea in my head I was going to be an actor. Growing up I was great at imitating people and acting out scenes from movies. I even took a drama class in High School and aced it. Somehow that didn’t sit right with me but my brain thought I was going to be rich and famous one day if I pursued acting.

A few months before HS ended my dad asked me what I was going to do with my life. I told him my unrealistic goal. "Im going to become an actor!". My father looked at me puzzled. Instead of telling me I'm an idiot or telling me "HELL NO!. Your short ass will never be an actor!" He reasoned with me. He told me if I wanted to become an actor I should find a career first and make money and still pursue acting on the side. You can do both and that way you wont be a broke bum on the street trying to find your next acting gig. I could have been a close minded fuck and decided my dad didn’t know shit. He didn’t have the best career. Me and him basically disagreed on everything during my child hood and had a rocky relationship. I decided to have an open mind about it and thought it was good advice that could work. It was a win/win either way. Later on having an open mind made me ease into my major aswell. Instead of hating everything that was hard like math and psychics I embraced it and it actually turned interesting to me. A few weeks after my dad spoke to me I had destroyed my computer from downloading to much porn and music and my PC was infested with viruses. In my head my computer was unfixable. My friend came over and fixed it within a few hours. It was like brand new. Right there I knew what I wanted to do. Which leads me to my next point.

Draw inspiration from others

Face it. Someone out there is always going to be better then you. Even when your at your best there is someone out there better. This is what makes you strive to keep moving to the top. I was amazed the kid can fix my computer so fast. It made me a bit jealous because we were the same age. How did he posses this wizard knowledge and I didn’t? Old me would have said it was because he was a fucking nerd. Me and my baggy pants and backward fitted hats were to cool for that shit. At this point my mind was in an open state so to speak. So I wasn’t thinking like that anymore. I was just a sponge trying to absorb information. I used that experience to fuel me to be better then that kid. If he could do it so can I. There is nothing special about him even if people say he was just born as a genius. Fuck that noise. I can be a genius too. As I started college I still worked part times jobs. One job I worked in a basement filing. No one supervised me. So I decided to pick up a book and read. I bought a Navy Seal book called "Warrior Soul". Reading someone else go through adversity and extremely difficult obstacles really fueled the fire for me. It inspired me to do better and gave me motivation that I can get through any difficult obstacle in my life. If these guys can stay up 5 days straight during hell week in the freezing cold doing constant training and problem solving I can get through this shit. Never Quit.(SEAL Mantra) . That mantra stuck with me. There was many times in college I took on a full time schedule of classes and worked full time and still managed to exercise. The point being I let other people inspire me to do better. Where that inspiration comes from is irrelevant. It can come from people, books, games, TV. Use that inspiration to do something and become better then what you are now.

Have a Vision

After you figure out what your going to do and what's your goal, visualize it in your head how that will play out and where you see yourself 5 years from now. Write that vision down if you have to. When you visualize your goal realize you are thinking about the end result. You are going to have to achieve many small goals to get to the larger goal. Your end goal might be to become the CEO of a large organization. That doesn't happen over night. There are thousands of small goals and victories to be achieved to get there. That’s why a lot of motivational speakers now tell you to Clean your room, or Wake up at 4:00 AM. These are small goals to accomplish. Once you accomplish them you can move on to bigger goals. Have a vision and work towards it every single day.

Discipline/Keep yourself accountable

Everyone struggles with having discipline and being accountable for their actions. Its probably why so many people cant make it far in life living in the 1%. After you have a vision and create small term goals for yourself you actually have to start doing things to make them happen. If that means studying an extra hour every night and not playing a video game do it. Its always going to be the hardest in the beginning. Your brain is going to keep telling you " I don’t wanna do this". Ignore that side of your brain. He is a lazy fuck and wants you to fail. Pull out that text book, turn off your phone, your TV, isolate yourself and study that extra hour. Do this for 2 weeks. You will find your self in a rhythm. You will have created this new regiment for yourself. Now every time you don’t study that extra hour you will be pissed at yourself that you didn’t do it and next time you might study longer then an extra hour. If you been following TRP and have been lifting you already know what its like to show up at the gym every day. You know its hard but you do it anyway. The times you don't show up you hate yourself and you go back and go harder the next time around.

