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- Hide Preview | 64 Comments | submitted 4 months ago by _isthisthingon [Post Locked]

This happened last night. Started typing as soon as I got home, but I was cringing so hard while trying to think it through, I decided I'd sleep on it and maybe even forget about posting it. Decided to post anyway as the frustration's making me feel physically sick, so I'm asking for help processing wtf's wrong with me.

It's 5 in the morning and I'm just arriving home with the biggest feeling of failure I ever remeber having. Failure mixed with anger and topped with absolute shame.


I've found TRP 8 months ago, and right from the beginning I felt it was the edge I was missing. I pretty much had the self-improvement part down already, but the mentality was lacking and as soon as I started reading the side bar, everything made so much sense. I knew instinctively that TRP is real and the knowledge shared here on how to deal with women could help me to great extents. So I read, read and kept reading, trying to internalize what those with more experience share, in hopes of eventually being able to give my contribute to help who may come after me. Well, so much for that. Hope this will at least be an amusing read on what you should NOT do. On with the field report.


First act
I've met this girl (she'll be J) through mutual friends. We all had dinner together, banter was good and I could tell she was getting interested due to her constant engaging with me. When it was time to leave, she needed a ride so I drove her home, we chatted some more on the way, dodged some shit tests. Could've went for #'s, but at the time I wasn't in a mood to go on dates nor anything of the like (monk mode of sorts). So I left it at that, said goodbye and forgot about it.

Fast forward 1 or 2 months, I'm doing my thing, feeling good and decide I'm ready to test where I'm standing regarding the SMP. Now, I feel I'm stronger on social circle game, so I felt pretty at ease adding J on social media and just hitting her up. 3 days later, we're back at hers having dinner with our mutual friends and 1 week later I set the logistics and we go on a date.


Second act
Date goes well, lots of push-pull and she's having her fun shit-testing me. I'm having fun plowing through those. Eventually, she mentions having to wake up early and as I was also planning on keeping this short, we leave the venue and I start driving her home. As soon as she realizes I'm about to drop her off, she says: "Aw going home already? It's still early, lets go have a beer". It felt like a massive IOI, so I turn around and drive us to a small bar to have a beer and chat some more.

Built some rapport, she tried to pay for my beer which I declined, could feel her poking my frame (first she kept insinuating I was "sensitive", a thought I entertained by pretending to be offended with the smallest things she would state. Next, she says she can never know when I'm being serious because I'm so "balanced", whatever that means. "Good, it means the pills are working" with a straight face got a good laugh out of her). I kept looking for chances to escalate, to add some kino, but despite the banter and the shit-tests, I couldn't help but feel like her body language was a bit defensive, which put me off trying for more agressive kino. It started getting late and the date had already gone for longer than originally intended, so we leave and I drive her home. This was officially a first date, so I didn't feel the need to push for anything else, figured the night was ending on a high note, which should play on my favour on the next time we hang out.


Third act
And the next time came sooner than expected. My friends decided to invite us for dinner again 3 days later. Yesterday. Now, this was sort of unexpected as I wasn't planning on hanging out with J so soon after the date, but nothing I couldn't navigate through.

Dinner goes well, still getting interest from J, feel like I'm riding this out pretty damn well. She asks for a ride home again, which I agree to, after teasing her a bit with the thought of having her walk the whole way, and we're off.

Drive, chat, smooth sailling through some more shit testing. She's having some troubles with her laptop. She's asking me if I got work tomorrow. It's sort of early still. I can see her thought pattern form right there in front of my eyes, and lo and behold, she says exactly what I was expecting: "Well, if you have a couple minutes to spare, maybe you could come up and help me out with it?". Plausible deniability right there, she steered the convo right to that point. "Guess I'll finally have something worthy to share" crossed my mind. How naive.


The downfall
She's actually kinda distressed about the laptop and I know better than that than to let her dwell on that feeling, so I try to change the mood before we even get to her house, but am having little success. No big deal, she's probably keeping the act as to not seem too eager to have me there, was my line of thought. We get to her house and I realise her roommate's not there for the night. Everything lining up so well I can barely believe how easy this is.

