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- Hide Preview | 64 Comments | submitted 7 months ago by _isthisthingon [Post Locked]

Disclaimer
This happened last night. Started typing as soon as I got home, but I was cringing so hard while trying to think it through, I decided I'd sleep on it and maybe even forget about posting it. Decided to post anyway as the frustration's making me feel physically sick, so I'm asking for help processing wtf's wrong with me.


It's 5 in the morning and I'm just arriving home with the biggest feeling of failure I ever remeber having. Failure mixed with anger and topped with absolute shame.

 

Preface
I've found TRP 8 months ago, and right from the beginning I felt it was the edge I was missing. I pretty much had the self-improvement part down already, but the mentality was lacking and as soon as I started reading the side bar, everything made so much sense. I knew instinctively that TRP is real and the knowledge shared here on how to deal with women could help me to great extents. So I read, read and kept reading, trying to internalize what those with more experience share, in hopes of eventually being able to give my contribute to help who may come after me. Well, so much for that. Hope this will at least be an amusing read on what you should NOT do. On with the field report.

 

First act
I've met this girl (she'll be J) through mutual friends. We all had dinner together, banter was good and I could tell she was getting interested due to her constant engaging with me. When it was time to leave, she needed a ride so I drove her home, we chatted some more on the way, dodged some shit tests. Could've went for #'s, but at the time I wasn't in a mood to go on dates nor anything of the like (monk mode of sorts). So I left it at that, said goodbye and forgot about it.

Fast forward 1 or 2 months, I'm doing my thing, feeling good and decide I'm ready to test where I'm standing regarding the SMP. Now, I feel I'm stronger on social circle game, so I felt pretty at ease adding J on social media and just hitting her up. 3 days later, we're back at hers having dinner with our mutual friends and 1 week later I set the logistics and we go on a date.

 

Second act
Date goes well, lots of push-pull and she's having her fun shit-testing me. I'm having fun plowing through those. Eventually, she mentions having to wake up early and as I was also planning on keeping this short, we leave the venue and I start driving her home. As soon as she realizes I'm about to drop her off, she says: "Aw going home already? It's still early, lets go have a beer". It felt like a massive IOI, so I turn around and drive us to a small bar to have a beer and chat some more.

Built some rapport, she tried to pay for my beer which I declined, could feel her poking my frame (first she kept insinuating I was "sensitive", a thought I entertained by pretending to be offended with the smallest things she would state. Next, she says she can never know when I'm being serious because I'm so "balanced", whatever that means. "Good, it means the pills are working" with a straight face got a good laugh out of her). I kept looking for chances to escalate, to add some kino, but despite the banter and the shit-tests, I couldn't help but feel like her body language was a bit defensive, which put me off trying for more agressive kino. It started getting late and the date had already gone for longer than originally intended, so we leave and I drive her home. This was officially a first date, so I didn't feel the need to push for anything else, figured the night was ending on a high note, which should play on my favour on the next time we hang out.

 

Third act
And the next time came sooner than expected. My friends decided to invite us for dinner again 3 days later. Yesterday. Now, this was sort of unexpected as I wasn't planning on hanging out with J so soon after the date, but nothing I couldn't navigate through.

Dinner goes well, still getting interest from J, feel like I'm riding this out pretty damn well. She asks for a ride home again, which I agree to, after teasing her a bit with the thought of having her walk the whole way, and we're off.

Drive, chat, smooth sailling through some more shit testing. She's having some troubles with her laptop. She's asking me if I got work tomorrow. It's sort of early still. I can see her thought pattern form right there in front of my eyes, and lo and behold, she says exactly what I was expecting: "Well, if you have a couple minutes to spare, maybe you could come up and help me out with it?". Plausible deniability right there, she steered the convo right to that point. "Guess I'll finally have something worthy to share" crossed my mind. How naive.

 

The downfall
She's actually kinda distressed about the laptop and I know better than that than to let her dwell on that feeling, so I try to change the mood before we even get to her house, but am having little success. No big deal, she's probably keeping the act as to not seem too eager to have me there, was my line of thought. We get to her house and I realise her roommate's not there for the night. Everything lining up so well I can barely believe how easy this is.

We sit side-by-side and I grab her laptop and start trying to fix whatever was wrong with it (nothing was actually wrong with it, the cherry on top). Looking back, I should've sexualized the convo as a form of escalation. Could've asked where she kept her nudes or some shit. Anything would be better than actually sitting there for close to 2 fucking hours looking for the right time to make a move. Again, I couldn't shake the feeling the body language was off. She was leaning away from me, sort of slouching as I was leaning back chilling, owning the space. She wouldn't hold eye contact for too long. And I fucking froze. Kept the banter up, trying to find something to re-engage her, kept my cool demeanor, but everything came out wrong. As time went by, I could feel my window closing hard around me, but I couldn't steer the convo on the right direction nor escalate. She seemed sort of tense and I couldn't tell if it was due to the "broken" laptop or my absolute lack of initiative. My mind got cluttered. The worst part is that she kept entertaining whatever we were talking about, seemingly making an effort to keep things going on her end. She's not even trying to get me out of there due to it being pretty late on a worknight, for god's sake.

As a hail mary I suggest we watch something on the laptop to test it (and to try to get us comfortable on the couch), to which she happily obliges. So yeah, those are 40 more mins of our lives we ain't getting back.

At this point I don't know what to do and pick up my stuff and get ready to leave. Even then, she would keep going back to something we were talking about, extending the interaction. Felt like making a move after all that would just be too weak. At the same time, not making a move at all was even weaker. It was late, I was tired, I couldn't think straight. Felt like a coward, couldn't recognize myself. Still can't.

 

No contact for eternity.

 

TL:DR
Girl lays a red carpet for me to escalate, I proceed to fail miserably by not taking action. Beating myself hard over it. Help me deconstruct my actions, or lack of.