Read, Read, Read

Yeah all you fucks should know this already since you have read the sidebar. Learn to read a book and not social media posts on your phone. It amazing how many people I have met now between the ages of 21 - 25 and have barley read 1 book on their own. Besides the bullshit books your school makes you read. Read something that actually interests you. Start there. You like Game of Thrones? Read the book. Once you start to read a lot of books reading things like texts book or other sources of information that are less intriguing are easier to read. You will know how to maintain focus reading something and actually understand the words being used. Don’t be a dumbass if you read words you don’t know look them up. Its easier to skim over but that difficult word might be what ties everything together and you miss the point entirely by skimming over it. There is something to be learned in everything you read.

Get Good and then Get Better

During my career this is the one thing that separated me from most people. I always became good at whatever it is I learned. I am definitely not one of this people that once they read something once or the first time they play a sport are amazing at it. I am a guy that needs to practice and practice to get good at something. My first lesson in this was in a karate class when I was 11. There were bigger and stronger kids in the class. We were practicing flying kicks on this sort of standing up punching bag with the instructor holding it from behind. I was terrible at it. My kicks were so weak. I kept practicing it over and over. I would stay after class and practice at it. After a few weeks I kicked the thing so hard the instructor fell over. Everyone in the class was in awe including the instructor. The instructor after class told me he was really happy with my progress. The point is I found my weak point and I kept trying to get better at it. I eventually became the best at it. That stood with me for the rest of my life. I applied this in everything.

When things get challenging people have a tendency to quit right at the start. You will fail but instead of quitting you need to get up an fail again. Until you finally pass/win. Go above and beyond the normal. Whatever it is you choose to do you should learn how to be the best at it. That means putting more time into it then your average person would. Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.

Side Note: Since a lot of you are trying to find your purpose in life I have noticed a common trend with people. The first thing they ever get good at they make it the one thing they are going to do in life. They do this because they think it’s the only thing they are good at and cant see them selves being good at anything else. For example I see a lot of people get good at lifting or playing video games. I have seen this so many times where someone goes to the gym makes some gains and now they an expert at it. Eventually they want to make a fitness social media account, a fitness blog and eventually open a gym. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that but its very short minded. Look how many people have done that already. What happens is they usually fail and spiral out of control because that was the "only" thing they were good at in life. Getting good at things like lifting and video games is common. People spend a lot of time with this stuff some are moderately successful at it but its in the minority. Realize you can get good at just about anything you apply yourself to.

Never Stop Learning

By the time you find your purpose or a good career you should realize that its not over. Don’t get complacent. You will always need to learn and adapt. Times change. Technology changes. The world changes. You need to keep up. The day you stop learning and get to comfortable you become stagnant. Don’t be that person. Realize at some point you need to get back on the grind and further your knowledge always

Some things to mention after you have established yourself

Bend the rules within reason

I seen a lot of smart people with established careers and lives and then get stuck. When you want to move up in anything you do there is going to be a point where you might have to break the rules people have told you need to follow to get what you want. For example when I was working a job and being underpaid I was close to making 6 figures but not quite there. I was on the market and a recruiter contacted me. He spoke about several jobs one he really liked for me but got taken recently. The job was well over 6 figures. A few weeks later for some reason the position was open again. I applied for it. Now the recruiter was a dumb ass and only marketed me for slightly less then 6 figures because of what I was currently making. He could not justify the pay jump. I thought this was stupid especially since the position was marketed at a much higher rate. I was not going to let this opportunity slip. I told him to tell them I was getting a raise to 6 figures already so the pay jump should be justifiable. He said I would need evidence of this. Now realistically I'm not sure how I was suppose to get evidence of this even if it were true. Companies don’t really tell you what they are going to give you a raise to in writing until its official and that usually takes months to get in writing. I had gotten promoted in this job before and still had the letter from it. I re typed the letter in MS word and put the salary that made sense to justify the pay jump. I sent it to the recruiter. Next thing you know I got the job for the Salary I wanted. Your typical person will not do anything like this and just take whatever shit is given to them. I wasn’t breaking any laws here I am aware of. I just had to get this guy on board. It worked out for me. The point being is you don’t always have to follow the rules. Use your head and think outside the box. Rules keep us in order but sometimes we need to create chaos to get the things we want.