We sit side-by-side and I grab her laptop and start trying to fix whatever was wrong with it (nothing was actually wrong with it, the cherry on top). Looking back, I should've sexualized the convo as a form of escalation. Could've asked where she kept her nudes or some shit. Anything would be better than actually sitting there for close to 2 fucking hours looking for the right time to make a move. Again, I couldn't shake the feeling the body language was off. She was leaning away from me, sort of slouching as I was leaning back chilling, owning the space. She wouldn't hold eye contact for too long. And I fucking froze. Kept the banter up, trying to find something to re-engage her, kept my cool demeanor, but everything came out wrong. As time went by, I could feel my window closing hard around me, but I couldn't steer the convo on the right direction nor escalate. She seemed sort of tense and I couldn't tell if it was due to the "broken" laptop or my absolute lack of initiative. My mind got cluttered. The worst part is that she kept entertaining whatever we were talking about, seemingly making an effort to keep things going on her end. She's not even trying to get me out of there due to it being pretty late on a worknight, for god's sake.

As a hail mary I suggest we watch something on the laptop to test it (and to try to get us comfortable on the couch), to which she happily obliges. So yeah, those are 40 more mins of our lives we ain't getting back.

At this point I don't know what to do and pick up my stuff and get ready to leave. Even then, she would keep going back to something we were talking about, extending the interaction. Felt like making a move after all that would just be too weak. At the same time, not making a move at all was even weaker. It was late, I was tired, I couldn't think straight. Felt like a coward, couldn't recognize myself. Still can't.


No contact for eternity.


Girl lays a red carpet for me to escalate, I proceed to fail miserably by not taking action. Beating myself hard over it. Help me deconstruct my actions, or lack of.

[-] Loveembodied 91 Points 4 months ago

Overthinking. You should have just taken it. Overthinking kills everything.

[-] KeffirLime 73 Points 4 months ago

Sometimes waiting for her body language/direct IOI's to open up when all the other cues are there can be counter-productive. They're shy too sometimes, not every women is a slick fox. If her actions are pointing in the right direction (inviting you in, asking for a lift home AFTER you've already had a date) make your move.

The longer you wait the harder it get's, the bigger it becomes, the more pressure you put on yourself, the more time you waste.

Use this feeling as a lesson, it's a far shittier feeling than being rejected isn't it? Had you pulled in and she never reciprocated you probably would have had a laugh on the way home with a pat on the back for yourself for trying.

Make it a goal to never feel like this again. Use the fire while it's still there to make amends and take your opportunities.

It get's a whole lot easier with practice. Keep it up.

[-] _isthisthingon 20 Points 4 months ago

Sometimes waiting for her body language/direct IOI's to open up when all the other cues are there can be counter-productive.

I'll never forget this again.


The longer you wait the harder it get's, the bigger it becomes, the more pressure you put on yourself, the more time you waste.



it's a far shittier feeling than being rejected isn't it?

Don't know where to begin describing it. Nothing worse than knowingly failing with yourself.

[-] [deleted] 4 months ago
[-] H0tTamal3 73 Points 4 months ago

Dude, you know what you did wrong. The thing about escalation (at least my understanding of what I've read here) is that it is progressive. You don't need to jump right into face fucking her. Start with brief touches on her arm and build up from there. This is what kino and escalation is all about.

[-] NeedingAdvice86 48 Points 4 months ago

Well at least you blew your chances with every other girl in your social group by being the "nice guy" so you should expect tons of requests now to actually come over and fix their computers....I mean actually fix their broken shit.

Also you might get some offers to set you up with some of their guy friends since you apparently are not into girls.

You think you fucked up in the last hail mary attempt by this girl to get into your pants but dude you fucked up some many times as she was DTF like three weeks ago and she was enlisting the help of your friends to set up the damn dinners...she didn't even want to go on any damn date...she invited you back to her place on the first fucking night....she wanted to smash then.

I would say that you have effective fucked your chances with most of the women in this social group for the foreseeable future as no way that this is not talked about how she tried for 3 weeks to fuck you without success....unfortunately you are the inexperienced nube now who has no idea how to properly fuck a girl....very unattractive to horny females.

