Summary: Missing out on the great sexual awakening everyone else had in their youth can be incredibly damaging. It leads men to become obsessively fixated on sex in an attempt to recapture or make up for what was missed, stranding them in the past and preventing them from growing. The Red Pill is one way to fix ourselves and cope with this loss, but only if we are completely honest with ourselves about where we stand today.
Most men who ended up here at The Red Pill started out with unsatisfying or even completely absent sex lives. Some men have moved on to decent sex lives. Others are still in a bad situation and working to change it. We spend a lot of time thinking about sex, reading about sexual strategies, trying to improve ourselves, and feeling the full range of emotions about the state of sex and relationships in the world. It can become a bit of an obsession.
Other people on the internet think we’re weird. Bitter and hate-filled. Unhealthily obsessed with sex and women. Losers. They might not be far off, actually. Compared to the average guy, we are a little unhealthily obsessed.
Because most “normal” guys don’t have abysmal sex lives. We tend to underestimate the normal, average man around here. We assume the average guy is just like us when we first found The Red Pill: out of shape, socially awkward, completely inept with women, and having absolutely zero sex and getting next to no attention from women. This actually isn’t “average”. This is a few notches below average. Normal guys with normal social skills can walk up to a girl in public, have a normal conversation without freaking out, read her signals to figure out if she’s interested, ask for her phone number if she is, set a date later that week, have the date, and have sex at the end of the date. Sure, this doesn’t happen most of the time a normal guy meets a woman, nor does it happen too often with the world’s hottest women, but it happens often enough that normal men aren’t sitting around obsessing about sex and relationships and wondering why all of this is so hard and unfair. They’re not as successful as they could be, nor are they happy and fulfilled much of the time, but normal guys still have some sex. Enough sex that thoughts of sex and sexual strategy don’t become an obsession for them.
Which means that most “normal” guys aren’t like us. They don’t discuss sex and relationships on the internet, complain about women or society or feminism or whatever the evil of the day that’s keeping them from getting laid happens to be, and so on. “Normal” guys don’t think obsessively about sexual strategy. Because normal guys are having sex. Not all the time. Not a lot of it. But often enough that they’re not running to the internet in search of answers for why something everyone else seems to be doing is so difficult for them.
These aren’t exactly pleasant thoughts for us, because it’s tough to give up on the fantasy that we’re average guys, and that most guys feel the way we do and struggle as we struggle. It’s difficult to stare that lie in the face and accept that no, we are not average. We are below average. Whether we’re out of shape, ugly-faced, have terrible social skills, freeze up around women, or have boring and unpleasant personalities, something about us makes sex and relationships more difficult than these things are for the average guy. And it isn’t always fair. Sometimes, we have to work harder than an average guy for a smaller than average chance at mediocre sex while other people seem to have it easy by comparison. Sometimes it seems like even that never works – like it’s hopeless. Sometimes it seems like it’s just not worth trying at all.
Going without sex and without companionship is damaging. Obviously, it’s a downward spiral. The more a man is rejected and the worse he is treated, the more he seeks to avoid those feelings in the future. Then, the less he tries to have sex and relationships, and the more nervous and awkward he is when he does, leading to more loneliness and more rejection. And make no mistake: Sex is a need. Long stretches of time without companionship fuck up a man’s brain in ways that most women and most “normal” men don’t understand.
It’s not just the lack of sex and orgasm, but the perpetual feeling of being unwanted. And despite modern liberal psychology mumbo jumbo, no amount of bro-love and hugging his male friends makes up for the fact that women don’t want to have sex with a guy. When a man isn’t having sex, sex becomes this holy grail of human contact that seems withheld and unattainable for him. Which makes it burn all the more when not only are other people having sex, but it’s not even special for them. They’re just having fun casual sex. Essentially wiping their asses with dollar bills in front of a homeless man.
However, the greatest damage that men suffer after a lifetime of this type of failure is far more insidious than loneliness or anger: We suffer from our obsession. Our obsession keeps us from growing.
“Normal” people spend their teens and 20s having what we recognize to be a great sexual awakening. A coming of age period in their lives filled with fun, sex, and companionship. Essentially a rite of passage. Sitting on the sidelines of that culture while everyone else grows to become sexually active adults very literally stunts our growth. This experience on the sidelines is what turns sex from ass-wiping into the holy grail in our minds.
We are plagued with the realization that we missed out. We never had a great sexual awakening. We never came of age. We never underwent this rite of passage. And at that point, we stop growing emotionally and sexually. We become stuck in the same place, obsessing over sex, obsessing over women, trying to recapture that period that has passed, trying to make up for what we missed. We literally stop growing and become fixated.
If that sounds like it might be you, recognizing this fact about yourself may be the single most important step in advancing your life forward.
The Red Pill is, in one sense, a coping mechanism. It is one of many paths men who are below average take to try to heal this damage. If we learn what motivates women, how to be the kind of men women want to fuck, and plunge into the casual sex culture, then maybe we can “fix” ourselves by finally having that rite of passage today. Then we can move on and become the men we were meant to be.
Other men take other paths – they gather together on the internet and compare notes about how unfair and difficult the world is for men like them, whether it’s because they’re “involuntarily celibate”, they’re giving up and “going their own way”, they think feminism and society are out to erode the rights of men, or even on the other side of the line when they think male gender roles are toxic and unfair and need to change.
Ultimately, any of these coping mechanisms has the potential to “work”, but only when a man stops looking outside and takes responsibility for his life. Until we stare our demons in the face and accept that they are our demons and no one else’s, and that yes, we are below average. Maybe we were born that way or maybe we became that way, but it’s not society, other men, or other women who created us that way, nor is it their responsibility to accept us or help us change.
There comes a time when obsessing about sex on the internet has taken us as far as it is going to until we look in the mirror and are honest about what we see. At that point, it’s time to hit the gym, eat properly, get enough sleep, trim the useless hobbies, kick ass at work or school, and also embrace that honesty with ourselves. Should that guy staring back at you really be chasing 9’s, or does he need to start off with 5’s and 6’s? Are even 5’s and 6’s above that guy staring back at you? Then the answers aren’t here on the internet. They’re at the gym where you hone your body and at your local bar where you hone your game.