Don’t be a prisoner to logic

Any person here that’s actually worked in a career like engineering or anything that has to make you think constantly become extremely logical people. It isolates you from other people because in your head everything should make sense. The smarter you become it gets difficult to socialize with people. Especially women. Learn how to take a step out of logic. Not everything has to make sense. Being social goes against the grain of logic. I learned this a lot when I started learning game. I realized how such tight ass I was and why at times I could be so boring. I didn’t know how to conversate anymore because if it didn’t make sense I would always argue with people. Being right was the only thing that mattered. Being socially aware is just as helpful as being a smart logical person. Learn how to talk to people. Learn to game. Form relationships and connection with people. You want to make it to the top your going to need to network with people. You want to bang bitches your going to have to be a good talker not a boring logical person.

[-] Eclipsespirit 1 Point about a year ago

Thanks for posting this. I’m sure I’ll keep coming back to “Don’t be a prisoner of logic” again and again. Something which I have to work on myself seriously.

[-] baeslick 1 Point about a year ago

This post is exactly what I need to read and re-read for the next week, thank you sir for your insight

[-] thelastpua 1 Point about a year ago

Very insightful, thank you so much!

[-] warlordchad 52 Points about a year ago

One thing that has become increasingly clear to me is that it’s very easy to let women become your purpose—but if that happens you immediately become less attractive to them. You also screw yourself.

This has happened to me in the past few months... I’m a teacher who writes fiction and has a blog on the side—I don’t make money on either, but hope to at some point.

Anyway, in the past three months I’ve gotten pretty good at cold approach and I’ve slept with 8 girls in this time, two plated.

However, I haven’t done much writing, I’ve been out drinking late at night quite a bit, and the arc I was on lifting and getting fit has flat lined.

My advice would be to keep in mind the long run. It’s easy to start fucking and get lost in the Bermuda Triangle as Crash Davis once said (Bull Durham—btw, great model for alpha behavior). The problem is that if that’s all you do without some larger narrative, that lifestyle will eat you alive and women will see straight through you.

In my case, I know I have to get back to writing—even if I never make any money doing it, it rings my bell, makes me feel accomplished, and provides that outlet that every man needs in which he does his thing and is outcome independent. I know I have to either figure out how to drink less or not at all (if anyone has a tried and true method that doesn’t include AA I’d love to hear it). And finally I need to focus on my fitness. Seriously guys, I don’t think anything has helped me with women as much as losing weight and lifting. I can get 7’s and 8’s now, but if I lost another 20lbs and was more toned, I’d get hotter women more easily. There is no substitute for physical attraction.

So yeah, figure out your purpose and always work to get better. Something I’ve forgotten to my own peril recently.

[-] NormalAndy 21 Points about a year ago

Find something better to do than the first drink. Delay the first one.

Next, replace the first one with something light. That was hard! I can do tea, water, juice but I’ve eventually settled on a 2.8% truth be told, as it still tastes good- better than zero alcohol and you can still go out, drive, train, play etc. works for me

Get up early. You won’t stay up late drinking.

Have a glass of wine with food.

Everything in moderation. Once the willpower groves from the new routine, it does get a bit easier. Still, it’s always an effort and that’s the point.

That’s all I got! Good luck with it. :-)

[-] warlordchad 5 Points about a year ago

Thanks man those are all good tips!

[-] redvelvet_oreo 2 Points about a year ago

I know I have to either figure out how to drink less or not at all (if anyone has a tried and true method that doesn’t include AA I’d love to hear it).

I had the same exact struggle maybe 3 years ago. I was in my late 20s and I was still clubbing and drinking heavy. I was comfortable at the time where i was at. I went to the doctor and I had some odd results. Nothing to do with my liver but I was having glucose issues. I wasnt really fat maybe 20 pounds overweight. From there on out I knew I had to change. Drinking like the way I was couldnt be tolerated anymore. Im not saying it caused my problem but the drinking + shitty eating+ staying out late all the time was fucking me up slowly. After I got out the doctors office I walked 5 miles home. I went home threw out all my alcohol and thew out all my junk food. I started over. I stopped drinking for 4 months and lost 30 pounds. I was exercising and eating less garbage. I never really thought I was an alcoholic I just thought I needed a change in pace.

When I first had a beer 4 months later I didnt feel the need to have 3 or 4 more after. I Literally just enjoyed a beer off the tap. I didn't need it. From there on out I kept drinking to a reward based system in my head. If I didn't accomplish anything or do anything then I dont reward myself. I break this rule here and there. If I travel for work I will have a beer here and there for co workers but the thing is I can control myself. I dont let people influence me either. Every year I also try to go dry for 3 - 4 months just to keep the ritual.