So I would suggest you spend the next month reading every single internet post on signs that women give when they want to have sex because this girl did everything short of ripping your bloomers off, jumping on your dick and fucking herself. And you were in your own world trying to concoct some Disney romance with dates and shit while she pulling her hair out and masturbating while screaming what the fuck is he doing when I am basically dropping my panties and begging for him to fuck me.....all he wants to do is go on a boring date and drive me home and fix my computer.....

[-] _isthisthingon 25 Points 4 months ago

Thank you. I've actually been feeling like I needed someone to punch me in the face the whole day, this was close enough.

[-] ThriceAbeggar 7 Points 4 months ago

Nah, he's fucking wrong. Women have incredibly short attention spans. You have by no means "blown your chances" with that girl or any other girl in that group. It's just you might have to expend more time and energy than is even worth it to recover.

But given enough time and game this scenario is hardly that big of a deal at all.

[-] FAT_BOSMA 1 Point 3 months ago

Any recommended posts? “So I would suggest you spend the next month reading every single internet post on signs that women give when they want to have sex “.

[-] fuggetboutit 21 Points 4 months ago

Holy fuck dude, should have just gone for the kill 5 fucking minutes in. Outcome dependance right there.

[-] _isthisthingon 18 Points 4 months ago

Every minute after we're both sat on that couch was a minute too late. Fact.

[-] cowb3llf3v3r 34 Points 4 months ago

But you never lost the opportunity until you walked out her door. I was in a very similar situation years ago with a girl where she had invited me back to her apartment. I was a coward and just talked with her for like 2 hours. However, I finally just said fuck it, and went for it.

She was super eager and kind of laughed and said “finally, I thought you’d never make a move.”

The fact that I was a wuss and didn’t make a move for so long instantly evaporated in her mind once we were making out, because she was just happy to be getting what she wanted.

[-] Atheist_Utopia 12 Points 4 months ago

Wow this is actually gold right here. Thanks for the advice man

[-] MrCongeniality1 8 Points 4 months ago

Goes right back to that post "They want you to win."

[-] slumdog-millionaire 3 Points 3 months ago

Just read this while catching up on some posts here, a few thoughts:

1) It's very possible that the last dinner invite you reference in Third Act was one that she requested among the girls in the group to bring you 2 together again as she was very clearly feeling you. Girls will take subtle initiative like that when they're interest in a guy is strong enough to try and give him an opportunity/bring you together again.


2) Her body language was likely tense and defensive out of nerves, it was probably pretty difficult to realize this in the moment as you're probably somewhat nervous yourself but she was just waiting for you to make the move. Guy below described himself in a similar situation and my experience with my first fuck in college was basically the same. Sitting on the couch talking for a couple hours until I made the move and then once you do alot of that tension evaporates.


Hope you're feeling better a few days later brotha, live and learn and do better next time

[-] MrCongeniality1 19 Points 4 months ago

This is the sad story of two people that have no game - the kernel of many indy films :)

Some women are so shy or sensitive that even subtle signals feel too obvious for them (leaning in, eye contact, etc.). But you can only recognize this and take responsibility for your side of the failure.

It sounds like you were responding to her body language instead of maintaining your frame.

She looks away and so you look away? Fuck no. You give her a nice long "I like how shy you are around me" look. You have to have a baseline of presence and engagement and yes, sexuality, that is entirely your own and completely independent of her body language, reactions, etc.

The next thing here is the lack of verbal escalation. A lot of people talk about kino here, but I have never used kino at all and I have real reservations about it as described in PUA circles. Like Dan Bilzerian sitting there getting his beard stroked, it's my job to have a masculine presence and her job to want to fawn over me. If I want a girl closer, I tell her to sit closer.

You should have told her to sit closer. Then told her to look at you. Looked into her eyes for a moment, then took her face and kissed her. That's it.

After spending some time with her, letting her develop some comfort with your presence, and letting her anticipation build, telling her to come here should be all you need to do.

It really is that simple.

[-] cowb3llf3v3r 6 Points 4 months ago

My style almost exactly—only difference is I do throw in some kino. But the kino comes naturally to me without thinking about it. I don’t force weird touching or rely on it as a way to escalate.

