As I wrote up here some time back -- "Good" "Nice" are adjectives used by people (and this especially includes family) to label you if you're serving their imperatives. You are considered a good guy if you do what others want, and believe whatever they want you to believe and comply with their terms.

You become a 'bad guy' or a 'jerk' or <insert list of shaming adjectives here> when you look out for yourself, have your own opinions and standards, your own desires and ideas and ways of doing things which even if sensible, do not go the way other people want them to go.

What's really good or bad for you is not the point here. Unless you're doing doing whatever it takes to fuck up the rest of your life, or doing stuff that is guaranteed to destroy the lives of others, simply having ideas, paradigms, and realistic expectations of your own does not make you bad simply because it disagrees with people's expectations of how you should fit into their lives.

Now a man is a leader because he's the one with the vision, the frame, the ideas, the beliefs, the questions, the answers and the initiative. This means that at some level you can't expect him to totally act like a 'good, obedient boy' forever. A day must come where others are listening to him instead.

A good way to know where you belong in the pecking order is to act like a leader for once, and put up your own frame (frame could be anything, your style, beliefs, ideas, points, contributions, ways of doing things, the way you react to stuff happening in your life, even your clothes). Then watch what the reactions of people are around you.

Note, you just initiated a power play here even if that wasn't your intention, and it will awaken you to the underlying power dynamics beneath your relationships.

If you're high value, they'll appreciate it, and respect it. Some may even copy your ideas. There might be some constructive criticism, but that's expected. Others may even feel proud they've got you on their side. If you've got genuine well wishers, (bless you if you do, cause I can't tell you how many people you think are close to you are really swimming in jealousy and pain underneath those smiles), who know what's good for you, they'll be happy.

EDIT : If you're truly legend, even a selfie of yours will break the internet. Even saying Good morning on Twitter will send shock waves. Your new brand of toothpaste can make overnight millions for that brand. Not sure how much of that attention isn't total BS, but hey, it means you're known and huge masses of people are attracted to you. There's huge collective energy behind you.

There will be others, who will appreciate you as well, but only because your frame aligns with their imperatives, and what they're really looking for is how they could use what you have to their advantage. These people are not really interested in you, but only in how they benefit from you in the process of your growth.

If you're low value and you have been playing a role where you need to serve other people's visions, and have spent most of your life doing just that, they'll react with shaming, passive aggressive behaviour, make some comments at "male domination", discomfort, throw the 'tradition' arguments, tell you you're just fine (JBY), you're insecure and a whole host of stuff -- basically all different versions of 'bad kid'. Even the most reasonable sounding arguments of this type are still power and frame games.

If anyone out there is trying to convince you that you need to accept their belief systems, their vision of reality of who you are or are supposed to be, it's a frame game at work. You need to decide whether someone's really looking out for you, or whether it's a power play to get you to comply with their imperatives. If someone else tries to define you, it will always be in terms of how you should fit into their frame and life.

This is not because you have become rude and unpleasant and an asshole - you can still be as pleasant and polite as before, but now you've just stepped up to do what you want / need from your life and treat yourself with respect. This has changed the power equation. For many people around you, this is threatening and uncomfortable.

This itself is not all bad if it benefits you, but no matter how noble the intentions, at some level, you're always in someone else's frame rather than your own, and you can never truly be self actualized as long as that keeps continuing. Having your own power and vision is about you proactively taking whatever lessons from others you feel are sensible, and adding your own ideas to it and making it all into your own, and coming full circle. You are a leader only when you are in the drivers' seat of your own life first. The truth is that a lot of people will only let you sit there when you take hold of the wheel and get driving on your own, because this is your life and you ARE the driver. Your actions send out the message, and people react to it. Your medium will send out this message only when you have totally accepted this truth yourself, rather than waiting for others to hand over the title to you (which no one will).

If you're low value and the powers that be absolutely NEED to keep you beta to safeguard their own power and survival, they will see you as a threat, and they will get seriously aggressive and try to shut you down by any means necessary. It it got this bad, you're in deep shit.

Truth is, nobody gives a man power. Men create it themselves and take it. It makes sense -- only proactive people who take things into their hands by themselves are really meant to lead and handle power and responsibility. The reactive ones by virtue of their nature are powerless betas, radiate an aura of powerlessness and victimhood and therefore don't create any power to themselves and therefore, no one sees them as powerful and trusts them with power. What vibes you send out matters. The medium is the message. Leadership means self initiative.

When you decide to make your own power, you will not be a nice guy to many people. When you change, everything in your life and relationships change. What you create depends on what you are.