As of the last year I started getting serious about lifting. I always liked exercising but I never really lifted except when I was in High School. Now when I do decide to drink it has to fit my Macros(more so when I am cutting). So now its not even a matter of reward half the time I cant even fit in a beer because it has no nutritional value what so ever. For me it just shows how useless it is.

I hope you find something that works for you. Sorry I cant give you any programs or anything for me it was just a wake up call and I hated feeling shitty/sluggish all the time.

EDIT: There was askreddit sometime this year I think about how alcohol damaged people you were close to. I actually learned alot there. I had no idea how often Alcohol can lead to brain damage(non-psychical). I forgot the name of the exact thing is causes but really hit me hard. Everyone talks about getting liver problems but this was the firs time I heard about your brain getting damaged. You can get a liver replaced but you only get one brain. That should be enough to scare anyone straight.

[-] DamiensLust 5 Points about a year ago

I know I have to either figure out how to drink less or not at all (if anyone has a tried and true method that doesn’t include AA I’d love to hear it)

Look into SMART recovery. If there are local groups then fantastic, if not then look up the website and buy the handbook. If it worked for me to stop my heroin & crack addiction then it will help fucking anyone, including your (comparatively) mild issue of trying to moderate alcohol. It's like all the good parts of NA concentrated minus the god bullshit and adding a whole bunch of evidence-based science & cognitive behavioural therapy techniques. Best part is it's not just good for treating addictive behaviour, it can be used to reshape your entire thinking patterns and forge a brand new frame.

[-] Restlessmindsyndrome 1 Point about a year ago

Check out Allan Carr's How to control your drinking, or something like that. It's nothing like AA and it's worked got tons of people.

[-] Satou4 42 Points about a year ago

Logical people aren't always quite the smartest. The smartest people are those highest in openness to new experiences and new ideas. They will also typically be more humble and warmer than average, because they move beyond nihilism. Everything matters, even if it is only to myself. If I can't leave a legacy, that's nihilism, but who cares - I'm dead anyway, so I might as well make the most of it and make my life matter - to me.

Logical people are usually just slightly above average in intelligence, which puts them at an awkward position where they can't quite understand that someone much smarter is smarter than they are, so they mistakenly believe they're the smartest in the room, because it's obvious they are smarter than the average. Usually they will label the much smarter person eccentric or gullible for even considering something that, to them, seems so far outside the box that it shouldn't matter - but it does.

Logical people who seem incredibly smart mostly just read a lot and regurgitate what they read. They typically can't form any ideas outside the average because anything too ridiculous is not worth their time.

I ranted, but mainly I posted because I was inspired by this topic. Action is the only thing that brings results. Theory improves results, but if you never take action, a no-show still gets you a 0 even if you would have scored extra credit from your theory knowledge if you had showed up.

Great post, one I will come back to for sure. Especially enjoyed the machiavellian negotiation tactic. Fantastic stuff, dude. You've already gone far, so I won't wish you will.

[-] redvelvet_oreo 8 Points about a year ago

This is a great comment. Everything you said here is 100% true. I found my self being that person a few years ago. Then I wound up working with someone that was being exactly like me while I slowly started to get out being that logical nut job. I couldn't believe how much I disliked the person and in the big picture realized while I was being like that I couldn't see past my own bull shit and made myself miserable. Im just glad I was able to get out of it.

Logical people who seem incredibly smart mostly just read a lot and regurgitate what they read. They typically can't form any ideas outside the average because anything too ridiculous is not worth their time.

Man you hit the nail on the head with that statement.

Great post, one I will come back to for sure. Especially enjoyed the machiavellian negotiation tactic. Fantastic stuff, dude. You've already gone far, so I won't wish you will.

Glad you liked the post! I have done other things like that before. I always kind of thought like that but reading other people do it kind of validated my actions. I read Rogue Warrior by Dick Marcinko a few years back. That guy did some crazy shit but he always made it work. (somethings did come back to bite him in the ass but thats besides the point here) Great book if you ever have a chance to read it.

[-] Satou4 1 Point about a year ago

Appreciate the comments. Thanks for the book rec!