[-] MrCongeniality1 3 Points 4 months ago

Yea, there's a certain level of kino a person will exhibit the more social confidence they have, and obviously physically leading a woman involves touch. But then there is suggestive kino like trying to stroke a woman's hair or brush her hand. It comes off as sneaky and feminine. When guys use this to pump feelz into a girl, I wonder if she ends up feeling a little creeped out by him the next day.

[-] promy135 4 Points 4 months ago

Damn. Got exposed. Thank you

[-] temerity18 3 Points 4 months ago

Tried that one time and she said "no". So I ended the encounter. Never regretted it.

[-] _isthisthingon 2 Points 4 months ago

It sounds like you were responding to her body language instead of maintaining your frame. She looks away and so you look away? Fuck no. You give her a nice long "I like how shy you are around me" look. You have to have a baseline of presence and engagement and yes, sexuality, that is entirely your own and completely independent of her body language, reactions, etc.

I don't think this is my issue, although I'm always looking for improvement on the way I carry myself around others, not only because of women, but because it impacts most of your day-to-day life. It's natural for me to display what's labeled as 'dominant body language'. Of course this is me analysing my own behaviour, so it might be biased, nevertheless...

The next thing here is the lack of verbal escalation.

...this hits home. Someone else had already mentioned something of the likes. I struggle a lot with openly communicating my wants and needs in this scenario, as I did with any gf I've had in the past.

I've never given it much thought as I associate it with a deeply engrained sense of respect and composure I've developed over the years. It has actually brought me to some great lays with a girl who got off on doing everything she could to make me loose my cool, but right now, it's definitly doing more harm than good and I don't know how to turn it around.

[-] MrCongeniality1 3 Points 4 months ago

I don't know how to turn it around

The first thing you have to do is stop hamstering your social anxiety management as "composure".

[-] _isthisthingon 3 Points 4 months ago

Not what I meant. Composure as in actually not losing my cool in any given scenario, never taking a misstep. I was way too emotional as a teenager, had to work on that and fight it until it was no more part of my character as I couldn't help but feel weak.

This being said, I can also see how you might be right. I just never made that connection.

[-] PJ_GRE 2 Points 4 months ago

Keeping your cool is a crutch for not taking chances. I have a friend who says he's never stressed, but whenever an interaction gets confrontational, I have to take the lead for him. Stress and losing your cool is beneficial in certain situations. Men feel and react to stimuli too, we have emotions, don't hide them in a coolness facade.

[-] Nocryingok 19 Points 4 months ago

IOI's are for social settings. On a date, just go for kino. I think you need to practice showing your sexual desires. I train myself by cold approaching women on the streets. It doesn't get me laid much, but makes me unashamed of making my moves on girls I already know

[-] _isthisthingon 12 Points 4 months ago

I think you need to practice showing your sexual desires.

This clicked with me a lot. What makes you say this?

[-] Nocryingok 16 Points 4 months ago

What triggered me coming into TRP was when I approached a girl and after 10 minutes of talking, she asked me if I was gay, because apparently had no sexual interest (I had). I realized I was not being myself and letting my masculine desires get out. Very humiliating experience.

I have never been a shy man, but thought women wanted a respectful man. As I said, with TRP, not only I became more masculine but learned that it's ok to be a horny man, as long as it's expressed the right way. PUA might not really work. Women can't be fooled. But training approaching and making a fool out of yourself is a great way to get comfortable with sexual tension. If I can go up to a hot girl (who's walking around with her mom) and openly flirt with them, I can ask out the acquaintance who's giving me IOIs easier.

As of the "waiting for IOI's in a date", I have to tell you that's being too cautious. If she accepted to go out with you on a date, that's enough of an Indicator Of Interest already. Touch her first thing (kiss on the cheek, spin around, hug, pull guard, armbar, whatever) and see how she reacts. If badly, pull, push, touch again.

Don't beat yourself over this. You can't just do it first time. But as a man, you gotta become better. Perfect practice makes perfect. Reply if you want "flirting workout" tips

[-] _isthisthingon 6 Points 4 months ago

I identify with a lot of what you've said. I truly wouldn't mind reading more of it.

[-] zue3 2 Points 4 months ago

I wouldn't mind some flirting workout tips

[-] Nocryingok 26 Points 4 months ago

Sure! I'll first tell you WHAT to do and then give you some help on HOW to do it. (we all know social/approach anxiety is real)

In a flirting workout, I start with a simple goal: approach one girl. That's it. If I simply did this, it's already a nice workout. No matter what you said, or if she was fat, if you get rejected, etc. But after I get there, I always feel like doing more and more. So here come some extras:
-Approach more girls. It's amazing how my energy goes up after the first one. I keep going until I'm tired or bored.

-Approach and not only talk but flirt, which means to chat them up or tease them in a playful way. It's much more meaningful when you actually talk about "us" and not outside subjects such as school, music etc blablabla

-You should NEVER go out expecting you will bang girls from cold approaches. It's actually pretty hard to appear out of nowhere and spark interest in her. This is TRAINING. But wait. That all been said, you must be READY to ESCALATE if she gives you openings. Phone number, touching, quick date, kiss, sex right away happens sometimes too. Don't go in with a plan "I'm gonna say this and leave".
-GET REJECTED. If you don't get rejected or hear "No" even once, then you didn't shoot for the moon. Just like in the gym, for growth to happen you need progressive overload. If you're having great success in your approaches, try hotter girls. Try crazy things. Challenge yourself.

Ok, this all seems very hard for a noob. I understand. You absolutelly don't have to do everything right. Remember: the first goal is APPROACH ONE GIRL. That's what I did on my first sessions. I'd go up to a girl, use a canned pick up line and GTFO of there as soon as possible. It's only little progress, but it made me better and soon I progressed. So here are some tips for beginners:
-How to beat anxiety: warm up. How to do it:
*say hello to people, compliment them on their clothes, hair. Talk about the weather. Whatever. Get in a social mood.
*be silly. be arrogant. This is a common technique by PUAs to lose some of the anxiety. In my last workout, we (me and a buddy) first walked around for 1 minute like ballerinas (hands up, tip top). I try not to laugh or show people it's a joke. Then we walked for 1 minute on the Connor Mcgregor orangutan walk. DONE. Now there's NOTHING more silly or arrogant I could do, and I can go talk to girls. It seems crazy but it's not. People just have a laugh and forget about it. If they ask later and you're embarassed, it was a dare. Overcome the instinct of caring about what others think.

Great! You're warmed up and ready to go. Find someone and approach. Some tips for when you can't stop overthinking it:

-Do you feel cold in your spine? Your skin is electric? Is there a dragon in your belly? Say "I'm excited". Being anxious and excited are the same thing. Rephrase it and GO.
-How to go? The most important part is to use your FEET. Walk up to the person. Once you're there, you can't leave anymore.
-If you have a friend with you, you both will need less willpower and it will be more fun. Make a deal: if one dares the other to "go up to X girls and say Y", you MUST do it.

-Even if you don't have a friend, you can do it. I've gone solo 80% of the time.

There you go. Do this workout at least once a week or two. (takes what, from 1 to 2 hours?)
You will notice that while you might not have sex with those girls you approached, other chicks in your life will SUDDENLY start liking you more. It's crazy, like they can smell your new lack of fear for them. I don't believe in penis enlargement exercises, but this flirting workout enlarges your big dick energy. When I'm at the top of my game, I've banged the girl at the bakery, clothes store, classmates, Tinder is a breeze. Girls who had friendzoned me before send messages and we end up banging. It's amazing.

Also I have NEVER deeply regret approaching a girl. It's much better to try and fail than to not know what would've happened.

I will leave you with my worst approaches ever, and while they were humiliating, I lived through it and they gave me not PTSD but good laughs after the wounds have healed.
-going up to girls and straight out stuttering like a retard, only to then say "I'm sorry" and leave

-Tripping or shaking in front of them

-Approaching girls from behind just to realize they're something I know or a friend's gf/plate (had the wit to redirect conversation lol)

-This one is the worst of all. I had seen a funny pick up line: "Excuse, do you believe in love at first sight? Neither do I, let's just bang". So I went up to the HOTTEST motherfucking woman on the mall. It was going to be like a negative deadlift 1repmax with no belt and a herniated disc. Huge challenge. But I was motivated. I can do it.
I asked her: "Excuse me, do you believe in love at first sight?". She IMEDIATELLY rolled her eyes and left. Amazing reaction time. I tried to chase and say "B-b-ut it was a joke! Let me finish!", but she didn't even turn around. And that was it. I tried to be a hero and ended up looking like an ONEITIS chump. I thought wow, this sucks, so unfair. But you know what? I don't even remember what she looks like. When I get soft rejections, I don't care. It is nothing compared to this. And how did I not see this coming? It's a hell of a funny situation.