[-] jwarner95 3 Points about a year ago

I also found myself there a few years ago, I realize now what a toxic person I was and I’m glad that phase is over (well, ending. I still have work to do).

One of the people who I labeled as “eccentric and off” in order to dismiss their creativity, openness and intelligence actually befriended me and dealt with all the “logical” close minded and borderline hateful things I’ve said over the past few years, and gently introduced his well-rounded viewpoint as a counter. Of course it angered me at first, but eventually it helped steer me in the right direction towards a better view of reality and the world. I accredit that guidance as one of the main reasons I’ve been able to break free of that mindset.

This was also the same friend who subtly introduced me to TRP. Truly one of the better friends I think I will ever have in terms of helpfulness and impact in my self development

[-] DiSysmic 1 Point about a year ago

Thank you for this. Especially the last 2 points.

[-] DarkSyde3000 1 Point about a year ago

After high school is typically where manhood tends to be forged. It's when you start seeing what everyone around you is doing and where you'd like to see yourself a decade from then. It also comes down to how much you're willing to open up your mind and absorb knowledge and wisdom (they're not the same thing). Some decide to go to the college route, others decide to go a different path, but what's ultimately at stake is your future. The real world is very different than just waking up every day and hanging out with your friends in class. You have to build a solid foundation financially over time to exist there. At the end of the day, the wise man admits he knows nothing and the fool assumes he knows everything. Don't be the fool. Open yourself up to experiences you may not have been open to experiencing prior. Teach yourself to say "yes" more and put yourself out there. I think when men are in their 20's is when they truly define who they are and where they're going. It's a very pivotal time in their life and will set the stage for everything else later. Focusing on women during this time is detrimental to your future. Certainly go out, kill some time with them, but you should be ultimately working on your own success. Once you reach that point, women are a package deal with all that.

[-] Wolveryn 4 Points about a year ago

As an engineer myself, I know exactly what you mean. I have to constantly and actively be mindful of my state of mind and seek out opportunities to exercise the social side of my brain... because its not really needed for the best part of my week... to the point where being social doesn't come naturally.

[-] xddm2653 11 Points about a year ago

Congrats you now have my vote for moderator

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[-] ThePreviousGod 1 Point about a year ago

One of the better posts i've read here in a while, i feel like i can relate but i haven't gotten as far as you, yet. I never knew what i wanted to do and I used to believe that my mission would eventually come to me by doing jack shit. I've finally come to the conclusion that i won't find my mission until i put myself out there and actually try new things. I'm about to start college after deciding on what seems most interesting to me: interaction design with focus on technology. (computers & smartphones)

Can i ask what your profession is?

​

Definitely will be returning to this. Great post.

[-] oorobz 1 Point about a year ago

About last part. Don't be prisoner to logic.

Well i wasn't prisoner to logic when i was start university at medicine. The long term you learning medicine you need to logical to everything, everyknowledge in your head should be like algorithms. But now i try to be illogical, it is rought to be one. Like more u learning new stuffs, getting addicted to science, you try to explain everything with reasons. But as i medicine student i need to talk every patient i want to diagnose. i think you can mix up logical thinking with ur emotions and get better result.

[-] [deleted] about a year ago
[-] Fraita 2 Points about a year ago

Good post!

I was thinking about the books, I've read maybe 50-100 through my life. It was more fiction the facts.

Then i went to College and learned that I can listen to the teacher and remember very much, so i skipped the books/writings all together and just sat in front row and listened.

Today i use audiobooks instead ordinary books, so i can listen everywhere I go and i must say. With every book, i go through (it's most facts, biographies e.t.c.) i learn something new i want to spread around to my closest.
When you listening/reading books, don't focus 100% what they say, try to make some own "sentences".
With this ability to make your own sentences you can practice what you learn on new areas, which will make your smarter.

Sorry for some bad sentences, the PWO is killing my writing focus.

[-] randomTATRP 1 Point about a year ago

When you listening/reading books, don't focus 100% what they say, try to make some own "sentences".

I make notes when I'm reading books usually. That way it stays in your head longer.

[-] Sigma-Angel_of_Death 12 Points about a year ago

Posts like this are why I can't stop coming back here. Awesome stuff. Thanks man.

[-] mette13 2 Points about a year ago

Porn and music made me laugh, reminded me of a younger self, but yes, being open to new experiences is something that requires lowering the ego a bit and becoming a student again. Overall good messege.