[-] Da_RectumWrecker 5 Points 4 months ago

Well put sir. This is similar to what I do to get in the mood to be social.

[-] MrCongeniality1 14 Points 4 months ago

Throwing out a possible save for you. Text her now.

You: I would like you to come over tonight

Her: What for?

You: I didn't fix everything I was supposed to last night

Her: Like what?

You: :)

Do not reply to any shit tests, reply only if she asks for logistics, like what time. If she puts you off, "all good" and ignore her.

[-] Atheist_Utopia 8 Points 4 months ago

OP do this and give us an update

[-] _isthisthingon 7 Points 4 months ago

Won't work. She went back to her hometown for the weekend. This one's done for.

I'll just keep looking straight ahead.

[-] askmrcia 11 Points 4 months ago

The worse part about all of this is that this is going to be on your mind for a long time. This is why regret is worse then a hard "no". Had she said no, you could just move on.

Now you're stuck in purgatory wondering what if. We all been there before.

You basically choked like lebron James. You passed the ball instead of taking the shot whether it be a miss or a make.

You will see her again I'm assuming at some mutual party, if I were you I would go for it one more time.

It may not work, but I remember when I was in college I was in a girl's dorm and choked like you.

I went for it again the next time I saw her and pulled it off somehow (think her interest came back when her friends were interested in me).

Good luck

[-] ArdAtak 10 Points 4 months ago

All those things that you think were "Off" about her body language was actually your own tensions and insecurities being mirrored back to you. This one just fell in your lap. You didn't need to do anything except pick up the damn fork and each but you kept analyzing if you should wait or use a spoon and the meal expired. Be confident. Make it your goal to error on being too fast and aggressive than not enough.

[-] [deleted] 4 months ago
[-] shameless_tease 9 Points 4 months ago

This wasn't that cringey. I was expexting much worse. But I have to say, you are a good writer. most of the shit here is a headache filled with testosterone.

[-] opper-hombre1 8 Points 4 months ago

Hahaha love the story because of how much I (and I’m sure many others) can relate to.

Years ago (in my VERY BP days) I was drinking with a buddy and these two girls in his dorm. We were all pretty drunk and my buddy and the other girl start making out. I tell the other girl I’m going to bed cuz it’s late. I get to my room and she texts me if she can sleep in my room. Of course I say yes, and I let my roommate know a girl is coming over. He LITERALLY gave me permission to fuck her while he was there(he was a weird kid). She comes over and hops in my bed, I get down to my underwear and hop in next to her. Start spooning, holding her hand(lol) and guess what happened next? We went to bed. I’ll learn the next day from her friend that she told her right before she came to my room that she was going to fuck my brains out ???? cockblocked myself.

RIP me

[-] Ansec 7 Points 4 months ago


You should have banged her on night one. Eh, hopefully you learned from this. We've all been there.

Note don't do anything for her without reciprocation. You drive her home multiple times, you tried to fix her laptop etc. Cut that shit out.

[-] justarandomguy15 7 Points 4 months ago

Hey, you're not fucking alone, man. I've had this experience with more than 10 girls. Imagine being on a fucking 1on1 with a girl who's obviously asking for it yet getting all blank and not being able to do shit. However, after all these failed experiments, I think I now know how to actually do it, and I am having my night with a model this Wednesday. Wish me luck.

I have a redpilled friend who has slept with so many random girls he daygamed and he gave me some really good advice regarding escalation.

First of all, he said to set the frame right from the beginning. You can easily do this by holding her hand tighter during a shake or hugging her then stealing a kiss on the cheeks.

Then once you're in, have some shit to do together that would actually "connect" you and keep bantering about whatever comes to your mind.

And then lay on your sofa or bed and ask her to come closer to cuddle because you're feeling cozy tonight. My friend legit did that. And he said it worked every damn fucking time. One more thing he did was to wrap his hand around her and read her palm and tell her some shit about her having +20 children or smth. And then while she's reading his palm, he'd go for the kiss.

My successful experience with the girl has been something pretty similar. We cooked pizza and drank apple juice, then we played the guitar a little and then I read her a story I wrote while she's laying on my chest. After the story is finished, I started holding her tighter and caressing her upper arm and thighs which she found weird, "What are you doing?" I said, "Nothing. I'm just cuddling. I'm feeling cozy tonight" and kept doing it. Then I just started kissing her on her head. And then soon after we're making out.

[-] [deleted] 1 Point 4 months ago

Thank you man, this is awesome advice.

[-] megacontra 6 Points 4 months ago

Wtf? She asked you to look at her laptop as an excuse to invite you up for sex. Why did you even bother trying to fix anything? I remember this one girl from work asked me up to her place for something similar, "My server is broken, can you fix it?". Once we got up there, she pointed to her server and was all like, "That's my Linux server", after which I said "cool", and then mentioned "I brought some weed, want to smoke some?" and then sex happened shortly after. I never once looked at her server. She was smart enough that she could figure that out herself or call some beta to fix it.


[-] [deleted] 4 Points 4 months ago

your biggest problem is that you care too much

[-] redbarone 3 Points 4 months ago

Yeh. The red carpet couldn't have been redder. You were just stuck in your head by the looks of it. You were stuck in your old way of doing things, even though you KNOW better now, you just haven't had the mental calibration. Don't worry, do this a few more times and you wont even fucking wait the obligatory five minutes to begin kino.

The worst that happens is that they pull away or say something like 'you're going too fast' to which you say 'oh, sorry' and wait five minutes before continuing as before.

[-] 4gliders 3 Points 4 months ago

I’ve done this too, and I feel better knowing it’s not just me.

It happens.

It’s called calibration. You’ll get another chance, even if it’s not her. a lot of people already gave you good advice.

Overtime I felt like shit, but I KNOW what would have happened if I didn’t bitch out, and that helps. It confirms that I am indeed learning the shit I needed and was never taught.

[-] AshyLarry27 3 Points 4 months ago

Christ this reminds me when I was in physical therapy school and this girl I had been chatting up wanted me to work on her back. Absolute cringe city, just brought me back to that point in time. The reality is as the guy, you HAVE to make that move, or at least start slow to test the waters. What is important is that you understood where things went sour.

[-] civilizedfrog 3 Points 4 months ago

You win some, you lose some. Don't worry. You learn from your mistakes.

[-] swimminginblue 3 Points 4 months ago

On defensive/closed body language; I have read a number of books and one thing I have found effective with breaking defensive body language is to actually physically " open her up" . I have had a couple of girls over and if they are sitting arms crossed, legs crossed I will find an opportunity and make a joke and start to tickle her - after she will actually open up physically and her state of emotion as well - always works!

[-] thedaynos 3 Points 4 months ago

i've been in this situation before and it's gone both ways. the first way is your way, where it's so fucking obvious but i don't know how to escalate. like, you can tell she wants you but you're not seeing the normal signs so you don't want to push so far. i get it. it sucks. i've failed in the past.

but then i realized that sometimes these girls are just too shy and yeah maybe inexperienced. it's possible they've been mostly with guys who are very aggressive and they're just waiting for it. fact is you'll never know their past or why they're acting this way except that yes she wants you around and she's not kicking you out.

also, this is mutual friends so i can understand the fear in making a move on her that she might not want, and then her turning around and telling the whole crew, making it uncomfortable and embarrasing. i get it.


you've gone on a date, and she's invited you up to her place. anyone in your position is right to think that she's interested. so, you know what? make a move. inch closer. if she doesn't inch away at all then she's game. she's waiting. just look her in her eyes and move in slowly. if for some reason she freaks out then bruh it's not on you. she will realize at the end of the day that she was in the wrong. you have nothing to worry about.

i've realized this through my growing pains and i know now that it's better just to fuckin make the move after all those signs are there. trust me she won't go making fun of you to her friends. even if she did, it's her bad, she gave all the signs.

I hope this is a good learning experience for you as there's really nothing else you can take from it. Good luck next time. This will happen again. Be prepared.

[-] Philosophipster 3 Points 4 months ago

I think you got the reflective power to analyse this well enough :) Ive been in a similar situation, but with Netflix. A girl invited me to her place (I was just getting on my way out of BP area, didnt even know the term Netflix & Chill) We watched... i think 5 hours of series and movies before i ‘made a move’. Which was straightforward and successful. Though it couldve been way more natural and fun if i had realised earlier what was going on. Cuz this girl was of course tired then and blaming me for not being “a man” and initiating sooner. We did fuck a lot in the next 12 months, but eventually she left me for a more “manly” man. Cant always be the man the project on you :p

[-] VadimDestroyer 3 Points 4 months ago

Oh shit, man... Do you fap??? I think you do. You take too serious all this red pill stuff, I mean Red Pill is a real shit but it doesn't mean that if your are on the red pill subredit you will fuck cheaks. Not at all. You should take action I don't know how but you should it means that there is a lack of confidence inside you. For example I live in a fucking student residence and every time girl smiles to me I consider it as a green light. It's up to you to undertake things not to the a girl. If you are tired say that you are tired and you stay home, if you wanna fuck her invite her etc. Don't take it too seriously, don't fap and lift heavy. Best luck, we beleive in you buddy!!!! I'm on a 100 days No PMO streak I know what I m talking about

[-] dilulabra 3 Points 4 months ago

I'm gonna be opionion-minority here, but if that girl truly and sincerely wanted to have sex with you, SHE would make a physical move. Especially if she saw that you're somewhat shy or action-abstained. She didn't make that move NOT because YOU'RE supposed to, but because she didn't want you THAT much, or she didn't needed sex so desparately.

Rollo Tomassi said: "Woman who wants to fu.k you will find a way to fu.k you. She will fly across the country, crawl under barbwire, climb in through your second story bedroom window, fu.k the shit out of you and wait patiently inside your closet if your wife comes home early from work – women who want to fu.k will find a way to fu.k."

[-] Astromo_NS 0 Points 4 months ago

if he was too shy to make a move and he's the GUY, then its easy to believe as a GIRL she was also too shy to make a move

[-] dilulabra 1 Point 3 months ago

Then neither of those two weren't meant to have sex (with each other), because they wouldn't want to leave their comfort zones. But accusing the guy as the only culprit is wrong. She also had the responsibility.

[-] mahin300 2 Points 4 months ago

Stop being a pussy and fuck her.

[-] ownthatshitmanup 1 Point 4 months ago

You failed with the most basic of kino...

[-] forgotton123 1 Point 4 months ago

Same thing happened to me a couple weeks ago, still kicking myself. But as you and i know, the only thing you can do is dust yourself off, get yourself back out there and make sure it doesnt fucking happen again

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[-] Kanvaslaw 1 Point 3 months ago

Could you not have thrown out a "I think you're adorable" and stare right into her eyes when you were at her place?

[-] Fraita 1 Point 4 months ago

Sounds like you could've told her anything about sex or kissing to make her continue the escalation.

"You look like a good kisser"
"I don't trust your innocent face for one second, I know you are hiding something" then lean in.
"There is something I've to try" lean in.

But yeah, this situations sucks really hard.

Had a girl (almost "the one") who still talked to me even though I've done some stupid shit in the "flirt-area". One night it ended up we both cried over being "special" in a bad way. We both felt outside the community and we were both somewhat drunk.
When i walked her home, we hugged and said goodbye. After 5 meters she stops and says "Fraita, do you want to come in and drink... ehm... hot chocolate?"
And i say "Is your dad home?"
She "Yes, why??"
Me "No thanks, I don't think he would appreciate that i come over 4 in the morning" then walked.
WELL, this was 4-5 years ago. Still doesn't talk

[-] [deleted] 4 months ago
[-] [deleted] 4 months ago
[-] kjlh9 1 Point 4 months ago

Im still a noob but I think the one thing that screwed you was not assuming attraction. You looked at her body language and hamstered your way into not doing anything. The only ioi you need to make a move is her still hanging around/letting you stay. Obviously dont be a degenerate and ignore actual signs of discomfort.